On Balance Sing-A-Long

Okay, it's Friday and time to let loose and be creative.

Welcome to the first annual On Balance Sing-a-Long parody contest. We are all the judges, as usual.

Frighteningly, Fred has come up with the rules:

1. Song must relate to blogging and work/life balance somehow.

2. Song must parody a highly recognizable melody.

3. Good songs must relate to recent On Balance topics.

4. An even better song must also mention two or more posters. A parody with a regular On Balance theme such as breastfeeding, being a SAHM or SAHD, etc is also encouraged.

5. Length should be no more than six stanzas.

6. Regular washingtonpost.com decency rules apply! Violators' comments will be removed. Repeat offenders risk getting banned.

7. There are two prizes: A really nice comment from me suitable for framing and a virtual ride in Fred's Creepy Van (tm) with the Hula Girl.

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  September 21, 2007; 7:40 AM ET  | Category:  Free-for-All
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(to the tune of "With a Little Help from My Friends)

What would you do
If I wrote about you,
in a blog of the Washington Post?

In On Balance you see,
lives ripe hypocracy.
Talk's getting' snarky all the time

Oh-
I get by with a little help from Leslie
Yeah -
I'm gonna try with a little help from Leslie

I will bicker anonymously -
I just need to vent my bad mood!
I'm imbalanced everybody!
Choosing between work and my brood.

Father of Four,
and Childless by Choice,
Catmommy and Working Mom X

Do you have a job?
Is your husband a slob?
Are you getting along with the opposite sex?

Oh-
I get by with a little help from the Post
Yeah -
I'm gonna try with a little help from the Post

We cant post anonymously!
We just could not get along.
All the mom's fight about balance
So I went and made up this song.

Oh-
I get by with a little help from the Post
Yeah -
I'm gonna try with a little help from the Post
(vamp)

Posted by: btpduc748 | September 21, 2007 8:03 AM

oh, yeah, First!

Posted by: btpduc748 | September 21, 2007 8:04 AM

Oh, snap! I guess I cannot win!

Leslie, did we decide who the judges are?

(and can they be bribed?) :^)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 8:10 AM

(bribes to Fred may be paid in the form of Shrimp Po-Boys from Mother's, PJ's or other fine New Orleans eating establishments!)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 8:15 AM

we have a winner! (for now, at least.)

very funny first song.

Posted by: leslie4 | September 21, 2007 8:36 AM

So many different lines of work represented by posters on this blog! Here's a toast to all of them:

COME FILL UP YOUR GLASSES

Tune: Traditional. Hear it at:

http://www.8notes.com/scores/3988.asp?ftype=midi

Come fill up your glasses with whiskey and beer
And drink a full glass to a happy new year
To our sisters and brothers, and may they live long,
So lift up your glasses and join in this song.

Refrain: So we'll fill up our glasses and drink once again,
To peace on this earth and good will among men.

1. Let's drink to the bankers and merchants in town
Who grant us cheap credit with no money down.
For the houses we live in, the cars that we drive,
For the laptops and iPhones we need to survive.

2. For accountants and lawyers, pass the bumper around,
Whose work keeps our freedom and property sound,
Who pore over ledgers, and comb through the laws,
Seeking loopholes and shelters to strengthen our cause.

3. Here's a health to the landlords who buy and who build,
May their taxes be cut and their vacancies filled.
They lend us their doorknobs, hot water and heat,
The roof o'er our heads and the floor 'neath our feet.

4. To operations research analysts, management consultants, and industrial engineers,
Let's bottom our wine-cups, and drink up our beers.
May your charts, graphs and paperwork ne'er cease to flow,
May your briefings be heeded wherever you go.

5. Let's drink to our children and let us prepare,
A world where they'll live free from sorrow and care,
A world where goodwill among men is the law,
A world without terror, a world without war.

(First & last stanzas and refrain from original song by Peggy Seeger)

Posted by: MattInAberdeen | September 21, 2007 8:41 AM

This is just a warm up, not my official entry. Although the first posting was quite good!


"Heard it Through the Grapevine"

Ooh, I bet you're wondering how I knew
About songs I am planning to write for you
With some other rhymes you never heard before.
Between the two of us guys
You know that I'll write some more.
I'll give you some advice I must say,
When you said you wouldn't play.
Don't you know that...

If you wanna' write a parody
You gotta' keep the melody.
Oh if you've never done it before
Oh, you just have to write more and more.
Honey, honey yeah.

I know that a songster is suppose to sing,
But these words I can't hold inside.
Not having a voice you would see,
Would never ever stop me.
You could have told me yourself
That you tried to write something else.
Instead...

If you wanna' write a parody
You gotta' keep the melody.
Oh if you've never done it before
Oh, you just have to write more and more.
Honey, honey yeah.


People say they want a 4/4 beat,
But they just can't control their feet.
They can't help bein' confused
If the rhyme and melody are not used
Do you plan to let rhythm go
Just because you love your prose?
Don't you know...

If you wanna' write a parody
You gotta' keep the melody.
Oh if you've never done it before
Oh, you just have to write more and more.
Honey, honey yeah.

Posted by: Songster | September 21, 2007 8:47 AM

To the tune of Sweet Caroline. Neil Diamond is great because his rhymes are so unbelievably lame that you can only improve his lyrics.

Sweet Blog OB

When it began
I wasn't around to notice
But when I found it, I was hooked
Leslie's elite
Brian's a stay at home dad
Lame guest bloggers are often booked

Matt... loves Fox News
Kudzu... hates all our kids

Sweet blog OB (da da da)
laura's posts are mighty long
Mako swims in the sea (da da da)
"Cannot we all just get along?"
Not in this lifetime

Read pATRICK's posts
He's our conservative pundit
He fights with Emily but loves her flan
When things get OT
We can all look to MN
Who's often found in fred's creepy van â„¢

Baba, typing snark
Reaching out, to sex blogs, eating [well, you know]

Sweet blog OB(da da da)
Gutless cowards love it here
Who the hell's hillary? (da da da)
Lil huskey's blind but he can hear
I heart scarry

Sweet OB blog (da da da)
I miss Mona's tarot cards
Sweet OB blog (da da da)
You Make Me Vomit every day

Sweet...OB......bloooooooggg

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 8:51 AM

oops. I forgot some corrections at the end, but you get the point!

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 8:53 AM

atb, we will have to see what others think, but your penultimate line You Make Me Vomit Every Day was really great.

Posted by: leslie4 | September 21, 2007 8:55 AM

Wow! They've all been good. I think atb might win for the most references to OB posters.

I suck at rhyming, so I won't be entering. Good luck to all the contestants!

Posted by: Meesh | September 21, 2007 8:58 AM

I wrote that before I knew the rules. It's much less about balance and more about getting as many regs in as possible with a few inside jokes.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 8:58 AM

Meesh- I bought my husband a rhyming dictionary one Christmas after I heard David Sedaris talk about his. They are endless fun.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 9:00 AM

ATB,

The rules, like the Creepy Van (tm) are flexible! Inside jokes are good.

Meesh,

Not all songs rhyme, just give it a shot!

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 9:01 AM

Rhyming dictionary? I'm intrigued. I'll have to check that out.

Fred, if the prize were that shrimp po-boy you mentioned, I would enter in a heartbeat.

Posted by: Meesh | September 21, 2007 9:05 AM

who says we cannot drive the Creep Van (tm) to the nearest Po-Boy place?

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 9:07 AM

I hope the slowness means people are busy composing! I'm so excited to see what people have to offer, especially laura and MN.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 9:11 AM

"who says we cannot drive the Creep Van (tm) to the nearest Po-Boy place?"

