Worst. Week. Ever.
Sports producer Lindsay Applebaum here with a new feature, the name of which I have shamelessly ripped off from a) Vh1's Best Week Ever, b) The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy and/or c) some CBS sitcom called "Worst Week," which may or may not have been canceled but I'd rather not look into it.
This week, like every week before it and every week to come, was the Worst. Week. Ever. as far as D.C. sports are concerned, and here's why:
Sunday: This only makes sense if we start on Sunday, which was clearly the Worst. Day. Ever. Bengals 20, Redskins [ugh, blah]. "You know what I feel like? I feel like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, when he was a given a choice of pills, and I feel like I chose the wrong pill. I chose the 7-9 pill."
Monday: Jim Zorn calls himself the "Worst coach in America," which is great for the hyperbole theme but terrible for morale. Also, I thought Norv Turner had that one wrapped up years ago.
Bonus material: Wizards' loss to the Pacers was "embarrassing," "poor" and "the worst."
Tuesday: The Caps almost lose to the Islanders. Yes, this is how high our standards are now for Washington's Favorite Team by Default.
Wednesday: Slingin' Sammy Baugh passes away at age 94. He was old, he lived a good life and the Redskins will never have a better quarterback. Sort of fitting then, that columnist Sally Jenkins chooses this day to remind us that current Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell is painfully average.
Bonus material, as if we need it: The Wizards are still not very good at playing basketball.
Thursday: The Mark Teixeira bidding war continues to drag on. If you're an Orioles fan, this is the Worst. Day. Ever. because while the Red Sox are "not going to be a factor," the Nats are still in contention. Nothing like seeing the man of your dreams with your next-door neighbor. If you're a Nats fan, this is still the Worst. Day. Ever. because every day as a Nats fan is the Worst. Day. Ever.
Friday: The day is young. So far, the Caps have more injury woes and the Wizards are playing tonight.
Saturday: Possibilities are endless. Looking bleak.
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