I had very comprehensive sex ed, and a mom who talked to me about it, and read books like our bodies, our selves. That, and the fact that teenage pregancy was not an option (would have been like coming home and saying I had robbed a bank/gone to mars), kept me from having sex as a teenager.
The only reservation about the book is that it might encourage teenage girls to try the rhythm method, which has a high failure rate for adults.
Does anyone know any good books for boys? I have boys, and so many people think that it is not an issue since "they cant get pregnant." Sorry, I dont want them to become a teenage parent, get a disease, or engage in promiscous/unsafe behaviour any more than if they were girls. This double standard reaaly bugs me. I do talk to them about sex, drugs, alcohol, but I am thinking my 10 year old might like a book as he is getting embarassed talking to mom about these things (and way too embarassd to talk to Dad.)

For Jessker:

What's Going on Down There?
Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask
Karen Gravelle
Illustrated by Robert Leighton

For boys 10-14

I found it on www.chinaberry.com

To the best of my knowledge, my stepdaughter has not read that book, although I'll ask her later today when we talk. It kind of makes me giggle that explaining to a teenage girl (the ones who would be reading the book, anyway) about charting your temperature, etc., and how to tell you're ovulating, makes some people fear that girls would use this information to get pregnant. I have a teen, I've taught teens, and they really do not operate that way.

I would almost certainly recommend this book to my teenage daughter but I'd want to read it first and then discuss it with her as she read it. I did read Toni's other book when we were trying to get pregnant and found it fascinating -- and slightly disturbing that there was so much I didn't know about my own body.

When I was about 12 My mother shoved a pamphlet into my hands and hissed 'Here, read this and don't let the boys (my 2 brothers) see it.' That was my first and only discussion with my mother. Everything else I learned from gym class and other girls going through 'the curse.' My mother never mentioned any part of the body below the neck -- I guess she didn't want to put any ideas into our heads. Mom routinely beat my older sister when she came home from dates. Imagine your mother waiting with a paddle to whip you when you came home from your prom. I was expected to be the sacrificial daughter, the spinster child who stayed home to care for her parents in their old age. So, I planned my escape. Left home at 19, never went back and never married. Everything I am today I owe to my mother.

My daughter (now a senior in high school) knew all that stuff by the time she started middle school.

Are there really parents who don't talk about such things?

I really can't remember what, if anything my parents told me about sex. I know they stressed that waiting for marriage was important, but beyond that, it's pretty fuzzy.

I do, however, remember that the overarching theme of the information I got on sex as a teenager was that getting pregnant is extremely easy. It seems like all I heard as a teenager and young adult was that getting pregnant was so likely that I probably shouldn't even risk being naked in the same room with a guy if we didn't have a condom (in case it's not clear, I'm exxagerating, but not by much).

Imagine my surprise when I started thinking about getting pregnant on purpose. The fertility and pregnancy books make it seem like it'll be a miracle if you get pregnant at all, and even if you do, you'll probably have a miscarriage anyway.

So, I'm all for giving kids (both boys and girls) as much information as they can understand to explain how their bodies work. I don't honestly think it will lead to an uptick in promiscuity to educate kids.

Just to clear something up, Weschler's new book does not go into the same level of detail as TCOYF (i.e. her first book) in terms of charting. Also, it is not called the "rhythm method", which is not very effective. Charting, through basal body temperature and/or cervical mucus, is actually quite effective.

So, before anyone gets too hysterical, they should at least understand what the book does, and does not, say.

I have a daughter on the way. I would read the book first to get an idea of what was discussed. Then, give to her for us to discuss together. Hopefully, and I would encourage it, this would lead to a larger discussion of sex.

Look, my mom was an RN and her "sex talk" was very biological: ovaries, fallopian tubes, etc. I didn't know what the (bleep) she was talking about. We never spoke about it -or sex or dating- again. And, she was a nurse! Also, I went to Catholic School where I got NO substantive sex ed other than an overview of the reproduction system in science class. Many of my firends are in the same boat.

I plan on being much more open with my daughter. I see information as a good thing. It demystifies the topic and hopefully will help her make good decisions.