Only if you promise that this time you'll skip the drive-through frozen daiquiri store on the way!

(One of many memories of the Big Easy; there really are such places. You're just supposed to promise that you won't drink the frozen concoction until you get home.)

Posted by: m2j5c2 | September 21, 2007 9:14 AM

I'm also a big fan of the TX party barn. Just pull your car into the covered area, pop your trunk, and load up with beer. Very beer friendly. No pesky parking and getting out of your car and going into a store.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 9:19 AM

Was there a homework assigment?

Posted by: hillary1 | September 21, 2007 9:23 AM

hillary- You fancy yourself clever, no? Here's your chance to shine. Ditto for baba.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 9:30 AM

Homework assignment? Yes, Frieda assigned it last Friday to be due today.

(She was also a school teacher among other vocations)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 9:32 AM

to the tune of "Jesus is alright by me" by the Doobies!

Leslie is just alright with me, Leslie is just alright, oh yeah
Leslie is just alright with me, Leslie is just alright

I don't care what baba may say
I don't care what anons may do
I don't care what Mako may say
Leslie is just alright, oh yeah
Leslie is just alright

Leslie is just alright with me, Leslie is just alright, oh yeah
Leslie is just alright with me, Leslie is just alright

I do care about breastfeeding today
I do care about that glass ceiling too
I do care about 77% pay
Leslie is just alright, oh yeah

Leslie, she's my friend; Leslie, she's my friend
She cut out all the spam; made registration when it got out of hand
Leslie, she's my friend

Leslie is just alright with me, Leslie is just alright, oh yeah
Leslie is just alright with me, Leslie is just alright

I do care what Megan may say, I do care what Matt may do
I do care what Liza may say, Leslie is just alright, oh yeah


Posted by: Songster | September 21, 2007 9:50 AM

zipity do da, zipity ay
My oh my, it's another Onbalance day
Plenty of discussion, heading my way
Cause I just Clicked Submit, with something snarky to say.

We have Mr Fred, a dad whom with I'm impressed
Cause he knows best about milking the female breast
please give him a shout
When Emily Londonmom or Irish Girl pop another one out.

Clickity do da, Clickity ay
When will KLB, MN and pATRICK chime in today?
I know they will show up
and toss rants, humor and virtual beverages our way

Moxiemom ATB and WorkingMomX are finished scrubbing the crapper
They couldn't be happier
Cause it's somewhat shadey
To hire the hispanic cleaning lady!

Clickity do da, Clickity ay
Plenty of sanctimony headed our way.
Cause Educmom sacrificed her life and became a teacher,
now on onbalance, she plays the preacher

zipity do da, zipity ay
We've got Foamgnome on finances, and Brian covering FMLA.
We've got a host of lawyers that have so much to say
They couldn't possibly throw their crackberries away.

Clickity do da, Clickity hey
Have you checked out the Onbalanced blog today.
If you post a parody song
The Creepy Van (with Hula girl) could be headed your way!


Posted by: DandyLion | September 21, 2007 10:04 AM

This is dedicated to the On Balance Blog

(Loving you by Minnie Riperton)

Bloggin' you is easy cause you're accessible
Makin' comments is all I wanna do
Bloggin' you is more than just a dream come true
And I burn up all my time just to blog you
Learning about stay at home moms and you

No one else can make me snark
Over the comments that you bring
Stay with me while gutless grows bolder
And we will live each Thursday in Brian Reid time

Cause Bloggin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day my life is filled with Bloggin' you

Bloggin' you I see pepperjade soul come shinin' through
And every time that we oooooh
The more I want to read you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

Posted by: Songster | September 21, 2007 10:28 AM

To the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies:

Come and listen to the story of a man named Fred;
A N'awlins native, a creepy van for a bed;
And then one day he was searching for some fun;
When up on his screen popped the "On Balance" blog;
Chat, that is;
Leslie;
Texas pATRICK.

Well, the next thing you know ole Fred's a regular;
Freida said "Fred, get off of there!";
She said "reading books is the place you ought to be";
So she loaded up the van and headed to the library;
Quiet rooms, that is;
Kafka;
The Great Gatsby.

Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Fred and all his friends;
They would like to thank you lurkers for KINDLY droppin' in;
You're all invited back again to this server of WaPo;
To have a heapin', helpin' dose of...Goddess only knows!

Y'all come back now, you hear?

Posted by: cjbriggs | September 21, 2007 10:33 AM

cjbriggs-cracks me up!

I'm trying real hard here on a submission. The creative juices just aren't flowing yet...more coffee needed maybe?

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 10:41 AM

OMG, immortalized in song! I almost fell out of my chair.

Posting a comparion song about Freida that I posted a week too early last Friday. Just for those who may have enjoyed it then!


Frieda's Song (Midnight Special Tune)

Well, you wake up in the mornin, you can't see a damned thing,
And they march you to the table to see the same old thing.
Aint no electricity shining upon the table, and no gas bakin' what's in the pan.
But you better not complain, boy, you get in trouble with the wo-man.

Chorus:
Let the Luddite Special shine a candle on thee
Let the Luddite Special shine a candle on thee,
Let the Luddite Special shine a candle on thee,
Let the Luddite special shine a everlovin' candle on thee.

Yonder come Miss Frieda, how in the world did you know?
By the way she's frowning on progress and crappy pantyhose.
Child on her shoulder, log for the fire in her hand;
She come to see the skillet, she wants to fry some ham.

Chorus

If you're ever her house, well, you better do the right;
You better not surf, there, you better not use the fridge, at all
Or she will up and grab ya and her boys will bring you down.
The next thing you know, boy, oh! You're 12th century bound.

Chorus

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 10:43 AM

that should be a companion song!

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 10:45 AM

OK, I have to change a word I think. 3rd times a charm.

Stupid WaPo ate my song, but I was smart enough to ctrl c.

I just did another one. To the tune of the Beastie Boys "You gotta fight for your right to party".

You get to your desk but don't want to work
Internet access is the best of your perks
You earn less than half of the guy next door
Leslie's helped you realize you're a government (rhymes with more)

Chorus:
You gotta fight
For your right
To blog OB

Half way through the day you hit the lactation room
That old filing closet fills your heart with gloom
Traffic really sucks and daycare's far away
You get nasty looks from the pres of the PTA

Chorus

You get 6 weeks maternity leave unpaid
Your husband get less that's a "choice" he made
If we weren't such pizza and real estate hogs
I'd stay at home and quit my job

Chorus

Thank God for MN, laura, and catwoman
And daily doses of virtual flan
At least I can say at the end of the week
I'm not Matt, bababooey, or hillary

Chorus

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 11:11 AM

Dang, that would have been better if I'd kept my pronouns all "yous."

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 11:17 AM

Leslie had a lit-tle blog,

Wac-ky blog.

Cra-zy blog.

Leslie had a lit-tle blog,

'cept Thursday when it's Bri's.

(It's even worse when you actually sing it!)

-Pp.

Posted by: ProudPapa15 | September 21, 2007 11:22 AM

PP15 may have just outdone us all with his simplicity. VERY VERY funny!

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 11:23 AM

I'm loving this! I just wish I was creative -- I think I'll be lurking today!

Posted by: educmom__615 | September 21, 2007 11:29 AM

Dandylion,
Are you another incarnation of Fo4 and Lil Husky?

Posted by: Emily | September 21, 2007 11:32 AM

educmon,

Just try something like "Blog with no Name"

Like in "Horse with No Name"

Get the lyrics off the web!

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 11:35 AM

(cue up "Battle Hymn of the Republic" http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/b/h/bhymnotr.htm )

Battle Hymn of the Troll

My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the troll
He will write A GIANT POST IN CAPS past which I have to scroll
She will stir up all the haters because that's her only goal
Their bile is marching on!

