So Not Fantastic
I don't know what your plans are for this weekend, but I hope they don't include seeing "Fantastic Four." I've just come from a preview screening and I'm still trying to snap myself out of the stupor of boredom that set in the minute the movie began. At one point I seriously contemplated lifting my armrest so I could stretch out across a couple of seats and take a nap. And that was during one of the action sequences.
I could come up with a lengthy list of more productive, entertaining things you could do with your time instead of seeing this movie. In fact, I think I will.
1. Watch reruns of old episodes of "Superfriends." I'm pretty sure the special effects in those '70s- and '80s-era cartoons are more advanced than what you'll see in "Four." It's also quite possible that Gleek is a better actor than Jessica Alba (though, admittedly, not as attractive).
2. Rent "The Incredibles." Granted, the Pixar people stole the premise from the "Fantastic Four" comics. But at least they had the decency to make a good movie out of it.
3. Listen to Lakeside's "Fantastic Voyage" on repeat.
4. Write a series of limericks that all begin with the line, "There once was a big man named Chiklis..."
5. Come up with a theory that explains how Mark Frost -- the co-creator of one of the best television shows ever, "Twin Peaks -- could have co-written the horrible script for "Fantastic Four." Extra points if the theory also explains Agent Cooper's dream involving the dancing dwarf.
6. Go see "Batman Begins" again. Appreciate its smart approach to the comic book genre. Repeat.
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