The Busiest Weekend in D.C. Sports History

So I decided to take one measly three-day weekend in honor of my daughter's second birthday. Luckily, nothing much happened. Besides major earth-shakingly breaking news involving the Redskins, Wizards, Caps, Nats, Hoyas and Terps. Aside from that, it was a really quiet three days.

Sigh. At least the cupcakes were great.

Anyhow, I don't deserve to comment on any of the goings-on, so I contracted out to get some brief summaries. Celebrity commentators were granted just five words each. I'll do better next weekend.

CerratoSnyder: Maybe it'll work this time!

Albert Haynesworth: Eight million per cleat mark.

DeAngelo Hall: Big contracts make me sleepy.

Barack Obama: Bulls roll over like GOP.

Ed Tapscott: Imagine if Biden came, too.

Hoyas: Wait, are we still alive?

Tim Thomas: Upsets are a long shot.

Don Cherry: Being old makes me grumpy.

Seth Greenberg: Any credit for close losses?

Jeff Jones: I feel like dancing alone.

Gary Williams: Another story about recruiting? Seriously?

Jim Bowden: It was the media's fault.