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Wedding Week 2008: Click for Special Report

Your best friend's getting married. Or maybe it's your cousin. And you've been psyched about going. But then ... the invitation arrives. Before you open it, read the envelope carefully. That's the first rule of etiquette for wedding invitees, says Rebecca Dolgin, the executive editor of TheKnot.com.

If the invitation says "and family" the kids are welcome. Dolgin says her site sees lots of discussion -- and guilt -- about inviting and not inviting kids. "You don't have to be democratic," Dolgin says when it comes to the bride and groom deciding on which kids to invite. His side only. Her side only. Related only. All are perfectly acceptable. But if the envelope doesn't specify that the kids are invited, don't assume that they are. Instead, take the cue and hire a sitter if you choose to attend the nuptials.

"Children can add a really fun element at a wedding. They shouldn't be discouraged totally," Dolgin says. "Kids on the dance floor is part of the festive mood. Sometimes, the spontaneous cute things kids do make for the best pictures and special moments."

That is, so long as the kids are being cute and not disruptive.

Take for instance, the wedding with the kids' table. Kids' tables can become centers for hyper children behaving badly, since they are all concentrated in one place, Dolgin says. Instead, she encourages wedding planners to seat kids with their parents. Regardless of what the setup is, though, it's important for parents to remember to keep tabs on the kids. Some weddings have chaperones. But even then, parents aren't off the hook. "You need to be checking in, even with the chaperone, and taking responsibility," Dolgin says.

There are lots of ways for children -- particularly young ones -- to get in trouble at a wedding. So, make sure they realize what an honor it is to be invited and that their best behavior is expected, Dolgin advises. And then, make sure they're not testing out the wedding cake with their fingers or faces while you're dancing. And just as you'd have a grab bag of crayons, books or small toys when you go to a restaurant or on an airplane, do the same at a wedding. Just make sure to pull them out over time and not all at once, she says.

Have you been to weddings where your kids had fun? What appealed to them? Anyone have any children/wedding horror stories they'd like to share?

By Stacey Garfinkle |  September 9, 2008; 7:00 AM ET
Previous: Lunchbox Winners | Next: A Lesson in Behavior

Comments


If my kids aren't members of the wedding party, I don't bring then to the wedding.

"And just as you'd have a grab bag of crayons, books or small toys when you go to a restaurant or on an airplane, do the same at a wedding."

I don't do any of those things.

Posted by: Lola | September 9, 2008 7:13 AM | Report abuse

If my kids aren't invited, the invitation goes strait to the trash can.

But that's never happened.

Posted by: Whacky Weasel | September 9, 2008 7:18 AM | Report abuse

"Anyone have any children/wedding horror stories they'd like to share?"

On the OP? LOL!

Judging & bragging is what the OP is all about.

Fasten your seat belts....

Posted by: ! | September 9, 2008 7:21 AM | Report abuse

I have seen too many wedding interrupted by screaming children whose parents refused to remove them from the church. I had a formal, evening wedding - with no children. And, yes, it was a blast! My friends with parents who at first were a little put out ended up having a fabulous, adult evening.
Of course, the fact that I had set up babysitting services helped! :-)

Posted by: Me | September 9, 2008 7:25 AM | Report abuse

When I got married I wanted NO kids in the church and hired the preschool teacher at the church to watch the kids during the service. At the reception, since it was a party the kids were welcome. It would have been great but one s-i-l didn't use the sitter & her 18month old started crying for food during the vows. We all knew her kid wanted cheerios. I was furious.

At the reception the kids (even Cheerio kid) were fun and the adults loved seeing all their nieces & newphews playing together.

Posted by: Burke Mom | September 9, 2008 7:33 AM | Report abuse

formal wedding=dog and pony show

Posted by: Woof! Woof! Nay! | September 9, 2008 7:37 AM | Report abuse

If my kids aren't invited, the invitation goes strait to the trash can.

But that's never happened.

Posted by: Whacky Weasel | September 9, 2008 7:18 AM

Spelling Police!

I prefer the "adult only" functions.

Whacky, in a few years, your kids will be grown and out of the nest. What will you do then?

Posted by: Carm down, Whacky | September 9, 2008 7:38 AM | Report abuse

At the reception the kids (even Cheerio kid) were fun and the adults loved seeing all their nieces & newphews playing together.

Posted by: Burke Mom | September 9, 2008 7:33 AM

Spelling Police!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 7:39 AM | Report abuse

Burke Mom, newphews?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 7:40 AM | Report abuse

I would want to have my little precious with me but I respect the wished of the bride.

But little precious is not the problem, LE hubby is. He cries and carries on so at weddings. I would rather leave him home than little precious!

Posted by: Cecilia | September 9, 2008 7:50 AM | Report abuse

would want to have my little precious with me but I respect the wished of the bride.

But little precious is not the problem, LE hubby is. He cries and carries on so at weddings. I would rather leave him home than little precious!

Posted by: Cecilia | September 9, 2008 7:50 AM "

"wished"!!

Spelling Police!!!!!!!

Posted by: What is going on? | September 9, 2008 7:53 AM | Report abuse

At our wedding we had the children in both families be part of the wedding party and were invited to the reception. But we did not invite children of friends to the reception due to the cost of the meal. We had a caterer who charged a full price meal even for kids. If we knew how many of our out of town extended relatives would decline our invitation, we would have invited more children of our friends and colleagues.

That being said, we did supply an activity or treat bag next to each child's place. We had crayons, coloring books, bubbles, sticker books and a small toy in each bag. It kept them entertained till the dancing and music started.

My kids have been invited to weddings and some were adults only. If my children's name or "family" was on the invitation, I brought them. If not, I hired a babysitter or declined the invitation. One split is to go to the wedding with out the children and skip the reception. Bride and Groom get their gift and you get to see the exchange of vows. You just skip the big party. For non family, I am fine with this.

My SIL had a no kid wedding and reception. It did not bother me that my kids were not invited but it freaked out some of my in laws.

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 7:59 AM | Report abuse

"...supply an activity or treat bag next to each child's place."

Why does this need to be done? The parents are suppose to be responsible for the behavior of the children. If the children do not behave properly, the parent(s) should remove the children from the ceremony.

Posted by: Behave or Be Gone! | September 9, 2008 8:06 AM | Report abuse

I think children need to see and be part of important ceremonies in life, like weddings, and baptisms/christenings, funerals, etc. We never considered not inviting people's children. It gets pricey, though.

I'd also like to hear from people who married where stepchildren were involved. We included my husband's daughter in a part of our wedding vows and it was a very special moment. For me, my husband and stepdaughter were a package deal, and marrying him meant she became my child, too. I have heard from others since that they feel the wedding should be about the two people tying the knot, and no others. Would love to hear from the peanut gallery on this.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 8:10 AM | Report abuse

Why does this need to be done? The parents are suppose to be responsible for the behavior of the children. If the children do not behave properly, the parent(s) should remove the children from the ceremony.

Posted by: Behave or Be Gone! | September 9, 2008 8:06 AM

It's an ego thing with some parents. Anyone who doesn't worship their kids is a "child hater".

Posted by: Sigh.... | September 9, 2008 8:14 AM | Report abuse

I'd also like to hear from people who married where stepchildren were involved. We included my husband's daughter in a part of our wedding vows and it was a very special moment. For me, my husband and stepdaughter were a package deal, and marrying him meant she became my child, too. I have heard from others since that they feel the wedding should be about the two people tying the knot, and no others. Would love to hear from the peanut gallery on this.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 8:10 AM

You can't change one second of the past. Why do you care what other people think?

Posted by: Sheesh | September 9, 2008 8:16 AM | Report abuse

Carm, I've gotten a few formal invitations where kids weren't welcomed, like baby showers and Christmas/New Years parties, but weddings are different. I can't explain it, maybe it has something to do with it being a party that is family centric - like baptisms, confirmations, HS graduation parties...

But you do have a good question. Of course teenagers can be left at home and probably don't want to go anyway, but young children, especially babies, what to do about that situation. I think it would be rude to get an invitation addressed to Weasle, Wife, and Baby. [Excluding the teenagers] I think a telephone call would solve the problem.

One of the last weddings I attended, I got an e-vite, was performed in a barnyard, and had hay rides for the kids.

I wore shorts. Times have changed.

