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Posted at 2:18 PM ET, 05/ 6/2005

Star Wars: Return of the Line


"Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" doesn't open at the Uptown Theatre in Cleveland Park until May 19, but the line for fans who want to see it on its first night has already formed. We obviously have little to keep us busy this afternoon, so we've come up with a few ways to annoy those Star Wars devotees who are giving up the next two weeks of their lives for a chance to say they saw 'Sith' first:

1. Ask them why they're waiting in line to see "The Interpreter."
2. Form a rebel alliance by bringing your own clipboard and starting your own line.
3. Put up a tent and tell them you're camping out for the early morning opening of Starbucks.
4. Ask the city to remove the weird "homeless" people hanging out in front of the Uptown.
5. Get in line and wonder aloud why everyone camping out for a Harry Potter movie looks so old.
6. Show up dressed as Dr. Frank N Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show
7. As you take your place in line, loudly announce "Mee-sa love Star Wars!" in your best Jar Jar Binks voice
8. Insist that 'Sith' is Spielberg at his best.

--The Gurus

If you want to add your suggestions, we'd love to hear them.

By  | May 6, 2005; 2:18 PM ET
Categories:  Movies  
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Ask if Lorne Green is going to be in this one again.

Repeat loudly: "I hope this is as good as 'Willow!'"

Circulate petitions demanding that Bush administration stop the outsourcing of American jobs to Naboo.

Sweat like a wookie.

Posted by: Matthew | May 6, 2005 2:50 PM | Report abuse

I hope Sith is on HBO by September.

Posted by: Wizard | May 7, 2005 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Pretty shocked that anyone at all still cares enough to see this movie right when it comes out. And I say this as someone who wore out the version of Star Wars I taped off TV when I was kindergarten by watching it so many times.

Posted by: DavidNYC | May 7, 2005 5:33 PM | Report abuse

I think it is good that people are lining up for movies like this... It gives me hope that despite the pretty poor sludge of movies that has come out in the past year or so hasn't dissipated the love of movies with some people. Other than Zach Braff's debut movie 'Garden State' and Bill Murray's amazing last two movie 'The Life Aquatic' and 'Lost in Translation', and Charlie Kauffman's 'Eternal Sunshine', there hasn't been a lot of movies to get overly excited about.

But, that doesn't mean that you can't have fun with the people lining up... :)

I just hope the lines aren't that bad here in Stockholm - I wouldn't mind seeing the movie on openning day.


Posted by: Lars Garvey | May 8, 2005 7:35 AM | Report abuse

Insist that you love the fact that Lucas added Hayden Christenson to the edited version of Return OF the Jedi!!

Posted by: Will | May 9, 2005 11:28 AM | Report abuse

Ask if this is the line for the latest LOTR movie...

Without even trying hard, I'll be seeing it before the fans at Uptown: I'm in Australia and the 19th of May starts here!!

Seriously, it HAS to be better than Ep I and II! So in memory of 4, 5, and 6, I'll be there on day 1.

Posted by: Marlene | May 11, 2005 6:55 AM | Report abuse

Point out that in the late 80's standing in line for days to be first to see a Star Wars epic made sense, but now, in the 21st century, one can BUY MOVIE TICKETS ONLINE from the comfort of one's home and slide into a "first showing" seat just as the previews are coming on.

Posted by: markbark | May 11, 2005 7:34 AM | Report abuse

Have loud open discussions as to the sexual prowess of Wookies.

And how Skeet Ulrich(or Johnny Depp) would have made a better Anakin, or Kenobi, you choose.

Take a wizz on someone else's "spot" in line, declaring it your territory.

Show up in Crusader garb, declaring this area "holy ground" and you demand they all leave at once.

do something they can never do: show up with a date.

Posted by: Fitz | May 12, 2005 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Paint some signs and parade past the line, protesting against nerds.

Posted by: Sassy | May 12, 2005 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Oooh, I've got it! Glug down a couple of those flaming volcano drinks a few doors down at Yenching, then stumble out and throw up in the line.

Posted by: Sassy | May 12, 2005 4:35 PM | Report abuse

I've got it! Tell them that the new star wars movie has Daniele Radclife in it!

