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Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns Remember the Days

Kearns watches Dunn take batting practice.

I asked Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns whether I could get some video of them telling stories about each other when they were 18 or 19 years old. Like any American male who has ever been 18 or 19 years old, they had some trouble coming up with stories from when they were 18 or 19 years old that would be appropriate for this venue. Midnight golf, for example, was out.

They eventually improvised, and the video results will follow, but in the meantime, some highlights:

* They met in the Spring of '99, when Dunn was still a football player at Texas. But because of their similar age, similar draft position and status in the Reds organization, they "knew that we would probably always be pretty much linked together," Dunn said. "I knew he was a country boy from Kentucky, so I knew we'd probably hit it off first time we met, and we did."

* Dunn always had the reputation of being the loud member of the duo, while Kearns always had the opposite label.

"I mean, he's open and he's honest," Kearns said of Dunn. "Ain't nothing wrong with that. So I've always been a little more quiet, and he's been a little more outspoken."

"That's the misconception," Dunn said. "It's all right, though. Compared to me he is a lot quieter, but we'll just leave it at that, I guess. You know, he's got that good reputation of being a quiet guy, so I'm gonna keep it that way. I'm pretty loud and obnoxious."

"I don't think so, I think it's loud and honest more than anything," Kearns said. "It's funny. It's entertaining. Some people might think it's obnoxious, but some people don't like the truth. But it's very entertaining."

* They were roommates for five or six years. That led to more stories not fit for The Post.

"He's good," Dunn said of Kearns. "Quiet, good masseuse, can cook pretty good....Would make somebody a good wife one day."

(It's a line that Dunn has also used about Aaron Boone; "There's not even a comparison," Kearns said. "That dude would be the best wife ever.")

* Because I'm an idiot, I initially thought Kearns actually cooked food back in the day.

"We didn't cook, are you kidding me?" Kearns said. "We cooked some McDonald's and pizza."

"That was a joke," Dunn added. "The massage wasn't a joke, that's legitimate."

* Kearns on Dunn as a roommate: "kind of had to give him a little, I don't know, maybe instruction on how to get the laundry going every now and then. Maybe how to get the pizza boxes in the trash, stuff like that. We tried to keep it as sanitized as possible, but there was probably some, I don't know what you want to call it...."

"See that's the good thing about us, we weren't stupid," Dunn added later. "For the most part, we were probably pretty mature for our age, actually, to be honest with you."

"For as immature as some of the stuff we did, we were very mature about it," Kearns agreed.

"Some things that these younger kids do now? Nah, we weren't that stupid," Dunn concluded.

* Did they ever think about what they'd be doing 10 years in the future?

"That was definitely not a topic of conversation," Dunn said. "You know, we cared about playing the game, going home and trying to find a way to entertain ourselves in those small Midwestern towns we played in."

* Do they look back and think, man, it's weird that we now are fathers and husbands?

"That is a good question, because honestly, just until you mentioned it, I never even really thought about it," Dunn said. "I guess it is kind of shocking, to be honest with you."

"Just getting old," Kearns said.

"Now that I sit here and look back, yeah, we're getting old," Dunn agreed.

* In one last stab at a story, Dunn offered this.

"See, this is something people probably don't know about Austin," Dunn said, "he is probably one of the most unbelievable Scrabble players you'll ever see in your life. He's really good....Don't play with him."

"Scrabble, some chips and dip and maybe a punch bowl or something," Kearns said, describing life in '09.

"Some Tab," Dunn added.

Then I turned the camera off and said thanks, and Dunn said all the Scrabble and Bible Study talk had been completely false.

"Come on, man," he said. "Ninety-two percent of that stuff I just told you is fake."

By Dan Steinberg  |  February 19, 2009; 6:54 AM ET
Categories:  Nats  
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Next: Manny Acta, Alex Ovechkin and John Wooden


Very entertaining. The mention of Tab should have cast doubt on the veracity of all that preceded it. No grown man drinks Tab.

Posted by: Lindemann777 | February 19, 2009 7:47 AM | Report abuse

Woo Hoo!!! You're already up and at it! I can't wait to see the video. This stuff is hilarious.

Posted by: NatsNut | February 19, 2009 7:48 AM | Report abuse

I second that, NatsNut. Do they still make Tab?

Posted by: natsfan1a1 | February 19, 2009 8:28 AM | Report abuse

Had an 80's party for the Mrs.' birthday so I was trying to find wonderful relics from that oh so memorable decade, and to my amazement, what did I find? (I believe at Giant) TAB. Nobody dared to drink it, so I got a 6 pack left if interested.

Good stuff Dan.

Posted by: jfromPG | February 19, 2009 9:01 AM | Report abuse

Solid effort Steinz. If you need more story ideas, I'm here all week.

Posted by: WebberDC | February 19, 2009 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Don't forget to tip your server.

Oh! I got one. Ask them about their fave (or worst) memories of Shea, the last of which was recently demolished. Also, is there any truth to the rumor that Mr. Met's head was used as the wrecking ball?

Posted by: natsfan1a1 | February 19, 2009 10:14 AM | Report abuse

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