Posted by: Whacky Weasel | September 9, 2008 8:23 AM | Report abuse

"the parent(s)
should remove the children from the ceremony."

What *SHOULD* be done and what *GETS* done are 2 entirely separate modes of action.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 8:28 AM | Report abuse

You can't change one second of the past. Why do you care what other people think?

Posted by: Sheesh | September 9, 2008 8:16 AM

I guess that I'm interested in hearing about the life experiences of other people. Unlike you, apparently. I do wonder why people like you bother with this blog, unless it's because you need to get the anger out somehow.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 8:31 AM | Report abuse

"Why do you care what other people think?"

People who don't care what others think are called sociopaths. It's a mental disorder. Oops, sorry, I mean it's an intellectual disability.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 8:35 AM | Report abuse

I guess that I'm interested in hearing about the life experiences of other people. Unlike you, apparently. I do wonder why people like you bother with this blog, unless it's because you need to get the anger out somehow.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 8:31 AM

Are you planning to get married again?

Posted by: Sheesh | September 9, 2008 8:37 AM | Report abuse

People who don't care what others think are called sociopaths. It's a mental disorder. Oops, sorry, I mean it's an intellectual disability.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 8:35 AM

Classic MM !

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 8:39 AM | Report abuse

WorkingMomX, you just got trolled.

Don't we all come here to get the anger out? That's what trolls are for.

Please don't make Nancy cry!

Posted by: Whacky Weasel | September 9, 2008 8:39 AM | Report abuse

My sister did it very well, I thought. She had the kids at the ceremony (and everyone was VERY considerate about moving them to the back of the church if needed), but then provided a separate room at the reception with babysitting, kid movies and pizza. We all checked in frequently but the kids had a great time being with their cousins and having kid-friendly food and entertainment.

Posted by: Olney | September 9, 2008 8:44 AM | Report abuse

Kids are invited to my wedding!

Posted by: Bristol | September 9, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

having kid-friendly food

I just hope it was peanut free!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 8:46 AM | Report abuse

I'm going to be a flower girl!

Posted by: Piper | September 9, 2008 8:46 AM | Report abuse

I just hope there is a comb in the treat bag!

Posted by: Trig | September 9, 2008 8:49 AM | Report abuse

We recently went to a family wedding and our kids were invited since the bride is their cousin. It was a Sat. evening wedding that started very late. The kids went to the ceremony and the cocktail hour and then we arranged for a babysitter to pick them up and bring them back to the hotel (it was 10:00 by then and dinner still had not been served).

My daughter liked watching her cousin get married; my son was bored. But, they were quiet and did not disturb anyone so I felt that was a success. They both hated the cocktail party; adults standing around talking, not a lot of food, long line for drinks, crowded space. Interestingly the kids and grandparents seemed to agree that the cocktail party was no fun! We took the kids outside. I thought once they got into the reception with the DJ they would want to stay and would argue about leaving with the babysitter but they were thrilled to get out of there and go to sleep.

What I took away from the experience was that I would prefer to be invited to weddings without my kids! Unless the bride or groom is someone in the family they are close to who would really want them there, I'm fine with calling up the sitter.

Posted by: Pt Fed Mof2 | September 9, 2008 8:50 AM | Report abuse

Even when my son is invited, we get a sitter. When else do we get a good, (free) three-course dinner and dancing with our closest friends.

Posted by: md | September 9, 2008 8:56 AM | Report abuse

I just hope there is a comb in the treat bag!

Posted by: Trig | September 9, 2008 8:49 AM

LOL!!!!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 8:57 AM | Report abuse

It's always Bristol, Bristol, Bristol!

Posted by: Willow | September 9, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

My daughter liked watching her cousin get married

Watch out PT Fed Mom, there is a Rachel Beckman in your future!


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/29/AR2008082901907.html

Posted by: Never too young to be a pretend bride! | September 9, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

It's always Bristol, Bristol, Bristol!

Posted by: Willow | September 9, 2008 8:59 AM

And Piper isn't the baby anymore.............

Posted by: Ha, ha | September 9, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

WorkingmomX, My FIL just got married for the third time. The bride had her two adult daughters walk her down the aisle and be co maids of honor/brides maids. FIL had his two younger children be in the party as well. His younger kids are from his 2nd marriage. My husband was the best man and one of his sisters did the reading. Funny enough my husband's younger sister was the only child not part of the ceremony. I am not sure how that happened. My husband and his two sisters are children from his first marriage. We are all hoping with 7 kids combined and 4 grand kids, that they are done in the baby making business!

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

"...supply an activity or treat bag next to each child's place."

Why does this need to be done? The parents are suppose to be responsible for the behavior of the children. If the children do not behave properly, the parent(s) should remove the children from the ceremony.

Posted by: Behave or Be Gone! | September 9, 2008 8:06 AM

Good hostesses make their guests welcome. All of their guests. If you aren't interested in being a good hostess, do us all a favor and elope. We'd rather not party with the stuffy and egocentric anyway.

Posted by: Nancy's next door neighbor | September 9, 2008 9:06 AM | Report abuse

My FIL just got married for the third time


Married for the THIRD time? Nothing succeeds like success!

Posted by: But the milk is free! | September 9, 2008 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Good hostesses make their guests welcome. All of their guests. If you aren't interested in being a good hostess, do us all a favor and elope. We'd rather not party with the stuffy and egocentric anyway.

Posted by: Nancy's next door neighbor | September 9, 2008 9:06 AM

Classic MM!
AND pot meet kettle!

Posted by: LOL | September 9, 2008 9:11 AM | Report abuse

We are all hoping with 7 kids combined and 4 grand kids, that they are done in the baby making business!

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 9:04 AM


Hope is not a plan. Check the stats.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 9:13 AM | Report abuse

But you do have a good question. Of course teenagers can be left at home and probably don't want to go anyway, but young children, especially babies, what to do about that situation.

Posted by: Whacky Weasel | September 9, 2008 8:23 AM

It's called a babysitter.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Hi foam - how are you? how's the baby? are you back at work? Gimme all the scoop! Good to see you again.

Posted by: moxiemom | September 9, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

But you do have a good question. Of course teenagers can be left at home and probably don't want to go anyway, but young children, especially babies, what to do about that situation.

Posted by: Whacky Weasel | September 9, 2008 8:23 AM

Leave the baby with the teenage daughter.

Posted by: Trig | September 9, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

Good guests make other guests and the host welcome. All of the people attending the function. Good guest accept the hospitality of the host as offered and don't make special demands.. If you aren't interested in being a good guest, do us all a favor and stay home. We'd rather not party with the egocentric anyway.

Posted by: Behave or Be Gone! | September 9, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

The whole family was invited to the wedding of our Irish au pair in Galway a few years ago. We went over and had a blast. The kids were made a big part of the events, and it was a kick for them. And I have to say that it was the best-behaved those kids have ever been in their lives.

Best kid-related wedding story: during the reception, at about 1 am or so, we noticed that there was a (female) friend of the bride who was constantly dancing with our 7-year old daughter. Our daughter loved it, and we thought it was nice of this woman to keep our daughter occupied. Then we realized what was up: a very intoxicated fellow was attempting to hit on this woman, but he would not try to cut in if she was busy dancing with a kid. So as long as this woman was with our daughter, she was safe from his advances. Eventually, a few people escorted him into another ballroom where he passed out for a few hours.

(Every stereotype you've heard about Irish weddings is a lie. They're far, far bigger parties than that! The rumors are understatement. This wedding started at noon on Friday and the reception finally ended around noon on Saturday. The guy who passed out at around 1 or 2 am was back drinking and partying again before it ended.)

Posted by: ArmyBrat | September 9, 2008 9:35 AM | Report abuse

I was at a formal wedding just 3 days ago, on Saturday after torrential rains and winds passed through. The ring bearer, aged 4, was the nephew of the groom and was an absolute horror. He dragged the flower girl down the aisle with the ring pillow over his face. Then during the vows he was beating himself on the head with the pillow. If I were the bride I would have throttled him right there. Apparently parents and grandparents think it's 'cute' that a little monster disrupt a formal wedding, 8 months planned. Obviously nobody ever taught that kid how to behave. During the reception he ran between tables like a maniac and nobody corrected him.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

"Then during the vows he was beating himself on the head with the pillow. If I were the bride I would have throttled him right there."

