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Funny quotes about Clinton Portis's groin

If you, like me, are a 12-year old male currently residing in the back of a middle school bus, you would have loved Clinton Portis's radio appearance with Mike Wise this week. They talked about Portis's injured groin. Like, a lot. In many different ways. There was much giggling. And they used the phrase "private spot" multiple times.

Here, then, are the 10 best groin-related lines from Portis's appearance. Never grow old, people. It's groin humor that keeps us young. Oh, and notice how I didn't mention the part when Wise asked about the length of the injury.

10. Wise: "Are they giving you massage cream, are they putting you in a sling, can you sleep without pain? Cause I have a hip injury, and I know it's nothing like you as an elite athlete, but sometimes I can't sleep at night because it just tweaks little muscles in there."

9. Portis: "It's hard to roll over, but you know, right now it's just tender to touch. I have a masseuse that's gonna dig in it as soon as it's time, but right now, it's tender to touch....As far as sleeping at night, it do get a little uncomfortable, but I just roll over on my side and fight through it."

8. Holden Kushner: "I'll only get massages from females, is this gonna be a female or a male?"

7. Portis: "I only get massages from females, too. In the training room they never give full massages, so I wouldn't have no knowledge of [male masseuses]. I only use female masseuses as well."

6. Wise: "Do you, when you look at, say for instance, I'm just thinking of the injury, is it just from, you know, above your knee to completely up, um, by your, you know, by your private spot, by your hip, is it just, I mean, is it, is it taking your whole groin?"

5. Portis: "It's nowhere near my knee. It's just my groin area, up by my private spot. It hurt, but outside of that, it's nothing to do with my knee. My ankle is fine, and everything else. It's just one spot, one area that's tender."

4. Portis: "I didn't even know the groin could be up this high. You know, I never imagined that a groin would even be up this high. So I'm learning on it."

3. Portis: "This here part of the body shut you down. You don't want no part of this, you'll be out of commission for a little while."

2. Kusnher: "So, the ladies of D.C. are obviously concerned, is that a correct assumption?"

1. Portis: "They out of commission, unless they got a backup plan."

Maybe Ryan Torain is the backup plan, I guess.

(Portis also was asked what other sports teams he's following.

"I love going to hockey games," he said. "I go out and check Ovechkin out all the time. If I can catch Sid the Kid when Pittsburgh's coming to town....I think there's a women league starting up that I need to start paying attention, that Lingerie Football League, I think that can cause a lot of attention and stir around, so I'm trying to figure out how to coach or buy one of those teams. I'm actually looking forward to the Wizards, if they can help me out and come down on these courtside seats. I think this year will be an exciting year with the Wizards as well. For Ernie Grunfeld, if he's listening to this, I need courtside seats. I don't need nothing but two, help me out with the price.")

By Dan Steinberg  | October 5, 2010; 12:53 PM ET
Categories:  Media, Redskins  
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Next: Tony Kornheiser re-ups with Red Zebra


New meaning to 'Janky Spanky'

Posted by: 4-12 | October 5, 2010 12:59 PM | Report abuse

Mike Wise was out of commission for a month too, although in his case, it was caused by his brain not the groin. And he had back up plan...and he is back with a bang..I mean today's column...

Posted by: KarK | October 5, 2010 2:36 PM | Report abuse

If his groin is hurt he will not be able to participate in certain packages.

Posted by: trezmartin | October 5, 2010 3:02 PM | Report abuse

Portis called him Ernie "GRUNSFELL" which was pretty amusing.

Posted by: Barno1 | October 5, 2010 3:16 PM | Report abuse

Most of this is pretty run-of-the-mill clinton boobery. That is not a shot a clinton, but there must be 100 bog posts about clinton filed under the "ridiculous behavior" category. On a personal note, the only thing I love more than Clinton playing well in a skins win is 100 silly sound byte that I can expect in the following week.

The most interesting note here is that CP (who must have earned 50 million dollars from Danny Snyder by now) can't afford to sit courtside at the wizards games? Either Clinton didn't save his money, or the Wizards are pretty far out of touch with their fan base. Does this mean that the only DC athlete who could afford to sit courside on their own dollar is Gilbert Arenas? Can Haynesworth sit in the lower bowl? Can moss get in the building?

Also "private spot" is funny, but not as funny as "man zone".

Posted by: KevinY84 | October 5, 2010 4:04 PM | Report abuse

I liked it better when it was B Mitch and Holden = /

and Portis is hilarious

Posted by: trousers | October 5, 2010 5:45 PM | Report abuse

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