Glory, glory to the haters
They're nastier than Darth Vader
Or that character by David Spader
Their bile is marching on!

When we wonder how to discipline a toddler that's bad
He will tell you how it's your fault cause you spoiled the little lad
You should beat the little (*censored*) till he's nearly left for dead
(Makes you wonder 'bout the childhood Baby Troll must have had) (gratuitous line)
Their bile is marching on!

Glory, glory to the cranky
They think the whole world is skanky
Around them, don't get out your hanky
They'll flame you when you're down!

Please don't dare to even mention travelling by plane
Cause this topic's guaranteed to make the hater go insane
Anyone who has a family has earned eternal disdain
She thinks we all should walk!

Glory, glory to the outraged
Who think everyone should be caged
Who post until total war is waged
Their anger spreads like Ebola!

Posted by: floomby | September 21, 2007 11:35 AM

atb

"hillary- You fancy yourself clever, no? Here's your chance to shine. Ditto for baba."


Abu and I are in furious league to shine today.

Posted by: hillary1 | September 21, 2007 11:43 AM

Good god, I had no idea how good you all were. It's quality not quantity today. Very impressed. I like the Jesus = Leslie ditty, for obvious reasons, but also LOVE DandyLion's submission and I always had a thing for the Beverly Hillbillies. And Floomby, a big "wow" for you. It's going to be a tough call tonight!

Posted by: leslie4 | September 21, 2007 11:45 AM

the more it doesn't post a song, the less clever it looks

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 11:53 AM

Floomby gets my vote so far. Boy, we do have a lot of creative people on this blog!

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 11:59 AM

The tune is Kodachrome by Paul Simon

When I think back
On all the crap I read in the "balance"
It's a wonder
I can read anymore
And though my lack of edu---cation
means I'm ignored by some
I can see today's topic ain't a bore!

Vir-tu-ral
They give us those witty bright comments
They give us the snarky says
Makes you think all the world only a web away, Oh yeah
I got a Dell computer
I love to post some photographs
So mama don't take my Virtural away

If you took all the posters I know
that I have been reading
And brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match
my sweet imagination
because there would be a hell of a fight

Vir-tu-ral
They give us those intriguing subject
They give us something to say
Makes you think all the world's not working today, Oh yeah
I got a fast connection
I love to take a potshot
So mama don't take my internet away

Mama don't take my atb away
Mama don't take my Lizabean away
Mama don't take my Mehitabel away

Mama don't take my Chemguy
Mama don't take my Mona
Mama don't take my Laura away

Mama don't take my Johnl
Leave your boy so far from home
Mama don't take my Sue away
Mama don't take my Miles

Mama don't take my Pepperjade away

Posted by: Songster | September 21, 2007 12:09 PM

OK, blame Fred...

What you want
Leslie she got
What you need
Do you know atb got it?
All I'm askin'
Is for a little respect when you log on (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get online
(just a little bit) pATRICK (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna pull a babbaboey on ya
Ain't gonna flame ya (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you log on (just for Emily)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get online (just a little flan)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my thinkin
And all I'm askin' in return, along with good grammar and perfect children,
Is to give WorkingMomX her profits
When you get online (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get log on (yeah. MattinAberdeen)
Yeah (just a little bit)

------ instrumental break ------

Ooo, your posts (oo)
They were silly, l'il husky (oo)
And guess what? (oo)
So is my no mo money (oo)
All I want you to do (oo) for me
Is listen to me when you get online (re, re, re ,re)
Yeah hillary (re, re, re ,re)
Whip it to meesh (respect her, just a little bit)
When you log on, now (just listen to sacrry)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care of SAHMs baby

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little HulaGirl (in the creepy van, creepy van,
creepy van, creepy van)
Whoa, babe (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (tryin to find)
Keep on postin' (catlady & mona)
Anon's runnin' out of trollin' (since thy had to change their sign)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(re, re, re, re) 'spect
When you log on (re, re, re ,re)
Or you might lurk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)

Posted by: educmom__615 | September 21, 2007 12:10 PM

Y'all are hard acts to follow, but here's my contribution:

It's Impossible (Perry Como)

It's impossible
Ask the trolls to leave the blog
It's just implausible

It's impossible
Please bababooey stop your posts
You're just impossible

Can I tell you just how much you make me vomit
And get through to you?
Why post when you've just got nothing to say?
Oh, how impossible

Can the regulars keep their heads when you're around
Oh, it's implausible
If we block you, you will just come back for more
You're just impossible

And tomorrow, when pATRICK posts his right-wing rant, you'll hop right on
And instead of civil discourse you will blather on
Will no one respond to you? of course
That's just impossible

Immmmmpossible
Immmmpossible

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 12:12 PM

Wow! You all have some serious talent (and time, at work, LOL)!!

atb, dandylion, floomby, cjbriggs and Songster are tough competition. I know when to shut up and read, LOL. (I thought I'd feed baba a straight line since he's apparently got plenty of time on his hands today and no creativity).

Posted by: MN | September 21, 2007 12:15 PM

atb

"the more it doesn't post a song, the less clever it looks"

Yah, in High School.

Posted by: hillary1 | September 21, 2007 12:35 PM

fred, Please tell us you will also be picking a qotd! There are some awesome one-liners in those songs.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 12:36 PM

Also, if Abu doesn't post a song, I will be VERY disappointed.

Good one, hillary. That made me smile. WAY better than it. Now, get to work on your song. Though, I guess you can't fail if you don't try.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 12:38 PM

(Back to real life for a moment: Fred, here's hoping you don't take another hit from the storm now moving through the Gulf. Let us know Monday that you're okay.)

Posted by: m2j5c2 | September 21, 2007 12:46 PM

OK Emily, I made this one up for you:

Britany and "Oops, I got outed again"


Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

I got outed again
I bashed a Stay at Home Mom, told her no more bon-bon
Oh baby
You need to breast feed, so unzip your nursing bra please
Just whip it on out, nevermind the titnautsies lurching about...
Oh baby, baby,
I wish I could see!

Chorus:
Oops!...I got outed again
I posted snark, and you know I'm completely insane,
Oh baby, baby
Oops! I submitted again...
Do you think I'm a jerk
Like that Old Faithful squirt?
Cause I'm not that Onbalanced!

You see my problem is this
I can't see a damn thing,
So I tried to piss, only to miss
Now the seat needs to be cleaned!
Can't you see I'm handicapped in so many ways
I can't hide anywhere,
That is just so typically me
Oh baby help me please!

Chorus:
Oops!...I got outed again,
Baited by snark , I got lost in the dark,
Oh baby, save me.
Oops!... I submitted again.
You think I'm crued,
and Definitely a dude.
And I'm just not very onbalanced!
You are right, baby, baby!
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

Narrative:
"All aboard
Father of 4, Lil_husky, before you go, there's something I just want to say.
Make good on your word, AND PLEASE GO AWAY!!!
I propose a motion,
That you jump in the ocean
And complete your fate,
As Mako's shark bait!"

Oops!...I got outed again,
Got lost and now I'm insane.
Oh baby,
It's clearly plain
I'm just not very onbalanced!

Posted by: DandyLion | September 21, 2007 12:50 PM

"WaPo ate my song"

My vote for qotd.

Posted by: floomby | September 21, 2007 12:57 PM

Wow, very creative posters! (I'm partial to atb's take on the Beastie Boys).

Perhaps you have the makings of a garage band here...anyone play as well as write?