Child hater!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

(Every stereotype you've heard about Irish weddings is a lie. They're far, far bigger parties than that! The rumors are understatement. This wedding started at noon on Friday and the reception finally ended around noon on Saturday. The guy who passed out at around 1 or 2 am was back drinking and partying again before it ended.)


Posted by: ArmyBrat | September 9, 2008 9:35 AM

Another RIVETING story....

Posted by: Zzzzzzzzz | September 9, 2008 9:43 AM | Report abuse

When my lovely wife Patty and I got married in June, one family we invited were DEFINITELY told to bring their two boys who are about 8 and 6. 6 year old Stephen brought along his toy truck kit (complete with 40-gazillion pieces in ONE convenient carrying briefcase, and it worked very well.

Another family who got there late had brought their 3 year old granddaughter, and we had a special coloring book for her, where the crayons ONLY showed up when she colored in the book, not on her dress, the walls, etc. Worked great!

Posted by: alex | September 9, 2008 9:46 AM | Report abuse

"Another RIVETING story....

Posted by: Zzzzzzzzz | September 9, 2008 9:43 AM "

Thank you! The physicists, engineers and other geeks all call me "Mr. Excitement."

Posted by: ArmyBrat | September 9, 2008 9:46 AM | Report abuse

"Another RIVETING story....

Posted by: Zzzzzzzzz | September 9, 2008 9:43 AM "

Thank you! The physicists, engineers and other geeks all call me "Mr. Excitement."

Posted by: ArmyBrat | September 9, 2008 9:46 AM

Gay, gay, gay, gay!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 9:49 AM | Report abuse

"Gay, gay, gay, gay!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 9:49 AM "

No, no, no, no.
NTTAWWT. :-)

But seriously: this is the 21st century. Don't you should start living in it, and realize that that's NOT the ultimate insult you seem to think it is?

Posted by: ArmyBrat | September 9, 2008 9:51 AM | Report abuse

Ooh WorkingMomX, thanks for bringing up the stepchildren in the ceremony question! I'm marrying a man with two small children (5 and 3) and definitely want them to be included in the ceremony. I think I might even say vows to them myself. I'm also very curious as to how others have done it. I want it this event to be as important and meaningful to them as it is to me and their dad, even though they may not understand till much later.

Posted by: AuntieW | September 9, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Recently attended a wedding where toddlers were not invited so we split the cost of a babysitter with another guest. We actually had a nice grown up evening.

Posted by: Ishgebibble | September 9, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

AuntieW, we wrote vows for each other, and separate vows that included my stepdaughter. She joined us for the vows that included her, and we gave her a special piece of jewelry that had significance for all of us. (Her egg donor later "lost" it when it was given into a safekeeping during one of my stepdaughter's basketball games. Classy.) My stepdaughter also walked down the aisle right before I did and got to wear a long dress that she picked out. She also had her hair done in an upsweep and got a manicure (she was 12 at the time, and that was a lot of fun for her). She definitely lobbied to be allowed to go on the honeymoon with us, but that was never really an option! We also did not mention her in the wording on the wedding invitation, though I know some have done this. It was your standard stuff there.

Good luck to you in your wedding plans.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:04 AM | Report abuse

WorkingMomX - seems like you were working awfully hard to make the 12 year old like you. Your stepdaughter has an "egg donor" not a Mom? Sounds like the poor kid is stuck between two women who have the need to be the center of attention.....

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:04 AM


"Her egg donor later "lost" it when it was given into a safekeeping during one of my stepdaughter's basketball games. Classy.) "

Classic MM - slam the ex! Classy!

"My stepdaughter also walked down the aisle right before I did and got to wear a long dress that she picked out. She also had her hair done in an upsweep and got a manicure (she was 12 at the time, and that was a lot of fun for her)."

Typical MM - brag about $$!

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:04 AM

The kid hates the stepmother, but the stepmother is still bragging about the wedding! The mother lode (LOL) of MM!

Posted by: Ha!!!! | September 9, 2008 10:15 AM | Report abuse

You have to respect the wishes of the couple sending out the invitation, and if you don't want to go to a wedding and enjoy an evening out with your spouse, friends, or relatives, then sit at home with your kids.

Posted by: Siggy | September 9, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

WorkingMomX - seems like you were working awfully hard to make the 12 year old like you. Your stepdaughter has an "egg donor" not a Mom? Sounds like the poor kid is stuck between two women who have the need to be the center of attention.....

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 10:14 AM


Actually, at one time I greatly preferred NOT to be my stepdaughter's center of attention. But that has changed as she's gotten older. And absolutely, I've worked hard on my relationship with my stepdaughter. You make it sound like that's a bad thing.

The egg donor has done things that have caused irreparable damage to her offspring and have included emotional, verbal and physical abuse, the police, child protective services, accusations in court, abandonment, and many, many hours of therapy for my stepdaughter. She does not deserve the accolade of "mother".

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

WorkingMomX, What a great way to include your stepdaughter! At 12 she must have been thrilled, that's the perfect age for wedding fun. My soon to be stepchildren are so young I'm not sure how much they'll understand or enjoy. The 5 year old right now is in a stage where she wants to be just like me and she wants all our clothes to match and wear our hair the same just to go to the grocery store! Since it's a second time around for both of us we're not planning anything fancy and I don't even want a traditional "gown" so I'm thinking maybe she and I can pick out fancy dresses that "match" or at least are the same color. We both love pink. I think she'd get the biggest kick out of us having matching dresses. She'll probably remember that more than any special vows I say to her and her brother, but I want to do that anyway, because like you I believe that he is a package deal and I take my role in their life as seriously as I do in his.

I'm going to have to plagiarize your phrase "egg donor" haha...ours is a real piece of work. I could see something like what happened to your SD's special jewelry happening with our egg donor too! What's funny about that is everyone sees through it and so will your stepdaughter, when she's older. I try not to get my panties in a wad about our egg donor's antics (and there are many) because I know that eventually character tells in the end and the kids will know when they are grown ups that although not perfect, their dad (and I) tried our best to act with integrity, and their mom just continues to act selfishly and think only of her own happiness.


Posted by: AuntieW | September 9, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

The egg donor has done things that have caused irreparable damage to her offspring and have included emotional, verbal and physical abuse, the police, child protective services, accusations in court, abandonment, and many, many hours of therapy for my stepdaughter. She does not deserve the accolade of "mother".

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:23 AM

She's not your mother, it's not your call. Your stepdaughter hates YOU.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

AuntieW, it sounds like you are on a good path with your soon-to-be stepchildren. I love that you'll wear the same dress as your stepdaughter and agree that she will certainly remember that vividly (and hopefully the feeling of being included and loved).

But truthfully, it has been one of the most devastating things I've ever experienced to watch my stepdaughter come to terms with just the kind of person her egg donor is. It is heartbreaking in the extreme. It has been difficult to help her pick up the pieces while being on the receiving end of her wrath at times, but we do it willingly because we love her and want to make something of herself. We saw it coming for years and it played out even worse than we thought it would. I wish every day that things were different, but it's not to be.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:34 AM | Report abuse

I try not to get my panties in a wad about our egg donor's antics (and there are many) because I know that eventually character tells in the end and the kids will know when they are grown ups that although not perfect, their dad (and I) tried our best to act with integrity, and their mom just continues to act selfishly and think only of her own happiness.

Posted by: AuntieW | September 9, 2008 10:26 AM

Classis MM - smugness.

Some kids forgive/come to terms with their sperm donor - egg donor parents. Their are no guarantees in life.

Posted by: Wow! | September 9, 2008 10:34 AM | Report abuse

Blood is thicker than water.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 10:36 AM | Report abuse

"But truthfully, it has been one of the most devastating things I've ever experienced to watch my stepdaughter come to terms with just the kind of person her egg donor is. It is heartbreaking in the extreme."

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 10:34 AM

Classic MM - it's all about YOU!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

In my family, chilred are always invited. So much so that when I explained the "and family" rule to my mother, she didn't get what I had to specify that children were invited (to my husband's side of the family). My side of the family simply cannot fathom a wedding without children.

