Mark Schlereth compares Skins to "a gigantic rash"
Ok, back to transcriptions of radio interviews about the Skins.
Did you just blink? Well, then someone who used to work for the Redskins just went on a radio station somewhere to crush Daniel Snyder like a concord grape with the delicious juicy interior squirting out and landing in the mud and the annoying inedible skin left behind, slowly dripping out the greenish-yellow goo that was left behind.
This second's contestant: ESPN's Mark Schlereth, who at least had the common courtesy to use a metaphor of decay and disease that I hadn't yet heard. This is from Thursday morning's Mike and Mike, during a two-segment-long discussion about Jim Zorn's future.
"He's gone," Schlereth finally said, in the tone those nurses use on television hospital dramas after lovable Mr. Edwards who works up in third-floor janitorial finally gives up the ghost after having been stabbed with a pegleg while rescuing orphans from a band of pirates who had just docked next to the ER drop-off. "You can massage it any way you want to massage it, Jim Zorn will not coach that football team next year. If you win this week, is it gonna change your decision that you're going in a different direction?...You've already made, in my mind, by the moves you've made. You've already made that decision. So if you've made that decision, why are you putting off the inevitable? You know what, if you've got a rash, throw some cream on it, right? Get a prescription, throw some cream on it. You've got a gigantic rash right now, and you're like, 'Hey, maybe it'll heal! Boy, that thing sure itches, but maybe it'll heal!' That's what you're doing."
I'd take the analogy one step further; the Redskins actually are taking action, but instead of a prescription, they've gone homeopathic, using an ointment made of Aloe Vera, cod liver oil, lemon juice, wheat germ oil extract, burdock essence, witch hazel tea, cornstarch, peppermint drops and Eau de Bingo Ball. Too many solutions, in other words, not too few.
"He has lost his power," Mike Golic said of Zorn. "They have emasculated him," which really seems to be the metaphor of the week, as if the male sexual organ were created specifically in order to call go routes and halfback options from the sidelines. "He's done. No players are looking at him, because they know he's not gonna be there....They have made this situation so bad, they have to just end it."
The other Mike tried to argue that Zorn, at least, still picked Jason Campbell as his starting QB.
"I mean, Jim Zorn, did he make the decision?" Schlereth asked rhetorically. "Yeah, and you know how it went, it went like this, [knock knock], 'Hey, uh, Mr. Snyder, do you think I could start, uh, Jason Campbell today?' 'Um, yeah ok go ahead, but I'll let you know, I'll let you know later in the week,' " Schlereth's grouchy Snyder voice replied. "I mean, that's how that conversation went."
"But if that's the case, then no one could coach under those circumstances, right?" Greenberg asked.
"HOW MANY COACHES HAS WASHINGTON HAD?" Golic replied.
"Ok then, fair enough," Greenberg said. "But you know what, at some point, Dan Snyder didn't get to be a billionaire because he's an idiot. Dan Snyder's a smart enough guy that he's got to figure out, 'I've got to hire someone who knows what they're doing and then let him do it.' "
"We're still waiting," Golic said. "Because look at the amount of coaches that he's had. His track record is AWFUL."
"You know what, because he's a billionaire doesn't mean that he knows anything about football," Schlereth said. "Guess what, Donald Trump is a billionaire, and he ran the USFL right into the ground....It doesn't mean that he's not smart. He's an intelligent guy, he knows how to make money, he knows how to do that, but sometimes common sense and business things don't apply to the National Football League. It's a different world. And you think that you can take what you've learned from your business acumen into that game, it's a different business, it's a different world....Your weakness as an owner is that you don't know enough about this game. You think you know enough, but you don't know enough, so quit meddling in it. Hire people that know the game."
Whew. All that, and I still skipped the part where Schlereth said "that whole situation's a mess," and where he said "the Redskins are embarrassing right now," and where he said "this is an absolute disaster, what you've got going on now," and where Golic described the Redskins as "ridiculous" and "laughable."
Posted by: Section117 | October 22, 2009 3:27 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: ThisGuy | October 22, 2009 3:44 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: SmallPen15 | October 22, 2009 3:50 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: smutsboy | October 22, 2009 3:51 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: jbanks979 | October 22, 2009 3:59 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: Randy_Hawkins | October 22, 2009 5:33 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: rickyroge | October 22, 2009 5:59 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: TheDubb | October 22, 2009 9:09 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: mja712 | October 23, 2009 1:03 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: BMACattack | October 23, 2009 7:02 PM | Report abuse
The comments to this entry are closed.