Posted by: pepperjade | September 21, 2007 1:03 PM

Happy Blogging To You
Happy Blogging To You
Happy Blogging, Dear MoxieMom
We'll Keep the Bar Low For You

Posted by: gcoward | September 21, 2007 1:08 PM

atb

"Good one, hillary. That made me smile. WAY better than it. Now, get to work on your song. Though, I guess you can't fail if you don't try"

No time for songs today. I'm busy rotating recipes!!! See you at the sock hop!!!

Posted by: hillary1 | September 21, 2007 1:14 PM

You all rock. I can't come up with a thing but sure like reading and singing along to yours. Thanks

Posted by: KLB_SS_MD | September 21, 2007 1:27 PM

Dang, that would have been better if I'd kept my pronouns all "yous."

Posted by: atb | September 21, 2007 11:17 AM

*Gasp*

Join me in a virtual game of Redneck Life!

(That REALLY is a game, folks. And yes, it's every bit as insulting and funny as you can imagine.)

Posted by: lundgrend | September 21, 2007 1:29 PM

I'm not a redneck, I'm SOUTHERN. That means I'm free to use terms like "bless his heart," "tump over," "sweet tea" and "dang."

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 1:33 PM

To apologies to the great Johnny Cash

I Walk the Line

I keep a close watch on this blog of thine
People post their opinions all the time
Sometimes they help maintain the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find bb's posts never to be true,
Balance commute to see each day is through
Fred, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
All Moms and Dads work/play both day and night
For flex time conflicts MN proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
Love virtu'l drinks and light blue I can't hide
Try wasabi nuts to try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this blog of mine
People post their opinions all the time
Sometimes they help maintain the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 1:36 PM

And might I add, very apropos to the annoying questions discussion and being a Southerner with a Ph.D.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 1:36 PM

ditto, atb, ditto

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 1:38 PM

(tune of Where Have All the Flowers Gone, apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary)

Where has all the time gone
In parenthood?
Where has all the time gone
With kids and work?
Where has all the time gone?
Gone to commutes and ballet.
Oh, when can we ever rest?
Oh, when can we ever rest?

Where has all the money gone
With both working?
Where has all the money gone?
There's not enough.
Where has all the money gone?
Gone to mortgage and daycare.
Oh, when can we get ahead?
Oh, when can we get ahead?

Why do you have children?
Childfree ones ask us.
Why do you have children?
They don't behave.
Why do you have children?
Entitled kids, every one.
Oh, why must we work late for you?
Oh, why must we work late for you?

Where have all the posters gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the posters gone
Since way last March?
Where have all the posters gone?
Gone to new names, every one.
Oh, what will On Balance do?
Oh, what will On Balance do?

Posted by: rockvillemom | September 21, 2007 1:44 PM

Perhaps you have the makings of a garage band here...anyone play as well as write?

Posted by: pepperjade | September 21, 2007 01:03 PM

I can provide (beginning) brass, piano, bass and a percussion section. Okay, you can only choose from bass or percussion, 'cause that's one child.

I can do a "good" Jack Benny violin.

Posted by: lundgrend | September 21, 2007 1:44 PM

To the tune of Billy Joel's Pressure

Blogging

You have to learn to type yourself
Blogging
You're just like everybody else
Blogging

You've only had to write so far so good
But you will come to a place
Where the only thing you feel
Are mom and dads in your face
And you'll have to deal with
Blogging

You used to call me a crazy mom
Blogging
Leslie and Brian are da'bomb
Blogging

You turned breast feeding into your crusade
Now here you are with your advice
And your Parent's mag won't suffice
You have a scar on your abs
And you cannot handle Blogging

All grown up and no place to go
Post 1, post 2
What do you know?
All your life is S-A-H-M
Fixing that hem
What does it mean?
Blogging
Blogging

Asking for help 'cause
You're not alone
Blogging
We'll have an answer
To your own
Blogging

I'm sure you'll have some crazy, new idea
But here you are in your cube
Two days out and three days in
Wish you could work from home
Where we all respond to
Blogging
Blogging

All your life is The Washington Post
I read it too
It's a great host
Blogging

I'm sure you'll have some crazy, new idea
But here you in your robe
Glad to be working from home
You have a scar on your abs
And you cannot handle Blogging

Blogging, Blogging
Fred, Matt, Foam-gnome
Blogging

Posted by: DLC1973 | September 21, 2007 1:48 PM

Dotted, I love your Johnny Cash, and here's another:

I Post Everyday (to the tune of "I've Been Everywhere" and with my apologies to the late, great Johnny Cash)

I was checking the Washington Post on a lovely morning last May
When I noticed On Balance, and it caught my eye straight away
If you're a working parent trying to deal, check out what's inside
With Leslie Steiner at the helm, we're sure to learn to balance with pride
It's been 16 months and I can say I never thought it'd last
But the jokes on me, I sure haven't done this half-a$$ed

I post every day, man
I post every day, man
Monday through Friday, man
I post every day, man
And I'm not the only one, man
Who posts every day

We hear from
Brian
pATRICK
Fred from Louisiana
Fo4
ProudPapa
David S and other men
MN
Scarry
Irishgirl
Meesh and Mona
Songster
Blog Stats
Are there more?
Oh, the personas!
Leslie
ATB
Atlantamom and moxiemom
Catlady
Cbc
Watch out for her 'cuz she's a killer

We post every day, man
We post every day, man
Work gets in the way, man
But we post every day, man
Even when the blog's cliché, man
We post every day

There's also dotted
Mako
Hillary
Bababooey
Dandylion
Laura
Emily
Floomby
Chemguy
Miles
Matt in Aberdeen
LizaBean
Johnl
Pepperjade
Educmom
NCMom
Other moms
Other dads
What a grand old time we've had

We post every day, man
We post every day, man
Work gets in the way, man
But we post every day, man
Even when the blog's cliché, man
We post every day

We post every day.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 1:48 PM

Wow, this is truly bad.

To the tune of "Earth Angel" about my favorite posters

Blog Stats, Blog Stats
Will you be mine?
I need your stats
To amuse me all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with stats

Mona, Mona
Please tell me more
About flying cats and the BF who walked out the door
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with Mona

I fell for MN and dotted
They both give rock solid advice
I hoped and I pray that someday
I'll see them in NC--won't that be nice?
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)

Emily, Emily
Will you be mine?
I like spinach
And granite countertops are fine
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with Emily

I fell for pATRICK and I knew
that we opposites did attrack
I hope and pray that someday
I'll be on the right side of your attack

(oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Matt, in Aberdeen
Please be mine
My favorite poster
You're loquacious all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with Matt

I fell for Father of 4 and I knew
That love must truly be blind
I hope and I pray that someday
We'll see him back in his right mind

Posted by: Meesh | September 21, 2007 1:48 PM

To the tune of Billy Joel's Pressure
(Sorry it's long, and hope it doesn't post twice, PC's slow)

Blogging

You have to learn to type yourself
Blogging
You're just like everybody else
Blogging

You've only had to write so far so good
But you will come to a place
Where the only thing you feel
Are mom and dads in your face
And you'll have to deal with
Blogging

You used to call me a crazy mom
Blogging
Leslie and Brian are da'bomb
Blogging

You turned breast feeding into your crusade
Now here you are with your advice
And your Parent's mag won't suffice
You have a scar on your abs
And you cannot handle Blogging

All grown up and no place to go
Post 1, post 2
What do you know?
All your life is S-A-H-M
Fixing that hem
What does it mean?
Blogging
Blogging

Asking for help 'cause
You're not alone
Blogging
We'll have an answer
To your own
Blogging

I'm sure you'll have some crazy, new idea
But here you are in your cube
Two days out and three days in
Wish you could work from home
Where we all respond to
Blogging
Blogging

All your life is The Washington Post
I read it too
It's a great host
Blogging

I'm sure you'll have some crazy, new idea
But here you are in your robe
Glad to be working from home
You have a scar on your abs
And you cannot handle Blogging

Blogging, Blogging
Fred, Matt, Foam-gnome
Blogging

Posted by: DLC1973 | September 21, 2007 1:49 PM

Crud, it posted twice. WaPo guru's can delete the first one since I forgot a word anyway...Thanks!