My mom actually did a fair enough job explaining the peculiarities of the female reproductive system to me. Growing up in an evangelical household, however, she didn't really add anything about STDs or even how sex is something people do for fun, not just to make babies. I figured that out for myself when a classmate got pregnant in 8th grade.

But back to the book...I started at a gynocologist when I was 14 for irregular periods. I'm a regular visitor to her office thanks to everything down there that doesn't work. My mom's knowledge only went so far, and a book like this would have been great. Back in those turbulent years when I could only ask "WHY???" I was having such problems with my periods and hormones and all, I wish there was a book for me that dug deeper into how my reproductive system worked beyond the basics. I'm sad that only recently in my mid-20s did I come across TCOYF and was able to better understand all that was wrong down there.

Obviously I didn't get "the talk" most of you are talking wrt women and their daughters, but my dad was about as clueless as some of your moms were with you.

On my 16th birthday, he bought me a razor, shaving cream and aftershave, telling me "you are going to need these now". That was it...uhhh, thanks dad.

On my wedding day, he attempted, in a very clumsy, hesitating manner, to explain to me what to expect that evening when I was finally alone with my new bride.

(I had been dating this woman for three years while at a university, unsupervised in any way, while she lived off campus for at least part of that time.)

Needless to say, I managed to keep a straight face when I thanked him for his advice. No need to disturb his fantasy that his son was still a virgin on his wedding day...

MD Mother, thanks for the reccomendation.

To clear up the confusion, I was afraid that some girls might use the information to prevent pregancy, i.e. charting ovulation, but that would not be the fault of the book: I could see girls who were not given info/discouraged or prevented from going to the obgyn or clinic trying to use info in the book. But that is part of a whole broader issue (lack of education/access to health care.)
My mom answered every question, even the one about when she first had sex (thanks, Mom.) Pre-AIDS, our sex ed (DCPS) covered every form of STD (with pictures) and every form of BC, including their failure rates. Abstinence only? Please. Knowledge was much more efective in preventing me from having sex as a teenager.

I can't imagine why anyone would see anything bad in girls understanding their bodies -- what is this discharge all about? how do things work? I am 36 and just now reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, as I'm trying to get pregnant, and until now I NEVER knew anything about ovulation. I would not have used the information for teenage birth control, but it sure would have been nice to know this stuff about me.

My policy is and will be (my kiddos are 5 and 11 mos) that abstinence is preferred, but if my kids are going to engage in pre-marital sex (and they probably will), I also want them to understand that A) sexuality is healthy and normal, B) sex should happen between two consenting, mature and responsible people, and C) their young bodies are ready for things their young minds and lives are not ready to handle.

This was my parents policy and while I was HUGELY embarrassed by my mom's repeated insistance on talking about sex, bodies, and the consequences, it was good to know where my parents stood.

As for educating boys, I agree there is far to little out there and most sex-ed is geared toward telling girls to keep their legs closed.

I am all for promoting abstinence but it cannot be taught in a vacuum. While my mom was pretty thorough, what she never talked about was the emotional and psycological impact of sex on me as a participant and sex's impact on a couple's relationship. So often, I think girls (and women) feel that sex will make a relationship better. It can. But if one party is simply using the other of physical gratification, it can be extremely hurtful. Teens are mainly concerned about avoiding pregnancy and feel that it is something that simply won't happen. But what they aren't thinking about (often until after the fact) is how engaging in behavior they know their families disapprove of, will make them feel about themselves.

As an old married lady, there are times where I wish my DH had been given more information about what happens to women's bodies. Maybe then I wouldn't find him so irritating during certain times of the month. Or not.

I remember a "girls only" assembly in the 6th grade. I brought the info home to share with my mom and she put it away! Needless to say, when I got my period the first time, I never told her and I remember overhearing a conversation she was having with her friend about it. My mother never talked to me about anything. And at 33 and 63, we still don't!

I "learned" about it from watching cheesy after school specials (anyone else remember them?) and reading Teen and Seventeen Magazine. And one of my mom's friends gave me "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" -- I hated that book! Some of my friends had older sisters, so they got info from them and passed it along -- of course some of it wasn't true!

