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Domestic Discord

As summer began, I took my son for audiological/hearing, functional vision, educational, sociocultural, psychological and speech/language screenings with Child Find. Depending on the exams, the appointments could take anywhere from an hour-and-a-half to half a day. My son appeared to do quite well in some areas, not nearly as well in others. Some examiners had great success in engaging my son, while others ran into his stubborn or disinterested streak.

Without a full overview, I was piecing together my own evaluation. It was clear that he would need some help in speech and language. At least we were able to rule out any physical hearing issues. My son aced the audiological and hearing screenings.

I reported back to my wife after each appointment. One night, after things had not gone well to the degree that an appointment had to be rescheduled, we got into a brief but highly emotional argument. My wife reasserted her view that she didn't think our son had autism, and never had. She also was skeptical about the educational development evaluation, saying it was probably too early to fully diagnose conditions like ADHD.

I lost it, telling her she wasn't at the appointments and wasn't seeing how poorly our son performed on some tests. There was more than a hint of accusation in my language and tone, which was harsh.

To be fair, I know that nothing is more important to my wife than our children's welfare and she did not deserve accusations. She is extremely well-read, analytical and had done her own research.

We reconciled immediately. I apologized for the outburst. She agreed that the evaluation through Child Find could prove helpful and she would be there for future appointments when I asked her to be. I told her I was withholding judgment on autism, but there were definitely some issues we'd need to accept and address. We promised to try to understand and support each other emotionally.

I think that what we had here was a failure to communicate fully, but also an example of a divide over early intervention vs. overdiagnosis, which isn't just an argument in our home.

In our case, it was evident that we weren't exactly on the same page, which left me, the overly concerned parent, feeling a little like the main supporter in my support network wasn't fully on board. That's not true now, nor was it then, really.

But it begs the question: Are such divides -- great or small -- common among parents who have children with special needs?

[Final note: I'm sure this post will stir strong feelings and comments. I just want to go on record that I am truly grateful for the love and support of my wife. And I'm certain she could write an unending blog on my shortcomings as a partner and parent.]

By Mike Snyder |  November 13, 2007; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Child Development
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Comments


"Are such divides -- great or small -- common among parents who have children with special needs?"

Every parent has a child with special needs!

Posted by: DandyLion | November 13, 2007 7:49 AM | Report abuse

Excellent point, DandyLion! Also, I'm sure there are divides between parents on a myriad of issues, great and small. (BTW, I hate labels, and maybe this isn't the best terminology, but it's all I've got right now.)

Posted by: Mike | November 13, 2007 8:18 AM | Report abuse

My husband and I are going through a huge period of discord after the Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis. I'm trying, with the OT, to accomodate my son's needs and read his tantrums as more than just a tantrum. My husband refuses to believe that his outbursts are caused by anything other than his age. I can tell the difference between a regular "I'm 2" tantrum and one caused by overstimulation of his sensory inputs. I'm also angry because my husband doesn't attend OT and doesn't hear first hand what we are discussing about our son.

Posted by: md | November 13, 2007 8:26 AM | Report abuse

I would think parents in circumstances like your are under enormous pressure, and that some emtotional conflicts are inevitable. It sounds like you and your wife managed to cool down pretty quickly---I'd say you're doing well. All best to the two of you and your son.

Posted by: Chantooz | November 13, 2007 8:48 AM | Report abuse

I have an 8 year old nephew who has had behavioral "issues" since he was about 2. He has had all kinds of sensory processing testing and evaluations, yet has never been diagnosed with anything. I am convinced a large part of the problem is poor parenting, which I have observed through the years. My wife disagrees somewhat, thinking the boy may have Auspergers syndrome. My wife and I are concerned about lack of progress with his issues, but don't know the best way to proceed (if at all). Parenting styles vary greatly and telling a couple they are not doing a good job as parents is probably the worst thing you could tell them. I would appreciate any suggestions from others who have been in this situation.

