Cooley: "We're gonna kick ass"
Having already demonstrated why Clinton Portis is a top-notch regular radio guest, let me hereby argue that Chris Cooley is the same, less for saying outrageous things than for being honest, funny and an expert in the use of casual but radio-friendly profanity.
During his own four-segment appearance on 106.7 The Fan's LaVar and Dukes Show Monday afternoon, Cooley went on and on about how excited he was for Sunday night's debut, saying "I don't think I've ever felt so hyped up to play a football game." So LaVar asked why that was.
"I think it started with the change at Redskins Park, and Shanahan, and the new atmosphere," Cooley said. "It's just this idea that we're gonna kick ass, this idea that we're gonna win football games, [that] we don't care who we're playing, [that] we're not going out there to play with anybody. They're nameless faces. Let's go play, let's go win football games. It just makes you feel so good about playing football, it makes you feel so ready to win football games. Let's get out there and get after them. And then obviously, any time you play Dallas, you know the atmosphere is just gonna be crazy. God, we want to beat those guys so bad every time."
That's a pretty good quote. Especially the "we're gonna kick ass" part of it. I also quite enjoyed the first football question of the day, in which LaVar asked Cooley why he seems to break so many tackles.
"First of all, yeah, I have big-ass thighs," Cooley said. "I mean, I'm kind of square built. You can probably see that when you look at me on the field. Right away, I'm very stable from the waist down. That's phase one. Thank you mom and dad for making me a good runner with the ball. I feel like I have good balance. I grew up wrestling... [and] I never got taken down. There's more. When you watch me run, I'll be honest with you, I never run anyone over. If you ever watch me run, go back to any highlight, I've probably never, ever run someone over.
"So I just kind of try to absorb the hit. People really think they're gonna hit something solid, and then my leg kind of goes limp. You don't even absorb that much, because you just limp your leg, and then they blow by. I honestly don't believe it's a skill that you can acquire. You just have it. You've got to be born with the limp leg."
So LaVar asked whether he wears those short shorts to practice in order to show off his limp leg.
"No, that's to show off my beautiful lower body and strong thighs," Cooley said.
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