Housewives Nightlife Ep. 7: Pompon and Circumstance
This installment of "The Real Housewives of D.C." pretty quickly devolves into a tedious examination of lawmaking in Washington and Fauquier County (why, oh, why can't someone just pull out someone's weave!?).
Thankfully, it kicks off with (more) signs that discontent is brewing in the Ommanney household. Charles announces he won't be around much (yeah, no kidding), which doesn't go over well with British Expat Barbie. With her best totally not passive-aggressive voice, Kat all but wishes him a nice life, then informs the camera that while theirs is a love story for the ages (okay, the word she uses is "unusual"), "Sometimes, not all is as rosy and sparkly as it may seem."
Oh, but everything is sparkly in lala land, where first we meet Michaele Salahi in this episode.
She's a hot gangly mess, twirling pompons and posing for Tareq before she heads off to "rehearse" for her half-time "performance" with the Washington Redskins alumni cheerleaders. Because she was one, back in the '80s, when she was 20. "For the NFL," she adds, in case you didn't know.
Oh, but there's a lot we do know: Nobody thinks Mme. Salahi was ever a first lady of football. Not her fellow housewives, not viewers, and, most importantly, not the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders. My colleague Paul Farhi pretty much put the nails in the coffin last winter when he told this story of Michaele's Redskins antics - or lack thereof.
Between winces, I was able to make out that the cameras did capture Michaele at FedEx Field wearing black warmups that resembled those of her alleged former teammates (good sign).
But when she starts accosting cheerleader after cheerleader with what I'll henceforth refer to as the "Salahi lunging bear-hug tackle" (administered whenever a simple handshake will do), it's clear Michaele doesn't know anyone's name. The few she does address, she calls "baby" or "hottie" (bad sign). And, as we might have expected, she didn't know the basic routine for "Hail to the Redskins" (baaad sign, very bad sign). None of this, however, kept her from dancing in the halftime show.
This is one of those rare moments in "Real Housewives" in which all that fakery actually leads us to some truths. Yes, Michaele is a striver. But so is everyone else who panders to a few cameras and some bossy producers -- and boy do they pander, even in Washington. Everything the Salahis are able to do on this show, from getting limo escorts to living at the Four Seasons, is proof of that.
Off soapbox, back to the rest of the ladies: By now, the 'Wives seem to have unofficially separated themselves from Tareq and Michaele. At Stacie Scott Turner's house, Erika Martin Hughes, Kat and Mary Schmidt Amons gather and bring their little ones over so the kids can make sundaes, and the ladies can gossip and drink wine. (Lynda arrives later.) Erika spends much of the evening calling Kat a "mean girl," sending Kat into tears and the other housewives running to defend their Brit galpal. (Somehow, miraculously, no one lays a finger on anyone else's weave.)
May I posit, however, that Erika was actually referring to the fact that Kat dresses like a reject from "Mean Girls"? Has anyone noticed that Kat is wearing Uggs, leggings, a stupid hat, a sparkly scarf, a necklace and a fur vest? At the same time?
Mary tells the women that Lolly quit her job, which compels Stacie to point out that Lolly might be disinclined to go for broke if she didn't have an awesome house, car, and mom's closet at her disposal free of charge. But Lolly wants to be an artist, which sends her dad into bubble-bursting mode. He informs his eldest that "art will never be a stable job." We beg to differ. We've got dozens of galleries in Washington, all showing art by working artists. Two hot neighborhoods for the gallery scene? H Street NE and 14th Street NW.
This is where things start getting very wonky. The women -- including McLean residents Mary and Lynda, and Chevy Chase resident Kat, and sixth housewife Paul Wharton -- meet for a pretty heated discussion with D.C. Council member David Catania about D.C.'s Marriage Equality bill and gay marriage (it since passed, allowing gays and lesbians in D.C. to marry). Meanwhile, in Fauquier, Tareq and Michaele Salahi talk up a local lawmaker about the laws they say are prohibitive to wineries.
We wonder: Why is it that the wives of Atlanta get She by Sheree, New York gets Simon, and we learn how a bill is passed?
| September 24, 2010; 3:11 AM ET
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