I remember when I was about 23 (done with college, living back home) going to the Ob Gyn for the first time and my mother freaking out because you only went there for one thing in her mind. I'm sure she thinks I lost my virginity years ago. At 33, I still have it. I have a few regrets on that. Maybe I would have enjoyed college more if I didn't have the fear of my mother in me!!

Hopefully, if I ever have kids, I'll do things differently.

Wow, I was really lucky. My mother was always really open with me about sex-- I don't remember not knowing the basics (though she always told it as "the story of how I was born" with the conception part glossed over at first). This was one of my favorite stories to hear when I was 4-6, since it would end in my birth and how happy she was, etc.

She bought me one of the educational picture books when I was about 7, and later had me watch the Nova special about how babies are made. She also told me it should be only for people who loved each other very much.

My parents were very open about it and I was able to comfortably ask them some of the naive questions that kids want to know (although they did eventually become part of family legend-- watching the Nova video of releasing the sperm, I asked my dad if it hurt).

Overall, it gave me a great outlook on healthy loving sexuality that I hope to pass on to my children.

When I was in kindergarten my mom checked out a book about where babies come from. They read it all to me except one page, which I can to this day describe in detail, that actually explain sex. So for a while I knew all about eggs and sperm but thought you got pregnant from hugging (per the picture of a cartoonish man and woman getting ready to hug).

In second grade my mom and I sat on the recliner and she explained it out. My initial thought was gross. We had talks about it all as I got older explaining things as they came up. I do however remember her asking me in seventh grade if I knew was oral sex was (it was in the news, some scandal) and I said, sure, phone sex (made sense to me, you talk in an oral exam). She laughed and didn't elaborate (dropped the ball there, mom).

My Catholic schools I think had pretty good sex ed. We learned alot about the mechanics of both boys and girls bodies (it was coed all together) the girl side of which I already knew from home (the boys were mystified about the girl stuff). My high school explained contraceptive methods. Our Jesuit-written religion book began the rhythm method section with "People who use the rhythm method are commonly called parents." Best sentence ever.

My grandma (dad's side) was always slightly appalled by how much I knew. My dad's argument to her was that he "learned everything in the gutter." However, my dad and I never talked about any of this (thankfully). He would sometimes give me halting bits of advice about the male mind that didn't have much to do with sex but have been slightly useful none the less.

My Aunt was a gyncologist and we got a book on how babies were made pretty young. I think early elementary school. Then my mother was always open and honest about sex and I learned everything about my period and stuff before the 5 th grade class on periods. I really don't know why parents would have a problem with a girl understanding how their bodies work. I feel bad there is not an equivalent book for boys. I did learn all about the thermal symptomatic method during my precana classes for marriage. To be honest, there is efficacy rates and usage rates. An efficacy rate says what is the % of failures if the method is used properly. The efficacy rate for the TSM method is quite good. As good as more standard forms of BC. But the usage rates says what is the % of failure across all users. That is where the TSM does not perform as well as other forms of BC because it is labor intensive. And let's face it, life gets in the way of a lot of our plans. But I still think it is beneficial to learn the stuff and was surprised how much I learned from the class. Overall, knowledge is power. So let's keep educating our kids.

Columbia, MD: Don't feel bad. I grew up scared to death of my mother. The fear of her was worse than any fear I felt living out in the cold, cruel world! I never smoked because she would have beaten me to a pulp if she found cigarettes in my room. STDs, unwanted pregnancy, cancer or emphasema would have been a piece of cake compared to what my mother would do to me!

Parents should be concerned about THREE things--disease, pregnancy and low self esteem. Everything else is just funny, weird, embarassing, tender and awkward memories of the teen years. I am in my mid 30's and I regret NOTHING from my teen years. Parents seem to forget that they were young once. They seem to forget things they did in cars, their parents or friend's parents house. As I wrote before--if you don't get a disease or pregnant and if you dont feel bad about yourself--what is the big deal?

You missed one- getting raped or assaulted, which is a fairly common problem (date rape).

