When Sean Salisbury fought Albert Haynesworth
And so the Albert Haynesworth farce drags on for another day, with another priceless term -- "lavatory break" -- added to the offseason glossary. Of course, all these reports were via unnamed sources, which makes them my favorite leaks of all time. And why am I not surprised that the potty break came between his No. 1 and No. 2 shuttle runs?
Anyhow, with Haynesworth's pledge not to be a distraction thus suspended by at least a day, I figured it's fair game to dredge up other old classic Haynesworth stories, like this one, told by Sean Salisbury to the LaVar and Dukes Show on Wednesday. It's really just a few naked go-go dancers and several bottles of Patron away from being worthy of LeBron.
To save words, I'll summarize the beginning: John Elway had invited both Haynesworth and Salisbury to some sort of boating event in the Florida Keys after the Pro Bowl a few years back. Everyone's having fun. Then a party night approaches. Sean, take it over:
"I was sitting with a couple gals, and a gal that I was with, and some people were there. And it's a great place outdoors, everyone's low key, in flip flops and shorts. And Albert has had his fun that night, as we all have. And he walks over to me with one of his buddies, and I'm sitting down, and stands over me and says 'Who's the best nose tackle?'
"He says 'I know you Sean, blah blah blah,' and we're going, no problem. I said 'Yeah, great football player you are.' But you guys know me, I'm not gonna pull punches, whether he's 310 pounds or whether he's 30 pounds.
"And he said 'Sean, who's the best nose tackle in football?' You know, we'd both had a few in our hand. And I said, 'Uh, it's Jamal Williams.' He looked at me and he goes what? I said 'It's Jamal Williams.' And I was very nice, I wasn't being an idiot. You know, 'You asked me my opinion.'...It's just the way it is, who's the best at the time, and at the time, Jamal Williams was the best in the league.
"So lo and behold, Albert says really? And then he started loud-talking me, standing up over me. And you've got a girl with you, and there's a couple other people sitting there, about eight of my buddies. I said, 'uh, helllll no,' ok? I mean, while he's bigger than me, I'm not exactly a small quarterback, I mean, 6-5, 250. you know, he may kill me, but I'll tell you what, he's gonna be bruised in the process. I'm gonna at least get a couple shots in. I can kick you in the balls as best as anybody.
"He starts talking, so we're battling back and forth, and it becomes chest-to-chest. One of his boys had to separate him. And I went chest-to-chest, I said 'You're not gonna loud talk me in front of my people, you asked me a question, I answered.' So we went toe to [toe] and got in a fight. Then John Elway comes running over, Sean what are you doing, blah blah blah, gets in the middle of it. And before you know it, the indoor-outdoor bar is wondering which one of these guys is gonna die first, and I'm thinking it's probably gonna be me, but I'm gonna go down with a fight, and half that money he makes is gonna be mine anyway.
"So we're laughing, and I'm talking about it, and they have to separate us, we're separated, and I walk across the bar and say 'Forget this, man, I want more of this, ok?' And so Albert meets halfway, and then John gets us and you know what, John walks us over and talks to both of us and before you know it, Albert and I are hugging, he goes sal, come on down, I want to show you my boat. So by the end of the night, we got embarrassed in front of each other, almost got kicked out of a place, thank goodness for John Elway who separated us, brought us together. And we're on Albert's boat, having a cold beer and laughing at the end of it, and became friends after that."
I can't tell you how many friends I've made in an almost identical manner. Anyhow, Salisbury said that he and Haynesworth are still buddies, and he loves Albert "to death," and he thinks Haynesworth will come out motivated and beastly this year. And lest you think loving Haynesworth has somehow clouded Salisbury's judgment or made him less than perfectly objective, he also offered up this commentary about the wave of Haynesworth criticism.
"It's a part of the deal when you're making 100 million bucks," he said. "Got to shut the hell up and show up, man. And I don't' care if they decide to put you at tight end, move your ass to tight end and play. For 100 million bucks, they could pretty much dress me up in a G string and a pair of pumps and call a quarterback sneak, ok?"
Sure, why not. Though perhaps all this should be put in perspective with Salisbury's response when LaVar said it sounded like they both were bi-polar.
"You know what, unfortunately, I haven't taken one of those, but I better start taking those meds," Salisbury said.
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