Posted by: DLC1973 | September 21, 2007 1:50 PM

WorkingMomX, I love it!

Posted by: Meesh | September 21, 2007 1:52 PM

To the tune of the "Green Acres" theme:

On Balance is the place to be;
Online chatting is the life for me;
Venom stretching out so far and wide;
Keep the trolls, just give me a chance to chide.

No, On Parenting is where I'd rather stay;
I get allergic to Hillary's bray;
I just adore a mellow view;
Leslie, I love you, but give me another clue.

More share!
Same topics there!

This is my life!
Goodbye, lack of strife!
On Balance, we are there!

Posted by: cjbriggs | September 21, 2007 1:57 PM

WorkingMomX...You worked in almost everyone!

Meesh....awwwwwwhhhhh

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 1:57 PM

songster - if you take requests, can you please do 'send in the clowns' ???? pretty please with virtual flan on top??

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 2:01 PM

Dotted,

hmmm. Maybe next week, I have already posted 4 today. Also, I am enjoying everyone elses! A busman's holiday for me! But it seems that Leslie and Fred are the most mentioned! Maybe Blog Stats can run a program on that?

Posted by: Songster | September 21, 2007 2:07 PM

"Send in the trolls"

Posted by: KLB_SS_MD | September 21, 2007 2:07 PM

There you go KLB, run with it!

Posted by: Songster | September 21, 2007 2:08 PM

Go, KLB, go!

(Hey, there's an idea for a song: "KL B Good")

Posted by: mehitabel | September 21, 2007 2:14 PM

Wonderful songs out there, everyone. I wish I could be as creative and witty. Today, I will just enjoy reading.

BTW - Dandylion. I HEART YOU (in any of your incarnations). Keep it coming.

Posted by: Emily | September 21, 2007 2:17 PM

Emily, How about you and I just keep an eye on the judges, to make sure they don't play any favorites? We could manage this over flan at a nice sidewalk café, OK?

Posted by: mehitabel | September 21, 2007 2:25 PM

Dotted and Working Mom X -- Love the Johnny Cash rip offs. Both hilarious and wonderful. Got 'em in my head. Way to go -

Gotta go back and read more...

Posted by: leslie4 | September 21, 2007 2:37 PM

Now that we've got this Johnny Cash thing going...Can anyone do a rip off of Johnny Cash's A Boy Named Sue?

Posted by: leslie4 | September 21, 2007 2:37 PM

cjbriggs has got this sewn up.

is this the poster who once was "Chris"?

Posted by: gcoward | September 21, 2007 2:38 PM

I forgot to ctrl c. Bad WaPo needs to be spanked.

Fred will probably just give the award to himself, his wife, or one of his kids.

This had to be done. It's not a great song, but everyone knows the tune.

Just sit right back and read the blog
The blog with the snarkiest posts
The target's usually Leslie
(Part-time Mom part-time host) x2

Breastfeeding, FMLA
The topics are inspired
Inevitable newbies say "nazi"
(Of which Fred has grown tired) x2

The anons, they started getting crude
The regulars attacked
If not for the gumption of Leslie S
(The blog would be hacked) x2

Now peace has fallen on our group
Chock full of moms and dads

with
educmom
pATRICK, too
Emily
and foamgnome
WorkingMomX
Meesh, dotted, and pepperjade
Here on On Balance blog!

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 2:43 PM

I disagree, gcoward. Floomby takes the prize, with dotted and DandyLion (Britney) taking honorable mention.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 2:47 PM

"Fred will probably just give the award to himself, his wife, or one of his kids."

Nah, I have aready excluded my self from contention and the kids are the ones who named it "The Creepy Van" (tm)

Frieda actually enjoys driving the Creepy Van (tm) But she will not let me use the flashing pink light!


I just don't know about FQOTD, just too many good one today. But maybe.

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 2:50 PM

Hey, where is Foamgnome? Did she assume a new name?

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 2:50 PM

Alas, there is not enough time today for Abu and me to complete our "Fiddler" medley. It goes back into the trunk.

Matchmaker, matchmaker
Make me a match.

Posted by: hillary1 | September 21, 2007 2:56 PM

Foamy is probably busy working these days. Her data came in, apparently.

Speaking of which, I should do some myself.

Posted by: Emily | September 21, 2007 2:57 PM

My variation of House of Pain's jump around. I've been busy, so this is just a quik one.

Blog around

Write it up, write up,
Let me begin
I came to blog
Blog against me that's a sin
I will tear the blog up
Anyone messing with pATRICK or father of 4 better back up
Mess with me and the whole blog will act up
Sit down, stretch it out, join the blog and tell us about your dates
Come on and throw your jabs out
If you feel the blog jump up and smack your cube mate
Bababooey's into pATRICK, but is always talking smack
He's lucky it's just a blog or he'd get a good crack
Argue it, lurk around, just don't try to find my town
I got more stalkers than Hillary's got prom queen crowns
But I gots some friends who really fit the bill, Emily, ATB, Fred, Meesh and Matt
Plus the ever charming Leslie and few other brats.

Chorus

I came to blog now
I came to blog now
So get in your seat and blog around
Blog around

Posted by: Irishgirl | September 21, 2007 3:07 PM

Good one, Scarry! How much longer now 'til you meet your little one?

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 3:09 PM

gcoward, I am not Chris, I used to post under CJB before the requirements were changed.

Actually, I usually lurk and read and don't post very much, but I like these kinds of contests.

Posted by: cjbriggs | September 21, 2007 3:11 PM

I will no longer post on this blog.

Posted by: bababooey668 | September 21, 2007 02:53 PM

Posted by: bababooey668 | September 21, 2007 02:59 PM

One would think that pride might have made him old out for more than 6 minutes, but, no.

Posted by: gcoward | September 21, 2007 3:11 PM

My boy is due in November, but I bet he comes before that.

Posted by: Irishgirl | September 21, 2007 3:12 PM

And do you have some lovely Irish names picked out to match your lovely Irish girl's name? (I remember it, one of my favorites.) I always liked Declan.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 3:14 PM

leslie - He, or she(referring to bb), is making dreadful unsubstantiated accusations. If true, he/she/it should go to Wapo, or to the police, not post what appears to me to be slander.

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:15 PM

Scarry - I'm still in favour of Lachlan myself...

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:16 PM

To the tune of "Hava Nagila"

Baba, go away, Baba, go away
Baba, go away
You fruitcake

Repeat

Baba, you're half-cracked
Baba, you talk smack
Baba, your attacks
Are those of a quack.


I am going to take the low road here and address you, though I know I shouldn't. I think I speak for the blog (minus Hillary) when I say get thee gone. It is laughable that you think any of us will believe anyone's stalking you outside of this blog. That's something you would do, but not pATRICK, or atb, and certainly not MN. Stop the madness, and come back when you can engage in civil discourse. Please.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 3:17 PM

WorkingMomX - I concur

Great song, too.

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:19 PM

laughing *at* you bb, *at* you...not with you

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:22 PM

We have a family named picked out this time, but I love both your suggestions.

Of course, it is Irish.

Posted by: Irishgirl | September 21, 2007 3:25 PM

Okay, here's a feeble attempt from a newbie -- just cuz I really want a chance at the virtual ride in the Creepy Van.

