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Posted at 11:12 AM ET, 05/ 2/2008

Top 5 May Shows at Which You Are Most Unlikely to Find a New Girlfriend

By David Malitz

Hey guys, are you single and want it to stay that way? Then consider hitting up these five May shows, because the likelihood of finding a new lady friend -- or any lady at all -- is pretty slim.

"No Wave" Book Reading (May 2, Crooked Beat Records)
A book reading about a microgenre of borderline-unlistenable music from 30-or-so years ago? Hey ladies! (Okay, No Wave is only unlistenable to some; James Chance rules if you ask me.)

Earth (May 4, Rock and Roll Hotel)
Improv drone metal + Sunday night = dating hotspot!

Singer (May 6, Velvet Lounge)
Really, any show at the Velvet would qualify, but the one featuring former members of all-time weirdos U.S. Maple takes the cake for May.

Polvo (May 9, Black Cat)
A reunion show by a semi-obscure '90s indie rock band with noise-rock, post-rock and math-rock tendencies. Hott.

Dream Theater (May 26, Constitution Hall)
This would be the show to attend if you want to meet someone who gives guitar lessons at a music store. (I hear Victor Litz is closing early that night!)

-- David

By David Malitz  | May 2, 2008; 11:12 AM ET
Categories:  Music  
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I assume Rush will be #1 in the July edition of this?

Posted by: Hemisphire | May 2, 2008 2:41 PM | Report abuse

You all are a bunch of jackasses...always have been. Good to see things haven't changed.

Posted by: :-/ | May 26, 2008 2:38 PM | Report abuse

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