Faces of Zorn IV: Going Fetal
I think Faces of Zorn are scarier after wins than losses. Yesterday's were scary indeed. I'm not sure if Vinny Cerrato's assurance that Jim Zorn will be back for a sequel is good news for the franchise, but I'm damn straight sure that it's good news for bloggers who screengrab funny faces from online coach press conferences. You think Jim Fassel ever adopts the fetal position during pressers?
Heck naw, is the answer. But Fetal Zorn was all over the place yesterday at the Park, and he wasn't alone.
See, this is Dogpile Zorn, who continued the story that Fetal Zorn began. To repeat, in case you missed it: "As I was in the fetal position, plopped over sideways, I was explaining how this is how it could be this Sunday if we play all tight, but if we choose not to do those things...and then I kind of loosened up and got back up. I think while I was on the ground in the fetal position our players were thinking, 'Okay, he's lost it.' I didn't get kicked, there was no dog piling."
Has he gone pantless? Sadly, not yet. Although Juiced Zorn did drop by, letting the media know that "I've been thinking about taking off my shirt in front of my players and kind of...." and here he flexed. You can't really see his arms too good in the photo, but trust me, he was flexing.
Anyhow....Mike Singletary provoked all sorts of Faces of Zorn yesterday, as when the former QB was discussing the former linebacker, heralding the arrival of Wide Eyed Zorn. "Unfortunately it was my first start with the Green Bay Packers in 1985, and that's the year [the Bears] went to the Super Bowl, so I have him staring at me with those eyes that sort of are these big orbs through his face mask."
Like, really big orbs.
On the other hand, Divine Zorn appeals not just to heaven, but also to the ceiling of the Redskins Park media room. "Just a tremendous football player," he said of Singletary, "and [an] intensity level that would just be pressin' against the ceiling here. really intense player. He played the game the way most coaches would want it played, and I think it's the way he wants it played as well as a coach now."
Challenge Zorn doesn't take no for an answer; he actually sprinted out onto the field on Sunday to make sure the officials hadn't screwed up a spot. "When [Mr. Official] set the ball in the middle, it looked to me like somebody had nudged it to where the tip of that ball was right on the [30-yard] line. That's what I went out there for," he said, pointing for emphasis.
That was about it, save for one brief showing by Revved-Up Zorn, who wanted the media to know that, if the playoffs had happened, his veterans would have been ready. "I think everybody needs to rest at the end of the season," he said, "and I think had we made the playoffs, I think everybody would rev it up. I don't think they'd have any trouble even going more if we had to go more."
Which reminds me, exactly one year ago today the Redskins beat the Vikings to improve to 8-7. To mark the occasion, they were given a pineapple. Sure, they won one more game that season, but it was against a Dallas team with nothing at all to play for. And the Redskins a year later? Yup, 8-7.
So Zorn essentially = Gibbs in the first go-around. Which makes you wonder a bit when professional annoyance Colin Cowherd (I was just flipping through, promise!) takes to the radio this morning to talk about how the Redskins have eroded since a year ago. Look at these photos, and tell me again that they've eroded.
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