Posted by: concerned uncle | November 13, 2007 8:54 AM | Report abuse

Yes, I think parents often disagree about what is best for the child. And I think it might help if your wife took your son to some of the evaluations, so she can see what you see. But I think there is a grey area between socially awkward introverts and mild forms of autism. I think my daughter and your son sort of fall into that grey area. But what is really important is to know and remind yourself is the label is not important. And I know that is hard because autism is scary. But that getting your son the right services is what is really important. Who cares if he is just socially awkward or mildly autistic. Really it is just about getting him help. I do agree with last weeks poster that the vast majoritiy of these kids will be just fine with intervention and time. You guys are holding it together and that is what is important.

concerned uncle: I don't think telling them that is poor parenting is going to help. Let them get a professional diagnosis and then go from there. But no one wants to hear what others think of their parenting skills.

Posted by: foamgnome | November 13, 2007 9:10 AM | Report abuse

I think divides like this are par for the course (and as DandyLion said, divides between parents on how to raise the children are perfectly normal under any circumstances!). Partly I think it's because denial is a not-uncommon way to deal with bad news, and partly it's because many, or even most, couples have one parent who is the primary person responsible for kid-related things. This parent will be the one who notices things that are off-kilter first and will be the one going to the doctors appointments and parent-teacher conferences and taking the child to the playground and the library. Of *course* this parent will be more likely to notice and accept a diagnosis of a developmental delay.

I participate in an autism support messageboard and pretty much once a week we get a new person posting asking for help because their spouse just doesn't believe that their child is autistic. The sad cases are the ones where the spouse thinks the child is just being stubborn and only needs some serious discipline to snap out of it. Others don't want their child participating in school-based therapies because they don't want their child singled out in this way that they see as very negative.

I've been very lucky in that my husband and I have pretty much been on the same page in getting our son diagnosed and treated. Maybe that was because we both were involved actively in the evaluation process, but maybe it's also just because it was so obvious that something was seriously wrong with our son and the diagnosis was almost a relief: so THAT'S what's going on! Of course!

Posted by: Sarah | November 13, 2007 9:12 AM | Report abuse

Does this remind anyone of "Mr. Holland's Opus" in that one parent seems unwilling to accept what is obvious to the other parent about their child? In the movie, of course, there was no way, in the long run, to deny their child's lack of hearing, but Mr. Holland definitely resisted all the way, even refusing to become completely fluent in ASL.

Anyway, I think it's inherent in many parents to resist the idea that there's something wrong with their child. It's easier to rationalize and try to come up with alternative explanations. For some parents, it's just too frightening to imagine their child with this problem. It's also hard for some parents to imagine their lives dealing with the difficulties associated with their child's problems.

When one parent is open to finding out their child's problem, the other parent usually takes the opposite, more reassuring stance. It creates "balance" in the emotions of their relationship, but sometimes one side becomes too entrenched in their point of view, ignoring what has become obvious to the other parent.

Posted by: Ryan | November 13, 2007 9:39 AM | Report abuse

My ex-husband and I view my high-functioning autistic son's disabilities differently. He takes it less seriously, while I believe I see the social inappropriateness much more clearly. I request, schedule and attend the majority of the evaluations and talk with the school the most. My son also has ADHD (heavy on the H and the impulsivity, plus significant sensory issues). I feel that my son and me (and my daughter) have been abandoned by my ex-husband, who I think may be in denial about the extent of the disabilities. Other relatives are similarly in denial for the most part, because my son looks "normal," perhaps above grade level academincally (except for math) and mainly acts like a very hyper child who doesn't follow directions well all the time. They don't see it when he runs his tongue over the palms of his hands, sucks on his shirt collar or sleeves or constantly chews on things. Some of them do hear him repeating a couple of lines or phrases from a TV show over and over. And they see his brief but explosive outbursts when he can't have his way and hear piercing, repeated noises. But I see it all daily, and deal with it all daily on my own. His school (a special one) is very good, so we're on the right road.

My son's father does seem to have some social awkwardness himself; I didn't realize how much until after I had married him. He acts as if he may have some issues himself. So his denial may be based on seeing himself in his son.