That being said, everyone in my family takes pride in how well their children are behaved. We take our kids to formal events so that they may learn the proper way to act. No one just lets their children go crazy. How are kids supposed to learn if we do not teach them? I have seen far too many family fights on my husband's side when certain children were not invited, to think that it is hardly worth not inviting them.

I have to admit though, I think it is kind of selfish when people say "Little suzy started crying during MY VOWS." Get over yourself! No one cares as much about your wedding as you do. Yes, your guests love you, but really they just want to get to the open bar.

Posted by: from michigan | September 9, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

i had friends tell me that they were bringing their son; aged 2 to my wedding. i had to call them & request that they not. it was an uncomfortable call to make & i heard later that they were annoyed with me. when they had gotten married they hired a sitter & the place they got married had a room with toys for the kids. i wish i could have done that but the place i selected didn't have that.

my stepchildren chose not to come to their father's wedding. in some ways my husband was hurt that they didn't come but in other ways he admitted that he would have more fun without them.

Posted by: quark | September 9, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

"...supply an activity or treat bag next to each child's place."

Why does this need to be done? The parents are suppose to be responsible for the behavior of the children. If the children do not behave properly, the parent(s) should remove the children from the ceremony.

Posted by: Behave or Be Gone! | September 9, 2008 8:06 AM


Bragging rights!!!

Posted by: Pay attention | September 9, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Reminiscing : The close of our spring wedding ceremony was, "For now the winter is past, ... the flowers appear on the earth, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land."

Just then my 11 week old nephew, being held by a grandaunt near the back, sang out with a lusty cry! Perfect!

Posted by: 80's bride | September 9, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

As a newlywed (ok, just a bit over a year) it amazes me how incensed people get over this argument.

Let's not even talk about how horrible brides are to NURSING women and/or newborns. So many selfish brides get extremely offended when a new mother doesn't want to stop nursing for an entire day or even a whole weekend to attend their Adults Only wedding and shower them with attention. And don't even get me started about the way brides-to-be treat nursing women at bridal showers.....

Posted by: anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:09 AM | Report abuse

As a newlywed (ok, just a bit over a year) it amazes me how incensed people get over this argument.

Let's not even talk about how horrible brides are to NURSING women and/or newborns. So many selfish brides get extremely offended when a new mother doesn't want to stop nursing for an entire day or even a whole weekend to attend their Adults Only wedding and shower them with attention. And don't even get me started about the way brides-to-be treat nursing women at bridal showers.....

Posted by: anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:09 AM

More MM - horrible and selfish, selfish, selfish.

MYOB.

Posted by: LOL | September 9, 2008 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Just WOW. You people are amazing. The hate you spew toward others just for voicing their opinion is almost unbelievable. Too bad we see it here every day.

Posted by: WOW | September 9, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

Boy there are some pesky trolls on here today! Or maybe just one of them. Don't you have anything better to do with your day than to say something nasty about every legitimate post that someone takes the time to write?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

"Classic MM - it's all about YOU!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 10:41 AM"

Au contraire - it's all about YOU! Your ability to come on to a blog about which you know nothing and care less, and just snark to your little heart's content. YOU, being the centre of everyone's attention! YOU, getting your little jollies - heh, heh, ho, ho! YOU laugh as YOU ponder your next move in the blog universe - oh, who to insult next when there are so many targets?

You anons do on occasion amuse me, but you're just too darned pathetic to be much fun. Now run along upstairs and ponder why Stephane Dion can't even remember the URL to his own darned "The Green Shift" website.

Posted by: m2j5c2 | September 9, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

I had children at my wedding and in the church ceremony. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Crying or not, they are children and they are family.

The mentality these days - hence why I believe Bridezilla is so popular - is the wedding is "all about me" (referring to the bride). I just don't understand that attitude at all.

It should be all about family and friends, and uniting them together in celebration. If children are not part of celebrations what does that say about their value in the family?

Posted by: amw | September 9, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Wedding are a contrivance invented by women to enslave men.


Which sometimes I wonder why women even bother about since every hubby past a year is considered at best, not more than a meal ticket and possible sperm donor and at worst, some one to divorce.

Posted by: Another View | September 9, 2008 11:32 AM | Report abuse

My husband and I were once invited to a wedding, along with our then-2-yr-old son. We thought about getting a sitter so we could enjoy an adult evening, but the bride really liked our son, and insisted that we bring him. Who are we to refuse the bride?

We coached our son a lot on behavior, took him shopping to buy a dressy but comfortable "party outfit", and brought a few toys. Turns out the toys were not needed; our little guy was on the dance floor just about the entire night. He danced with just about every woman at the reception, and some of the men, too. He's 11 now, and still loves a great dance party.

Posted by: Vienna VA | September 9, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

OT: Yes, I am back at work. Baby and daughter are both fine. Baby is huge (15lbs) at two months old. Eating and finally sleeping well. Daughter just adores him. She thinks he is a baby doll. Glad to be back at work but miss both my kids.

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

If the bride specifically says "no children" - honor that. Either show up without your kids or don't go. DO NOT show up with the kids after having been told not to bring them as that is very selfish of you. It's all really quite simple.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

If children are not part of celebrations what does that say about their value in the family?

Posted by: amw | September 9, 2008 11:26 AM

What does that say about you minding your own business?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Dear Daddy,

I would love to have you walk me down the aisle. However, if you insist on bringing that insufferable, brainless twit you married after mom divorced you, I would rather you not attend at all.

Kisses,
Your darling sweetkims

Posted by: Stepdaughter | September 9, 2008 11:51 AM | Report abuse

You have to respect the wishes of the couple sending out the invitation, and if you don't want to go to a wedding and enjoy an evening out with your spouse, friends, or relatives, then sit at home with your kids.

Posted by: Siggy | September 9, 2008 10:23 AM

I respect them and decline them. We don't sit home either. We socialize with other people who are comfortable enough in their own skin to enjoy a variety of people. Try it - you might like it!

Posted by: Maureen | September 9, 2008 11:54 AM | Report abuse

"If children are not part of celebrations what does that say about their value in the family?"

it clearly says the couple considers kids a nuisense and family oriented folks need not attend.

Like Whacky said earlier, catalog that invitation in the round file.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Sometimes people do not invite children to receptions purely out of cost. I am not sure why some of you think that is rude.

If children are not invited to the reception, I am not sure if it is OK to invite them to the wedding. Especially if they are out of town guests. I can see inviting them to wedding only but some people might take offense.

I believe good manners dictates, that you respect the wishes of the bride and groom and the hosts. Afterall, they are paying for it and it is their day.

A wedding can be about family and friends or it can be just about adults. It is up to the bride and groom to decide.

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 11:58 AM | Report abuse

Like Whacky said earlier, catalog that invitation in the round file.


Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:56 AM

Whacky is the taste arbiter for the blog?

Posted by: LOL!! | September 9, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

"it was an uncomfortable call to make & i heard later that they were annoyed with me."

Whar gets me is that you had to hear later about how they felt. Why did it even have to get back to you? If you don't want the kids there, you don't.

I had children at my wedding and reception, and I didn't mind. They behaved well for the most part. I did hear about two siblings (tweens) beginning to argue and being told to stop, but I couldn't tell it was happening.

My now ex-husband's cousin had a "no kids" wedding when my son was almost 3 and I was in my third trimester of pregnancy with my daughter. Fine. But the bride's mother apparently told my husband it was okay for him to bring my son. Husband did not clear this with his cousin, the bride to be. He just included my son's name on the reply. I had my doubts but didn't say much. Well, we got a note that politely reiterated the "no kids" rule, with an explanation of how other parents would feel if we brought our child. That's her right.

My husband went alone. His mother had the nerve to say she could have offered to watch my son. Nice gesture, but made AFTER my husband had arrived at the wedding site! Apparently, a group of adult relatives skipped the reception to watch all the kids. We weren't told about this.

Posted by: theoriginalmomof2 | September 9, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

The children of my friends are so uniformly badly behaved, I don't invite them even to casual gatherings that are adult-focused. There is no shame in choosing not to like a child after experiencing their shenanigans at numerous gatherings, just as there is no shame in not liking an adult that has no sense of respect or propriety. Why is it that we don't fault folks for choosing their ADULT guests, yet expect that notorious misbehavors from the junior set should be given carte blanche?

