Truly Unbalanced Topics

Okay, it's true: Sometimes I stretch the topic of "balance" to cover intriguing subjects that have basically nothing to do with work/life balance.

To take this to its logical extreme I've been collecting various posters' suggestions for utterly unbalanced topics. Here are my top five favorites for today's Free-For-All:


Balance and People Who Think Dogs Are As Important as Babies.

Balance and the Iraq War.

Balance and Every Known Detail About Scarry's Second Pregnancy.

Post-Breastfeeding Boobs and Balance.

Polygamous Marriage and Work/Life Balance: A New Family Structure for the Future?

Please add your own ridiculous ideas for future "unbalanced" topics.

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  June 29, 2007; 7:40 AM ET  | Category:  Free-for-All
Previous: Working for the Work-Obsessed | Next: The New Disconnect: Kids and Marriage


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Comments

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sharks and balance

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 7:44 AM

scales and balance

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 7:47 AM

inner ear and balance

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 7:53 AM

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 7:54 AM

For Maryland mother,
I haven't been able to read the blog much this past week as I am out of town tending to my mother who just had surgery for lung cancer. She is doing surprisingly well for a 73 year old 90lb woman who just underwent a 5 hour long operation on her lung.
To answer your question from yesterday - we love it when we get healthy snacks. Stuff you can eat with your fingers (or spread with a knife). I plan to bring some bagel pieces, hummus, cheese and fruit to the nurses who have been so nice to my mother. Pre-packaged fruit baskets are not my favorite. I feel it is more personal as opposed to picking up a basket. I would avoid cookies and candy and cakes as few of us really need that stuff.
Hope this helps.

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 7:56 AM

How about:

Post-Non-Breastfeeding Boobs and Balance

Having Dogs, Cats and Kids and Balance

Gratuituous Use of the Word Nazi in Insults and Balance

Dead-flesh Eaters vs. Hippie-Plant-Foragers and Balance

Maintaining Balance After Winning the Lottery

TMI: How To Balance Details Concerning Gross Personal Functions With the Need to Participate in the On Balance Blog

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 8:01 AM

"Sometimes I stretch the topic of "balance" to cover intriguing subjects that have basically nothing to do with work/life balance"

This should be rewritten to say "Many times each week I use my platform here at the Post to stretch the topic of "balance" to cover subjects that have nothing to do with work/life balance but further my own feminist agenda"

Posted by: nO Balance | June 29, 2007 8:01 AM

Polygamous Marriage and Work/Life Balance: A New Family Structure for the Future?


That gets my vote!! But I would need to be the one with a couple of husbands . . .

Posted by: WorkingMomX | June 29, 2007 8:06 AM

Maintaining Balance After Winning the Lottery

Okay, educmom, I snorted when I read this. Please may I need that blog . . .

Posted by: WorkingMomX | June 29, 2007 8:10 AM

The resident comedians will be out in full force today. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 8:16 AM

Alcoholic Beverages and Balance

Posted by: Lil Husky | June 29, 2007 8:23 AM

Bubblin' Brown Sugar & Balance

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 8:25 AM

"How To Balance Details Concerning Gross Personal Functions"

educmom, irrital Bowel Syndrom, or just lactose intolorent?

Posted by: Lil Husky | June 29, 2007 8:33 AM

Balance for MBAs, lawyers and Ivy League graduates vs Balance for CSS grads (crappy state schools)

Posted by: Product of a Working Mother | June 29, 2007 8:33 AM

Blance-and-why-did-I-just-invite-10-people-to-my-house-for a-4th-of-July-Party-I-have-enough-to-do-without planning-and-having-a-party?

Posted by: Marie | June 29, 2007 8:35 AM

Honestly, it's going to be hard to beat inner ear and balance. Very funny.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 8:37 AM

Ok. Leslie does have a sense of humor (unlike Frieda)

My entry (the first one)

The Creepy Van and Load Balance or how many "quote of the day" winners can fit in the van!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 8:44 AM

Sharks vs. Snarks, which provides better balance in the comments!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 8:49 AM

Marie -- it's 4th of July -- can you keep everyone happy with hotdogs and beer? And maybe brownies and potato salad already made by Chef Safeway?

Posted by: Arlington Dad | June 29, 2007 8:54 AM

The resident comedians will be out in full force today. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 08:16 AM

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Don't go away mad, just go away with a smile on your face!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 8:55 AM

one of my personal favorites is balance and sport (aka how to keep balance during March Madness, etc.)

balance is like riding a horse...lose balance, fall down, but then you have to get right back on...forever.

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 9:00 AM

An obvious one here...

Paris Hilton and Balance.

Posted by: librarianmom | June 29, 2007 9:03 AM

I agree with Arlington Dad - Marie, don't stress out over this. July 4th should be simple simple simple. Those magazine covers showing elaborate setups for the 4th are not reality...everyone likes to look at them, but noone wants to eat on them.

Arlington Dad-I like your priorities, though I would have reversed the order: beer and dogs. he he he

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 9:04 AM

As an extra incentive, for today only, the winner of the quote of the day will be awarded a special prize.

The winner will be allowed to DRIVE the creepy van!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:04 AM

My problem though is that today I will say hot dogs and potato salad and brownies -- by Tuesday I will have a gourmet spread -- I love to entertain and its my excuse to make things I dont typically make -- but I am going to be a slacker this year and just do dogs and burgers :)

Posted by: Marie | June 29, 2007 9:06 AM

librarian mom: I made a personal vow never to click on any link relating to PH. Only when we ignore her will she go away.

balance and iphone/wii/pick-your-personal must-have item: how to get your must-have without wrecking your life balance in the process

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 9:07 AM

That gets my vote!! But I would need to be the one with a couple of husbands . . .

Posted by: WorkingMomX | June 29, 2007 08:06 AM

But only if they clean toilets? Right?

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:07 AM


(another obvious one)

Toilet Cleaning and Balance or what I learn on this blog!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:10 AM

Driving the creepy van and balance

Running a bordello and balance

Obsessing over the internet and balance

Trolls and balance (both Internet and Tolkein varieties)

Balancing work, a family, and an extramarital affair

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:10 AM

"Balancing work, a family, and an extramarital affair"

Or, is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time and not go to hell?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:13 AM

Balance, Clean Sheets and Affairs.

Who does the laundry, the man, the woman or take turns?

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:14 AM

How much easier it would be to balance everything in life if they just invented more useful ROBOTS! (But what if they get smarter than us and rebel?)

Balance in zero-gravity (or Moon gravity, or Mars gravity, or...)

Human-alien relationships and balance (could easily shade over into TMI)

The prospect of nanotechnology turning everything into gray goo, instantly solving all balance problems once and for all

... and other science-fiction inspired topics

Posted by: SheGeek | June 29, 2007 9:14 AM

klb - I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's surgery. My thoughts are with you in this trying time. I appreciate your wit, your joy in life...I sincerely hope for you and your mom.

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 9:17 AM

OK, here's a holiday topic:

Balancing the Grill: Choosing Between Hot Dogs, Bratwurst and Hamburgers

(personally, I think brats is the way to go, with Gulden's and lots and lots of Vidalia onion all buttered and grilled -- and balanced with marinated summer tomato)

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:18 AM

Balance, Clean Sheets and Affairs.

Who does the laundry, the man, the woman or take turns?

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 09:14 AM

Or, How Fast Can I Call the Private Detective After He Volunteers To Change The Sheets?

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:20 AM

can the creepy van jump a ramp like the general lee, and stay in balance?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:21 AM

Dotted, Thanks. She is doing well considering.
How about Balance and the Tight Wire Walker (or why it isn't a good idea to go to work with a hangover)

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 9:24 AM

Balancing work, a family, and an extramarital affair

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:10 AM

And the follow-up topics:

Balancing Cheaters and Large, Sharp Knives

Maintaining Balance On The Witness Stand

Taking Time: Balance In Solitary

Oh, I'm feeling WICKED today!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:25 AM

Balance and fear of terrorist attack? (in light of bomb found in London last night)

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:27 AM

It's a holiday weekend, so we should probably revisit:

WHO PACKS THE SUITCASE???

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:29 AM

Would the consumption of retired house elves qualify as cannibalism?

KLB,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's surgery. I'm glad she's doing well. I wasn't certain about cheese, simply because I envisioned that being lifted by a hungry intern. No, I'm not a pre-packaged fruit basket kind of person either. I was thinking apples & oranges, of course, but also suggesting starfruit, kiwi, maybe a mango or two.

Fred,

Wow, an honorable mention, I'm flattered.

I have an idea to make the creepy van even creepier. (Some of you may want to avert your eyes.)

Get some air horns to install on the top, but then cover them with...wait for it...great big anatomically correct and properly painted breasts. I leave the choice of flesh-tones to Frieda. At least everyone would easily recognize the Boob-Mobile/Lactation Specialist when she's on her way. With all those innocent breast pumps in the back.

As long as you are giving out rides in a creepy van, let's do it right!

To the Kind Readers,

Thank you for your suggestions & links. I'm working on it.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 9:29 AM

I'm voting for Ziegle's white hots & bratwurst.

But really I prefer grilled vegetables over them both.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 9:31 AM

The creepy van does have the flashing pink lights for boobie emergencies!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:32 AM

Balancing Cheaters and Large, Sharp Knives


lol!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:33 AM

Suit Case vs. Wal Mart bags? Which is better for packing for that holiday getaway?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:34 AM

Ooh, but imagine if you could get those breasts in a material that is translucent, so you could have them flash as well as getting the air horns!

I think you need to make it a "cultural landmark". They got rid of Eloise's telephone at the Plaza (Boo! Hisssss!).

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 9:35 AM

SheGeek, I love you. Will you be one of my wives in our feminist utopian future? I'll bring the tofurky-dogs. Mr Bee says he will participate also as long as we all wear chain-mail bikinis.

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 9:36 AM

Gifted Balance

Recovering Balance after a Guest Blog

Posted by: Amy | June 29, 2007 9:36 AM

Suit Case vs. Wal Mart bags? Which is better for packing for that holiday getaway?

Neither.

School backpacks are great for these things.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:37 AM

Balance when you're carrying on an affair with your best friend's wife...and the kids are good friends too.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:37 AM

Timing is Everything, or Don't Aggravate The Spouse Using the Brand-New Santoku Knife

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:38 AM

9:33, we may already have a winner for the FQOTD. It is a honorable mention for sure!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:39 AM

Can someone please explain what the heck a CREEPY VAN is...

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 9:39 AM

Balance when you're carrying on an affair with your best friend's wife...and the kids are good friends too.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:37 AM

You forgot that you (or the cuckolded spouse) has to be the team coach too AND your next-door neighbour.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 9:40 AM

Balance when you're carrying on an affair with your best friend's wife...and the kids are good friends too.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:37 AM

You forgot that you (or the cuckolded spouse) has to be the team coach too AND your next-door neighbour.