@ concerned uncle: it's good that you're concerned. Instead of talking to the parents about their parenting skills, try taking their child for a day or a weekend, spending some time. That will help the child more, and give the parents respite. Just because an eval doesn't turn up any diagnosis doesn't mean the child does not have issues.

Posted by: ree | November 13, 2007 9:41 AM | Report abuse

foamgnome,you're right, but sometimes the parents don't want to do anything. My nephew had issues from almost birth - and no one knew if it was bad parenting or something else - I think it was a combination, actually - he had some issues, with a loving happy home environment maybe they wouldn't have come out - but they did and dad and mom didn't want to admit ANYTHING. Dad is in complete denial (he thinks he's god because he went to an ivy league school) - mom just wanted to get sympathy from friends and relatives about how difficult her life is/was and have everyone say: oh, there, there you are such a martyr - you are doing so well, and have everyone dwell on HER rather than what was going on.
I would send her stuff, suggest stuff, and she'd just jump down my throat and get angry in one breath, and then talk about how tough it was for her in the next, how she was doing all she could, etc. Which was, essentially, ignoring the problem and hoping it would go away.

This all gets compounded by the fact that her husband is a pig. Then they had TWO MORE KIDS - so that's three under 5 for those who are counting - so they have even less time to deal with the real issues at hand. When they were looking to move, my other sister suggested that they do some research as to the best school systems for their child. No, the husband just wanted to live in a place where he could tell people how much money he paid for his house.

Unfortunately, foamgnome, there are plenty of parents who aren't quite as concerned about their kids as you are.

Posted by: atlmom1234 | November 13, 2007 9:45 AM | Report abuse

atimom: I completely agree with your points. You could easily be describing my nephew (see my earlier post). His parents are in complete denial about what needs to be done. They look like they're doing all the right things (taking him for evals, psychologists, etc) but they refuse to do what I think is necessary: stop coddling and spoiling him. He has not been diagnosed with any of the usual suspects (autism, Aspergers, ADHD) but to my nonprofessional eyes he is acting perfectly reasonably given how he has been raised from birth. My wife and I have offered to take him for a week in the summer (we have 2 sons about his age), but they refuse, because I think they are afraid he would improve (they know our parenting style and it is not coddling). I agree with other commenters that talking to them about their parenting skills is probably counterproductive, but doing nothing bothers me. I shudder to think how he will do in middle school.

Posted by: concerned uncle | November 13, 2007 10:20 AM | Report abuse

well, you just have to realize that there is only one person in this world you have control over. I can't even completely control my own kids - I have to use rewards/discipline and they still choose to do what I want or not. Typically they choose what I want cause the consequences are that they don't get what they want, but it's a constant struggle as to whether we are too hard on the kids or too easy or whatever.

But, I've learned that you can't tell people what to do as they don't typically want to hear it - they will ask for your advice if you want to give it. I do/did call my sister on it after a while - saying things like: you keep telling me that you've done all you could - but you haven't changed his diet, have you? you haven't done XYZ like some articles/whatever have suggested. I would just get tired of hearing her complain about it without actually DOING anything about it. I know I didn't do any good, but I just was done discussing the issue any more.
The whole family is sad cause they can't even socialize with her family at all (my other sister's kid bumped into her kid accidentally and the dad was egging on his kid: hit him! hit him! throw him down! etc. ) My sister threw them out of the house after that one. But it doesn't matter, my sister wants to live in her own fantasy world and pretend that everything's 'fine.'

Posted by: atlmom1234 | November 13, 2007 10:33 AM | Report abuse

I am just saying if you start to criticize their parenting skills, they will freak out. And most likely take it out on YOU. It will just start a fight. My rule in parenting advice, is do not give any unless some one actively asks for it. Even then, do it with trepredation. We have gotten lots of unsolicited advice. Some of it good and some of it bad. Lots of it not appreciated. And nothing infuriates or hurts a parent more to have someone tell them something about their kid when they know their own kid best. Like it or not, sometimes, for your own sanity, it is best to keep your mouth shut. I think that is why we have professionals. Let them take the heat.

