Caps 24/7, episode two
If you have HBO, you've already watched episode two of the network's 24/7 look at the Capitals and Penguins, and you already love it, and you're already planning on having multiple nightmares revolving around a life-sized version of Sidney Crosby's lucky cup pumping its fist in the club to Jersey Shore music while riding a scooter and cursing. If you don't have HBO, you're a [bleeping] lunatic with likely emotional damage.
Either way, I'm providing 10 highlights from episode two. I can't say the show exactly makes you like sports more than you did before. It just takes you to a funny place, an almost uncomfortably intimate place, where you feel like you understand the thing so much that you want to take a long, long bath in rubbing alcohol mixed with Bengay and Motrin. I'm rambling. On to the highlights. (Some images via @wyshynski.)
Mike Green's Scooter
Hey, look. Mike Green is riding a scooter while wearing his slippers. No, I have no idea why, either. They do look like comfy slippers, though.
Bruce Boudreau's Mouth
Whoops, he did it again.
"You could be anywhere," he told his players during one practice. You're playing [bleeping] hockey for a living. Have some [bleeping] fun out here."
"If they score a goal, [bleep] 'em, they scored a goal," he said later. "Big deal. You know? So let's be ready tomorrow here, let's [bleeping] get the smiles back on our face."
"It was a tough [bleeping] loss at the end," he said, after the Caps fell to Anaheim in overtime. "We made a mistake or two, but that's [bleeping], that's it. You guys got a [bleeping] point, and that's [bleeping], it's a start, it's [bleeping] a start uphill. So don't get [bleeping]depressed and hang your heads on that one, that was a great [bleeping] effort from everybody here, ok?"
I stopped counting F-bombs during episode 2, but suffice it to say, Bruce's magic number for clinching the overall 24/7 F-bomb crown is like negative infinity.
Matt Hendricks's Eye
Hey, look. Matt Hendricks looks like a Zamboni outfitted with special flesh-cutting razor blades just ran over his eye.
"It comes down to having a job and making a career," Hendricks told HBO. "I think it all started last year when I went into training camp. The season before that, I had a really good camp, had some goals, and still got sent down to the minors. I got called up for four games throughout the year, but it wasn't enough. I needed to figure out a way to make the opening night roster. And talking to a good friend of mine, he said 'You've got to fight.' He said, 'If you don't do it, someone else will,' and I kind of stick by that motto now."
Sports are so weird. What a way to make a buck.
"It's not a way of making money that I'd recommend if you didn't have to," Bruce Boudreau said, seemingly agreeing with me. "Sometimes you have to."
Alex Ovechkin's Wife
"I think when I'm gonna find wife, of course I'm gonna live with her," Ovechkin said, during a familial scene at home with mom and dad. "But right now, who gonna cook, who gonna clean my stuff? I'm not. I can't do it."
Mike Knuble's Speech
Bruce Boudreau has gotten more air time than any other member of the Caps thus far, but Mike Knuble might have just won the prize for most effective F-bomb laden intermission speech. This came in Boston, and the team didn't win, but they sure fought back, and since then they haven't lost. His speech:
"Today it's three-zero, and it will not [bleeping] be one of these laughers again. It will not [bleeping] turn into a five-zero, seven-zero [bleeping] laugher, where they're [bleeping] giggling, getting out of their [bleeping] mess here. We are [bleeping] down three-zero, and we are going to come back and we're gonna [bleeping] win this thing. We're not [bleeping] going in the tank here. That is enough right here. That's [bleeping] more than a year's worth. It's not gonna happen again."
That's eight [bleepings] in one speech. I give the "Best Speech of Episode 2" award to Mike Knuble.
During a segment meant to show that the heat was rising within the D.C. media, HBO dubbed in sound from....The Junkies? Yup, there were HBO cameos for Cakes, E.B., Lurch and J.P., questioning whether Bruce Boudreau should be fired. Big-time, boys, big-time. And the Caps decision-makers were obviously impressed.
"Too many reactionaries out there," George McPhee said. "All the experts come out, all the pundits come out with their opinion, and the truth of the matter is, if they knew anything about the game, they'd be in it."
"It's not coming from somebody you respect as a hockey person," Boudreau added.
Now, I'm willing to wager that these guys aren't waiting on every Junky word, and that HBO's producers just used the Junks as an easy fill-in for "reactionary media persons." Still, big-time.
Matt Bradley's Lobster
Someone put a lobster in Matt Bradley's coat pocket during a team dinner in Boston. How exactly do you put a lobster in somebody's coat pocket? Anyhow, the point is, the Caps can have fun during road-trip dinners just as well as the Penguins.
"This is a really important period for this year," he said in Ottawa. "You've got to say it's [bleeping] over. If you don't say it's [bleeping] over, then something bad can really [bleeping]happen. I don't think we want the bad things to happen. Too many of us are enjoying it here, [bleeping] like it here. Now let's get out of our [bleeping] funk and [bleeping] go and do it right now."
Translation: "I like it in the NHL, I like it in Washington, and I don't wan tit to end. Bleep. Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep. Seriously. Bleep."
"[Bleeping] smiles back,"Alex Ovechkin said, when the losing streak finally ended. "[Bleeping] long time, huh?"
"Where are the cigars?" Hendricks asked. "Who's got the bubbly."
Beat Dat Beat
And after the win, the Caps celebrated with some sort of Jersey Shore anthem that is sure to become a staple of the rest of this season. Fists were pumped. Ironically, of course, but that's the 21st century way.
Posted by: lightshow | December 23, 2010 1:15 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: ThisGuy | December 23, 2010 2:44 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: PrinceBuster21 | December 23, 2010 3:29 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: Japes1974 | December 23, 2010 7:39 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: gs12 | December 23, 2010 7:42 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: CapsNut | December 23, 2010 7:43 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: GoingGoingGone | December 23, 2010 8:07 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: GoingGoingGone | December 23, 2010 8:29 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: GFisher1 | December 23, 2010 9:07 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: AndrewKB | December 23, 2010 9:36 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: kjhealey | December 23, 2010 9:48 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: BigDaddy651 | December 23, 2010 9:57 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: thinicer | December 23, 2010 10:02 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: Mike4169 | December 23, 2010 10:08 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: CTCapsPhan | December 23, 2010 10:11 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: FrankM73 | December 23, 2010 10:33 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: AndrewKB | December 23, 2010 10:34 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: BigDaddy651 | December 23, 2010 11:05 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: tomfoley1 | December 23, 2010 11:05 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: kjhealey | December 23, 2010 11:09 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: poguesmahone | December 23, 2010 11:13 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: poguesmahone | December 23, 2010 11:15 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: TickvsArthur | December 23, 2010 11:22 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: gary9smith | December 23, 2010 11:50 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: eternale5150 | December 23, 2010 12:32 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: AlligatorArms | December 23, 2010 1:43 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: Bigmon411 | December 23, 2010 2:38 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: Bigmon411 | December 23, 2010 2:43 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: Rhino40 | December 23, 2010 3:30 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: Stu_c | December 23, 2010 3:44 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: Pensfan65 | December 30, 2010 11:25 PM | Report abuse