_____________

And business associates ;)

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 9:42 AM

Balance and How Great My Kids Are Compared to Everyone Else's

Balance and Those Crazy People Who Want Purple Houses and Outdoor Laundry Lines In My Neighborhood

Balance and Harry Potter

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 9:42 AM

Balancing your porn star past with your SAHM, classroom Mommy image of today....If the dads only knew....

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:42 AM

9:33, we may already have a winner for the FQOTD. It is a honorable mention for sure!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 09:39 AM

Oooh, Fred, that was me! Back at 9:25! I hope I earned my ride in the creepy van!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:44 AM

9:33, we may already have a winner for the FQOTD. It is a honorable mention for sure!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 09:39 AM

Oooh, Fred, that was me! Back at 9:25! I hope I earned my ride in the creepy van!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 09:44 AM

WHAT IS A CREEPY VAN???????????????????

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 9:45 AM

WITH Maryland Mother's modifications!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:45 AM

Balance when you're carrying on an affair with your best friend's wife...and the kids are good friends too.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:37 AM

You forgot that you (or the cuckolded spouse) has to be the team coach too AND your next-door neighbour.

_____________

And business associates ;)

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 09:42 AM

We forgot best friends too.

I mean, if you are going to betray people who love and trust you, make certain to really, really twist the knife!

Worker Bee,

I'm sorry, there is no balance with Harry Potter.

But it sounds like Mr. Worker Bee may have to wade in here and tell us how we can balance chain mail bikinis with grilling the tofurkey dogs.

Does he wear a cook's apron over his chain mail speedo? Or is he extra-brave!

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 9:46 AM

WHAT IS A CREEPY VAN???????????????????

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 09:45 AM


Fred's van!!!!!!! The boobie mobile!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:46 AM

kattoo,

It is not a creepy van, it is the Creepy Van. It is my Plymouth Grand Voyager that transports breast pumps, building supplies and sometimes people. It has been known to rush to the scene of a breastfeeding emergency at subsonic speeds, er,I mean sub-snail speeds.

My kids named it that, they seem to prefer riding in the Infiniti.

The Creepy Van is a standing joke around here!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:46 AM

sex

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:46 AM

Balancing your porn star past with your SAHM, classroom Mommy image of today....If the dads only knew....

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:42 AM

Ummm, you mean the moms, right? I bet the dads know.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:47 AM

Fred,
Thank you for explaining...I was very confused.

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 9:49 AM

Suit Case vs. Wal Mart bags? Which is better for packing for that holiday getaway?

lol! Wal Mart bags, duh. Glad I'm not the only one... :)

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:49 AM

Balancing your porn star past with your SAHM, classroom Mommy image of today....If the dads only knew....

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:42 AM

Now, I think THIS is the winner!

Oh, how I miss "Porn Queen"!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:50 AM

Balance when you move your office trashcan from one side of you desk to the other. But you keep forgetting, and end up throwing your trash on the floor. So, then you give up and move the trashcan back where it was--eventhough it keeps getting tangled up on the computer's mouse. And you keep wondering why the company hasn't switched to wireless mouses yet.

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 9:51 AM

Suit Case vs. Wal Mart bags? Which is better for packing for that holiday getaway?

lol! Wal Mart bags, duh. Glad I'm not the only one... :)

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:49 AM

And, for those upscale getaway locales -- Target (pronounced Tar-JSHAY) bags.

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:52 AM

my topic: Balance for drama queens. Is it even possible?

Posted by: dogma | June 29, 2007 9:54 AM

I'd like a purple house and an outdoor laundry line! Life would be in perfect balance if I had that - and a maid to keep it clean.

Posted by: baconlover | June 29, 2007 9:54 AM

Balancing the need to know what color the Creepy Van is versus the lack of desire to wash it!

(ok, this one is a bit lame!)

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 9:54 AM

Another one:
The Zipper's Busted, or Exactly How Many Free Convention Duffels and Totes Does It Take to Pack For One Week?

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 9:54 AM

Feminist utopia? Only if my DH can come along too. Given the choice of wardrobe, he'd be very interested.

This is starting to sound rather Heinlein-esqe, don't you think?

Posted by: SheGeek | June 29, 2007 9:56 AM

The flashing boobies (covering the air horns [oh yeah, gotta have a the "rainbow sprinkler" holes cut into the nipple--I bet Frieda wouldn't have it any other way)] have to ALTERNATE.

Umm, I'm guessing it's brown? That way you never actually have to wash it anyway.

Am I right?

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 9:57 AM

Balance and Humpty Dumpty

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:57 AM

Heinlein is Mr Bee's favorite!

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 9:59 AM

I would like to have enough balance (and time) to be able to hang laundry on an outside laundry line. My mother still does this and it is better for the environment (even the neighborhood environment despite the snobs who don't like to look at clean laundry hanging in a backyard).

Posted by: D in MD | June 29, 2007 9:59 AM

Educmom,

My first-born is an inspiration to us all. Everything needed for one week (actually, 18 days this time) fits into a standard-size pillowcase.

As the kid has noted, "There are washing machines, right?"

What about those big Radio Shack bags?

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 10:00 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?

What do you do for dinner most nights?

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

Posted by: Poll | June 29, 2007 10:01 AM

Balance and your 6 month old: Why he can't yet

Posted by: Proud Papa | June 29, 2007 10:02 AM

Balance and Humpty Dumpty

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 09:57 AM


Anyone remember Humpty Dumpy brand potato chips (once was an independent Maine-owned business, now owned by Canadian firm)?

They had a great bumpersticker that I didn't buy (kicks self, hard) that said "Humpty Dumpty was pushed" and had the graphic too.

I wonder if I can still find one, somewhere.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 10:02 AM

Single Parenting and Working full time

Posted by: Single Mom in Bethesda | June 29, 2007 10:03 AM

Maryland Mother,

I am extra brave, of course. Freedom!!!!

Posted by: Mr Bee | June 29, 2007 10:03 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?

I get home between 5-5:30 and my husband gets home between 6-6:30.

What do you do for dinner most nights?

When we're home, I cook. But during the summer, we've been doing more take-out.

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?

4-5

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

I would like a solution for those nights when we're rushing to soccer or swim lessons that doesn't involve a drive-thru window.

Posted by: Kattoo | June 29, 2007 10:04 AM

Balance and cats: How many is too many?

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 10:05 AM

Balance and cats: How many is too many?

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 10:05 AM

____________________

Cats have perfect balance...they always land on their feet.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:06 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?
7:30 - 8:00

What do you do for dinner most nights?
Frozen pizza and salad from a bag

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?
Does it count as family time if we eat while reading or in front of the tv?

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?
Every night should be tofurky-dog & chainmail bikini night!

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 10:07 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?

Him: 4:30 p.m.
Me: 5:30 or so

What do you do for dinner most nights?

Eat. Leftovers mostly. He tends to start dinner. Forgets about task, someone else rushes in and rescues it. Or else we eat briquet.

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?

Most.

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

Variety. How many times can I face a piece of chicken with overcooked vegetables, or spaghetti, and NOT pull a face?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:08 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?
DH--never earlier than 7:30
me--I'm at home these days

What do you do for dinner most nights?
I cook--regular meals; put plate in fridge for DH to microwave. In summer, more sandwich-y meals with wholesome ingredients stuffed into pitas or tortillas.

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?
Kids and I eat together every night--DH eats with us only on weekends

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?
I'd like DH to make it home for dinner between 6 and 6:30 2x during the week. I'd also like to get kids to like beans enough to eat vegetarian 2-3 times per week.

Posted by: Marian | June 29, 2007 10:16 AM

People who have nothing better to do than blog and contribute dreck and balance.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:20 AM

Does oral sex count as adultery?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:21 AM

Screaming all morning, every time I look at the computer.

Very, very funny.

Posted by: Leslie | June 29, 2007 10:23 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?

Me: 5:30
DH: 5

What do you do for dinner most nights?

1 night of take out. 1 night at a restaurant. 1 pasta/zucchini or eggplant night. 1 pizza/salad night. 1 sweet potato fries and tofu sandwiches. 1 night couscous/stir fry veggies/tofu. The other night, tofu tacos with beans or something new.

Once you have a schedule to go on it's easy to cook in 20 minutes, start to finish

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?

Every night. I think I've missed 1 meal since I've been working. My DH has missed none.

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

I'd like for someone to cook for me!
Seriously, none. We've settled into quick easy dishes and we're vegetarian, so veggies and tofu are fast and easy.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:25 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?
me: 5-5:30
DH: MWF 7:00 TTh 2:30

What do you do for dinner most nights?
I cook on the weekends and we eat our choose of leftovers or burritos, lots and lots of burritos

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?
Almost never! The adults eat when we're hungry and the baby eats around 6

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?
When the squirt is old enough, I want to sit down at the table and eat together.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 10:25 AM


Balance and Whole-family Games and Entertainments

Balance and Summer Camp Fridays: enjoy or begrudge the final camp performances (we've got 1 dance recital and one authors' reading today, we (mostly) love the performances)

Families in Fandom (HP, Star Wars, Dr Who, Lemony Snicket, whatever . . .)

Holding the Fort --- Minimizing Work Intrusions into Kids' Family Experience

Building balance-friendly communities


Posted by: KB | June 29, 2007 10:27 AM

Balancing the time you take to write a post with the concern that the Grammar or Spelling Police will attack.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 10:28 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?

Me -- 6:00
Him -- very late unless its family dinner nights

What do you do for dinner most nights?

Crock Pot stuff, sandwiches, meat and potatos

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?

between 3 and 4 with the whole fmaily -- I eat with the kids 6 nights a week (typically)

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

None -- I like it

Posted by: Poll | June 29, 2007 10:01 AM

Posted by: Marie | June 29, 2007 10:29 AM

Dh gets home about 5 or so, fridays in the summer it's 3 I think, w summer hours. Me, by 5:30.
We eat together as a family every night. Every once in a while one of us takes the older ds to a special night out.
My au pair is wonderful and has been starting to cook daily. We have been eating more veggies since joining the cooperative-stuff I probably would never buy. It's great.

I wish I had more ideas for dinners, though.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 10:30 AM

CSS and Ivy League marriage or can true happiness be found for less than $125,000?


Ivy League and CSS marriage or it is more than a piece of paper!

CSS and Ivy League marriage, dumbing down or marrying up?

Ivy League and CSS marriage or my 4.0 is better than your 4.0!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 10:32 AM

what's that cliche? eatin' ain't cheatin'?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:35 AM

Feminist utopia? Only if my DH can come along too. Given the choice of wardrobe, he'd be very interested.

This is starting to sound rather Heinlein-esqe, don't you think?

Posted by: SheGeek | June 29, 2007 09:56 AM

Funnily enough, I was thinking it was sounding more like Piers Anthony.

Anyone else remember "Macroscope"?

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 10:37 AM


Hey atlmom,

I've been thinking of you lately as this week's camp dropoffs take me past the Morningside kindergarten campus --- at the far edge of the district that must be, very far from Morningside elementary. It's near a great arts studio for kid classes and summer camps, though, the Red Wall Studio in the Catholic church building just a block east on Ponce.