Posted by: foamgnome | November 13, 2007 11:10 AM | Report abuse

I'm going through this right now. My son does not like his dysfunctional teacher or badly-run school, but we have no money to send him to private school in this area. We need to sell our house and move to a district with better run schools or get him into private school, but my wife seems hell-bent on proving him sick rather than admitting we have to sell the house we love. He did ok in daycare, but in a bureaucratic school he doesn't understand why he can't demand they do art projects. Frankly, I agree! The teacher is a clown wearing a teacher's costume, but is not a real teacher. But for the rest of the year my son and I must work with her. My wife on the other hand believes anything this idiot tells her- right now we're sending my son for ADHD testing despite the fact that he can write entire sentences at age 4 with help. Sure, he can't concentrate in that teacher's classroom, but he can everywhere else. So I take time off from work and sit there as another doctor tells us that my son is not depressed, nor anxious, and can hear fine, and isn't autistic, and it's too early to tell if he's dyslexic. Next week we'll know about ADHD, but since I knew kids with ADHD in school I can say with authority that my son does not have that issue just like he doesn't have any other issues we've tested for except the big two: gullible mother and ignorant teacher.

Posted by: BDS | November 13, 2007 11:10 AM | Report abuse

foamgnome: I hear ya. I don't give any advice anymore. I even had the discussion with her re: you are in an abusive relationship, you know it you have admitted it, if you need help, here are some resources, I am always here. She wants nothing to do with it. Her thoughts are she made the bed now she has to lie in it. even if it means screwing up three innocent lives in the process.

Posted by: atlmom1234 | November 13, 2007 11:19 AM | Report abuse

"Are such divides -- great or small -- common among parents who have children with special needs?"

Yes, if only one parent is attending the evaluations and seeing what the doctors are seeing. In order for both of you to be on board, you have to both have the same access to the same information. It's more difficult with your first child then after you've adjusted your thinking to appreciate that different doesn't mean lesser.

concerned uncle, you may prefer to characterize yourself as concerned, but the derogatory manner in which you are presenting someone else's parenting choices and the implication that if only they would parent their nephew by your methods suggests that, (a) you haven't learned the humility that comes with actual parenting, and (b) you are less concerned about your nephew and more concerned about being right. Your know-it-all attitude is what is counterproductive. Oh, and I speak as a fairly conservative, it's my way or the highway, heck no, you don't need three Barbie dolls, kind of parent.

Posted by: MN | November 13, 2007 11:19 AM | Report abuse

You are being too hard on yourself. You and your wife are undergoing tremendous stress and grief. Give you and your wife a pass.

Posted by: pATRICK | November 13, 2007 12:10 PM | Report abuse

"Are such divides -- great or small -- common among parents who have children with special needs?"

Yes, although in our case, it's less between us than between us and MIL, who means well, but is by nature an overdiagnoser and unsolicted advisor (with an under-the-surface edge of criticism). So while DH and I went to all of DD's evals together and to her IEP meeting together and generally agree 100% about what we're doing, none of it is "right" with MIL. We endured her criticism of DD's preschool, which I have resented. For a variety of reasons, we are now moving DD to another preschool, and I'm sure MIL is secretly gloating. It isn't in my nature to come back at anyone about what they say, criticism or not, so mostly I just listen, nod and we do what we were going to do in the first place. DH has said things to her, but she's pretty opinionated and may stop with the "suggestions" for a while, but it's there lurking anyway.

Posted by: BeenThereDoingThat | November 13, 2007 12:22 PM | Report abuse

"My wife and I have offered to take him for a week in the summer (we have 2 sons about his age), but they refuse, because I think they are afraid he would improve (they know our parenting style and it is not coddling)."

How incredibly arrogant of you. They may not want you to take their son because they fear that you would treat him in a way that they don't think is appropriate. It sounds to me like these people are doing what they think is right, by engaging professionals. As much as you might care about your nephew, you really need to allow this family to deal with their issues as they see fit. I see no good coming from your intervention.