Posted by: Redheadqt | September 9, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

OT: Yes, I am back at work. Baby and daughter are both fine. Baby is huge (15lbs) at two months old. Eating and finally sleeping well. Daughter just adores him. She thinks he is a baby doll. Glad to be back at work but miss both my kids.

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 11:36 AM

*****************************

2 MONTHS OLD AND 15 LBS?????? what the heck are you feeding that kid?

Posted by: put that kid on a diet! | September 9, 2008 12:15 PM | Report abuse

Why is it that we don't fault folks for choosing their ADULT guests, yet expect that notorious misbehavors from the junior set should be given carte blanche?

Posted by: Redheadqt | September 9, 2008 12:13 PM

Few parents will admit that their kids are toxic. It's easier to call you a "child hater".

Posted by: Tee hee | September 9, 2008 12:17 PM | Report abuse

My son is on breast milk. Both my kids were in the 95th percentile for the first 6 months. My daughter slimmed out around 24 months. I just have big babies.

Posted by: foamgnome | September 9, 2008 12:18 PM | Report abuse

If you get an invitation that doesn't include your kids,

And you go,

And you find there are a bunch of kids from both family and friends of the bride and groom,

you should get the hint loud and clear. It's not that kids weren't invited, It's *YOUR* kids that weren't invited!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:21 PM | Report abuse

If you get an invitation that doesn't include your kids,

And you go,

And you find there are a bunch of kids from both family and friends of the bride and groom,

you should get the hint loud and clear. It's not that kids weren't invited, It's *YOUR* kids that weren't invited!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:21 PM

Not necessarily. Sometimes people show up with their kids whether the kids were invited or not.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:25 PM | Report abuse

I wanted to have a no-kids wedding because frankly, ever since I was a child, I have quite simply hated the vision of the bride dancing with children (because she must have children NOW NOW NOW). For the record, I like kids and can't wait to have them. But there's something about children on the dance floor, demanding to be the center of attention, when this day is supposed to be about the love between two people. I find it annoying and horrifying.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

I like kids. My husband and I actually really wanted our friends with children to bring them to the wedding. We hired babysitters and had a separate room arranged (and had the caterers make extra meals for the babysitters and be prepared to make kids' meals). My fondest wish (seriously) was for a small child to say something inappropriate as I made my way to the chuppah. But unfortunately, most of our friends decided that it would be more fun to have an adult night out. Can't blame them, but we were a little sad about it. We have a 5-month-old now, but if we were invited to a friend's adult-only wedding we'd deal and wouldn't feel at all put out. (We would be a little sorry not to have an excuse to put her in a pretty dress, because that's fun.)

I do think it is a nice gesture to provide babysitters if you know you have many out-of-town guests with small children. We just called a couple of local licensed day-care centers and asked if they had employees who would be interested. The two we hired were trained in infant CPR. We told the parents to bring their own toys. The room was private, so guests could have nursed there (though neither my husband nor I would have cared if someone nursed during the ceremony or reception). It was quite inexpensive.

Posted by: Catherine | September 9, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

My husband and I had three flower girls and a ring bearer, ages 3 1/2-10. All relatives of ours, and all fantastic. We invited everyone's kids and had a kids table for all the kids old enough to eat on their own. The kids had a blast together. We also had a babysitting room set up where kids could watch movies, play games, etc. Our babysitters were great. The younger kids spent the early part of the reception at the reception, but generally flocked to the movies as they got tired. We had a few babies who stayed in their parents' (and other relatives') arms the whole night.

I'm in favor of inviting everyone's kids. My flower girl niece dancing with her father-in-law was one of the cutest things at my wedding. But all the kids were either very well-behaved, or I didn't notice the bad behavior because parents took care of it.

I think the babysitting room with two babysitters (one to hold down the fort and one to run interference with parents if needed) prevented any real issues from developing. But I also have to say, even if our ring bearer had been slamming a pillow in his face during the ceremony, I don't think I would have noticed. I think most couples are pretty focused on each other!

Posted by: Kids at wedding | September 9, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

My sister had several hissy fits cause her future BIL insisted on bringing his kids to her wedding. She would go on and on about it during wedding planning.

Of course, when she had HER precious one, she insisted on bringing him to every single wedding she was invited to.

He was four when we got married, and she said something like: of course, he'll walk down the aisle. I said: well, I'll think about it and talk with D Fiance.

So at the wedding ,he *wasn't* coming down the aisle. Sister was running around yelling at me how we talked about it (yes, discussed - no decision had been made) - I let the wedding planner deal with her.

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

I invited kids to the wedding, cause many of the people I invited were from out of town - and if they were going to make the trip, I wanted them to have choices. Most of my cousins came by themselves, without spouse and kids, in any event. My cousin said to me: this is great! I had to drive a thousand miles to talk with my brother, who lives 20 minutes from me at home!
I did not understand my (other) sister inviting kids to her wedding, which was a saturday night, so we didn't start eating dinner til past 10 PM.


Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Our former nanny just invited us to her wedding. She didn't include kids on the invite. She is from poland, and told her fiance that they needed to do that, and apparently he told her that everyone will just know kids are invited.

So we thought we needed a babysitter, but then in talking with her, she told us the above. So you just never know.

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 12:53 PM | Report abuse

I was so surprised at how appreciative my husband's family was when our wedding was "children welcome." Then again, while it wasn't an anti-wedding, it certainly wasn't a formal event by any means either.

Posted by: amo | September 9, 2008 12:54 PM | Report abuse

altmom - are you ever going to shut up?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

Our former nanny just invited us to her wedding. She didn't include kids on the invite. She is from poland, and told her fiance that they needed to do that, and apparently he told her that everyone will just know kids are invited.

So we thought we needed a babysitter, but then in talking with her, she told us the above. So you just never know.

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 12:53 PM

Fascinating!!!!

altmom - the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

I like kids, myself, and wanted them at my wedding. That said, if someone doesn't invite my kid to their wedding, we'll find a babysitter. Their wedding, their prerogative. (If we can find a babysitter, that is. If not, we politely decline. Our prerogative.)

Guests shouldn't throw hissy fits if their children aren't invited- they either attend without them or decline. Hosts shouldn't throw hissy fits if their guests decline invitations. If those two rules were followed, none of this would be a problem, really. (Though I do agree that it's foolish to expect a nursing mother to stop nursing for an evening or a weekend, just for your wedding.)

Posted by: Katja | September 9, 2008 1:07 PM | Report abuse

atlmom -- our former au pair is getting married, too. We can't wait to go to Germany for the wedding. Is your au pair marrying an American guy? Do you have another au pair?

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 1:08 PM | Report abuse

My fondest wedding memory - besides my own of course! - was our former housemate's. She's like a sister to DH and me, and a beloved auntie to our boys. They were her ringbearers, and the groom's three nieces were the flower girls. It was a beautiful and formal wedding, and the kids all knew what was expected of them, and behaved appropriately.

I think the photographer took a couple dozen pictures of me and younger son dancing. He was six at the time, and he was having a ball! DH and older son DO NOT DANCE, so it was a complete surprise that younger son enjoyed it. In fact he was having so much fun that I couldn't get him off the dance floor until I *begged* to go sit down and have a rest and a drink - and I seriously LOVE to dance, so it was the only time I have ever wanted to stop.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

My SIL insisted on having her boyfriend who later broke up with her included in all the wedding photos for the groom's side of the family. We now have several hundred dollars worth of photos which include "Old Bill" whom SIL used to go out with.

She pulled the same stunt with each of our kid's christenings later, so we have multiple pictures of all the guys SIL used to date in all of our family memories.

I just find it odd . . .

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:10 PM | Report abuse

One problem for parents is if they get invited to an out-of-town wedding without the kids. Having a babysitter for an entire weekend might be a bit much. If you take the kids with you, you may be going somewhere where you don't know anyone to be a babysitter for a few hours.

Posted by: Random Mom | September 9, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

During the summer of 2007 my hubby's cousin asked both our kids (ages 4 and 6) to be flower girl and ring bearer at their wedding. We happily accepted. We were looking forward to visiting Charlotte, NC for the first time and seeing the rest of the family.

Many months later (it was December, to be exact), and after I had already bought my daughter's flower girl dress (which the bride picked and cost $124), the happy couple informed us that the kids will not be invited to the reception. My hubby and I were both, excuse me? Did we hear that right? No kids, even if they are members of the wedding party?

