Funny quotes about Clinton Portis's groin
If you, like me, are a 12-year old male currently residing in the back of a middle school bus, you would have loved Clinton Portis's radio appearance with Mike Wise this week. They talked about Portis's injured groin. Like, a lot. In many different ways. There was much giggling. And they used the phrase "private spot" multiple times.
Here, then, are the 10 best groin-related lines from Portis's appearance. Never grow old, people. It's groin humor that keeps us young. Oh, and notice how I didn't mention the part when Wise asked about the length of the injury.
10. Wise: "Are they giving you massage cream, are they putting you in a sling, can you sleep without pain? Cause I have a hip injury, and I know it's nothing like you as an elite athlete, but sometimes I can't sleep at night because it just tweaks little muscles in there."
9. Portis: "It's hard to roll over, but you know, right now it's just tender to touch. I have a masseuse that's gonna dig in it as soon as it's time, but right now, it's tender to touch....As far as sleeping at night, it do get a little uncomfortable, but I just roll over on my side and fight through it."
8. Holden Kushner: "I'll only get massages from females, is this gonna be a female or a male?"
7. Portis: "I only get massages from females, too. In the training room they never give full massages, so I wouldn't have no knowledge of [male masseuses]. I only use female masseuses as well."
6. Wise: "Do you, when you look at, say for instance, I'm just thinking of the injury, is it just from, you know, above your knee to completely up, um, by your, you know, by your private spot, by your hip, is it just, I mean, is it, is it taking your whole groin?"
5. Portis: "It's nowhere near my knee. It's just my groin area, up by my private spot. It hurt, but outside of that, it's nothing to do with my knee. My ankle is fine, and everything else. It's just one spot, one area that's tender."
4. Portis: "I didn't even know the groin could be up this high. You know, I never imagined that a groin would even be up this high. So I'm learning on it."
3. Portis: "This here part of the body shut you down. You don't want no part of this, you'll be out of commission for a little while."
2. Kusnher: "So, the ladies of D.C. are obviously concerned, is that a correct assumption?"
1. Portis: "They out of commission, unless they got a backup plan."
Maybe Ryan Torain is the backup plan, I guess.
(Portis also was asked what other sports teams he's following.
"I love going to hockey games," he said. "I go out and check Ovechkin out all the time. If I can catch Sid the Kid when Pittsburgh's coming to town....I think there's a women league starting up that I need to start paying attention, that Lingerie Football League, I think that can cause a lot of attention and stir around, so I'm trying to figure out how to coach or buy one of those teams. I'm actually looking forward to the Wizards, if they can help me out and come down on these courtside seats. I think this year will be an exciting year with the Wizards as well. For Ernie Grunfeld, if he's listening to this, I need courtside seats. I don't need nothing but two, help me out with the price.")
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