To the Brady Bunch theme

It's a story of a lovely Leslie
Who was struggling to find balance in her life
When she launched a blog to share her thoughts with others
And On Balance bloggers joined in with their strife

It's a story of a Dad named Brian
Who's irate that Dads just never get their due
So he contributed his posts to our On Balance
And WorkingMom and Fred and pATRICK argue still.

But then one day someone ordered up a contest
And the bloggers went to work throughout the night
As they wrote up songs to share with one another
Then for one day strife was turned to something bright!

Rock on y'all.

Posted by: anne.saunders | September 21, 2007 3:27 PM

Do not feed the energy creature.

Posted by: floomby | September 21, 2007 3:29 PM

scarry - I just had an interesting thought. This isn't directed to you at all...

How many parents would name their child their original name, say, 10 years later? I remember being totally surprised at the number of same names in the roll call in day care, etc. And then hearing from parents they thought they were being original!!! Alternative spellings, kids hate their names, etc...

I asked my boys if they liked their names...I'm lucky they said yes!

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:29 PM

anne - your first post? Brady rock???? love it.

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:31 PM

Apologies to Simon and Garfunkle - Sung to the tune of the Sounds of Silence:

Hello On Balance, my old friend
I've come to blog and with you again
Because my husband is a total jerk
He still insists that I go back to work
And the kids, they are in diapers and daycare
And in my hair
And I am losing balance.

In messy rooms I walk alone
Feeling like a housework drone
When neath the halo of a computer glare
I found a website where I now can share
All the highs and lows of a working mom with kids
Who's hit the skids
Inside the Blogs of Balance.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bloggers, maybe more
Bloggers trolling, IN ALL CAPS SHRIEKING
Bloggers advice and some support seeking
Bloggers writing songs on Friday,
On a dare
Singing the Blogs of Balance.

"Fools", said I, "The way to find
Balance in your state of mind
Is to find yourself a good husband
Who does not mind if you provide the funds
While he cooks and cleans and takes care of
the little kids
That is the way to balance

And the bloggers flamed and trolled
About a woman's proper role
Some said she should stay home and do the dishes
While her husband works and makes them richer
And the balance blog continued on its path....
Oh what a laugh....
Inside the Blogs of Balance.

Posted by: Emily | September 21, 2007 3:32 PM

May I suggest to Fred that there be two categories for winners: "list" lyrics, and non-"list."

Posted by: mehitabel | September 21, 2007 3:33 PM

Emily - your sahd lyric was really funny!

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:37 PM

Emily -- I LOVE IT!

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 3:40 PM

Emily that was awesome.

Dotted I would never name my kid my name. It is too common.

Posted by: Irishgirl | September 21, 2007 3:42 PM

Hope it's not too late in the day to note that MattInAberdeen's lyrics (8:41 AM) possessed a certain "Je ne sais quoi."

Posted by: mehitabel | September 21, 2007 3:43 PM

dotted,
Teachers see all those name trends. Every year, there are three or four (let's say) Megans in the class (two Megan, one Meghan and one Meigann or some other variation). You can always tell what tv show, movie or singer was popular ten years ago. Cracks me up. In a few years, I'll probably see another run on Taylor (this time for boys again), and I expect several poor girls saddled with 'Paris' to come up the ranks soon.
My sons have very boring (dare I say, generic) names, which always made it easy to pick them out in a school roll call -- they were usually the only ones with what I call 'normal' names -- and I never had to spell their first name (their last name makes up for it, though).

Posted by: educmom__615 | September 21, 2007 3:51 PM

scarry - see what I mean? I don't have a common name at all myself.

And in that spirit, here is my take on, and apologies, the first stanza of the late, great Johnny Cash's "A boy named Sue"

The blog goes crazy after it's three
anne, scarry, workingmom and Emily
Just this keyboard and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, no blame at all cause they run and hid
But the meanest thing that they ever did
Was before they left, they went and named me "Sue."

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 3:51 PM

Dotted, you've inspired me. Johnny Cash is turning in his grave. God help me, I'm posting another one.

To the tune of "Ring of Fire"

Parenting is a tricky thing
And it makes my heart sing
But sometimes I want to cry
And I look for help outside

That's when I go to the Post online
I find On Balance and on Emily's flan I dine
And the things I need
Become defined
Become defined

The taste of flan is sweet
And when our posts do meet
I dig in and say YUM-O
And the words just start to flow

That's when I go to the Post online
I find On Balance and on Emily's flan I dine
And the things I need
Become defined
Become defined

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 21, 2007 4:03 PM

inspiration indeed!

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 4:06 PM

To the tune of, appropriately, "Viva Las Vegas"

Breast feedin' mamas gonna set my screen
Gonna set my screen on fire
Got so many posts that I'm ready to burn
So set that bar up higher
There's a thousand hateful trolls waitin' out there
And they're all bloggin' the devil may care
I'm just the blogger with no time to spare
So Viva On Balance, Viva On Balance, Viva On Balance

Oh, how I wish that there were more
Than the twenty-four hours in the day
But even if there were forty more
I wouldn't sleep a minute anyway
Oh, there's bosses and children and bills to pay
Boost a creepy van, Fred's hot on my heels
All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel
So Viva On Balance, Viva On Balance, Viva On Balance

Viva On Balance with brilliant posters flashin'
And Fred's creepy van crashin'
All those quotes down the drain
Viva On Balance turnin' work into playtime
Turnin' lunch time into snark time
If you see it once
You'll never be the same again

Viva On Balance, Viva On Balance
I'm gonna sneak a peek
I'm gonna post each week
If it costs me my *expletive* job
If I wind up homeless, oh well
I'll always remember that I had a swingin' time
I'm gonna give it everything I've got
Host Leslie, please let the blog stay hot
KLB, MN - you always get a shot
Viva On Balance, up 'til the risin' sun
Viva On Balance, everybody's havin' fun
Viva On Balance, hey lucky you might be the one
Viva, Viva On Balance

Posted by: vegasmom89109 | September 21, 2007 4:14 PM

Wow, all of you are amazing! I love it! I'm so glad I had time to check in today. Sadly, all of my mental abilities, creative and otherwise, have been sapped for the week, so I will just have to cheer from the sidelines. Hope you all have enjoyable, musical weekends.

Posted by: LizaBean | September 21, 2007 4:18 PM

I am so very impressed with our merry crowd of bloggers. What a great day on the blog. Happy weekend all.

Posted by: Emily | September 21, 2007 4:20 PM

Dotted, interesting question about names.

My name is one that was not common when I was a kid, but is now very common for girls, and so when I'm out and about I often hear parents calling out my name and it still sometimes throws me off. Silly, I know, but it cracks me up.

Also, some government agency publishes a list of the most common names each year, which we looked at before we decided on our son's name. I can't remember which agency though.

Posted by: LizaBean | September 21, 2007 4:20 PM

Anything from Army Brat today?

I was hoping s/he could find something to rhyme with "Microsoft Sucks".

:-)

Posted by: ProudPapa15 | September 21, 2007 4:22 PM

This is the site. You can check popular names by year, by decade, etc etc. Another great way to waste your time!

http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

Posted by: LizaBean | September 21, 2007 4:23 PM

Oh, LizaBean, I too was on a research/writing deadline this week, so my poetic talents are also all tapped-out, and I empathize with you.

BTW, archy already typed a song to mehitabel in 1927 (as reported by Don Marquis), which is vastly superior to anything I could create:
http://www.donmarquis.com/readingroom/archybooks/song.html

Posted by: mehitabel | September 21, 2007 4:25 PM

test, 4:57 PM.