The happy couple reiterated the no-kids policy, wedding party members or not, but that we shouldn't worry because they were renting a hotel room in the same place where the reception will be held, and that they are hiring competent sitters and ordering kid-friendly food.

I was peeved to say the least. The children, whose presence necessitated my family's traveling to this wedding in the first place, was now being disinvited to the reception?

We asked the happy couple very gently but very firmly to reconsider, citing our personal affront of their choice. The money didn't matter to us; the travel time didn't matter. But the exclusion of members of the wedding party from the reception deeply offended me and my husband. My kids are members of the wedding party. They should be invited to the reception, end of story. If they didn't want kids period, why have ring bearers and flower girls in the first place?

The ending of this story was that the bride and groom ended up excluding ALL children from the reception AND the wedding itself. I don't know how many bridges they burned there. Suffice it to say we didn't get a Christmas card from the happy couple this past December.

Aaaaahh...the joys of wedding planning. Why does it have to be so painful?


Posted by: Karmela | September 9, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

atlmom -- our former au pair is getting married, too. We can't wait to go to Germany for the wedding. Is your au pair marrying an American guy? Do you have another au pair?

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 1:08 PM

Oh, God. Talk about crossovers with the 3 most pretentious bores on this blog -altmom, WorkingMomX, and ArmyBrat, who has an au pair in Germany wedding story!!!

Thanks a lot, WorkingMomX.......

Posted by: What are the odds? | September 9, 2008 1:15 PM | Report abuse

You are all talking as if the bride and groom will be outraged if you folks with non-invited kids don't attend the wedding. Having recently paid for my wedding, I can't imagine any bride or groom actually being annoyed, much less upset, if someone declines an invitation. Even done in a very practical manner, these things are expensive (also a reason for excluding kids -- and who can afford to provide sitting services in addition to the other reception costs). So if your kids aren't invited and you're bent out of shape about it, just fill out the RSVP card accordingly. It is very likely the bride and groom will be fine with it.

Posted by: Recent Bride | September 9, 2008 1:21 PM | Report abuse

She pulled the same stunt with each of our kid's christenings later, so we have multiple pictures of all the guys SIL used to date in all of our family memories.

I just find it odd . . .

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:10 PM


SIL must be some looker!!

Posted by: Ha, ha | September 9, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

"Fascinating!!!!

altmom - the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 12:59 PM "

"Au contraire - it's all about YOU! Your ability to come on to a blog about which you know nothing and care less, and just snark to your little heart's content. YOU, being the centre of everyone's attention! YOU, getting your little jollies - heh, heh, ho, ho! YOU laugh as YOU ponder your next move in the blog universe - oh, who to insult next when there are so many targets?

You anons do on occasion amuse me, but you're just too darned pathetic to be much fun. Now run along upstairs and ponder why Stephane Dion can't even remember the URL to his own darned "The Green Shift" website.

Posted by: m2j5c2 | September 9, 2008 11:25 AM "

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Foam, so glad to hear that all is well! I'm also glad that big sis is into things! I've been thinking about you. Try to enjoy the relative peace and quiet at work, plus no one pooping on you lest you miss the munchkins too much! Salon.com had a funny piece yesterday I think about how crazy 2 year olds can be! Take care.

Posted by: Moxiemom | September 9, 2008 1:32 PM | Report abuse

You anons do on occasion amuse me, but you're just too darned pathetic to be much fun. Now run along upstairs and ponder why Stephane Dion can't even remember the URL to his own darned "The Green Shift" website.

Posted by: m2j5c2 | September 9, 2008 11:25 AM "


Carm down, m2j5c2 . It's the NET.

Posted by: ??? | September 9, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse

My word. The amount of hate on this blog truly drives me to tears. I could only read a portion of the comments this morning before I had to log off because it was so upsetting. I just read some more of the vitriolic postings and I am shattered to see how horrible you are to one another.

Posted by: Nancy | September 9, 2008 1:34 PM | Report abuse

I insisted on a no kids wedding. don't get me wrong, i have nothing against kids, but my wedding and reception were both in the same hotel very late in the day with an open bar. knowing the people who were invited i was concerned about them gettin home with their kids and the parents good and drunk!!!

all i could think about is what would happen if someone's kid was hurt because of a drunk driver.

Posted by: nall92 | September 9, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

Have them or dont but whatever you decide stand your ground and make NO EXCEPTIONS. One corporate Holiday cruise said "NO KIDS!" yet one young techie's girlfriend brought her kid - the ONLY one who did - and the kid was a MONSTER. He whined and cried because people got bonuses and awards for outstanding achievement and he "didnt get nothing!!" He took bites of 3 different dinners and spit out what he didnt like (kinda gross). He wanted to leave about 30 minutes into the 2-hour cruise. We know this because he SAID SO many times and very loudly. My BF was ready to launch the brat into the Potomac on a rubber life raft. The kid SHOULD have been turned away at the door but was allowed anyway. This torqued the parents who lined up sitters and shelled out child care bucks because they couldnt bring their kids.

Worst of all was the oblivious mom - or she WAS oblivious until the DJ played some run of the mill light rock song that she said was "COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE with a CHILD present!!" (the child who wasnt supposed to be there).

The young techie was mortified by the GF and brat behaviour - and QUIT a few weeks later!!

Alas, there's never an iceberg around when you need one...

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:42 PM | Report abuse

Worst of all was the oblivious mom - or she WAS oblivious until the DJ played some run of the mill light rock song that she said was "COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE with a CHILD present!!" (the child who wasnt supposed to be there).


Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:42 PM

Stop dissing my mom!!!

Posted by: Piper | September 9, 2008 1:46 PM | Report abuse

Unfortunately, I have also seen little Satan spawn running amok at FUNERALS and running up and down the aisles at college graduations. Some parents just have NO SENSE.

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

We are having a small ceremony with both sets of parents in attendance next summer. After we get back from our honeymoon, we are going to have a big party and kids will definitely be invited. I can't imagine not having them there. A reception is supposed to be a celebration. I think they should be part of that.
But to each their own ...

Posted by: Dawn | September 9, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

You are all talking as if the bride and groom will be outraged if you folks with non-invited kids don't attend the wedding. Having recently paid for my wedding, I can't imagine any bride or groom actually being annoyed, much less upset, if someone declines an invitation. Even done in a very practical manner, these things are expensive (also a reason for excluding kids -- and who can afford to provide sitting services in addition to the other reception costs). So if your kids aren't invited and you're bent out of shape about it, just fill out the RSVP card accordingly. It is very likely the bride and groom will be fine with it.

Posted by: Recent Bride | September 9, 2008 1:21 PM

Well, Bridezilla, in some families the bridge and groom actually DO care that their relatives and friends attend. They are saddened by having their invite declined, particularly since they attended numerous graduations, birthday parties and functions of other family members. They want to share their special day with the people closest to them. Thankfully, that means they want family members of all ages to join them.

On the other hand, if your day is all about having the wedding of your dreams and staring at lovely photos of yourself in an album for years to come, including after the divorce, then having those closest to you on your wedding day might very well be no big deal. I trust all those who skipped your bash knew good and well how you felt about their attendance. They probably had a much better time at the parties they attended than they would have at your over-priced wedding. (I'll bet you told all your guests the per-head cost as well as the price of your dress, your shoes, the hotel and your honeymoon - gracious bride that you were.)

Posted by: Oh, brother! | September 9, 2008 1:52 PM | Report abuse

all i could think about is what would happen if someone's kid was hurt because of a drunk driver.

Ah, maybe:

a) Not have an open bar?

b) have the bar open only for a limited time?

c) hire a fleet of taxis?

d) hire 2 cops with breathalyzers (not to do the test but just to stand at the exits as a reminder.)

e) NOT inviting your lush "friends' to a free party?

Posted by: What a piece of work! | September 9, 2008 1:52 PM | Report abuse

"Spelling Police!

I prefer the "adult only" functions.

Whacky, in a few years, your kids will be grown and out of the nest. What will you do then?"

Yes, maybe he will spend all his time pointing out other people's mistakes on a blog.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:53 PM | Report abuse

all i could think about is what would happen if someone's kid was hurt because of a drunk driver.

Now see, I would be worried about them getting overly verschnickered and leaving the kids behind when they left...

