Zorn Institutes New Dress Code
If I'm being truthful, Redskins practices did look a bit raggedy in the dress-code department last year. There seemed to be no standard practice attire, and many players had their own little quirks, including Clinton Portis, whose quirk was stationing his sweatpants somewhere around his kneecaps. This was all good for keeping bored bloggers on their toes, but it was apparently bad for team unity, and so this year the dress code has been revamped.
And to kick off the change, Jim Zorn did what you'd expect of any cookie-cutter NFL coach: he put on a little fashion show during team meetings on Wednesday. I guess all I can do at this point is print his full explanation.
"Here's what I did, I wanted to kind of cut down on all of the colors," Zorn said. "We had an excellent color scheme last year, ok? I wanted to become more boring, and use our burgundy as the featured color. Because we had light gray, dark gray, black, smokey gray. We had dark burgundy, we had red. We had all kinds of colors. And then we had bellbottom sweats, where guys were taping around [their ankles]. You guys remember that? White tape around everybody's ankles? We looked like bike riders trying to keep their pants from getting greasy.
"So what I did is I got together with Brad Berlin, our equipment manager, and we kind of created just a cutdown on colors and styles of what we wanted the team to look like.
"[It's a long answer, and I'm sorry, this is not a great question, right?" he interjected, though I loudly disagreed.]
"What I did was I sampled our sweatpants and I sampled them on how these guys could wear them if they wanted to," he continued. "So I sampled a long pair of sweats, but underneath the long pair I had some really cool cut-off sweats that I sampled. So I just took the long sweats off and I had these really nice below-the-knee cut-offs, and they're awesome. In fact, the guy that had them on today was Colt Brennan. And then I took those off, I was not down to my shorts, but I was down to the Chris Cooley-style, which was real high cut, right?"
[Cue Mike Singletary jokes.]
"So that's what [Cooley] was talking about, I had the Chris Cooley look. If you wanted it, you could go with the Chris Cooley look. And he can't understand why the whole team doesn't go for the Chris Cooley look. It just looks like early '70s, that's all. I modeled his style and everybody laughed at me, and that's why you don't see me in the Cooley look today."
[Cooley on the changes: I was ecstatic to know that not only was I going to be allowed to wear my shorts, but it was encouraged by the main man.As for how they worked out - I liked them, but I'm pretty sure when I crouch down my junk is hanging out the side. I mean, I have spandex shorts underneath, but I will be fairly conscience when the Washington Post camera men gets up close and personal."]
And how did players receive Zorn's fashion show?
"I don't think anybody was expecting that," Jason Campbell said. "We were like, 'Cmon coach, you've got to show us your bony legs? Cover that up.' Real bony and skinny."
And why, again, did Zorn desire uniformity?
"Because we don't look like a team," he said. "And that's what we're trying to put together: A team. So I just want these guys to wear the things that they like to wear, but I just don't want all of the different models and makes. I just wanted to cut that down so we can go out and not make that an issue."
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