I'm for giving young women and men all the CORRECT information that's available. I got correct information from my mom -- although she couldn't talk to me, she gave me plenty of good literature and I knew where to look for more. Even at age 40 I have female friends who are deeply ignorant about the basic facts of biology and reproduction. It has stunned me how little these women, who came of age during the Women's Movement, know about their bodies, despite all the information that was available to us. PLEASE give your child all the correct information you can find.

My mom gave me the talk when I received a birthday card from my new 'brother'. this 'brother' was the child of my father, who was separated from but still married to my mother, and his live-in girlfriend. I don't remember how she mangaged to explain how babies were made and still have me believe that sex was for married people, but she did !!!

Just want to encourage everyone to give your kids the correct information as soon as it's appropriate for them. I'm in my early 20s, and my boyfriend and I recently had a pregnancy scare. He somehow thought that women's periods are unborn fetuses coming out (???); I was able to explain not only how my cycle works but also how it's affected by my birth control pill thanks entirely to the books my mom gave me when I was 11 about how my body was changing and what it meant. You can't just assume that gaps in your kids' knowledge will eventually be correctly filled in. For me, understanding my body meant feeling comfortable with it meant being confident about it meant never feeling vulnerable about doing something sexual I wasn't ready for.

I haven't read Toni's newest book, but my own two kids wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for the first one. I learned things in TCOYF that I really *should* have been taught by someone along the way.

My mother was an OBGYN nurse and even she never taught me any of the important stuff -- never felt comfortable having "those" conversations I suppose.

We all got the usual schpiel: here's a pad, etc., but I had to learn about tampons from a friend of mine and handled the fear of potential pregnancy following a date-rape when I was 16 all on my own.

I say anything that helps open up a dialogue between teens and their parents is a good thing.

I also learned all my sex ed at Catholic School. They taught us about our cycles (not in the detail of TCOYF) and about various methods of contraception. It was all in the spirit of "This is stuff adults should know and school is where you learn stuff that you will need to know as an adult". I learned the symptothermal method as a newlywed. It works well but it's very labor intensive. I don't think it's critical for teen girls to learn it, but I think it should be more widely taught than it is for adult women.

Ironically, when my catholic teenage friend got pregnant, everyone's response was (puzzled): if she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend, why didn't she use birth control? Her response was: because that would make the sin 10 times worse. Their response was: what are you talking about?

I went to a public school in NY (graduated high school in 2000) and remember being taught that if you have sex, you WILL get pregnant, you WILL get a disease, you WILL pass on that disease to those you love/family members. This is modern-day public school! I was taught that condoms and birth control methods are not very effective; no one ever went into why a woman cannot get pregnant at certain times throughout the month. I understand that they just wanted kids to abstain, however, it's foolish to withhold information.

Oh - another great one - I didn't learn until a college class that most STDs can be treated with antibiotics! I was always taught that once you have it, you have it for LIFE.

My own history is bad- my mother told me at 17 that I could go to her or anyone of the other female elders of the family and get on the pill if I wanted.

This was our one and only direct discussion of sex. I'd been sexually active over a year at that point.

I taught myself and got a good chunk of the bio from school.

I was stunned when my boyfriend at 22 had no idea what a period really was or what a tampon was or anything about a woman's cycle. He'd lived with his mother his entire life.

It is truly astounding how we can put all this energy into statewide tests for world knowledge, but talking about our own bodies and relationships is so wrong.

The problem of course being genetic- we teach what we learn, and most of us never learned how to have a good discussion with parents about relationships and personal stuff, so they have no idea how to do it with THEIR kids.

IMO the more information you give out, the more informed and educated a choice they will make. And that's what raising a person is about.

I am a male raised by two parents but it was a matriarchal family. It was during the late 50s and early 60s for my sex ed which was the same as everyone else those damn pamphlets with one exception; the rules
1. Only poets can kiss and tell. Whatever you do with a girl you never tell anyone.
2. Don't get a girl pregnant. And if you do get a girl pregnant be a man about it don't blame her or someone else.
3. If you ever force yourself on a girl I will cut your balls off. (This was my mom and I was 12 years old)
4. You will learn to cook, wash, clean, sew because when you get married you will do it for love not because you need a maid.

This sex served me well.

Here's the entire sex talk I got from mother: Nice people don't talk about those things.