Posted by: Emily | November 13, 2007 12:42 PM | Report abuse

I think parental discord is actually good. I certainly understand Mike's frustration. He was the parent who was with the child all the time and most likely, he does see more, yet someone else steps in and gives a differing opinion. But it is always helpful to have a different point of view, most particularly from someone who loves your child as much as you do. Probably the only other person in the world who does!

Posted by: Andrea | November 13, 2007 12:50 PM | Report abuse

I just finished reading "Why Gender Matters" by Dr. Leonard Sax. One of the things he mentions is that for many boys who cannot pay attention in school, the teacher should move them to the front of the room and speak more loudly. Boys simply cannot hear as well as girls at certain ranges (Dr. Sax cites various scientific studies to back up his recommendations).

I recommend this book for those of you who struggle with an ADHD diagnosis for your sons. I don't have any experience with ADHD, but this book is worth a read, in my humble opinion. : )

Posted by: Rebecca | November 13, 2007 12:53 PM | Report abuse

@ BDS:

Yes, there are bad teachers and badly run schools out there. My son has complained about teachers and daycares and schools. Sometimes, he was right, mainly because the teachers were not well-versed in how to deal with children with issues, and they were not trying to learn.

But I realized that he could have been cultivating his views partly because we kept moving him. We had to for the most part: because he'd been "disenrolled" from one daycare, about to be "disenrolled" from another daycare, spanked at yet another daycare, picking up profanity and bad behavior from a school, etc. But he was about to learn the wrong lessons about his behavior, because he started saying, "I want to try another school." Oh, no. I've had to tell him repeatedly, "You need to follow directions. You need to control yourself. You are not in charge, they are."

In other words, there will be plenty of clowns in his life and les-than-desireable classrooms, etc. But my son still has to find a way to deal. I'm aware that the lack of self-control is a major part of his disability. But he knows right from wrong, and we're working on getting him aware of how his actions impact others. It's no easy task.

Long ramble short: If you move to another district with better schools, put him with a teacher who's not a clown, and he still has the same issues, then you know that some other actions may need to be taken.

Posted by: ree | November 13, 2007 1:04 PM | Report abuse

"Every parent has a child with special needs!"
Speak for yourself. My child has only the standard needs. Love, shelter, education, support, etc. should not be special but the norm.

Posted by: Anon for this | November 13, 2007 1:09 PM | Report abuse

I fall in with Ryan and Andrea. Parental discord, as long as it's loving and not destructive, is good.

A child is not the sum of his/her diagnosis. The realization that your child is not perfect is a major stepping stone in parenthood. Everybody hits that, even parents with children who are 1000% "normal."

I think the relationship that parents have presents a model to children that is more important than many other things children learn. Each parent needs to respect and value the opinions of the other.

Whether the child "really" has this or that problem falls by the wayside of showing and living a healthy relationship for your child.

Time will prove the learning or emotional problem's existence, but it can not erase the early model of an unhappy parental relationship. It is unfair to a child to become the center of a parental conflict. Your child may have a learning or emotional disability and making it the center of marital conflict just makes it all harder to deal with.

In this instance I think the parents balancing each other out and respecting their different viewpoints about their child is more important than what the actual situation of the child is.

Posted by: AnnR | November 13, 2007 1:13 PM | Report abuse

YES! It took me 3 years to convince my husband that there was indeed a reason to have our daughter evaluated. I asked him to attend with me because I knew he was skeptical and that way I knew all of his concerns would be addressed. It helped a lot. He has a few issues of his own (or at least he did in school that were not ever addressed and they are similar to hers-which gives me hope for her) but I think that by admitting she had a problem he also had to admit his own differences and that is not always easy.