Posted by: KB | June 29, 2007 10:37 AM

To WorkingMomX,
Your comment reminded me of a comic strip I saw once. The caption was "Why you rarely see female polygamists." It showed a couch with 3 men sitting on it. The woman standing behind the couch is saying, "You mean, not one of you took out the trash!" I laughed so hard when I saw it!

Posted by: MDMom | June 29, 2007 10:38 AM

What time do you and your spouse get home from work in the evenings?
Around 5 PM

What do you do for dinner most nights?
Eat in with simple bbq chicken, lean hot dogs / burgers in the summer. Pasta melts, meatloaf or rotisserie chicken / turkey breast, bagged salad, frozen vegetables. Occasional night out at local diner.

How many nights a week do you eat as a family?
Every weeknight and Sunday. I have declined jobs over this issue. Saturday is still date night after 26 years.

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?
More nights with our daughters (now 19 and 22 with working boyfriends). Time is slipping by too fast.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:40 AM

I'm getting a little tired of wolfing Alpo out of a bowl on the kitchen floor and licking up the scraps under the dining room table

And I'm getting sick of that baby and all those pre-digested Cheerios.

Maybe someday the master will let me out so I can chase down and salivate all over a nice, tender bunny.

Woof!

Posted by: Lil Husky | June 29, 2007 10:41 AM

Mako vs. Great White

Which shark is better at hijacking the blog?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:41 AM

SheGeek and Maryland Mother,

Elizabeth Bear does a fantastic take on the feminist "utopia" in _Carnival_ if you're interested... it doesn't turn out very utopian... it's a great read. No chainmail bikinis, though.

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 10:44 AM

Mdmom: that is hysterical.

KB: yes, I've been to the red wall studio. DS had a bday party there not long ago. I was originally planning on dropping him off and running errands but he wanted me to stay (5YO party- just on the cusp-other parents were there) but he didn't want to make the plate. I wouldn't let him hang with *me*(!) During the party and in retrospect I think I should have just sat down and designed a plate. Ah, live and learn.

My neighbors and I are pretty excited about the annex, actually. I love mside's principal, she's great. They're doing a great job. We're concerned tho, cause apparently if you live within 1 mi of mside you don't get the bus, but we're just at a mile. My neighbor's see the bus every AM and there's a stop on our st so we think we're covered.
We don't find out for a while tho-if you're under a mile to the new campus, you still get the bus.

I HATE that there are no camps that provide bussing! On LI when I went to camp, from 5 YO we were picked up by the bus and then deposited home. How horrible is it that no one provides that?

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 10:49 AM

Holding the Fort --- Minimizing Kids'Intrusions into the Work Experience

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:50 AM

"No chainmail bikinis, though."

Good thing, they must chafe something fierce.

That was a great comic strip. NOW we know why polyandry will never catch on.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 10:53 AM

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

I would like a solution for those nights when we're rushing to soccer or swim lessons that doesn't involve a drive-thru window.


Posted by: Kattoo | June 29, 2007 10:04 AM

chicken-ceasar wraps made the night before, plus baby carrots and fat-free ranch dressing.

or pop that new DiGiornos microwavable pizza in the oven, plus baby carrots and fat free ranch dressing.

for younger kids, Life cereal out of a snack-size baggie, plus, . . . you know the rest

Either way - fast food without the drive-thru window.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:53 AM

Balance for MBAs, lawyers and Ivy League graduates vs Balance for CSS grads (crappy state schools)

Posted by: Product of a Working Mother | June 29, 2007 08:33 AM

There are more than a few of us on both sides of that equation.

signed,

Lawyer & Proud Alum of CSS

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:55 AM

"Balancing the time you take to write a post with the concern that the Grammar or Spelling Police will attack. "

or the Food Police,or the Fashion Police, or the God Squad, or the Nursing Nazis...

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 10:55 AM

"Balancing the time you take to write a post with the concern that the Grammar or Spelling Police will attack. "

or the Food Police,or the Fashion Police, or the God Squad, or the Nursing Nazis...

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 10:55 AM

Frankly, if you are concerned about being attacked, you are not sufficiently confident to play in this sandbox, or in real life, either.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:00 AM

Frankly, if you are concerned about being attacked, you are not sufficiently confident to play in this sandbox, or in real life, either.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:00 AM

---------------------------------------
Frankly, you have no sense of humor.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 11:05 AM

balance and getting out of the friggin' office before a planned vacation

followed by

balance and returning to the friggin' office after a planned vacation to find that jack got down while away and all deadlines are on fire

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:05 AM

Lawyer & Proud Alum of CSS

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 10:55 AM

Balance between being a lawyer and attending a CSS or is that where these voices inside my head came from?

Posted by: to 10:55 | June 29, 2007 11:06 AM

"Frankly, if you are concerned about being attacked, you are not sufficiently confident to play in this sandbox, or in real life, either."

Didn't know confidence was a pre-requisite to posting. Where do I sign up?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:07 AM

balance and getting out of the friggin' office before a planned vacation

followed by

balance and returning to the friggin' office after a planned vacation to find that jack got down while away and all deadlines are on fire

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:05 AM

Balance during vacation knowing that jack got done while away and all deadlines will be on fire upon return

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:09 AM

Achieving Balance Through the Use of Large, Blunt Objects

(Though this may result in the last three column ideas from educmom at 9:33....)

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:09 AM

Mako vs. Great White

Which shark is better at hijacking the blog?

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 10:41 AM

Neither.

It's the Nursing Shark, of course.

I figure that has to be Frieda's handle when she puts in her rare appearance around here.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 11:10 AM

balance and summer camp. Balance and trying to book a vacation at the beach when it really took you way too long to figure out that you wanted to do it and there really isn't much left to look at that's in your price range.

Balance and trying to convince dh that it really would be less expensive to fly to the carribean with 2 kids and three adults but he doesn't want to go near an airport.

Balance and trying to convince DH that getting a tankless hot water heater when the one you have is perfectly good (after the second one broke on a sunday and DH had to stay home on father's day to meet plumber while family was at bday party)

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 11:14 AM

How to Balance the Big Mouths & Fats A$ses of the Soccer Moms who Never Put A Sock in it at the PTA Meetings

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:14 AM

"Mako vs. Great White

Which shark is better at hijacking the blog?"

How about, which regular is best at hijacking the blog?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:15 AM

Frankly, if you are concerned about being attacked, you are not sufficiently confident to play in this sandbox, or in real life, either.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:00 AM

---------------------------------------

Frankly, you have no sense of humor.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 11:05 AM

someone who is defensive about a non-threatening post like this has little room to talk.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:15 AM

Frankly, if you are concerned about being attacked, you are not sufficiently confident to play in this sandbox, or in real life, either.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:00 AM

---------------------------------------

Frankly, you have no sense of humor.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 11:05 AM

someone who is defensive about a non-threatening post like this has little room to talk.

___________________
Non-threatening, true, but non-threatening can still come off as unnecessarily rude.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:17 AM

single parenting and dating

Posted by: single mom | June 29, 2007 11:17 AM

How about, which regular is best at hijacking the blog?

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:15 AM

Golly - all that takes is the willingness to throw a grenade into a tea party, or the willingness to be scarry, pATRICK, mona or Father of 4.

Attack bottle-feeding moms, nursing moms, workaholic dads, lawyers, cat-lovers, atheists, and Catholics in a single bound and you have a sure hijack.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:19 AM


Frankly, if you are concerned about being attacked, you are not sufficiently confident to play in this sandbox, or in real life, either.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:00 AM

---------------------------------------

Frankly, you have no sense of humor.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 11:05 AM

someone who is defensive about a non-threatening post like this has little room to talk.

___________________
Non-threatening, true, but non-threatening can still come off as unnecessarily rude.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:17 AM

uhhh. okay, so now you've changed your insult from "you have no sense of humor" to "you're rude". Silly me for trying to follow your line of reasoning. Ha!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:21 AM

Non-threatening, true, but non-threatening can still come off as unnecessarily rude.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:17 AM

Did this become a Junior League meeting?

Please explain the distinction between necessary rudeness and the unnecessary kind.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:23 AM

Balance and Blog Stats or do we really need to know how many times someone typed a$$?

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 11:23 AM

My biggest issue with balance is, well, walking. From the waist up I am as graceful as a ballerina, but that does me no good when my lower body keeps walking me into things. Yesterday I couldn't do a simple wushu move because my feet kept flying out from under me. The day before, I attempted a no-frills handstand (nothing fancy), and landed on my head.

I keep blaming it on my tiny little feet and the shoes that have only a 1 1/2 inch wide sole. But I'm pretty sure it's just me. What is wrong with me?

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 11:25 AM

"It's the Nursing Shark, of course.

I figure that has to be Frieda's handle when she puts in her rare appearance around here."

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 11:10 AM

Nope, not from Frieda, she is not standing over my shoulder pointing and saying "type this!"

(She really does not type or use the computer except to "cut it off.")

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 11:28 AM

Maryland Mother,

That's how son #1 packs for the beach week -- four shirts, two pairs of shorts, a bathing suit, three pairs of underwear and a toothbrush (because somebody will probably have soap and shampoo) -- and he wears a sweatshirt so he can have it without having to pack it. He would come home from college for the weekend with no luggage -- he wore 3 t-shirts, so he would have enough for Friday through Sunday.

Son #2, on the other hand, goes on a (one-week) vacation (in same beach house with washer/dryer) with:

10 white t-shirts
10 non-white t-shirts
7 collared shirts
5 pairs of board shorts
10 pairs of athletic shorts
3 pairs of 'nice' shorts (because he only owns 3 pairs)
2 pairs of jeans
2 pairs of denim shorts
15 pairs (minimum) boxers
10 sleeveless undershirts
5 UnderArmour heatgear sleeveless shirts (because he only owns 5)
15 pairs of 'shorty' socks
1 pair running shoes
1 pair cleats
2 pairs casual tennis shoes
1 pair docksiders
2 pairs flip-flops
1 pair slides

AND:
prescription face cream (although he does NOT suffer from serious acne)
body wash
scrunchy body sponge
face wash
shampoo
after-sun lotion
anti-perspirant
body spray
contact lens solution & spare lenses (OK, he actually needs that)
toothpaste (his own) & toothbrush (needs that too)

AND:
boogie board
rash guards
bike
baseball bats
baseball gloves
baseballs
tennis racket
tennis balls
football (NCAA regulation size)
basketball (one regular and one glow-in-the-dark)
lacrosse sticks
lacrosse balls
water football
frisbees

And people wonder why I drive an SUV (stupid utility vehicle)!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 11:29 AM

Nope, not from Frieda, she is not standing over my shoulder pointing and saying "type this!"

(She really does not type or use the computer except to "cut it off.")

Smart woman.

Still, Nurse Shark has a nice ring to it.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:30 AM

Truly Unbalanced is all the sex I turned down when I was single!!