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:53 PM | Report abuse

I am holding my breath for neither Jamie Lynn Spear's nor Brisol Palin's wedding.

signed,

Cynical Curmudgeon

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Unfortunately, I have also seen little Satan spawn running amok at FUNERALS and running up and down the aisles at college graduations. Some parents just have NO SENSE

If it was an Irish wake that is normal.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

The young techie was mortified by the GF and brat behaviour - and QUIT a few weeks later!!


Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:42 PM

Is the techie still "dating" the GF ?

Posted by: Mooseburger | September 9, 2008 1:56 PM | Report abuse

No no! WAKE is one thing, FUNERAL at the church is a whole nother matter!

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Ugh, I think you should either have kids or not have kids with no exceptions. If you don't care enough about the person you are inviting to invite thier child to the reception when you have other children there, why invite them at all.


Also, what does Bristol have to do with any of this?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

Is the techie still "dating" the GF ?

NO! She was history by Monday morning!

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

Now see, I would be worried about them getting overly verschnickered and leaving the kids behind when they left...

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 1:53 PM

Leaving the kids behind in a locked hot car.......

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

During the summer of 2007 my hubby's cousin asked both our kids (ages 4 and 6) to be flower girl and ring bearer at their wedding. We happily accepted. We were looking forward to visiting Charlotte, NC for the first time and seeing the rest of the family.

Many months later (it was December, to be exact), and after I had already bought my daughter's flower girl dress (which the bride picked and cost $124), the happy couple informed us that the kids will not be invited to the reception. My hubby and I were both, excuse me? Did we hear that right? No kids, even if they are members of the wedding party?

The happy couple reiterated the no-kids policy, wedding party members or not, but that we shouldn't worry because they were renting a hotel room in the same place where the reception will be held, and that they are hiring competent sitters and ordering kid-friendly food.

I was peeved to say the least. The children, whose presence necessitated my family's traveling to this wedding in the first place, was now being disinvited to the reception?

We asked the happy couple very gently but very firmly to reconsider, citing our personal affront of their choice. The money didn't matter to us; the travel time didn't matter. But the exclusion of members of the wedding party from the reception deeply offended me and my husband. My kids are members of the wedding party. They should be invited to the reception, end of story. If they didn't want kids period, why have ring bearers and flower girls in the first place?

The ending of this story was that the bride and groom ended up excluding ALL children from the reception AND the wedding itself. I don't know how many bridges they burned there. Suffice it to say we didn't get a Christmas card from the happy couple this past December.

Aaaaahh...the joys of wedding planning. Why does it have to be so painful?


Posted by: Karmela | September 9, 2008 1:15 PM

___________________________________

You were "deeply offended" by their choice? Of the way to handle their own wedding? And you pitched such a fit that they changed their plans so as to not deal with you? And you think THEY burned bridges?

Did they handle everything correctly? Probably not. But your behavior was far more offensive - just how self-entitled can you get? And you still apparently believe you were in the right? Just unbelievable.

They're better off without you.

Posted by: Good Lord | September 9, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

No no! WAKE is one thing, FUNERAL at the church is a whole nother matter!

Oh, I see. Do you think that some kids are just upset that someone in their family has died and that is the way they express it. Everyone does not grieve the same.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 2:00 PM | Report abuse

No no! WAKE is one thing, FUNERAL at the church is a whole nother matter!

I guarantee one thing, the dearly departed doesn't care how the kids are behaving!

Posted by: From the Grave | September 9, 2008 2:03 PM | Report abuse

Also, what does Bristol have to do with any of this?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 1:58 PM


"I Do" with Kids in Tow is today's topic!!!

Posted by: Stacey is clever | September 9, 2008 2:04 PM | Report abuse

And SOMETIMES kids are asked to be in the wedding or just invited and you just friggin dont want to BRING THEM!! My former SIL thought my son would be "adorable" in the little mini tux that matched my brother's...except I couldnt afford it. I declined and was blamed for "ruining the entire wedding" - he was only 3 or so and I didnt really think he could handle standing there through the whole service holding a pillow. I showed up without him to their horror. -I- didnt want to spend the whole afternoon and evening chasing a toddler in heels and a formal (on me, not the toddler). If the parents DONT WANT to bring their kids, be OK with that too.

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 2:06 PM | Report abuse

Do you think that some kids are just upset that someone in their family has died and that is the way they express it. Everyone does not grieve the same.

Some of these kids didnt even KNOW the deceased so they werent grieving for ANYBODY. And there are certain somber occasions when you are expected to sit still and shut up - no exceptions. If you cant comply, you need to leave (or not be there in teh first place).

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 2:11 PM | Report abuse

Heavens to Betsy! I am so upset today. Just reading the negative comments from people about what should be the happiest day in a couple's lives. We should be talking about the joyousness and celebration of marriage.

Posted by: Nancy | September 9, 2008 2:14 PM | Report abuse

All the brides in our family bring their children. Grandchildren too.

Posted by: Wally in WV | September 9, 2008 2:17 PM | Report abuse

WorkingMomx wrote: "I'd also like to hear from people who married where stepchildren were involved."

My husband has a teen-aged daughter from his first marriage and I have a teen son and a pre-teen daughter. My bestfriend was my maid of honor and the two girls were my attendants. My husband's bestfriend was his best man, and DH's brother and my son were his groomsmen.

After we completed our vows and the ring exchange, we added a non-traditional part to the ceremony. We had readings from us to the kids and the kids each had a reading about our new family. Just as we had exchanged rings, we gave each of the children a gift--necklaces for the girls and a watch for my son.

Everyone thought it was lovely how we incorporated the kids into the ceremony and included them in the new family that we were forming.

Posted by: Bteh | September 9, 2008 2:18 PM | Report abuse

We should be talking about the joyousness and celebration of marriage.

We are...specifically preserving it by leaving the kids out of it.

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 2:18 PM | Report abuse

Stacey, please remove Anonymous at 2:05's offensive post.

When are we going to have registration that will keep out the vermin?

Posted by: DC | September 9, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

yeeech - please please please people STOP putting toddlers in tiny tuxedos! oh, and the infant in the tux - its awful. make it stop it isn't classy and looks stupid.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 2:21 PM | Report abuse

Actually, it's the nanny we had before the au pair. Yes, she is marrying an american, from the south (she's polish). It should be an interesting wedding, I believe he's southern baptist, she was raised catholic, it's at the home of the family she was an au pair with, who are Jewish - as are most of the people she's worked for.
We're very excited.

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

"Some of these kids didnt even KNOW the deceased so they werent grieving for ANYBODY. And there are certain somber occasions when you are expected to sit still and shut up - no exceptions. If you cant comply, you need to leave (or not be there in teh first place)."

Man, what a stiff.

Posted by: LOL | September 9, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

"On the other hand, if your day is all about having the wedding of your dreams and staring at lovely photos of yourself in an album for years to come, including after the divorce"

Classic MM!!! - predict divorce for the "selfish" bride!

Great stuff for my book!

Posted by: I'm in the money | September 9, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

I have to agree with Recent Bride.

We are planning our wedding now and we think it will not include children. We are having a smaller wedding with family plus close friends.

The only exception we would make is inviting my future SIL’s 2 kids, because they are part of our immediate family. It’s just not financially feasible for us to invite the children of our all our friends and cousins (at least 15 kids at last count). We are paying for the wedding ourselves and don’t feel the need to sink into debt to please everyone else.

I understand that some of guests might decline attending our wedding because of of our stance. I don’t hold that against them and I would hope they would not hold our choice against us.

Posted by: Bride to Be | September 9, 2008 2:24 PM | Report abuse

Hiring a babysitter during the reception for the children (even those in the wedding party) and providing a child-friendly environment is a nice solution. If I were the 4 or 6 year old flower girl and had to choose between being the ONLY child at a grown-up noisy reception with strange food and no toys versus being in a room with other children with lots of toys and pizza - yeah I'd pick the toys and pizza. Who cares Mom is offended?

Dh and I were a tad older than average when we got married so having a no kid wedding wasn't practical (15 nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 5 to 21). So, we invited ALL children, not just family. Luckily the wedding was set in a park with lots of space. We provided frisbees, bocci balls, and croquet equipment. We put cameras on every table and let the kids go wild with the pictures.