Posted by: mehitabel | September 21, 2007 4:57 PM

Vegas Mom - what a hoot!

I say, you all are a talented bunch.

Posted by: MN | September 21, 2007 4:59 PM

A parody album could be recorded from all of these. They are fantastic. I am in awe of your talent.

Posted by: KLB_SS_MD | September 21, 2007 5:05 PM

Last call for entries!

Get them in by 6 pm East Coast time.

Fred and I will judge and post final results by 7 pm (approx!).

In the meantime feel free to vote for your favorites if you haven't already.

Posted by: lpsteiner | September 21, 2007 5:29 PM

I've decided Emily's is now my favorite! That was great fun. I'm also impressed that baba spent so much energy focused on this blog and still couldn't squeeze out even one lame attempt at a song. And I hope pATRICK is OK. It's not like him to stay away all day.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 6:01 PM

The judges have decided, the Creepy Van tm is warmed up,

(drum roll please!)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 6:54 PM

...Hula Girl is swinging her hips...

(Leslie, where are you?)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 6:56 PM

(drum roll continues...)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 6:58 PM

(LESLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 6:59 PM

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES...PLEASE STAND BY!

Posted by: lpsteiner | September 21, 2007 7:02 PM

donde estas, Leslie?

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:03 PM

YAHOO

YOU ALL ARE TOTALLY AWESOME AND AMAZING.

EVERYONE GETS AN HONORABLE MENTION. VERY FINE WORK INDEED! WE HAVE HIT A NEW HIGH IN TOTAL LACK OF BALANCE HERE.

AFTER CONFERRING WITH FRED I HAVE SELECTED FIVE WINNERS:

BLOGS OF BALANCE
by EMILY

Hello On Balance, my old friend
I've come to blog and with you again
Because my husband is a total jerk
He still insists that I go back to work
And the kids, they are in diapers and daycare
And in my hair
And I am losing balance.

In messy rooms I walk alone
Feeling like a housework drone
When neath the halo of a computer glare
I found a website where I now can share
All the highs and lows of a working mom with kids
Who's hit the skids
Inside the Blogs of Balance.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand bloggers, maybe more
Bloggers trolling, IN ALL CAPS SHRIEKING
Bloggers advice and some support seeking
Bloggers writing songs on Friday,
On a dare
Singing the Blogs of Balance.

"Fools", said I, "The way to find
Balance in your state of mind
Is to find yourself a good husband
Who does not mind if you provide the funds
While he cooks and cleans and takes care of
the little kids
That is the way to balance

And the bloggers flamed and trolled
About a woman's proper role
Some said she should stay home and do the dishes
While her husband works and makes them richer
And the balance blog continued on its path....
Oh what a laugh....
Inside the Blogs of Balance.

A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
by BTPDUC748

What would you do
If I wrote about you,
in a blog of the Washington Post?

In On Balance you see,
lives ripe hypocracy.
Talk's getting' snarky all the time

Oh-
I get by with a little help from Leslie
Yeah -
I'm gonna try with a little help from Leslie

I will bicker anonymously -
I just need to vent my bad mood!
I'm imbalanced everybody!
Choosing between work and my brood.

Father of Four,
and Childless by Choice,
Catmommy and Working Mom X

Do you have a job?
Is your husband a slob?
Are you getting along with the opposite sex?

Oh-
I get by with a little help from the Post
Yeah -
I'm gonna try with a little help from the Post

We cant post anonymously!
We just could not get along.
All the mom's fight about balance
So I went and made up this song.

Oh-
I get by with a little help from the Post
Yeah -
I'm gonna try with a little help from the Post
(vamp)

ZIPPITY DO DA
by DANDYLION

zipity do da, zipity ay
My oh my, it's another Onbalance day
Plenty of discussion, heading my way
Cause I just Clicked Submit, with something snarky to say.

We have Mr Fred, a dad whom with I'm impressed
Cause he knows best about milking the female breast
please give him a shout
When Emily Londonmom or Irish Girl pop another one out.

Clickity do da, Clickity ay
When will KLB, MN and pATRICK chime in today?
I know they will show up
and toss rants, humor and virtual beverages our way

Moxiemom ATB and WorkingMomX are finished scrubbing the crapper
They couldn't be happier
Cause it's somewhat shadey
To hire the hispanic cleaning lady!

Clickity do da, Clickity ay
Plenty of sanctimony headed our way.
Cause Educmom sacrificed her life and became a teacher,
now on onbalance, she plays the preacher

zipity do da, zipity ay
We've got Foamgnome on finances, and Brian covering FMLA.
We've got a host of lawyers that have so much to say
They couldn't possibly throw their crackberries away.

Clickity do da, Clickity hey
Have you checked out the Onbalanced blog today.
If you post a parody song
The Creepy Van (with Hula girl) could be headed your way!

RESPECT
by EDUCMOM_615

What you want
Leslie she got
What you need
Do you know atb got it?
All I'm askin'
Is for a little respect when you log on (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get online
(just a little bit) pATRICK (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna pull a babbaboey on ya
Ain't gonna flame ya (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you log on (just for Emily)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get online (just a little flan)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my thinkin
And all I'm askin' in return, along with good grammar and perfect children,
Is to give WorkingMomX her profits
When you get online (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get log on (yeah. MattinAberdeen)
Yeah (just a little bit)

------ instrumental break ------

Ooo, your posts (oo)
They were silly, l'il husky (oo)
And guess what? (oo)
So is my no mo money (oo)
All I want you to do (oo) for me
Is listen to me when you get online (re, re, re ,re)
Yeah hillary (re, re, re ,re)
Whip it to meesh (respect her, just a little bit)
When you log on, now (just listen to sacrry)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care of SAHMs baby

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little HulaGirl (in the creepy van, creepy van,
creepy van, creepy van)
Whoa, babe (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (tryin to find)
Keep on postin' (catlady & mona)
Anon's runnin' out of trollin' (since thy had to change their sign)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(re, re, re, re) 'spect
When you log on (re, re, re ,re)
Or you might lurk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)

I POST EVERYDAY
by WORKING MOM X

I was checking the Washington Post on a lovely morning last May
When I noticed On Balance, and it caught my eye straight away
If you're a working parent trying to deal, check out what's inside
With Leslie Steiner at the helm, we're sure to learn to balance with pride
It's been 16 months and I can say I never thought it'd last
But the jokes on me, I sure haven't done this half-a$$ed

I post every day, man
I post every day, man
Monday through Friday, man
I post every day, man
And I'm not the only one, man
Who posts every day

We hear from
Brian
pATRICK
Fred from Louisiana
Fo4
ProudPapa
David S and other men
MN
Scarry
Irishgirl
Meesh and Mona
Songster
Blog Stats
Are there more?
Oh, the personas!
Leslie
ATB
Atlantamom and moxiemom
Catlady
Cbc
Watch out for her 'cuz she's a killer

We post every day, man
We post every day, man
Work gets in the way, man
But we post every day, man
Even when the blog's cliché, man
We post every day

There's also dotted
Mako
Hillary
Bababooey
Dandylion
Laura
Emily
Floomby
Chemguy
Miles
Matt in Aberdeen
LizaBean
Johnl
Pepperjade
Educmom
NCMom
Other moms
Other dads
What a grand old time we've had

We post every day, man
We post every day, man
Work gets in the way, man
But we post every day, man
Even when the blog's cliché, man
We post every day

We post every day.

WOW.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!

YOU MUST CHECK WITH FRED ABOUT DETAILS REGARDING THE CREEPY VAN RIDE. FRED?

Posted by: lpsteiner | September 21, 2007 7:09 PM

(the drummer has to leave NOW for his daytime job as a pizza deliveryman.)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:10 PM

Oh, damn, the Creepy Van (tm) is still broken! Let me get back to the winners on this!