Now, I'm stuck with this bozo for the rest of my life! What was I thinking?!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:31 AM

"Attack bottle-feeding moms, nursing moms, workaholic dads, lawyers, cat-lovers, atheists, and Catholics in a single bound and you have a sure hijack."

Okay, I'll give it a shot:

How could you feed your baby anything other than breast milk?! Don't you love your baby enough to breastfeed? Do you want your baby's teeth to grow in crooked? That's almost as bad as flopping your udders out to breastfeed in the middle of a restaurant! God! Take them to the bathroom! Speaking of God, what is up with those Catholics? They don't want birth control, but they don't want abortions either! We can't win! We should all just be atheist...but then we'd have to be godless, soulless, heartless freaks who are destined for hell! Know who else is destined for hell? Lawyers! Lawyers suck! Ambulance chasers who try to make money off your workaholic dad's heart attack. Why was your dad working at 11pm? Money doesn't make a happy home! Money isn't everything! Make time for your family--because one day you'll come home from the hospital after having your work-induced heart attack, and after the lawyers have stopped caring, the only company you'll have is yourself! You'll have to get a cat! And don't get me started on cat-lovers--that is some crazy right there!

Did I get it all?

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 11:32 AM

Fred,

"Nope, not from Frieda, she is not standing over my shoulder pointing and saying "type this!""

No, Fredia uses ESP to "mind control" Fred.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:34 AM

you missed saying what type of college that the lawyer graduated from!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:34 AM

Did I get it all?

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 11:32 AM

That was good Mona :)

Posted by: Marie | June 29, 2007 11:34 AM

balance and DC: why it is just impossible and why so many give up and get out

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 11:36 AM

EducMom: Son #2 is definitely a metrosexual in training.

You need: "Balance - How to raise a metrosexual and still have retirement savings."

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

Mona - that's a good start, but you may not be feeling sufficiently self-righteous today to really piss people off, LOL.

You can balance out your lack of innate meanness by inserting a phrase or to about, take your pick, the horror of eating dead animals, or "why did you have them if you weren't going to raise them?"

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM


atlmom ---

I've never seen bussing for summer camps, I think the south is a little too rugged-individualist manage-your-own for that. Also I'd guess unless camps are longer than 1 week, it would be a lot of organizational planning for a very short benefit.

Are school buses actually well run and helpful in Atlanta? Here in Dekalb we have buses but they come more than 1.5 hours before school start, at 6:20 in the morning. So, nobody uses them in the morning if they can help it . . . we let the kids sleep in instead.

My oldest went to DHUMP preschool very near you (Ponce at Briarcliff) then. They have half-day summer camp sessions 4 weeks long for toddler to pre-1st grade. For that age, the longer sessions are much better than uprooting every week, and give some craft/ play/ socialize time. It was a good summer option for us . . . lots of nannies/au pairs did walking dropoffs and midday pickups there . . . they gave preference to their own preschool kids but remaining slots were available to others . . .

Posted by: KB | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

you missed saying what type of college that the lawyer graduated from!

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:34 AM

Community college followed by an unaccredited, fifth-tier law school

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

Speaking of God, what is up with those Catholics? They don't want birth control, but they don't want abortions either! We can't win!
You forgot, And who do those priests think they are talking to us about sex anyway? They can't even get married!

LOL, Mona!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

"No, Fredia uses ESP to "mind control" Fred."

Not exactly "mind control" but if you subscribe to the theory that men have two brains....

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

Balance and granite counters

Balance and high heeled shoes

Balance and hairstyles

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

EducMom: Son #2 is definitely a metrosexual in training.

You need: "Balance - How to raise a metrosexual and still have retirement savings."

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

No, I finally figured that one out. It's called Balance and the Teenager who FINALLY got a job!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 11:40 AM

Balance and bikinis for pregnant women... :)

Posted by: Stroller Momma | June 29, 2007 11:40 AM

And, I think his training is complete. At last.

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

educmom: my 16 year old's first paycheck and he is moaning about how much the government took out. he he he

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

Continuing the SF kick:

Balance and men who can ovulate, lactate, freeze their embryos for future use, freeze themselves cryogenically so they'll be around for their grandkids...

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

balance and white marble countertops

Can't be done.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

Speaking of Catholics and religion, did anyone see the ridiculous Harball with Chris Matthews last night? He had Sharpton and Hitchens on to discuss God and atheism. For once in my life, I completely agreed with Sharpton. I have never read Hithchens' books, but he really comes off as a despicable character in person.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

Mona,

It's sometimes tempting to drop a message like this in the blog:

"I don't have kids, yet, but if you conspicuous, rich, Pope-worshipping consumers would stop feeding your cats and dogs organic pet food and limit your food budget to $35 per week in tofu and kool-aid, you could afford to live on one salary, have the woman stay home where she belongs, and save enough to send your spawn to some CSS three bus rides, a Metro ride, and a horse and buggy trip away from your house. You're so spoiled, you make me sick."

Posted by: Megan's Neighbor | June 29, 2007 11:43 AM

Balance and bikinis for pregnant women... :)

Posted by: Stroller Momma | June 29, 2007 11:40 AM

You are far braver than I was. I thought I looked like an egg wearing two rubber bands.

Posted by: Maryland Mother | June 29, 2007 11:44 AM

"...my 16 year old's first paycheck and he is moaning about how much the government took out. he he he"

Were his first words about it, IT'S UNFAIR!?

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 11:45 AM

Mona

Speaking of babies...

Why do people adopt foreign babies? Aren't there enough American babies who need good homes?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 11:45 AM

Hey, no shame in agreeing with Al Sharpton on that. Al Sharpton knows a lot about God. He also knows a lot about hair care products. After those two topics, however...

Posted by: Proud Papa | June 29, 2007 11:46 AM

Fred: you got it in one! Then he asked me about his tip money.

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 11:47 AM

Emily,
I missed that, but I have read a few articles Hitchens has written, and he strikes me as a nasty guy. He gives atheists a bad name -- you don't have to be mean just because you don't buy into what STBX calls the "whole kum-by-a, God-will-provide thing"

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 11:47 AM

"whole kum-by-a, God-will-provide thing"

You've met my STBX then. In between calling me a round-heeled tramp who stole all "his" money [please note, he was boinking Fluffy long before I knew it, and is living with her]; he also tries to present himself as God's coolest friend.

Bleh.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:51 AM

You'll have to get a cat! And don't get me started on cat-lovers--that is some crazy right there!

Did I get it all?

Mona, not quite. It goes on

Cats are better than dogs. No, dogs are better than cats, no kids are better than pets. No, having children is selfish and wasteful. Zero population growth is better. Remember global warming and overpopulation. You're wrong, we need kids to continue society. Whose going to pay your social security when you get old if there aren't children. But I don't want spawn. They are nasty replicas of the ridiculous parents I see toting them everywhere. Why can't I go to a restaurant or church without having to see snotty nosed brats running wild and ruining my experience. I don't take my kids to restaurants, except of course McDonalds or other appropriate places. You take your kids to McDonald's? What kind of irresponsible parent are you? We only eat fresh, homemade, organic foods. Well, I do better, we are vegans. No animals for us. We love animals, we don't eat them. I love animals too, especially nicely grilled burgers. Yum.

And then we repeat about 40 times and there we have it. Life on the On Balance blog.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 11:51 AM

You were jumping on the band-wagon to be comical right? I have a hard time telling when someone is serious or when I need to lighten up.

Posted by: to Elaine | June 29, 2007 11:51 AM


I'm curious about any foreshadowing our parents of teens could give of their balance issues . . . middle school and beyond loom close enough to start worrying about my ignorance of them . . . .

Posted by: KB | June 29, 2007 11:52 AM

educmom: my 16 year old's first paycheck and he is moaning about how much the government took out. he he he

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

Did he ask you what the government DOES with all that money?

Has he filled his gas tank yet? If you're in Maryland, be sure to point out the gas tax, if you REALLY want to p1$$ him off!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 11:54 AM

Hm, it seems my first attack wasn't inflammatory or extensive enough. Sorry to let you down, guys. I'm just not feeling the hate today. It's Friday, it's raining, some of the oppressive heat has cooled off across the region, and I'm just not my usual, vitriol-filled self. But just for you guys, I'll offer a half-hearted attack:

-Why go to college just to be a SAHM? What a waste of funds!
-Why have kids just to outsource their parenting?
-Why not adopt a non-white baby?!
-Why would you want a non-white baby?!
-Fertility treatments? Do you want a litter?! ADOPT!
-How could you raise another woman's child?
-Oooh, Mr. Ivy League with your big education, not everyone is as rich or spoiled as you!
-Well, at least I didn't go to a crappy state school!
-Lawyers suck! All they care about is the money, and they never spend time with their children!
-Being a lawyer sucks! But I have lots of money, and I don't have to spend time with my children!
-Pregnant women are gross!
-Breastfeeding women are gross!
-You should never bottle-feed!

Okay, you know what? I'm just not feeling it. I have nothing but love today. Must be a case of the Fridays. Someone else take over the nastiness for me today, okay? ::languishes::

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 11:54 AM

$2.86 at the Wa-Wa in Westminster.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:56 AM

KB well, when I was growing up, you signed your kid up for 6 or 8 wks at a time. Times have changed but not completely for the better. We signed DH up for camps (zoo and botanical gardens) for a wk at a time, and he's in the current camp for 4 four wks. But- he'll be possibly with diff counselors and definitely different kids since you have the option of weekly. I understand why it's done, but how does one develop friendships, etc. I know he's having fun and all, but..

He went to preK(ga funded) at druid hills child dec ctr across from the majestic/ publix, and we were very happy with that. I would' kept him there but thought he might like a little variety and we have the flexibility having the au pair.

And no one cares about the added traffic for camps since it's not all that much and traffic is lighter in the summer anyway.

The great thing about the K annex will be that it will only be kindergarten kids on the bus. The bus pikcs up about 7:15 I believe which isn't horrible but I have a kid who can't get out of bed in the AM. I had to drag him out and school started at 8:30 this past yr-now it will be 8.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 11:56 AM

CBC (AKA Kudzu) - Where are you? Mona needs your help.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 11:56 AM

Mona, if you're feeling the love, come join the feminist utopia...

Posted by: worker bee | June 29, 2007 11:57 AM

Oh! I just thought of a few:

When do you talk to your kids about sex and drugs? Do you allow them to take sexual education, and do they know anything about it before they take a class? Do your young children have nicknames for their private parts, or do they use anatomical names? Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control? How would your teenaged child handle an unwanted pregnancy? Do you tell the truth if your child asks if you ever took drugs? Do you admonish your underage child when he/she calls you at 3 am for a ride home after drinking, or are you just grateful he/she isn't driving?

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 11:59 AM

More hate: Where's Scarry? We need someone to hate on.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 12:01 PM

Mona

It's selfish to have only one child.
An only child wil always be lonely.
An only child will be have to manage his/her parents' elder care all by himself.