That was it. However, she would also object to sex ed in school and say that it "belonged in the home."

I got my sex ed from books and Cosmo. One of the reasons I didn't have sex as a teenager was because I had studing the articles and charts about BC that the magazine regularly published. So I KNEW how easy it was to get pregnant and the failure rate for various forms of protection.

It was better that way, my mother never would have been able to provide that information. She got really upset when she found out I was using tampons and nearly lost her mind when my younger sister asked me to teach her how to use them. Clearly, she thought only non-virgins could use them. Should someone with so little knowledge about a subject be responsible for teaching that subject?

A friend of mine was telling me about a friend of hers who was a young adult police officer (this detail to establish a rough idea of her age and intelligence), but who knew absolutely nothing about charting her menstrual cycle or ovulation or anything else about the befores and afters of getting pregnant, which she wanted to be. My friend basically sat this misinformed soul down and in ten minutes' time covered the whole deal. My friend said that the shock that this girl showed was utterly priceless.

Protect our daughters Citibank won't, they knew about the rape....Read Below Letter Sent March 24th,
Citibank ethics the rape the molesters their lies and more, please sign
Please sign our petition at Care2.com--And pray for justice.
I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I GET JUSTICE FOR ALL
I FEEL I WAS FIRED FOR PUTTING MY DAUGHTERS NEEDS FIRST
Please help us if you can along with the Senator, the letter below were sent to the Senator
Go to---http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/937399751, then type in "Working mother and Citibank ethics' for search .or, www.thepetitionsite.com/
go to, www.thepetitionsite.com/ http://my.care2.com/dcsbears
then click on sign a petition
go to the bottom of the page, click on all petition
go down to the 'w' and click on Working mother and Citibank ethics
at the bottom of the petition click on ' sign petition' they will ask you if this is Damari, click on log out and cintinue from there
I need 1000 signatures within 4 months or my petition will be taken off I have would have to start over, please sign and tell a friend.
Working mother at Citibank, how did they make the list of the "Best 100 Companies for Working Mothers? Fired for putting daughters needs first? Fired via UPS, 12 days before Christmas?
Why would a man who feels and believes that what he is doing is right, hide behind a letter of termination by sending it via UPS? Because he was afraid to do it in person and was too much of a coward to wait for me to return? Or because he was on a power trip? Or is he just mean and unsure of himself? None of this makes sense.
Please forward to anyone that could help us, thanks.
Keep this story going so we can get help. Tell a friend to tell a friend, how else can the little guy fight corporate America?
Working mother at Citibank, how did they make the list of the "Best 100 Companies for Working Mothers?
Please forward to anyone that could help us, thanks.
Keep this story going so we can get help. Tell a friend to tell a friend, how else can the little guy fight corporate America
March 24 2007
To: Senator Barbara Boxer
Also: Jason J Chan,
1700 Montgomery Street, Suite 240
San Francisco, Ca.94111

