'War of the Worlds' By the Numbers
Instead of reviewing "War of the Worlds," which I saw last night at the Uptown, I've decided to provide readers with what they really want: a breakdown of the movie by the numbers. If you want to read full reviews that analyze all the 9/11 references and proclaim this film "the dark, dichotomous complement to 'E.T.,'" wait a few more hours. They will no doubt be all over the Internet by midnight tonight.
In the meantime, here's my list. Feel free to bring it with you to the theater to see if your count differs from mine.
Number of Times My Seat Vibrated Because of the Eardrum-blasting Sound: At least five.
Times I Thought to Myself, "Man, Dakota Fanning really looks like Drew Barrymore in 'E.T.'": Six.
Piercing Shrieks Emitted by Miss Fanning: Approximately 118.
Scenes in Which a Spielbergian, Otherworldly Light Streams in Through a Window: Too many to count.
Action Sequences That Will Remind Audiences of "Titanic": One.
Audible Gasps From the Audience: Four.
Moments When I Looked at Tom Cruise and Couldn't Help but Think of His Rant Against Matt Lauer, Comments About Brooke Shields or Couch-hopping Love for Katie Holmes: Virtually none. Once the movie started, I cared more about the aliens than Cruise's take on the history of psychiatry.
Moments When Spielberg Succumbs to Sentimentality and Almost Ruins the Movie: One.
Number of Times I'll Recommend This Movie to Friends (With a Few Caveats): At least 20.
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