When are you trying for a son?
Every man wants a son to carry on the family name.

Speaking of names, why didn't you change your name when you got married?
Are you some kind of feminazi?
Aren't people confused about whom the kids belong to?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 12:02 PM

What changes to your dinner routine would you like to make?

I would like a solution for those nights when we're rushing to soccer or swim lessons that doesn't involve a drive-thru window.


Posted by: Kattoo | June 29, 2007 10:04 AM

chicken-ceasar wraps made the night before, plus baby carrots and fat-free ranch dressing.

or pop that new DiGiornos microwavable pizza in the oven, plus baby carrots and fat free ranch dressing.

for younger kids, Life cereal out of a snack-size baggie, plus, . . . you know the rest

Either way - fast food without the drive-thru window.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 10:53 AM

_____________________________

THANK YOU!

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 12:03 PM

I did see online a healthy friend chicken recipe I could make the night before and take it to the pool/etc. the next evening.

You buy chicken tenders, season them with salt and pepper, coat with flower. Then dip in mixture of beat eggs and milk and coat them with a mixture of chopped cornflakes,breadcrumbs, paprika, and grill seasoning. Then bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes or so.

They'd probably be good served with rolls and salad at the pool.

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 12:07 PM

"DHUMP preschool" !!!

"druid hills child dec ctr" !!!


Ha, Ha! Are these names for real?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 12:08 PM

And speaking of names, why did your change your name when you married? Are you some throwback to the 50s?

What's wrong with the 50s. The 50s were an idyllic time in our society, when life and gender roles were right. No confusion there. Wish we could go back.

What are you? Some kind of regressive male stuck in the dark ages. Ask your wife if she wants to go back to the 50s? Get a life.

I make the money to that my wife can revel in her womanly state of feminine grace. She cooks, cleans, and takes care of the kids. This is what women are designed to do.

Get real, jerk. Women can do anything men can do except pee against the wall. I am the money maker in my family. My husband stays home and parents. So there.

Sure, and he probably pees sitting down, also. Right? Just like father of 4.

Nope, he pees in the shower. Men are so gross. Why are men such slobs?

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 12:08 PM

Oops!
Coat with flour (not flower)

Posted by: kattoo | June 29, 2007 12:08 PM

When do you talk to your kids about sex and drugs?

From birth onwards. They are a captive audience and it allows you to rehearse AND recite your views in their presence. Believe me, you need to get used to saying it out loud to your child.

Do you allow them to take sexual education, and do they know anything about it before they take a class?

Yes & yes.

Do your young children have nicknames for their private parts, or do they use anatomical names?

Both. At least they know the names and can say them without giggling (mostly).

Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control?

How old? Not until 16+, personally. Not that I actually would get a say in the matter. Doctor-patient confidentiality laws.

How would your teenaged child handle an unwanted pregnancy?

I don't know, but I hope it never happens and IF it did, that I would not be viewed as the enemy, or an ogre.

Do you tell the truth if your child asks if you ever took drugs?

No. Not until they are adults.

Do you admonish your underage child when he/she calls you at 3 am for a ride home after drinking, or are you just grateful he/she isn't driving?

Not until the morning. Make lots of racket too.

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 11:59 AM

Posted by: to Mona | June 29, 2007 12:10 PM

I can't hate on scarry. I heart scarry. Now, mcewen, I could hate on for awhile. Then again, I'm kinda liking Love Friday. Let's talk about things we love! I'll start:

-Shopper's Doughnuts
-Kung fu, wushu, boxing, and Muay Thai
-icanhascheezburger.com
-that really exhausted feeling at the end of a very productive day where you're asleep before your head hits the pillow
-snowboarding and hot cocoa
-the first snow of the year
-a commute home with no traffic
-animals (duh)
-coffee and apple turnovers in your best friend's breakfast nook while gossiping
-knowing exactly who will bend over backwards for you, and doing the same for them
-telling my niece she needs to pay more attention in school, and knowing she cares enough to actually listen
-opening the window and listening to the rain outside
-scary movies, and laughing at myself when I watch them alone late at night and then am too afraid to go to bed alone.

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 12:10 PM

Here's one, just for KB:

Feeling Balanced, or My 12-year-old Son Loves Military School Almost As Much As My 11-year-old Daughter Loves the Convent

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 12:14 PM


LOL, Mona, you're doing a great job building up a FAQ listing of the blog's recurring insults . . . it would be great to have a FAQ with paired pro/con rants, and ask posters to read and not repeat, but bring us something new instead . . .

Did you all notice we withstood a circumcision troll yesterday and not one post rose to the bait? We're not entirely hopeless . . . ;-)

Ok, here's a topic --- a flamebait guide for the unwitting: flame war topics among internet niches. Imagine, for example, the huge flamewar topics on knitting groups? history buff groups? geneology groups? librarians' groups? origami groups? pet lovers' groups? We know most of the parenting and childfree ones by now . . . .

Posted by: KB | June 29, 2007 12:15 PM

KB,
Good topic, but I am afraid that I can't imagine how an oragami or knitting group would get as nasty as our parenting group. What could the controversies possibly be?

Now geneology, history, and pet loves, I can see. But knitting? But maybe I just don't have enough imagination.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 12:19 PM

What of it? Actually, I mistyped

It's druid hills child development center (or dhcdc- but then ppl confuse with CDC-what can ya do)

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 12:19 PM

Mona

It's about time you wised up and got rid of that substance-abusing, two-timing, gambling, no 'count SOB.
How could you break your solemn, sacred marriage vows and get a divorce?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 12:19 PM

To Mona:

Thanks for the love list. I, too, prefer the "Love Fridays." Going through some of these posts...wow, a walk down pathology lane on the blog. But I've caught up with the Creepy Van (ick).

SWM love list:
The beach where I grew up in Hollywood, Florida
Road trips from Arizona to California
Listening to my daughter play "Here Comes the Sun" on guitar
Sitting around the pool during a warm desert night drinking wine with friends
Traveling back east and visiting friends

Posted by: single western mom | June 29, 2007 12:28 PM

Oh, the knitters can have at it about animal fibers. They do this really terrible thing to sheep that produce marino wool in Australia. The chop off parts of their back without anesthesia end so flies don't lay eggs on them and grow maggots.

Pet lovers? Hello, there is an equivalent to breast vs. bottle there, too. You had better make your own food/what kind of crazy person makes dog food?

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 12:57 PM

Wrong! I never go anonymous. That was someone else. Since pATRICK is not here, allow me to accuse you of being a gutless coward.

"uhhh. okay, so now you've changed your insult from "you have no sense of humor" to "you're rude". Silly me for trying to follow your line of reasoning. Ha!

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 11:21 AM"

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 1:00 PM

Love:
Just watching DH play rough with the boys. They jump all over him and they all love it. I'll miss that.

Hate: my favorite gelato place closed and there's nowhere to walk to in the evenings with the kids and the dog to enjoy the summer.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:01 PM

Well, there's still places to walk to, just not to have gelato at the place that closed.

There's another one but it's just that far enough for the older boy not to want to do it.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:04 PM

I love watching my daughter do nuts in the exersaucer. I enjoy most of what she does, actually.

I love catching my husband making funny faces in the mirror. He's so excited he has a daughter who appreciates all his practice.

I love watching my dog run "idiot circles." Dog owners all know what I'm talking about. It's true dog joy.

I love a cold beer on the front porch in summer.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 1:05 PM

atlmom,
there's nothing quite like walking to the ice cream shop to justify getting a double scoop...

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 1:06 PM

When does sex become inappropriate when the baby is in the same room.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:07 PM

that's "go" nuts

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 1:07 PM

to 1:07; you'll know.

Whatcha doing in his/her room anyway...?

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:09 PM

When they can ask you what you're doing

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 1:13 PM

When the baby says, "Daddy, quit hurting mommy!" LOL!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:15 PM

The beach where I grew up in Hollywood, Florida
Road trips from Arizona to California
Listening to my daughter play "Here Comes the Sun" on guitar
Sitting around the pool during a warm desert night drinking wine with friends
Traveling back east and visiting friends

Posted by: single western mom | June 29, 2007 12:28 PM

It would be tough to beat that list!

which reminds me, where or where is TakomaMom???

Posted by: Megan's Neighbor | June 29, 2007 1:16 PM

educmom

"When they can ask you what you're doing"

I never asked, but I saw plenty!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:16 PM

When does sex become inappropriate when the baby is in the same room.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 01:07 PM

when there is any chance at all that the baby is awake. You know your baby.

Wouldn't it be easier to relocate to another room, though?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:18 PM

Wouldn't it be easier to relocate to another room, though?

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 01:18 PM

Not if you were my sister and had a 1 BR apt and 2 kids. Or the people that were looking to buy it who owned a studio and two kids (NYC)

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:20 PM

"Wouldn't it be easier to relocate to another room, though?"

Sex just doesn't work when the baby is screaming.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:22 PM


"Good topic, but I am afraid that I can't imagine how an oragami or knitting group would get as nasty as our parenting group. What could the controversies possibly be?"

Dyed or natural paper? recycled or not?

are those who embroider really stupid or just lacking in sufficient skill to knit? all cotton vs. manmade fibers?
why knitters get laid more often than those who crochet or do needlepoint? Knitting: a hobby or a calling?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:23 PM

Mona, you forgot to bash on Leslie and take the regularly scheduled terrorism detour. Overall I think you are ready for a guest blog though. Thanx

Posted by: Happiness from God! | June 29, 2007 1:26 PM

"Wouldn't it be easier to relocate to another room, though?"

May I suggest the laundry room when the washer hits the spin cycle?

Posted by: The Cleaning Ferry | June 29, 2007 1:26 PM

Wouldn't it be easier to relocate to another room, though?

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 01:18 PM

Not if you were my sister and had a 1 BR apt and 2 kids. Or the people that were looking to buy it who owned a studio and two kids (NYC)

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 01:20 PM

decorative screens are a wonderful thing.

is your sister married or are these dates? no way I'd be having sex in the same room with my baby and with a partner other than my kids' father.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:31 PM

Yes, married, to her husband. They have three kids, don't you think they also have sex?

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:33 PM

Mona

I'm my own man; I never took a cent from my parents. Cleaning stalls builds character! Don't hand your kids everything!

How much does it cost to rent a clown for a one year old's birthday party?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 1:34 PM

Yes, married, to her husband. They have three kids, don't you think they also have sex?

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 01:33 PM

At least three times, I suppose - hpefully behind that decorative screen or on the kitchen floor.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:35 PM

Yeah - kick your kids out of the house when they're 18. It's sink or swim. We owe them NOTHING.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:36 PM

Does a 1 yr old really need a clown at a birthday party. Has the 1 yr old ever seen a clown before and not been afraid?

Posted by: to Elaine | June 29, 2007 1:36 PM

"They have three kids, don't you think they also have sex?"

Probably not much, if any.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:39 PM

Elaine,

How much does it cost to rent the clown plus three ponies and provide goodybags for 28 guests?