Dear Senator Barbara Boxer, Re: Response by the U.S. Department of Labor

I agree that I mentioned to Ronan Byrne that Citibank had violated the Family and Medical Leave Act, but I don't believe that I said , I was fired for taking FMLA. I have never felt that I was fired for that reason. FMLA was never brought up to me by Citibank, FMLA was brought up to me by Met Life after papers were filed for STD. In fact, Met Life had told me not to fill out the papers for FMLA just STD and LTD.
In, October 2005 I was told that the bank was going to start opening on Saturday, I explained to the manager that this would be stressful and a financial burden for my family and I. I explained that my husband worked Saturdays and my daughters was involved in sports, on the volleyball team and that I was team mom. I explained to him that I feared leaving my daughter alone because I had been raped at her age and molested earlier in life. I explained that earlier that year my daughter had been followed home and that is why I was cutting my hours back from 5 to 3. A police report was filed with Seaside PD. I also explained to Citibank how many child molesters there our within ½ mile of my house, and I explained that my daughter had tryouts on Nov. 5, 2005 in Salinas and my husband was already scheduled to work. Although the manager had two other tellers scheduled for that day he would not allow me to change weekends. On Nov. 7 and 8, my blood pressure was up and the doctor told me to take the rest of day off on the 7th and the 8th. Although I did not wish to work Saturdays to care for my daughter , the manager had asked me to go home and talk to my family, which I did. The manager also suggested that I bring my daughter to work and have her go in the back room and watch videos. The manger asked me to meet him half way and at least work one. After talking to my family I asked if I could work on the 3rd Saturday of every month along with my 5 days a week scheduled, my husband agreed to take the 3rd Saturday of each month off to tend to my daughters needs. Two days or so after I discussed this with the manager he calls me just as I am getting off of work and said ":sorry it will have to be 2 Saturdays a month. Yet a teller with less seniority and not as good as I was asked for Tuesdays and Thursdays off and it was granted. I was only asking for one day off a month she was asking for 8 days off a month and she requested this about 3 weeks after my request.
On the first Saturday that I was schedule they already had 2 other tellers and the managers boss had spoken to me on my cell phone while I was at the doctors office with my daughter waiting to see the doctor. I told her that my daughter had tryouts and that I was driving her there as long has she wasn't to ill to tryout. My daughters ended up having bronchitis . During our conversation I had said I wouldn't be in and the manager had also been told along with the supervisor bit I was threaten with a write up if I didn't go in. Why was the manager flexible with Andrea schedule and not mine. Why was it ok for her to do her homework at the counter, leave about $10,000.00 out and never get written up?
The manager wrote me up, 5 days later, he could have written me up on the 7th, 8th, 9th, but didn't , he wrote me up after getting my letter and calling me to find out if the letter was just for him, which it was. The following Saturday that I was scheduled was the 19th, and on the 17th I had gone to the doctors, after work, my blood pressure was up again and the doctor put me out of work for the 18th, 19th,and 20th. The state that in early November, 2005, that I didn't show up to work during the week, this is a LIE and I had always called in. The only time that I personally didn't call in was on12/12/05 because my doctor had called in for me due to my blood pressure and also faxed in a note. Andrea had her mother call in for her and she didn't get fired but my doctor calls in for me and I get fired, why? Citibank did not decide to terminate me in November, Jeff Ursino decided to terminate me because I ask that I be contacted via email to protect me health. I f Citibank had decided to fire me then were was my final check and exit interview and why fire me in the middle of a workers comp pending case? California codes were not follow by Jeff Ursino or the bank. When I requested my file there was no notes that I record had been reviewed or that HR gave Jeff Ursino permission to fire me, why? I was given a medical note not to work on Dec. 6th and then it was extended on Dec. 12 -16th. Citibank states or the letter from US Dept. Of Labor that I sent in my note at the same time that I was being sent the termination letter, yet another lie.
Kathleen Munoz had been faxed the disability note on the 12th of Dec. Jeff Ursino decided to fire me on 12/13/05, sometime after 1:45 pm, after reading my email. At that point the manager suggested to HR that I be terminated immediately, although he acknowledges receiving my email. I f the termination letter was being sent out at the same time I was sending my note in were was my final paycheck? Citibank rescinded the termination because I did not qualify for unemployment and State disability due to a program the bank carries. But had I not gone thru these steps they would not have rescinded their decision. They rescinded , in my opinion because they realized that Jeff Ursino had made some errors, they ignored that I was ill and they realized that he fired me during an open workers comp case. In fact, Chrys Smith, of HR ,called Carla at Travelers Insurance for workers comp on the 14th of Dec. 2005 to see how the case was going, at that point she was told that it would probably be denied, but she never mention to workers comp that I had been terminated via UPS the day before. I did not apply for workers comp at the end of my Short Term Disability Leave Plan, the workers comp case was started 11/22/05, or so.
Again just more lies by Citibank, Jeff Ursino and Kathleen Munoz.
Citibank continues to give false statements. Please don't stop helping us they are not telling the truth. You have returned my binder to me, thank you , but the proof is all in there, now what do I do? Citibank did not behave in good faith, not fair and equal treatment of all employees. They would tell clients that I left to work for my husband or that I was on vacation, anything but the truth.
Sincerely,
Damari Stratford, 1291 Ord Grove Ave, Seaside, Ca 93955 831-583-9077