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Posted at 2:18 PM ET, 12/23/2010

Festivus for the rest of us: Airing of the sports grievances

By Cindy Boren

Festivus greetings to you all. In your honor, I've made a generous donation to the Human Fund -- no thanks needed. Now, for the airing of sports grievances, grievances of the general, national variety. (DC grievances are covered by Mike Prada at SB Nation DC.) Allow me to kick off:

The chuckling on the NFL Sunday pregame shows. It. Just. Never. Ends.

That Lee jeans guy. His butt doesn't look nearly as good as he thinks it does and I want him to know that.

"The National Football League." Not the NFL, although I've got some gripes with those people, too. I'm speaking of the NFL announcers, and they all do it, who insist on saying the entire name of the league 87 times per broadcast. It would be fun to do a drinking game based on it except you'd be unconscious by the second quarter. "That's football in the National Football League." I actually heard someone say this.

An 18-game NFL season would destroy the majestic mathematical purity of 32 teams, 16 games, eight division champs, four wild cards and two maids a milking. I'd adjust because I'm nothing if not adaptable, but I'd really rather not have to.

I'm not one of those emerald chessboard romantics, but the recent MLB broadcast of the 1960 World Series Game 7, thanks to the cellar of Bing Crosby, taught me how much fun a game could be without 1) graphics, 2) names on unis, 3) instant replay, 4) blowhard analysis. I actually had to bring something to the game and it was refreshing. Of course, I thought it'd never end, but still...

You know the PGA Tour minus a Tiger Woods on top of his game is in trouble when even that golf yutz can muster enough enthusiasm to yell "get in the hole" only a couple of times a tournament.

Brett Favre. Just Brett Favre.

The World Cup is great, wonderful fun, but I feel that only occasionally dipping my toes into the soccer waters is fine.

Speaking of toes, whatever Rex Ryan and the Mrs. do is cool by me, but ... um ... putting it on the internet?

I need more hockey in my life.

Your turn.

By Cindy Boren  | December 23, 2010; 2:18 PM ET
 
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Comments

I'm staying local:

Dan "Marketing Genius" Snyder, for dusting off the George Allen "The Future Is Now" slogan and still inflicting us with wasted opportunity, wasted draft picks and a soon-to-be last place team.

Albert Hanynesworth, for not caring enough about himself or his profession to pout like a baby because management changed and wanted him to do something different for his $100 million.

Mike Shanahan, for having a "system" that didn't fit the defense, didn't fit the QB that he traded draft picks for, for forfeiting the Detroit game by putting Rex in then lying about why he did it, and bringing Redskins fans a 5-11 season that has us nowhere closer to actually competing.

Ted Lerner, for not signing Adam Dunn and having no Plan B for first base.

Stephen Strasburg, for getting our hopes up.

Washington Capitals, for proving once again they are choking dogs.

Tony Kornheiser, for whining about being fired by Raju Narisetti. YOU TOOK THE PACKAGE!

Michael Wilbon, for dissing DC as a sports town for years, then making nice in his final column, then jumping back to Chicago and a "real sports town" 5 minutes later.

Posted by: dcborn61 | December 23, 2010 3:41 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and Tracee Hamilton, for thinking that we care about Kansas. We don't

Posted by: dcborn61 | December 23, 2010 3:48 PM | Report abuse

Spoken like a true Dukie.

Posted by: CindyBoren | December 23, 2010 3:50 PM | Report abuse

I would like to issue a preemptive grievance against the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, for being held in time zones that will require very early rising in the US of America in order to follow Our Lads.

Posted by: NateinthePDX | December 23, 2010 4:03 PM | Report abuse

And a local grievance, to both the City of Portland and the owner of the Portland Beavers baseball club, for not working out an agreement to keep the Beavers in Portland. No baseball at all, in the 23rd largest metropolitan area in the country, starting next year. Boo!

Posted by: NateinthePDX | December 23, 2010 4:06 PM | Report abuse

Those are your only grievances?

Posted by: CindyBoren | December 23, 2010 4:07 PM | Report abuse

C'mon, Cindy, this is off the top of my head... trying to cast around the sports world, beyond my usual myopic focus on the Skins.

I have a grievance that it's 2010 going on 2011, and I still can't watch any specific game I want, in any sport, "live" or any time thereafter, on my laptop. I know the technology exists, and I would gladly pay real American dollars for this service, but it's not available. And that's just silly.

Posted by: NateinthePDX | December 23, 2010 4:16 PM | Report abuse

I have a grievance about sports coverage, that the many advantages of the shift to new media are largely being squandered on garbage like the foot fetish thing, Cigar Guy, various athletes' candid photos, etc.

Instead of, say, serving some greater goal like using all these technologickal innovations to build on the brilliant history of sports reporting.

(I thought I'd figure out a way to write this without sounding like Buzz Bissinger, but I don't think I succeeded.)

Posted by: NateinthePDX | December 23, 2010 4:22 PM | Report abuse

I dream of that day, too, Nate.

Posted by: CindyBoren | December 23, 2010 4:25 PM | Report abuse

It seems appropriate here to dust off my longstanding grievance (and this is a two-fer) against Messrs. Rome and Cowherd for being loathsome, self-aggrandizing, unbearably pompous blowhards.

A two-headed blight on the sports talk landscape, they are, and that's really something when you look at all the trash littering that landscape.

Posted by: NateinthePDX | December 23, 2010 4:35 PM | Report abuse

ESPN980 for tape delaying new Kornheiser episodes.

Metro for not bringing a competent transit system, thus losing Cliff Lee in free agency.

For 106.7 for joining the Caps bandwagon and still have burgundy and gold colors as their logo.

Liz Clarke for not meeting Anne Murray, yet.

Finally and being serious here, for the loss of George Michael, one year after his death. DC sports doesn't have the same feel.

Posted by: tracytran | December 23, 2010 6:36 PM | Report abuse

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