Let's Talk About Sex

By Kim Richmond and Maryietta Smith

"Virgins, condoms, pregnancy, passion, and pleasure." According to fellow Duvalians, these are the first things that come to mind when asked about sex. As we walk down the hallways it's hard to ignore the gossip. It always seems as if everyone is talking about who is a virgin, who's not, who's pregnant, and who's confused. For both girls and guys, the pressure can sometimes be intense, but deciding when it's right for you to have sex is one of the most important decisions you'll make. Each person must use his or her own judgment to decide if it's the right time-- and the right person. We aren't here to "steer you in the right direction" or "influence" you; we are here to break the taboo. So, let's talk about sex, and figure out what's really going on.

Before sex is put into the equation there is some type of connection, whether it is physical, emotional or mental. According to most boys, physical is the first connection made, and then came mental and sometimes emotional. An anonymous male senior said, "the reason physical is the first connection made is because we [guys] are visual; we need someone to look good before we care about the mental." The girls, however, thought that mental was the first and most important connection, and emotional and physical followed in that order. Senior Courtney Dodson said, "the mental connection should be the first connection made because you have to see where a person's mind is before you start trying to get physical with someone." This was the general consensus with most females.

After people make connections, no matter what the order, sooner or later the issue of sex arises. Although the decision to save yourself until you find that special person or marriage is the traditional idea, 88% of the people interviewed made the decision to have sex. 95% of the males interviewed were sexually active. The average age at which they lost their virginity was 13 years old, while some were as young as 12 and in the 7th grade. Nearly none of the young men were "in love" with the girls they lost their virginity to. When asked why they lost it they replied, "I was horny," "I just wanted to," or "everyone was doing it". After talking further to the only male virgin interviewed, we asked "if the opportunity arose in which you could have sex, would you take it, even if you didn't love the girl?" and he replied "yes!". There was a large amount of young men who believe that a relationship wasn't necessary in order to have sex. This wasn't surprising after the majority of young men said they've had multiple sex partners that they weren't in a relationship with and really had no feelings for. After finishing our interviews and looking over the data we noticed that although many said they were trying to please their female partners physically, they never really acknowledged the emotional aspect of sex. Sophomore Diamond Johnson said, "I've seen a lot of my friend's lose their virginity and end up getting hurt. They thought the guys loved them, but they didn't and left them feeling used and unwanted".

The statistics for young ladies were slightly lower with only 76% of the females interviewed being sexually active. The average age at which the girls lost their virginity was 14 years old, right around their sophomore year in high school. When asked why they lost their virginity most females responded, "I loved him," "peer pressure," or "I trusted my partner". Trying to find girls who were really willing to open up and talk about sex was challenging; many girls were embarrassed, ashamed, or scared. Eventually, some girls were willing to share. Most told stories of hurt while some told stories of love. One young lady bravely shared her story with us, a story she couldn't even tell her sister. When asked why she could share with us and not someone as close as a sister she replied, "I love my sister dearly, but I'm afraid she'll judge me or even tell our family. She doesn't believe in sex before marriage, and I just can't. It really hurts that I can't share something as special as that with my own sister." Another female senior shared her experience with us: "I was 15 years old and he was 17. We were both virgins and very much in love. One night he came over to watch a movie and we began kissing; one thing led to another, and he was pulling out a condom. It wasn't what I was expecting to end up doing, but it felt right. I felt comfortable, secure, and prepared, and even though we aren't together anymore, I don't regret it."

After listening to all of the girls, we realized how much they value their sexual experiences. But also, we realized that females put themselves into hurtful situations. Many girls become very vulnerable in relationships and this leads to insecurities and heartache. Everyone needs to remember to set boundaries. You can't let yourself get so caught up in the relationship that you let your needs fall to the wayside and put your partner's wants before your own. You can't use a relationship as your validation. Most people, when asked how they felt after sex, respond with things such as tired, hungry, and relieved. However, one young lady said, "I feel as though I shouldn't have done that." She goes on to say, "I guess it's my way of looking for affection in the wrong places."