Posted by: momof5 | November 13, 2007 1:15 PM | Report abuse

Long ramble short: If you move to another district with better schools, put him with a teacher who's not a clown, and he still has the same issues, then you know that some other actions may need to be taken.
--------

I know. I hear you. My wife says the same thing. I just have issues with problems that "manifested" themselves starting in September 2007 that we never had previously. No doubt my son is as fidgety as any 4 year old, but I sit at home every night giving my son math instruction in Spanish and he can do both at once. My son's teacher tells me "the kids aren't ready at this age for math" yet I'm sitting there doing math work with him in front of the teacher in freaking Spanish to prove that he is more than capable and she comes back with anecdotes about him not listening to the very hungry caterpillar in a FOUR YEAR OLD CLASSROOM? A book appropriate for 2 year olds? We've got 4 writers in the class who are putting Gato and Perro on drawings and 12 others who can't color inside the lines and she has a problem with my son getting up from his seat and arguing with her? Sigh. I've got problems with her behavior, not his. I'm raising this kid to lead, and his teacher doesn't even know how to lead a class, let alone start her own business. Thanks Strayer! I guess the proof is that she sent 3 other kids to get evaluated and that's just her shorthand to tell the principal she's over her head. Take a deep breath, smile, and never let my son see me wrinkle my brow at her, deeeeeep breath.

Posted by: BDS | November 13, 2007 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Disagreements between a couple over their child(ren) are inevitable. All through the pre-diagnosis and for 4-5 years post-diagnosis with older son, I saw more potential for success and DH saw more potential for never getting him out of our home unless it was into an institution.

Sometime during middle school, DH began to see the same reasons to hope that I had been seeing all along. Maybe I could see them earlier because I have a fair number of Aspergers traits, and I saw similar things in our boy, but knew that I had overcome the obstacles and saw that same ability to overcome in our son.

Getting through those years still together (I don't have current statistics for divorce among couples with a child with a disability, but I seem to remember that it's commonly found that the divorce rates are significantly higher than the general population.), was for us a matter of listening to and respecting each other. DH needed to say what he was feeling and seeing. He didn't need me to agree with him, just to listen quietly and let him get all those feelings out. When I saw our son struggles followed by successes, both our son and I needed to celebrate each hard-won success, and it was all the sweeter having DH share our celebrations.

Over time, DH has come to agree with me that our son most likely *won't* be dependent on us or his younger brother all of his life. And I've come to see that he will most likely not be as socially successful as I had originally hoped. Sadly, I'm coming to accept that he probably will never marry or have children.

As I said, the conflicts are inevitable. The key to the marriage surviving is being able to hear what your partner is saying and feeling, and being respectful of that especially if you don't completely agree. When/if it turns out that your partner was more right than you were, there's a lot less eating crow that way too.

The key to helping a kid through the inevitable conflicts is to acknowledge both parents' views, be flexible, try anything and everything that either parent thinks might help, and keep using whatever is working. Love the whole child and see the whole child, not just the disability or the label/diagnosis. The only good thing about having a label and a diagnosis is that it's the most useful tool we parents have for getting our kids the services and help they need.

One more thing - DH and I did several years in couples counseling, which is where we learned to listen to each other. Finding a great marriage and family counselor was probably 75% of our still being together.

Posted by: Sue | November 13, 2007 2:53 PM | Report abuse

"I fall in with Ryan and Andrea. Parental discord, as long as it's loving and not destructive, is good."

Um, by definition, discord means tension and strife, a confused or harsh sound or mingling of sounds. An inharmonious combination... Those are, generally speaking, destructive characteristics.

Posted by: Dad of kids from A-Z | November 13, 2007 3:57 PM | Report abuse

" No doubt my son is as fidgety as any 4 year old, but I sit at home every night giving my son math instruction in Spanish and he can do both at once. My son's teacher tells me "the kids aren't ready at this age for math" yet I'm sitting there doing math work with him in front of the teacher in freaking Spanish to prove that he is more than capable and she comes back with anecdotes about him not listening to the very hungry caterpillar in a FOUR YEAR OLD CLASSROOM? A book appropriate for 2 year olds?"

