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Posted at 5:16 PM ET, 07/ 5/2005

So Not Fantastic

By Jen Chaney

I don't know what your plans are for this weekend, but I hope they don't include seeing "Fantastic Four." I've just come from a preview screening and I'm still trying to snap myself out of the stupor of boredom that set in the minute the movie began. At one point I seriously contemplated lifting my armrest so I could stretch out across a couple of seats and take a nap. And that was during one of the action sequences.

I could come up with a lengthy list of more productive, entertaining things you could do with your time instead of seeing this movie. In fact, I think I will.

1. Watch reruns of old episodes of "Superfriends." I'm pretty sure the special effects in those '70s- and '80s-era cartoons are more advanced than what you'll see in "Four." It's also quite possible that Gleek is a better actor than Jessica Alba (though, admittedly, not as attractive).

2. Rent "The Incredibles." Granted, the Pixar people stole the premise from the "Fantastic Four" comics. But at least they had the decency to make a good movie out of it.

3. Listen to Lakeside's "Fantastic Voyage" on repeat.

4. Write a series of limericks that all begin with the line, "There once was a big man named Chiklis..."

5. Come up with a theory that explains how Mark Frost -- the co-creator of one of the best television shows ever, "Twin Peaks -- could have co-written the horrible script for "Fantastic Four." Extra points if the theory also explains Agent Cooper's dream involving the dancing dwarf.

6. Go see "Batman Begins" again. Appreciate its smart approach to the comic book genre. Repeat.

-- Jen

By Jen Chaney  | July 5, 2005; 5:16 PM ET
Categories:  Movies  
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Comments

Sigh. You just had to get that song stuck in my head didn't you?

Ride, ride step inside... come along and ride on a fantastic....

Posted by: Jen04 | July 6, 2005 8:49 AM | Report abuse

One quibble from an admitted comic book nerd. It is not the comic book genre you are speaking of when comparing Batman Begins and Fantastic Four. It is the superhero genre. Movies based on comic books include From Hell, Ghost World, Road to Perdition, American Splendor and the upcoming History of Violence. All very different from superhero comic book titles like X-Men and Men in Black.

I love Batman Begins but have no plans to see Fantastic Four. It has looked dreadful all during production.

Posted by: Karon | July 6, 2005 2:09 PM | Report abuse

You also said War of the Worlds was good, no?

Blech.

Posted by: jw | July 7, 2005 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Why are there NO good summer movies this summer?

Posted by: movie blues | July 7, 2005 4:33 PM | Report abuse

Wedding Crashers looks promising. Dumb, but promising. Vince Vaughn is cinema gold, baby!

Posted by: jw | July 7, 2005 5:46 PM | Report abuse

Too bad. Thanks for the warning. I saw the preview for Chronicles of Narnia and can't wait. Unfortunately I have to, since it won't come out till December. Not a comic book, but there's your great adventure & story!

Posted by: priya | July 8, 2005 10:29 AM | Report abuse

F4 was not bad.
And I'm so tired of people comparing everything to Batman Begins, which was a TERRIBLE movie. Christian Bale's acting was sub-par at best, and dakota fanning could have made a more convincing side character than katie holmes.

F4 is what it's meant to be: a first movie about the origins of a character. It doesn't go into the singulary tale of a hero, like batman or spiderman... it's about a group of very different people forced to cooperate.

Sue Storm is sexy, Johnny is funny, Mr Fantastic is the brains, and the Thing is the heart.
Don't go looking for tolstoy... remember, this is a comic book! what were you people expecting???!

Anyway, go see it... it's different from batman begins, and that's a good thing.

Posted by: worthless review | July 11, 2005 10:06 AM | Report abuse

I liked F4, and I DIDN'T read the comic book. It, to me, was like Men in Black (I and II)-loopy, impossible fun movie for the summer. I think some reviewers, not Jen necessarily, come up with something snarky to say, and apply it to the Next Big Thing. Summer is time for vacation, and this movie is a vacation from reality.
Take it as that, and you'll have a fun time.

Posted by: opinions are like... | July 12, 2005 11:16 PM | Report abuse

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