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:12 PM

Emily -- Fred and I are in agreement that you have a special, perhaps totally useless, gift. Honored by your efforts.

Posted by: lpsteiner | September 21, 2007 7:15 PM

The Luddite Award Presented by Frieda goes to:

BTPDUC748

for

"With a Little Help from My Friends."

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:16 PM

The Grass Skirt Award presented by Hula Girl goes to:

EDUCMOM_615

For

RESPECT

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:17 PM

Um... Johnny Cash only sang, and didn't write "The Ballad of the Boy Named Sue" (trust me, being a girl named Sue when the song came out - AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!).

It was written by Shel Silverstein, who also wrote some pretty funny kids' books like "Uncle Shelby's A B Z's" and "The Giving Tree". He also wrote an even funnier song: "The Father of the Boy Named Sue" - but it's very adult!

Anyway, all the musical and poetic talents are DH's and 'da boys', so I thought I'd only be lurking and enjoying today. But you got me to come out (briefly) by taking my name in vain...

Posted by: sue | September 21, 2007 7:20 PM

Fred's Technical Merit Awards go to:

"Sweet Blog OB" by atb

"Leslie is just alright with me" by the Songster

"The Ballad of Fred" by cjbriggs

"Battle Hymn of the Troll" by floomby

"Brady Bunch theme" by anne saunders

"Viva On Balance" by Vegas Mom

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:29 PM

Fred's Special Shout Out Award to:

Rockvillemon for

"Where has all the time gone
In parenthood?"

Pretty heavy song esp. when your kids get older!

(end of awards)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 7:34 PM

I await the acceptance speeches.

I will not give one because, as you all know, the technical awards are given out at a separate ceremony that no one sees.

Posted by: vegasmom89109 | September 21, 2007 7:44 PM

Ditto what vegasmom said. I liked my Beastie Boys song better. This blog is showing it's age, especially when it ignored the wonderousness of DandyLion's BritBrit song. Dotted was robbed.

Posted by: atb2 | September 21, 2007 7:54 PM

Oh. My. Gawd.
I can't BELIEVE I WAS A WINNER!!! WOW!!! (high-pitched squealing & uncoordinated jumping)
Thank you! Thank you! Who knew?!
Now I have to write an acceptance speech, which I will give in the Creepy Van (tm). If my prize is a hula skirt, I promise to wear it -- over my nerdy little teacher jumper.
Have a great weekend! As a special treat, no homework!

Posted by: educmom_615 | September 21, 2007 8:08 PM

(A rare rebuttal from the judges on deep background only.)

The esteemed panel of judges showed their collective good taste by ignoring anything Brittany. The judges do have symphony for Dotted and atb but please recall that the Songster was shut out also.

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 8:10 PM

(amplification on comments on deep background.)

The Songster was shut out of the major awards. (Since Vegas Mom does not seem to value her technical merit award!)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 8:14 PM


I had a lot of fun today singing along to the other songs. They were all terrific, and most of them got me to laugh out loud. That's not good if you're checking in while your students are taking a test, by the way. I'm glad I didn't have to judge, because it would have been hard for me to pick a favorite (although I think Vegasmom should get SOME sort of bonus for geographic appropriateness).

I had some fun messin' with Aretha too, I ain't lyin'.

Everyone who submitted a song should get 10 bonus points (like the points on Whose Line Is It Anyway), and anyone who didn't submit a song but enjoyed the songs posted gets 2 bonus points.

And pATRICK, who was aBSENT today, loses 2 points!

Posted by: educmom_615 | September 21, 2007 8:18 PM

Eagerly awaiting acceptance speeches as well as wardrobe details.

Posted by: lpsteiner | September 21, 2007 8:19 PM

Au contraire, Fred. I cherish my award. I will put it on my virtual fireplace for all the virtual world to see. I was merely referring to the treatment that winners of technical awards are typically treated.

*sob* You like me, you really like me . . . .

Posted by: vegasmom89109 | September 21, 2007 8:21 PM

Oh God, it's 5pm on Friday, I can tell.

Let's try again.

I was merely referring to the 2nd class treatment typically enjoyed by the winners of technical awards.

*cue "get off the stage NOW" music*

Posted by: vegasmom89109 | September 21, 2007 8:24 PM

VM

Fred was not quoted about the Tech Merit awards, remember, it was on deep background.

But you must tell the judges the wardrobe details!

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 8:24 PM

Dammit, I knew you all were to old for house of pain.

Just kidding, Emily's was my favorite!

Posted by: Irishgirl | September 21, 2007 8:35 PM

TMZ reports this:

Fred, was wearing a traditional black tuxedo with a very discreet OB pin in 24 kt gold on his label.

Leslie was wearing an Carolina Herrera evening gown in a stunning midnight blue with a simple but stunning pearl necklace and matching earrings. Shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 8:38 PM

Acceptance speech

In a deep Husky voice:
Thank you! Especially Leslie and Fred for hosting this special day on Onbalance. Your efforts will surely be honored and remembered as one of the best blogs ever.

Ahen.
And for all those that made the winners circle - Group Hug, and a kiss on the cheek! And if I may, can I run my fingers through your hair? You know I'm blind, so if you don't mind, well, I see by sense of feel. Is it not fair?

And Meesh, Dotted VegasMom and everybody else that submitted a song, you had me in stitches all day. I've always said that this blog is about the people and I'm happy to play a part where I can learn and share from so many people I'll never meet.

I want to love others in the best possible way.
So thank you all for making my day!

Posted by: DandyLion | September 21, 2007 9:48 PM

TMZ reported quite the dust-up at the On Balance song parody awards today.

The Technical Merit recipients crashed to stage, led by a tall woman teetering in 5-inch heels who almost blinded the audience with the thousands of sequins adorning her skimpy outfit. A push-up bra and a lot of fruit completed the ensemble.

After shoving their way to the podium, the leader had this to say:

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

She then left the awards ceremony with her date, who wore a bell-bottomed, sequin-encrusted jumpsuit.

Posted by: vegasmom89109 | September 21, 2007 10:17 PM

Carmen Miranda and Popeye the Sailor Man?

Posted by: ffarkel | September 21, 2007 10:24 PM

I heart you,
I really heart you!

Posted by: dotted_1 | September 21, 2007 10:26 PM

Fred's Special Shout Out Award to:

Rockvillemon for

"Where has all the time gone
In parenthood?"

Pretty heavy song esp. when your kids get older!

(end of awards)

Posted by: Fred | September 21, 2007 07:34 PM

Thanks Fred!

Posted by: rockvillemom | September 22, 2007 3:43 PM

(Stands there crying and shaking, holding the keys to the creepy van and sportin' a hula skirt)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Leslie Steiner, MN, Scarry, Emily. It's for the women that post beside me, educmom, Laura, atlmom, atb. And it's for every nameless, faceless woman who posts who now has a chance because this door tonight has been opened. Thank you. I'm so honored. I'm so honored. Thank you.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 24, 2007 8:24 AM

Hey, Look at that!!!!!
I won something. I am so surprised and honored. Sorry to acknowledge so late. I was really bummed on Friday because I found out at the end of the day that I failed my second glucose test and will have to give up ice cream and cake for the duration of this pregnancy. Sigh.

But winning the song parody contest almost, almost makes up for it. Now I have to go find some other vice, since my sugar habit has to go.

Posted by: Emily | September 24, 2007 9:36 AM

WorkingMomX - your acceptance speech was the funniest post of the day, LOL! Thanks for brightening a sucky Monday.

Posted by: MN | September 24, 2007 12:45 PM

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