As the dad of a 4 yo girl who also does math and speaks Spanish as well as English, you have tapped my own fear about Kindergarten next year. I have two observations, however. 1) The best schools will actually try to teach to your child's abilities, even in public schools. Yes, there's a heavy teach-to-the-lowest-common-denominator feature inherent in NCLB that makes me want to find the way to shell out $20K a year for the privates, but we can't afford that, so we'll have to deal. The SECOND observation is to share something a friend of mine, who teaches in the gifted program in a Fairfax Middle School told me a couple of weeks ago: There are Special Ed teachers in the gifted classes too. Just because your child is advanced academically in some subjects doesn't mean there isn't a problem. I'm not saying there *is* one in your case. I'm just saying advanced achievement isn't mutually exclusive from developmental disabilities.

Posted by: Anonymous | November 13, 2007 4:03 PM | Report abuse

"One more thing - DH and I did several years in couples counseling, which is where we learned to listen to each other. Finding a great marriage and family counselor was probably 75% of our still being together"

Ok, this isn't Urban Baby. Say it with me: ``My Husband and I...'' Not DH.

Posted by: Dad of kids from A-Z | November 13, 2007 4:05 PM | Report abuse

**** OFF TOPIC ****
To: Dad of kids from A to Z

I have no idea what 'Urban Baby' might be. Something in the WDC area? I live in Oakland, CA.

I picked up the abbreviation you don't like about 15 years ago on the ICAN lists. (International Ceasarian Awareness Network) and continue to use it in many different forums. It's seems to be common everywhere I go.

Finally, since even you clearly understood what was meant by "DH", what do you think you'll accomplish by complaining? A reputation, maybe? If that's the goal, you've missed "MIL" and a few other common ones that could have added to your rep.

Posted by: Sue | November 13, 2007 5:08 PM | Report abuse

"I picked up the abbreviation you don't like about 15 years ago on the ICAN lists. (International Ceasarian Awareness Network) and continue to use it in many different forums. It's seems to be common everywhere I go."

Oooh, look at you, you were hip to Internet lingo before Internet lingo was cool!

"Finally, since even you clearly understood what was meant by "DH", what do you think you'll accomplish by complaining? A reputation, maybe? If that's the goal, you've missed "MIL" and a few other common ones that could have added to your rep."?

It's HIGHLY annoying. I have more tolerance for MIL because mother-in-law is so long. Husband is not hard to spell out. PLUS, the D in DH is so often a pejorative that it's just unseemly.

Posted by: Dad of kids from A-Z | November 13, 2007 5:19 PM | Report abuse

So let me get this straight ...

Your son has a potentially life-altering condition that may impact his ability to function for the rest of his life .... and your wife doesn't come to the appointments?!?!

Please explain this one. I understand the need to work, but really now ....

Posted by: Anonymous | November 13, 2007 10:24 PM | Report abuse

It's HIGHLY annoying. I have more tolerance for MIL because mother-in-law is so long. Husband is not hard to spell out. PLUS, the D in DH is so often a pejorative that it's just unseemly.
----

Greetings Newbie, these are standard, you lost, get used to it.

Posted by: Anonymous | November 14, 2007 9:06 AM | Report abuse

I agree with Emily, Uncle is arrogant and I will add sanctimonius. The parents are doing right by taking him to the professionals. Anyway - Uncle's family could not fix anything in 1 - 2 weeks.

Posted by: MOM | November 14, 2007 10:21 AM | Report abuse

We are all overanalyzing our children. Today, they are not allowed to develop at their own pace. Think of all the drugging that has gone on with ADD/ADHD. Most of the kids don't have a disorder in the first place. There is so much to say, that I don't know where to begin. I have a 3 1/2 year old that took his time talking. All the experts wanted to convince me something was wrong with him. He is fine. I wish more parents had a spine and stopped giving in to fear. After all the autism hoopla... there will be a new "epidemic."

Posted by: annapolismom | November 14, 2007 3:33 PM | Report abuse

Think of all the drugging that has gone on with ADD/ADHD. Most of the kids don't have a disorder in the first place.

Posted by: annapolismom | November 14, 2007 03:33 PM


I didn't realize you had a degree in child psychology. Remind me from what school you obtained your MD.

Posted by: MN | November 14, 2007 4:45 PM | Report abuse

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