Offseason Plans: The Cooley Gang
The Cooley gang--which, for today, included Chris Cooley, younger brother Tanner, Todd Yoder, Colt Brennan and Ryan Boschetti--was one of the last to leave Redskins Park on get-away day. As they sat in the lobby, among other things, they came up with baby naming suggestions to Shaun Suisham, who's about to become a father.
"Colt's a good Canadian name," offered Brennan. Someone else suggested Molson. Chris Cooley insisted that "Labatt's Blue Suisham" would be perfect.
I wondered, in my usual manner of not really wondering but just being sort of snarkily useless to the world, whether they had any particular offseason plans, in light of Jim Zorn's suggestion that players make offseason to-do lists. The Cooley gang answered in kind, with sort of snarkily useless responses, as, in the background, the receptionist talked to a disgruntled fan who was complaining about the team's on-field performance.
"Do you know how me and Chris are gonna improve our football skills? We're gonna go wrestle bears in the wild," Yoder said. "We both think it's gonna help our blocking technique."
"I'm gonna run a marathon," Cooley noted. "I'm gonna try to lose like 50 pounds and get in marathon shape.
"Oh yeah, put me down for Jamaican bobsled in, like, whatever, 2012," Yoder replied.
Brennan wandered over and began singing the Jamaican Bobsled Chant. "Hey, does Jamaica still have a bobsled team?" he asked.
"I'm gonna start extreme back country skiing," Cooley countered. "Heli-skiing. I'm gonna do heli-skiing."
I asked Cooley whether he could run a marathon tomorrow, if necessary.
"No, I wouldn't make it," he said. "I'd quit."
"I couldn't run a mile," Yoder said.
"He has asthma, he's not a long-distance guy," Cooley said.
"So I have a lot of fun ideas: lose weight, cross-country marathon, heli-skiing and wrestling bears," Cooley concluded, in the safe-for-newspaper-blog version.
"For me, bear wrestling, BASE jumping, motorcycle stunt riding--like the flips and stuff--and I'm gonna go surfing in South America somewhere," Yoder added.
"My offseason goals are to find offseason goals," Brennan said, before following the rest of the Cooley crew out the door. "You can use that," he added, since I kept asking them whether I could use their comments. "You can use the fact that I said you can use that," he added, which was too meta even for me.
And if any actual Redskins fan stumbles upon this and gets outraged that the team's offseason goals are bear wrestling and heli-skiing instead of pass-protection, go away. They were joking. This was pure day-before-summer-vacation mode--"without yearbooks," Cooley noted.
Anyhow, the best "offseason goals" answer came from practice-squad guard Isaiah Ross, a veteran of the Arena League.
"A lot of what I'm doing is gonna be tendered more towards me coming back in better shape, me coming back with more focus, me coming back with the NFL mindset and not the Arena mindset," Ross said. "Because it's completely different, trust me. I mean, Arena guys don't care. Guys have a four, four-and-a-half, five month commitment, and then they're off working, doing something else....
"It's time to go back to the Swamp, is what we refer to it as, or to the Cage, and just go to work. Go back home and just focus and just grind. You know like Rocky, when he goes out somewhere, he went out to the snow and stuff and he trained and went and got focused and got after it? That's more so the mindset here, in the NFL. Right now is when you go to the Swamp, right now is when you get ready and you get going. Yeah, the season just ended yesterday, but it didn't really end, you know what I mean? It's only just begun for next year."
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