I can't see why anyone would invite more than one friend, plus all of my beloved family members because surely a 6 year old's birthday party is made by watching grandma drool.

you don't respect the elderly enough.

The elderly have had their time and ought to be stuck in a cheap assisted living facility convenient to my favorite restaurant. I never liked my mother anyway.

Everyone loves her mother. Parents do the best they can and they're all wonderful people who meant you no harm.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:40 PM

"They have three kids, don't you think they also have sex?"

Sex is a distant memory for them.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:41 PM

Put a mop on your head and try to crack a smile. You'll do just fine.

Posted by: To Elaine | June 29, 2007 1:42 PM

Funny story: my neighbor's had a bday party for their 2 YO and invited a few friends. Dad's brother is a musician so they asked him to be the entertainment. But he doesn't usually do kid's parties.

So he's sitting there with 6 or so kids, and trying to figure out what to do, and clearly didn't think about this for more than 10 mins beforehand. The kids are listening intently, no one's crying, the parents all think it's a HUGE success. And he was apologizing for how horrible he was.

Of course, I believe it was more entertaining for the adults, since he clearly wasn't quite aware of what kids are into these days. It was really funny.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:49 PM

single parenting and spontaneous sex!

Posted by: Single Mom DC | June 29, 2007 1:49 PM

"How much does it cost to rent the clown plus three ponies and provide goodybags for 28 guests?"

Make sure your kids pick up the pony poop or they will grow up to be spoiled brats!

"Everyone loves her mother. Parents do the best they can and they're all wonderful people who meant you no harm."

The kids' college fund went down the tubes to pay for gaga granny's $6,000 a month nursing home. How could I know she would live to be 93?


Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 1:50 PM

How many guests do you invite to the dog's birthday party and do you have to invite the dog next door even though he barks all night long?

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 1:53 PM

and whatever you say, on whatever topic, someone accuses you of whining.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:55 PM

We're all happy that the chances are slim that they won't have any more kids since she's 42. Who knows.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 1:55 PM

"and whatever you say, on whatever topic, someone accuses you of whining."

We do nooooot!

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 1:56 PM

How many guests do you invite to the dog's birthday party and do you have to invite the dog next door even though he barks all night long?

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 01:53 PM

As long as the dog paw-writes every word of his very own thank-you notes, you can invite whomever you please and pee on the fire hydrant in front of the rest.

Posted by: Megan's Neighbor | June 29, 2007 1:57 PM

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the
surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 1:58 PM

The kids' college fund went down the tubes to pay for gaga granny's $6,000 a month nursing home. How could I know she would live to be 93?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 01:50 PM

Good thing you're paying for granny! I don't want my tax dollars going to support some senile old bat sitting in on the good life in Sarasota!

Our parents deserve to live like Paris Hilton! We should all be willing to pay for it! They all fought at Normandy! Even the ones who DIDN'T fight at Normandy!

I better be able to get my hands on all that money I paid in to social security over the last 40 years! And the government better stay out of my business! Buncha idiots -- can't do ANYTHING right!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 2:02 PM

And let us not forget about all those lazy handicapped people. Why do we have to support them? Can't they just get a job?

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 2:05 PM

YOU people are KILLING me. I'm in a cube farm, so rolling on the floor laughing is NOT an option...what to do what todo...

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 2:07 PM

How do people come up with their 'names' on this blog?

Who are the 'regulars'?

Why do people try to ignore anon posts? Or am I really anon? Are there PIs trying to figure out who we are? Are we paranoid?

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 2:11 PM

Do I have to be on time for work like every day?

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 2:13 PM

Don't you people have anything else to do rather than comment on useless stuff? Why don't you do something productive like save the world? That's what I'm doing - and I don't even like people, but I'm volunteering to help the orphans in countries you don't even care about

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 2:13 PM

Live and let live! Life is too short to get caught up in petty things.

Take off those filthy shoes before you come into my house! Were you born in a barn?

My cleaning service doesn't come 'till next week.

I would feel awkward having strangers clean my house whilst I wasn't home.

Out west, we do for ourselves. We clean our own houses, mow our own lawns, shovel our own snow, and our sh!t don't stink!

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 2:16 PM

atlmom - how dare you try to help orphans in other countries when there are orphans right here who need help? Or is it they chose to need help? I can never figure out which one is what.

Posted by: dotted | June 29, 2007 2:16 PM

What do you mean I have gained 50 pounds since my last visit? I only eat vegetables and fruit. Honest.

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 2:17 PM

And let us not forget about all those lazy handicapped people. Why do we have to support them? Can't they just get a job?

This one really bothers me. The limit on how much money you are permitted to earn before social security will not help you any longer is so ridiculously low!

A good friend of the family is a nurse (RN). She has her master's degree. But she is also bipolar (as bad as it gets) AND has a heart condition and terrible arthritis.

She would love to work part-time and have more autonomy/help out her family financially. But she can't. They'll yank the support, and it takes so long to get it reinstated. Full-time is out. Cannot do it. She is lucky that she can live with her sister's family, but kids make noise and that aggravates her and tilts her towards mania.

The financial threshold practically forces people to work for undisclosed cash under the table, just to get a little ahead.

I wish they would raise the limits by a few thousand. It still wouldn't be enough for her to afford an efficiency apartment, but it might be enough to make her feel less of a drag on her sister's family. And she knows it's a drag. And she hates that too.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:21 PM

What do you mean I have gained 50 pounds since my last visit? I only eat vegetables and fruit. Honest.

Posted by: KLB SS MD | June 29, 2007 02:17 PM

You mean gravy and/or butter isn't a beverage?

Fruit in ice cream doesn't count as fruit?

Who knew?

Posted by: good one KLB | June 29, 2007 2:24 PM

Anybody that has ever supported a Republican is worse than a Hitler worshipping, handicap slapping puppy kicker!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:27 PM

KLB SS MD

"What do you mean I have gained 50 pounds since my last visit? I only eat vegetables and fruit. Honest."

Gosh, I was on the same raw fruit & vegetable diet, too! How could this happen?

All of my clothes are shrinking! Why are the airplane seats so small? Big-boned women run in my family.

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 2:28 PM

KLB: if they weren't organic fruits and veggies, then you are ruining the environment.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 2:30 PM


You all are losers.

I not only pick up the dog and pony poop, I compost it, which I then use to grow the organic vegetables in my back yard.

I also collect all the dog fur and horse hair and weave or knit the fibers into useful objects that I then donate to the homeless shelter down the street.

And the rest of you call yourselves environmentally friendly!

Posted by: NW vet | June 29, 2007 2:34 PM

Downward Dog, or: Why Hungover Yoga is NEVER a Good Idea

Posted by: BxNY | June 29, 2007 2:35 PM

If you don't get your kids in the right preschool, how are they ever going to get into MIT? Don't you KNOW how important academics is -- for heavens sakes, read Heiddiger to them in utero! If she can't do differential equations by age 3 and have at least two novels published before kindergarten, you might as well give up and accept having a child who will attend a CSS!

I don't push my kids. That is sooo wrong. My daughter WANTS to take advanced toe, ride in the Grand National, train with Nadia, play on the travel soccer, field hockey, basketball, lacrosse, baseball and softball teams, swim against Michael Phelps, and take piano with Yo-yo!

You people spoil your kids! You don't need to schedule their every waking minute! Be like me -- I'm no helicopter parent. I don't even answer the phone when the school attendance office calls!!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 2:36 PM

I heart today's blog. I even enjoy the occassional visitor who has no idea this is tongue-in-cheek.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 2:36 PM

atlmom

"KLB: if they weren't organic fruits and veggies, then you are ruining the environment."

Make that RAPING the environment, just like gaga granny's Depends.

BTW, granny's $6,000 a month nursing home fee doesn't include phone privileges! Not that granny makes many calls..

And I have to go out to the "smoking patio" for a friggin' cigarette!

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 2:37 PM

atb: 'I heart today's blog. I even enjoy the occassional visitor who has no idea this is tongue-in-cheek."

Hope you didn't mean me :-). My post was purely tongue-in-cheek!

Posted by: NW vet | June 29, 2007 2:41 PM

KLB: if they weren't organic fruits and veggies, then you are ruining the environment.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 02:30 PM

You are a slacker if you aren't growing your own organic victory patch in your own backyard. And canning enough food to provide for your family throughout the year.

No fruit or nut that isn't from your own tree, or from your peanut crop. No pesticide applications--ever.

Let's not overlook hiking 5 miles uphill (13% grade or more), in the snow, both ways EVERYDAY in order to go to school, tutor the orphans AND work on your science fair project. Nuclear fission, naturally.

Then back home to the polygamous family compound, where you tend to your 16 younger sibs while studying the Bible and preparing your soul.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:43 PM

Any parent who smokes should have his or her children removed from custody. Doesn't she know her children stink, will never have any friends, will never date or have sex and will die, lonely and friendless, in the Assisted Living Facility for the Children of Smokers, having to watch Happy Days reruns in the group activity room?

What business is it of yours if I teach your daughter how to blow smoke rings when she's over at our house for a play date?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:43 PM

NW vet

"You all are losers.

I not only pick up the dog and pony poop, I compost it, which I then use to grow the organic vegetables in my back yard.

I also collect all the dog fur and horse hair and weave or knit the fibers into useful objects that I then donate to the homeless shelter down the street.

And the rest of you call yourselves environmentally friendly!"

You will be the loser if you don't get on your knees this very second and accept that Jesus dude as your Savior!

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 2:45 PM

and take piano with Yo-yo!

You mean cello, right?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:45 PM

At least three times, I suppose - hpefully behind that decorative screen or on the kitchen floor.
_________________

Reminds me of when my husband, his brother and his sister were trying to come up with an inscription for their parents 35th wedding anniversary. My brother-in-law's suggestion was "Thanks for having sex successfully three times."

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:46 PM

Spanking is ignorant and only uneducated boobs think that spanking is acceptable. Violence teaches violence.

I see from the remains of your house how well that time-out system worked for you in teaching Emmett Francis not to set fire to the window treatments in your bonus room.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:46 PM

You should really get married because when your spouse is in an accident, his parents may give away his organs even though he's not brain-dead because, after all, you aren't next of kin. Also, your wedding day is the most important day in your life and everyone you have ever met should send at least 200 dollars even though they aren't actually invited to the wedding. Also, your engagement ring represents your value as a person, so don't DARE say yes unless it's at least 2ct. Not to mention, who wants to buy the cow if the milk is free?

Marriage is for suckers. Weddings are a waste of money and bad for the environment. I won't even be friends with people who've gotten married. It's a patriarchal system meant to keep women down. And it might ruin a good thing, because our relationship is very fragile. Also, engagement rings contribute to bloodshed around the world. If you wear one, you're a murderer.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 2:47 PM

you are all homophobic spawning racists

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:50 PM

feminazi!

Wing-nut!

Don't call her a Nazi - that's disrespectful!