Posted by: Kanototashi | May 13, 2005 7:55 PM | Report abuse

Do what me and my friends did. Since our childhood, my older brother, who saw the original star wars movies, has had us hooked on star wars. But, my frineds and i aren't your typical star wars fans. We showed up for the opening day of ticket sales in our black clothes, chains and cd players. We were ushered to the front of the line before, "Any trouble was started." It was awesome.

Posted by: Patryck | May 15, 2005 9:37 PM | Report abuse

Honestly no matter how good a star wars movie is there is always the second day. Most people wont tell you the story by then.

Start a light sabre battle.

Posted by: Gump | May 17, 2005 8:57 AM | Report abuse

Strut up to the crowd, and in your best Alec Guiness voice say "The Uptown, never a more wretched hive of scum and villany."


Cut half-way through the line, wave your hand and say "Of course I may have this spot." Expect a Jabba style response.


Spray-paint yourself with some gold Krylon and say "You know Sir, the chances of getting the best seat at a Star Wars premier are exactly 32,782 to 1!"


Cover yourself in shaggy doormats and walk the lines bellowing incoherently.


Dress up in a black cloak and hockey mask, and start telling random people in the crowd "I AM your father."


Walk up with your best friend after some of the people in line leave for lunch and say, "Star Wars fans; easily frightened. But they will return soon, and in greater numbers."

and last but not least:

Have a running lightsaber duel through the lines replete with sound effects; for example: *Whoooahwoom, shhhhhhhh woom woom shhhh* ending with the death of one of the combatants in a loud and rather dramatic fashion right in front of the box office.

Note: For the last we suggest the collapsible plastic tube lightsabers, easilly found at Wal-Mart and Jedi R' Us.

Posted by: Jeff | May 17, 2005 9:12 AM | Report abuse

Ask them why they aren't lined up in front of a theatre that is actually showing Revenge of the Sith?

Tell them their landspeeder is double-parked and will be towed.

Posted by: carol | May 17, 2005 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Wonder aloud if Ewoks were the result of Chewie having torrid sex with Jar Jar.

Posted by: Right Winger | May 17, 2005 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Tell everyone in line that Phantom Menace is clearly the best of all the movies, and that child actors rule!

Posted by: Jake Lloyd | May 17, 2005 2:17 PM | Report abuse

#9: Read the last chapter of the book with a bullhorn.

Posted by: Dustin | May 17, 2005 2:38 PM | Report abuse

Lecture people in costume about the shameful and maligning cultural insensitivity/appropriation issues involved with their character, i.e,:

Tusken Raider: "Oh great, you are a savage sand person. verrrry slick."
(perhaps a comment about the more compelling social commentary involved in "Dune" around the "sand people"and imperialist attitudes to the "spice" under their sand)

Ewok: "Oh, so do you speak Tagalog/Filipino like the characters in the movies as well?"

Any Jedi: "Oh look, the "Last Samurai"

Jar Jar Binks: concievable place to begin...but try and have fun anyway

Then announce joyfully that Lucas appropriates/exoticizes/caricatures European cultures in this movie for a change, it should be AWESOME! Then dance around like the Muppets' Swedish Chef while brandishing a light sabre

Posted by: fflood | May 17, 2005 3:12 PM | Report abuse

Go as an expanded universe character and brag about your superior Star Wars knowledge! heehee

Posted by: Marcie | May 17, 2005 10:00 PM | Report abuse

Come dressed up as Anikan and poke random people in the back with your lightsaber. When they see you, say, "Sorry, you looked like that stupid, fatmouthed JEDI Obi-Wan from behind." Then run. Do this repetidly, until you get to the front of the line. Then, inside, find the first jedi you can, walk up behind them (I did this. It works best if they are seriously distracted by something else) Breath heavly right behind them and say in a menacing voice, "I sense a jedi. If your a jedi, i will kill you. Sorry, the Emporer made me do it. It's part of our deal involving me ruling the entire known universe." Then run.

Posted by: Kanototashi | May 19, 2005 8:19 PM | Report abuse

It works every time.
Trust me.

Posted by: Kanototashi | May 19, 2005 8:20 PM | Report abuse

i waited in line.. and none of these things happened.. the most annoying thing was regular people asking us what are we doing and how do we bath.

Posted by: kronos | June 8, 2005 11:57 PM | Report abuse


Posted by: mr floaty spoonie | June 27, 2005 3:23 AM | Report abuse

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