Gilbertology in sentencing memos
The sentencing memos about the Gilbert Arenas case are no joke. This is the man's life, and a lot of people will be affected no matter what happens in court on Friday.
Still, if you read the zillions of lawyerly words spilled by the government and Gilbert's attorneys this week, arguing either that Gilbert should go to jail or that he shouldn't, you had to notice that Gilbertology was now being memorialized in government documents. A few highlights.
Prosecutor: "According to one witness, when the defendant was first informed that management wanted to see him, he responded loudly with words to the effect of: '[Freak] that, they don't need to see me about [anything]. I didn't do anything.' "
Defense: "He is the rare superstar athlete who shies away from the fast-lane lifestyle and who is more likely to be seen pushing a shopping cart at Costco...than hitting trendy restaurants or clubs.
Prosecutor: "When asked why the defendant had firearms in the locker room, he became hostile. He stood up and raised his voice, stating words to the effect of: '[Freak] that, you guys are trying to blame me. I'm out of here. I'm leaving.' "
Defense: "One of our colleagues reported that he saw Mr. Arenas and his children at Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant last fall."
Prosecutor: "To be clear, the government does not believe that the defendant intended to carry out his threat to shoot Crittenton in the face."
Defense: "Mr. Arenas did not own these guns to use as weapons to harm or threaten other people. He owned them as part of a much larger collection -- containing everything from antique revolvers to old Tommy Guns -- that he had purchased from the father of his former girlfriend."
Prosecutor: "When the defendant entered the locker room on December 21, 2009, he was oddly wearing a black backpack strapped to the front of his body. This fact is captured by surveillance videotape from the hallway outside the Wizards' locker room."
Defense: "On the day of his guilty plea -- a day of significant anxiety and deep regret for Mr. Arenas -- when he graciously stopped to chat and agreed to have photos taken with everyone else who was waiting for interviews at CSOSA."
Michael Lee: "Another person told me that in an attempt to make the incident appear more light-hearted, Arenas actually tried to convince Crittenton to participate in video mockery of the confrontation, with the two players shooting each other in the locker room with paint guns. Crittenton, of course, declined to take part."
Defense: "Within approximately a half hour of [the] encounter, Mr. Crittenton and Mr. Arenas got into the locker room's hot tub -- just the two of them -- and had a light-hearted conversation about it."
Prosecutor: "When the defendant joined him, the defendant was friendly to Crittenton and tried to make small talk. Given what had just previously unfolded in the locker room, Crittenton was shocked as to how the defendant -- who Crittenton believed had just threatened him -- was acting as if nothing had ever happened. Bewildered, Crittenton ultimately left the Jacuzzi. Their encounter in the Jacuzzi was not the summit of conflict resolution that the defendant suggests."
Again, this is serious. It isn't a joke. Unless you're really iron-hearted, this is sad, no matter what happens.
But only Gilbert could be part of a court proceeding in which the defense said he and a teammate "got into the locker room's hot tub -- just the two of them," while the prosecutors counted that "their encounter in the Jacuzzi was not the summit of conflict resolution that the defendant suggests."
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