Rap Wars in Redskins Locker Room
Bringing the fun back, Part II
And look, I hesitate to even do a light-hearted entry amidst the dark storm clouds of offensive futility, the swirling winds of fan dissatisfaction and the massive hailstones of Twitter meltdowns, but the Internet rolls on. As always, taking time to offer a few quips to the press should not imply that the Redskins aren't also trying to get better at football. So the first person who comments that "these guys should worry less about fake rap wars and more about catching passes," you lose. These are just 100 percent jokey things said for our benefit. It's all gonna be ok. If you think this item might anger you, please stop reading now.
Anyhow, my previous post mentioned the Bird Gang, Fred Smoot's new musical group. I'm just going to use straight quotes here. It's kind of like an oral history. Obviously these were not said consecutively, in this order, but I'm trying to protect the truth in my arrangement.
Chris Wilson: Fred Smoot aka Flying Spur has created a whole affiliation known as the Bird Gang. You know, he dropped his first album last week: Slumdog Millionaire Bird Gang: A Compilation Mix Tape Volume I.
Big Mike Williams: That's a whole lot of words.
Wilson: That's a whole lot of words. You might want to change the font on that one. But yeah, it's good for the swagger of the team.
Rock Cartwright: Breeeee ah! Breeeee ah! [Approximately.] That's the Bird Gang call.
Wilson: We're all on the same team. It's just a locker room thing to keep the swag, kind of like Eddie Murphy in that movie Life, telling everybody's stories and keeping everything upbeat, keeping us relaxed.
Larry Michael: If you look at the paper, you get nothing but negativity, really. Really, that's all you get, because the paper is struggling to stay afloat, all right?
[Whoops! How'd that get in here? That was actually an excerpt from Redskins Nation Wednesday night. My bad. - ed.]
Mike Sellers: I'm the head bodyguard.
Cartwright: You know there's a Wolfpack gang too, you know that?
Mike Sellers: See, somebody invaded our turf. That's the leader right there, number 11. You know, he's been trying to infiltrate to steal some of the Bird Men away, but it ain't happening. Too strong.
Wilson: Actually, Malcolm [Kelly] is trying to help his fellow classmen Devin Thomas, who affiliated a number of groups. All of them flopped....That's what really made this thing blow up, that's when Spur started to recruit....[Thomas] had a couple of names. One that comes to mind is the Wolfpack, [or] something. It didn't work out. His fellow rookie classmen was trying to take up for him, Malcolm and Fred Davis, until a truce was made when Fred Davis did a record with Spur.
Sellers: It's like G Unit against Puff Daddy you know what I'm saying? And they're Puff Daddy. We're thugs over here.
Devin Thomas: I don't know nothing about that. That's something Smoot started, I guess. Some stupid stuff he was trying to get going around here. I don't want nothing to do with it.
Fred Smoot: Are y'all seriously taking that seriously? That ain't nothing. We just be playing with it.
Casey Rabach: Me and Ethan [Albright] are starting a gang. It's gonna be called the Bird Killers and the Wolfpack Killers.
Ethan Albright: I know nothing.
Rabach: I'll fill you in right now, just listen. We're gonna be known as the Bird Killers and the Wolfpack Killers.
Albright: I have nothing to do with this.
Rabach: This is nothing about PETA here, nothing at all about PETA. It's about Smoot, we're gonna get after Smoot. Smoot, he's fragile, you know. I mean, [heck], he broke a rib in practice, are you [hecking] me?"
Smoot: We just went in the studio and played around, couple guys off the team said we're gonna get together and play around. It turned out all right. A lot of people are talking about it. I don't know why, though.
Michael: All they want to do is put out propaganda. People say this is a place for propaganda, but where else are you gonna hear about these community events? Right here on Redskins Nation.
[Whoops. Sorry again. My bad. - ed.]
Wilson: There's a lot of Bird Gang members. Everybody's not on the album. It's kind of like the Wu-Tang was.
Smoot: I got Suisham and Hunter Smith. You know, Hunter Smith plays instruments and everything. He's vital to Bird Gang.
Wilson: I play the piano; they didn't know I could play the piano. Just a little bit, I'm not a real pianist or nothing, I but helped make one of the beats right there, laid a little intro vocal track down, and rapping. They acted like they was surprised. You guys would be surprised.
Cartwright: I didn't record on the album. I didn't feel like driving that far to the studios. That's a little bit too far.
Wilson: Cartwright's affiliated with the Bird Gang even though he ain't appeared on any albums. Because it's more than just the music side to it. It's a movement.
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