Blow it where the sun don't shine, Fred!

Liberal!

Neanderthal!

Why does it always have to be about race with you people?

I'm not racist and black people can be racists, too.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:50 PM

2:46, by giving Emmett Francis a name, you truly put that one over the top. Good one!

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 2:51 PM

You will be the loser if you don't get on your knees this very second and accept that Jesus dude as your Savior!
(credited to Elaine)

Wait - let me see what my tarot cards foretell before accepting Him!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:53 PM

Allergies don't exist. No one was allergic to peanuts when I was growing up. If he comes over to play with my kid, he's getting a pb&j. Period.

No, Emmitt Francis can't eat dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, nuts of any kind, shellfish, kiwi, green vegetables, chicken, or sugar. He's allergic. He can only eat this specially formulated gruel that we order from Cuba.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 2:56 PM

and take piano with Yo-yo!

You mean cello, right?

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 02:45 PM

yeah...all this humor is making me light-headed. I think I have go now and teach blind Russian orphan organic farm hands how to read while they knit blankets with recovered Persian cat hair for their siblings still in the orphanages.

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 2:56 PM

We only have $3.7 million in certificates of deposit and blue-chip stocks and it would be irresponsible to have a second child we can't afford.

Have another child! You never what could happen to your firstborn! It could die of exclamationpointitis!!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 2:57 PM

Church is a sacred place, where everyone should be respectfully quiet in the presence of the Lord.

You child haters are bitter and angry hags! Why can't I give Muffy and Fennington a few treats and turns at the boob during the service? They are super gifted chidren (with nose jobs) who get bored easily without the proper stimulation.

A CHILD (USUALLY MY CHILD)IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD!

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 2:59 PM

Elaine,

Your 2:59 post is, sadly, very accurate. (I'm serious, this time). At an Episcopal church in Vienna that shall remain nameless, a parishioner insisted on breast-feeding her 3 YEAR-old during the service every week.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:02 PM

My daughter cannot come to your house for a playdate, without me in attendance, until she's 31.

Send Ariana on over to play with Susie. I won't be home this afternoon, but my hermaphrodite, Presbyterian uncle can watch them. His criminal record for gang raping a developmentally delayed girl was expunged when he was released from juvie. If he has to go somewhere, I'll ask around at my local Burger King and see if anyone else can stop by the house and keep the girls occupied.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:03 PM

I see the makngs of a pretty nifty book...

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 3:03 PM

You will be the loser if you don't get on your knees this very second and accept that Jesus dude as your Savior!

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 02:45 PM

No, dude! You don't need to get down on your knees! All you need is his number -- just text Him!!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 3:04 PM

So many people already have polygamous (i.e. multiple) marriages, perhaps in succession rather than at the same time, but I would argue that is probably even more challenging in terms of balance. Discuss.

Posted by: Anon | June 29, 2007 3:05 PM

The Four Greatest Lies

1. The check is in the mail.

2. My wife doesn't understand me.

3. I'll respect you in the morning.

4. I won't come... uh

4. I'm from the government and I am here to help you!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 3:07 PM

Elaine,

Your 2:59 post is, sadly, very accurate. (I'm serious, this time). At an Episcopal church in Vienna that shall remain nameless, a parishioner insisted on breast-feeding her 3 YEAR-old during the service every week.

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 03:02 PM

I remember taking a lactation class when I was pregnant with #1 (and THAT is an absurd sentence right there). Someone asked how long a baby should nurse. The lactation consultant said that it was time to stop when the child could walk up to you and ask for it in a complete sentence.

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 3:09 PM

"Blow it where the sun don't shine, Fred!"

That would be your head, I hear that is it vacant!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 3:10 PM

Oh, I know people who've nursed longer than that...

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 3:10 PM

educmom

"No, dude! You don't need to get down on your knees! All you need is his number -- just text Him!!"

Cool. Give me the number so I can put Jesus on my speed dial. Does He have call waiting?


Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 3:10 PM

God's Waiting Room, is it southern Florida or Phoenix?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:13 PM

Any man that puts his nipple in a baby's mouth should be tried, snipped, and a special place reserved for his name on the sex offender's list!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:14 PM

I remember taking a lactation class when I was pregnant with #1 (and THAT is an absurd sentence right there). Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 03:09 PM

Because it should be instinctive! Not because breast-feeding is bad! It's not! It's the best, except when the bottle is the best! It's always right to feed babies! Moms should drink formula so the baby can get both!!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 3:15 PM

"God's Waiting Room, is it southern Florida or Phoenix?"

Look for the landfill with the biggest mountain of Depends....

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 3:15 PM

Bob is always right!

Posted by: Ryan | June 29, 2007 3:16 PM

If you are not good and bf like you should, I am going to tell Frieda on you!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 3:17 PM

Cool. Give me the number so I can put Jesus on my speed dial. Does He have call waiting?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 03:10 PM

I don't know. Do you think He needs caller ID?

God's Waiting Room, is it southern Florida or Phoenix?

Posted by: | June 29, 2007 03:13 PM

Uh, I think that the other guy's waiting room might be in Phoenix...getting you ready for the new climate and all...

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 3:19 PM

educmom

"Uh, I think that the other guy's waiting room might be in Phoenix...getting you ready for the new climate and all..."

Doesn't pATRICK live in a hot climate? Mmmm...

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:21 PM

I wish my work schedule let me 'play' with you all more often......I heart this blog, too.

Have a good weekend!!

Posted by: NW vet | June 29, 2007 3:22 PM

And every last one of you is contributing to global warming. What, with your computers sputtering warm air into an otherwise cool room that then must be air-conditioned more heavily.

You all are an embarassment to environmentalists everywhere.

(My computer uses clean burning natural gas)

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:24 PM

You take your children to Disney shows at $60 per ticket? The horror. The horror. You could stay home with your kids like a GOOD mother does, if you stopped spending money like water, you thoughtless government drone.

What's wrong with buying my daughter Bratz dolls and a cell phone at age 4, dressing her up like a Pop tart, taking her to Club Libby Lu, going to Disney on Ice 5 times a year, and otherwise making sure that she is the most spoiled child in Western Civilization? Live and let live.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:24 PM

Have a good weekend!!

Posted by: NW vet | June 29, 2007 03:22 PM

Hey!! what's *that* supposed to mean!?!?!?

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 3:25 PM

According to my son -
Heaven must be close to the North Pole. Aren't Santa Claus and God related to each other?

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 3:28 PM

Should I name her Muffy or Buffy? The correct name will insure enrollment from pre-school through doctoral level.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:32 PM

Emily

"According to my son -
Heaven must be close to the North Pole. Aren't Santa Claus and God related to each other? "

Speaking of Santa Claus, where has the TRUE meaning of Christmas gone? The holiday has turned into an obscene orgy of materialism!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:32 PM

"What's wrong with buying my daughter Bratz dolls and a cell phone at age 4, dressing her up like a Pop tart, taking her to Club Libby Lu, going to Disney on Ice 5 times a year, and otherwise making sure that she is the most spoiled child in Western Civilization? Live and let live."

Are you kidding me? Classless people like you should not be allowed to live. Disney is a haven for dumb, ignorant mobs of no class idiots. I vacation with my family in Italy, France, and Spain. No fake amusement parks for me. What a waste of money. You uneducated people are really, really, really low class.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 3:33 PM

According to my son -
Heaven must be close to the North Pole. Aren't Santa Claus and God related to each other?

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 03:28 PM

Too cute! On that note, I must be going.

I would like to tell you all to have a nice weekend, but then I would be showing my bias toward being happy. I might counteract my bias with telling you to have a s#%$$y weekend, but that might be offend the anti-composting crowd. In fact, even the term weekend illustrates by bias toward the Western calendar and societal mores...

So have a Saturday and a Sunday!

Posted by: educmom | June 29, 2007 3:34 PM

VLI or Necessity? Individually wrapped Tampax.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:35 PM

I am so sick of hearing about Christmas. Who cares about the true meaning of Christmas. It is just a replacement for the Roman Winter Solstice. That dude you are texting is just in your mind, anyway. It is insulting to atheists and people of other cultures to have freaking Christmas shoved down their throats year after year. You can take your carols, Rudolf, Santa Claus, and manger scenes and stick them where them sun don't shine.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 3:36 PM

"What's wrong with buying my daughter Bratz dolls and a cell phone at age 4, dressing her up like a Pop tart, taking her to Club Libby Lu, going to Disney on Ice 5 times a year, and otherwise making sure that she is the most spoiled child in Western Civilization? Live and let live."

Are you kidding me? Classless people like you should not be allowed to live. Disney is a haven for dumb, ignorant mobs of no class idiots. I vacation with my family in Italy, France, and Spain. No fake amusement parks for me. What a waste of money. You uneducated people are really, really, really low class.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 03:33 PM

*sigh*

You're both wrong. If you had any values whatsoever, you wouldn't waste energy or money flying to distant countries. Go camping. Walk through the park. Smell the flowers. That's why all you women need to work - so you can waste big bucks keeping up with the Joneses and taking luxury vacations. If your values were as pristine as mine, you'd sew your own clothes, homeschool, and read to each other by candlelight for entertainment.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:38 PM

"I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would've taken the fire department four days to put it out"

attributed to Dolly Parton

Posted by: Frieda made me post this! | June 29, 2007 3:40 PM

"If you had any values whatsoever, you wouldn't waste energy or money flying to distant countries"

That's right! I spend 100% of my entertainment/tourist dollars in the good ole U.S.A.

Anyone who doesn't is yellow-bellied traitor! Buy American!

Posted by: Yankee Doodle Dandy | June 29, 2007 3:43 PM

what? no comments about bonbon-eating stay at home moms? This has been shockingly civil, even for humor.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:44 PM

Hey, my vacations are spent in a closet. I don't waste energy or consume anything. That way, I'm helping the earth and the US.

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 3:45 PM

You forgot doing all that must be barefoot in order to qualify as hardship, and even then it's a stretch unless you also have malaria....

Posted by: to 2:43 | June 29, 2007 3:46 PM

"Anyone who doesn't is yellow-bellied traitor! Buy American!"

That's right. And close the borders. All these immigrants are just ruining the country for the rest of us. And I'm not racist. I am all for sending the 3 Irish illegals and 22 English illegals back to where they came from, so that they can wait in line with everyone else. And by the way, why won't those people speak English? My 16 year old Belgium cousin learned to speak it in three days. If she could do it, so should the rest of them.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 3:47 PM

altmom

"Hey, my vacations are spent in a closet. I don't waste energy or consume anything. That way, I'm helping the earth and the US."

Yes, but is there any educational value to staying in a closet?

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 3:47 PM

Anyone who doesn't is yellow-bellied traitor! Buy American!

Everything is better in France where the government provides weekly pedicures and manicures to all the peasants, at no charge, and they have the cheese grater entitlement program.