As we proceeded, we saw the results of Lil Wayne, Lil Kim, Pretty Ricky and Salt-N-Pepa lyrics put into its latest form. Oral sex is everywhere, and no one was shy about sharing whether they either received and gave oral sex or did nothing at all. 89% of those interviewed admitted to participating in some form of oral sex, including the virgins. 84% of females said they give and received, with only 11% saying they only received, while young men, on the other hand, had 95% give or receive oral sex, with only 31% only receiving. According to one male, when asked why he gave oral sex he said, "because I'm good at it". For most, oral sex is just the prelude to the actual act.

When talking about the actual act, most people said that before they have sex they do worry about the transmission of STDs, especially with the D.C area having such a large HIV/AIDS population. Yet, none of the people asked knew what the word contraceptive was, until we explained that contraceptive is just another word for protection. When asked if they used some form of protection all replied," yes". Still, some admitted they didn't use protection every time they had sex and even preferred unprotected sex because "it feels better". Abdul Kargbo said, "honestly, I don't like using condoms." When asked what message they would like to give to the DuVal public, the majority said they wanted everyone who was having sex to have protected sex; even those who supported unprotected sex said the same thing: no glove no love. Remember that with STDs rising among teens and D.C. having the highest HIV/AIDS percentage in America we as young adults must keep ourselves safe. We have to take it upon ourselves to educate each other and understand the risks of not only having sex but having unprotected sex. Many teens think that STDs, AIDS, or pregnancy won't happen to them, but newsflash- it can. In Maryland alone there are 29,116 reported cases of HIV/AIDS infections with a staggering 24,844 cases in DC, the fourth highest metropolitan area in the US. As many of us know teen pregnancy is a reality. In Maryland alone there are 6,986 births to mothers under the age of 18. With these pregnancies came many complications because of the age of the mother the child is more likely to be born premature or with a severely low birth weight and the mother has a greater risk of suffering with preeclampsia (high blood pressure as a result of pregnancy resulting in seizure), as well as anemia.

Now we all know what a slut, whore, or rolla is and we sometimes call each other those names out of fun, but in reality those titles have very negative and nasty meanings that ruin reputations. "A slut or better yet 'rolla' is person who sleeps around with a lot of people and doesn't care where they do it, how they do it, or who they do it with. They're just nasty!" said seniors Marlisa McCoy and Amiera Tcheffo with a look of disgust. One male said, " You know you're a rolla if me, my boys, and guys I don't even know got some and when I say your name everyone in the room says something along the lines of, ' Yeah she gives that mean bop' or ' she's rollin' with no brakes."

After listening to what everyone had to say about sex, our eyes were opened even more too how the DuVal population perceived it. Even though we hear adults say all the time that, "we're too young," "we're growing up too fast," or that "we don't understand" DuVal proved that whether you are a experienced or a virgin teens know a lot more about sex than we are given credit for. Sex is everywhere; TVs, magazines, movies, songs, clothes, books, dancing, language, schools, and anywhere else raging hormones are located. It's important to come to terms with the fact that sex is a three-letter word that isn't going anywhere, and instead of feeling awkward when it's mentioned we just need to embrace it, and maybe even talk about sex more often, so we can continue to not only protect ourselves but others also.

If you ever find yourself in need of help dealing with different issues feel free to stop by our nurse's office or call one of the following numbers:

Healthy Teens Center

7824 Central Ave.

Landover, MD 20785

301-324-5141

TDD: 301-773-8717

For assistance with addictions and medical treatment you may also call:

Addictions: 301-817-3070

Belcrest Health Center: 301-209-2415

Cheverly Heath Center: 301-386-0159

D. Leonard Dyers Regional Health Center: 301-856-9520

O.W. Phair Health Center: 301-725-8546

Penn Silver Health Center: 301-817-3030

STD Clinic: 301-386-0116

Office on AIDS: 301-386-0210

P.G. County Hotline: 301-577-4866

Abuse Centers:

Rape and Assault: 301-618-3154

Social Services: 301-808-5500

By Jennifer Partridge |  March 10, 2009; 7:36 PM ET
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