Move to France then. Any true patriot wouldn't think to ask why our government doesn't incentivize paid maternity and paternity leave. Questioning how America does things is fundamentally disloyal. Just ask Cheney.

if these feminist women would stop reproducing asexually, America would be a better place -- mcewen

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:48 PM

"Hey, my vacations are spent in a closet."

Good. That's were all you homosexuals belong. Stay in the closet. You belong there.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 3:49 PM

elaine,

My kids learn what it means to live without on those vacations so they can relate to the little people and hopefully it will help them with their college admissions

Posted by: atlmom | June 29, 2007 3:50 PM

Emily, you're 3:47 was so spot-on, I'm having to pause to clean up the splurted water off of my desk, LOL.

Posted by: MN | June 29, 2007 3:52 PM

altmom

"My kids learn what it means to live without on those vacations so they can relate to the little people and hopefully it will help them with their college admissions"

More likely early admission to the Funny Farm...

Posted by: Elaine | June 29, 2007 3:52 PM

I would have commented on the SAHM eating bon-bons all day but I have been busy helping her with her self-esteem issue. I had to take a day off from my sabbatical helping cocaine addicted orphans of color in Cuba for which I am on a leave of absence from the UN International Development Agency where I am a programs specialist in fresh water supply for Iceland and Greenland immigrants who are not granted their far share of the pickled herring catch.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 3:55 PM

Please, that is the Resident Agricultural Center for the Humor Impaired!

Posted by: to Elaine | June 29, 2007 4:03 PM

How day you take a sabbatical from work. It's because of people like you that the boss won't let me leave early to go watch little Muffy and Biff stand in the lunch line at the cafeteria. Single, childless, people like you should be at work, covering for us parents whose kids will be paying into your social security benefits. You don't have a life (or at least one that's worth living). You need to cater to us important people who are raising the future of the world.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 4:03 PM

I meant to say, "How dare you take a sabbatical from work?"

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 4:05 PM

A child can never have too many things. She needs a playroom for her TV, Wii, pinball machine, miniture Hummer, computer, life-sized lego fort, trampoline, princess costume collection, regulation sized pageant stage, and her collection of Bratz and Barbie dolls. She also go her first pair of diamonds studs (2 cts!!) for her 5th birthday.

All I had to play with when I was a kid was a cardboard box and a rusty pair of hedge trimmers and I LOVED it.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 4:06 PM

But, But, But, I am helping a SAHM to see the light and meaning in life of a 80 hour work week so she is able to stand in line next to you and watch her Muffy and Biff on awards day where they will be both given the sustained satisfactory performance ribbon.

Posted by: to Emily | June 29, 2007 4:07 PM

Ok. That made me laugh. Sustained satisfactory performance ribbons indeed!!

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 4:09 PM

Before Geoffrey is allowed to play in our fenced-in, locked, back yard, he has to put on his helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, SPF90, brimmed hat, shin guards, and long-sleeves and pants. We then strap him into a $1000 car seat, the safest money can buy, and allow him to play with a stuffed animal made with organic cotton and without any adornments he might choke on. He's 16.

When we took our baby home from the hospital, we just put her on the dash board, took a shot of celebratory vodka, rolled up the windows, and lit up our cigs. We slathered her with bacon greese and gave her one of those reflective things and told her she looked healthier with a tan. She had to have her cancerous nose removed, but otherwise she's fine. In fact, she's gifted.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 4:14 PM

Self Help and Balance

or

My bar is so low, I never even stub my toe!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 4:19 PM

"cheese grater entitlement program"

excellent

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 4:20 PM

My son is gifted too. He stopped picking his nose when he was only six. And he does the most amazing armpit farts (that part is actually true).

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 4:22 PM

"...he does the most amazing armpit farts"

Only amazing if YoYo Momma taught him this!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 4:30 PM

Your son was SIX when he stopped picking his nose? Is he retarded? My child has NEVER picked his nose. He potty trained at 6 weeks. He rolled over (back to front, the hard way) the day he was born, was crawling by 8 weeks and walking by 10 weeks. His first work, edamame, was spoken at 2 months. When his first tooth hadn't broken at 7 weeks, I was so worried I went to the doctor.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 4:31 PM

Atb, but did he potty-train HIMSELF, or was he too dependent on Mumsy and Daddy to teach him?

And I'd be impressed with his rolling over if you'd said "cartwheel." Jeez. Under-achiever.

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 4:42 PM

Balancing Genetic Material with Multiple Nobel Prize Awards

Or,

My child, who is yet to be conceived, has won the Noble Peace Prize and is working on the chemistry prize next.

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 4:49 PM

Okay, folks. Thanks for the laugh, and happy weekend. I have been procrastinating getting up, because that means I have to zip my pants (need to invest in some maternity clothes this weekend), but it is nearly 5 pm and Friday, so good bye for now.

Posted by: Emily | June 29, 2007 4:56 PM

"Only amazing if YoYo Momma taught him this!"

YoMomma didn't teach him anything. He is the reincarnation of Mozart.

YoMomma wears combat boots.

Posted by: One more - Couldn't resist | June 29, 2007 5:00 PM

especially funny today, atb.

Posted by: Leslie | June 29, 2007 6:04 PM

I hate all that village crap! the village hates God and wants to eat your children. Hillary is a power-hungry spoiled *%$&?#! And you know who else is spoiled? Why Leslie of course, she just wants to push her feminatzi agenda, make fun of SAHMs, put the whole universe under the umbrella term of Balance, and put it in daycare.
You people are weak! I bet you even think you deserve to take a few days off, like the village will pay you for that. Heh, weekends are for Working Moms, we SAHMS never get a break. I'm outta here, you people are unbalanced!

Posted by: rumicat | June 29, 2007 6:08 PM

Fred wrote: "My child, who is yet to be conceived, has won the Noble Peace Prize and is working on the chemistry prize next."

Linus Pauling won those same two prizes, albeit in the opposite order.

Posted by: catlady | June 29, 2007 6:13 PM

Leslie, I don't know if this would be an on parenting or an on balance, but I'm seeing this come across a few other blogs, which is a are you too fat to be allowed to adopt or be a parent question. http://kateharding.net/2007/06/29/adoption-and-fat/
its monsterous (and rather googlable) and I know that I'm constantly trying to struggle with my weight (and the nasty people who have perfect weight, and endless hours for it, and no history of PCOS in their family, and no food allergies to artificial sweetners) its totally not my story, its just plain ugly, and the woman involved and other women involved in this should be interviewed.

Posted by: ljb | June 29, 2007 6:31 PM

OK this has been a GREAT day for award winning comments but remember the Creepy Van (tm) can only hold seven.

Fred's Quote of the Day
(Funny Bone Division)

goes to Educmom

"Balancing Cheaters and Large, Sharp Knives"

Runner Up is 9:42 for
"Balancing your porn star past with your SAHM, classroom Mommy image of today."

Because as you know I (heart) the porn star (whereever she is!) This would have won but FQOTD is seldom given to anons. (Hint for those of you who really, really want to win!)

Honorable Mention:

"You never what could happen to your firstborn! It could die of exclamationpointitis!!"

All the posting mentioning chainmail bikinis

"...cheese grater entitlement program"

"...they will be both given the sustained satisfactory performance ribbon."

"YoMomma wears combat boots."

Many other would have won on a typical day, the competition was excellent today!

Educmom, you will find the keys to the Creepy Van (tm) underneath my CSS diploma!

Posted by: Fred | June 29, 2007 6:43 PM

You people are absolutely nuts. Educmom is a control freak and really quite stupid. This blog is a complete waste of newsprint.

Posted by: Mistress Brianna | June 29, 2007 8:26 PM

"This blog is a complete waste of newsprint."

Ooooh, a late entry! I like! Yogi Berra, anyone? :-)

Posted by: Mona | June 29, 2007 8:40 PM

Well, Mistress Brianna,

I guess you added to the waste of space. Congratulations!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 8:42 PM


Mistress Brianna. Would she be the mistress of technology. Waste of newsprint? Huh? See any dead trees around here?


Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:05 PM

Mistress Brianna. Would she be the mistress of technology? Waste of newsprint? Huh? See any dead trees around here?

Or is she the mistress of humor? Obviously, she has none!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 29, 2007 9:06 PM

When we took our baby home from the hospital, we just put her on the dash board, took a shot of celebratory vodka, rolled up the windows, and lit up our cigs. We slathered her with bacon greese and gave her one of those reflective things and told her she looked healthier with a tan. She had to have her cancerous nose removed, but otherwise she's fine. In fact, she's gifted.

Posted by: atb | June 29, 2007 04:14 PM

atb,

Forget Fred's awards. He's such a guy. This post is my personal nominee for funniest, most creative moment of hilarity for the day.

Posted by: Megan's Neighbor | June 30, 2007 10:45 AM

All the best posts were anonymous:

Assisted Living Facility for the Children of Smokers

Posted by: atb | June 30, 2007 12:09 PM

All the best posts were anonymous, and they sound like they were written by the same, very clever person:

Any parent who smokes should have his or her children removed from custody. Doesn't she know her children stink, will never have any friends, will never date or have sex and will die, lonely and friendless, in the Assisted Living Facility for the Children of Smokers, having to watch Happy Days reruns in the group activity room?

I see from the remains of your house how well that time-out system worked for you in teaching Emmett Francis not to set fire to the window treatments in your bonus room.

Have another child! You never what could happen to your firstborn! It could die of exclamationpointitis!!

Send Ariana on over to play with Susie. I won't be home this afternoon, but my hermaphrodite, Presbyterian uncle can watch them. His criminal record for gang raping a developmentally delayed girl was expunged when he was released from juvie. If he has to go somewhere, I'll ask around at my local Burger King and see if anyone else can stop by the house and keep the girls occupied.

Everything is better in France where the government provides weekly pedicures and manicures to all the peasants, at no charge, and they have the cheese grater entitlement program.

Though Emily had some AWESOME posts, too. That was SO fun!

Posted by: atb | June 30, 2007 12:12 PM

MN, thanks for the compliment, I am a guy. But see if you EVER get to ride the Creepy Van (tm).

atb, you are on my watch list. One more comment dissing the "regs" (e.g. all the best posts were anon) and you will never ride in the green ghost either!

Posted by: Fred | June 30, 2007 1:01 PM

MSN I NIIPET
MSN

Posted by: Bill | June 30, 2007 3:13 PM

MSN I NIIPET
MSN

Posted by: Bill | June 30, 2007 3:13 PM

MSN I NIIPET
MSN

Posted by: Bill | June 30, 2007 3:13 PM

The only thing worse than trying to be clever is digging up old posts nobody remembers and making false accusations. You are pathetic. Totally pathetic. You need help.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 1, 2007 7:59 PM

??? What does that mean?

Posted by: Anonymous | July 2, 2007 10:06 AM

"Golly - all that takes is the willingness to throw a grenade into a tea party, or the willingness to be scarry, pATRICK, mona or Father of 4."

You rang? Which would you prefer? Large medium or small grenade? I have a 1/2 off sale on medium grenades through the 4th of July. ;)

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