Posted by: Another WOW | September 9, 2008 2:27 PM | Report abuse

Several years ago, my brother-in-law got married. My husband was best man, my son was 16 months old. It was made very clear that our son was not welcome at the wedding or reception. The wedding was 500 miles away and they made no effort to help find a babysitter (even though we asked). I ended up staying at home - I really had no other choice. They told my husband they were surprised I wasn't there. I just think they were so completely clueless about life with a baby - what in the world did they think I was going to do with him???

Posted by: Centreville, VA | September 9, 2008 2:30 PM | Report abuse

The three favorite MM words - holdovers from their high school Queen Bee / Wannabe days:

Selfish
Bitter
Jealous

Must go now. Time to start the PTA meeting. Toodles!

Posted by: My poms are fluffed and ready to go! | September 9, 2008 2:30 PM | Report abuse

That's OK, Sarah. You've got my vote!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Great stuff for my book!

What book? I also don't think you can use any of the information on this blog unless you get permission from the washington post/posters.

Posted by: Good luck with that. | September 9, 2008 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Looks like the comment at 2:05 really impacted AB. He hasn't responded. Must have been true!

ahahahaha

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 2:41 PM | Report abuse

Why are you here?

Posted by: To My poms are fluffed and ready to go! | September 9, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

Great stuff for my book!

What book? I also don't think you can use any of the information on this blog unless you get permission from the washington post/posters.

Posted by: Good luck with that. | September 9, 2008 2:37 PM


A novel, Goober. Leveraged into a treatment, then a screenplay. What "information"? It's mostly uber mom opinion. What could be dumber and funnier?

Posted by: I'm in the money | September 9, 2008 2:45 PM | Report abuse

Why are you here?

Posted by: To My poms are fluffed and ready to go! | September 9, 2008 2:42 PM

I love weddings & kids!! A preggers bride rocks!!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 2:49 PM | Report abuse

to centreville: You're right, unless you have one or are around them, you have no idea what having a child/baby entails. Interesting that they wouldn't help you find a babysitter. But seriously, if you don't have kids, it's not so easy. My sister's friend from high school who lives in Atlanta had a strict no kids wedding. She sent information about two babysitting agencies with the invites. It was up to me to find a babysitter for my sister's kid who was about 16 months at the time. Well, it was about impossible (the agencies never called back, then I was asking friends but most of them didn't have kids - AND it was tough to find a carseat as well...as sister tagged me with getting one for her...).
(sister ended up coming alone - so I didn't have to organize for the kid- as it was a few days after 9/11 and all plans were completely different than intended).

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Foam: glad to hear things are going well and you're back to work!

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 2:51 PM | Report abuse

To bride to be: the reaction to the first post was because that person had indicated that the bride and groom would be happy if people declined, because then they wouldn't have to pay for it.

Kinda like my one sister, who got the response from a cousin of ours from out of town who said: he told me he was coming! and now he's not! And he didn't even include a check!

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

I hsve no family values because I choose to have an adults only formal affair?

As for stepkids, whatever works. I think it makes more sense to have a wedding between those being married and then a separate binding ceremony for the family.

Posted by: Liz D | September 9, 2008 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Look for Howard Stern to shock again on Tuesday morning when he's due to kick off the auction of a 22-year-old beauty's virginity.

Expected to step on the block, so to speak, of Stern's Sirius radio studio is a San Diego woman who says she wants to sell her maidenhood to pay her college tuition.

"I don't have a moral dilemma with it," says the pretty brunette, who's using the pseudonym of Natalie Dylan "for safety reasons."

"We live in a capitalist society," she tells us. "Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?"

Dylan was introduced to Stern by Dennis Hof, proprietor of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, Nevada's famed legal brothel (seen on HBO's hit series "Cathouse.")

Hof says the auction will be conducted online via bunnyranch.com, and that the deal will be consummated at the Bunny Ranch, where Dylan's sister already works. "I think it's a tremendous idea," he says. "Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?"

There won't be any questions about Dylan's virtue: The lass says she's willing to submit to a polygraph test and a gynecological exam to confirm her virginity.

According to Dylan, she and her sister were forced into the skin trade partly because their stepfather allegedly took out student loans in their names without their permission, leaving them unable to finance their education.

She says she's already earned her bachelor's degree in women's studies at Sacramento State and that in January she'll start her master's work in marriage and family therapy there. She hopes to get a doctorate.

Meanwhile, her mother, a "conservative" fourth-grade teacher, doesn't approve of what she's doing, "but she supports me."

More worrisome is the potential media storm. "I understand some people may condemn me," Dylan says. "But I think this is empowering. I'm using what I have to better myself."

Dylan told us she got the auction idea after reading about a Peruvian woman who needed to pay for her mother's medical bills. A Canadian man made a whopping $1.5 million bid, but the woman reportedly decided not to go through with the sex.

Dylan says the winner won't necessarily be the highest bidder. "I want someone with chemistry. We'll take bids until I find a suitor I'm happy with.”

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Huge difference in a 10-year old and a 3-year-old. "Kids" maybe, babies, NO!

Posted by: tunatofu | September 9, 2008 3:02 PM | Report abuse

Best part of our wedding was all the little girls who wanted to be flower girls. We just had them all. It was a laugh riot.

Posted by: Jacknut | September 9, 2008 3:02 PM | Report abuse

She says she's already earned her bachelor's degree in women's studies at Sacramento State and that in January she'll start her master's work in marriage and family therapy there. She hopes to get a doctorate.

She clearly learned NOTHING if she is willing to prostitute herself - as any "women's studies" course would have pointed out time and again is exploitation of women. Not sure I want this tart doing "family therapy" on anyone, even the Jerry Springer crowd.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Kinda like my one sister, who got the response from a cousin of ours from out of town who said: he told me he was coming! and now he's not! And he didn't even include a check!

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 2:53 PM

No check, huh? Bummer. My, my your life is filled with drama! What crisis will we hear about tomorrow? Can't wait for the blow-by-blow(that's code for AB) account.

Posted by: Is she really this naive? | September 9, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Couple of points...
1. The kid's room at a reception with babysitter, pizza, and movies worked great at my wedding, and has been replicated at every family wedding since. the little ones seem to be ok during ceremonies, too.

2. Sometimes bio mom's are just egg donors, and the kid is lucky enough to get a second mom who loves and raises him or her unconditionally. In that case, if you believe that the wedding begins the family, then all members should be included.

Posted by: Jen | September 9, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Stacey, please remove Anonymous at 2:05's offensive post.

When are we going to have registration that will keep out the vermin?

Posted by: DC | September 9, 2008 2:20 PM

Another poster who's no stranger to pillow biting...........

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

No check, huh? Bummer. My, my your life is filled with drama! What crisis will we hear about tomorrow? Can't wait for the blow-by-blow(that's code for AB) account.

Posted by: Is she really this naive? | September 9, 2008 3:07 PM

I think AB is gonna be pretty busy, if the post at 2:05 is accurate. I don't think he'll be able to sit down and type anything.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

ArmyBrat will be back in a moment, he's out back getting a tune up...wink wink

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

Stacey, please remove Anonymous at 2:05's offensive post.

When are we going to have registration that will keep out the vermin?

Posted by: DC | September 9, 2008 2:20 PM

Another poster who's no stranger to pillow biting...........

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:10 PM


Awwww, at least give them some tylenol or something to dull the pain!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

No question. A lot of bad blood comes out of wedding stuff....

Posted by: Who knew? | September 9, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

I can completely understand when the wedding party does not want kids to be invited and would certainly honor their wishes. It's Their money they are spending and their celebration.. not mine. My daughter is having a low key wedding w/ a buffet and it wont cost her that much more to include children and the place where we are having the reception is not high class.. (American Legion) so again..we feel it would be acceptable to include children of our friends and family. There is a time and a place and certain situations that warrant getting a babysitter. If people think that not inviting kids is worthy ridicule then they are probly parents that let their children run all over them.

Posted by: h8tva | September 9, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

The three favorite terms of Anonymous posters - holdovers from elementary school:

MM
Bragging
Pretentious
Boring

along with the latest addition - some closeted sort who hasn't been laid in months.

Come up with some new material, troll sociopaths.

Posted by: Amerigo | September 9, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Stacey, please remove offensive posts at 2:05, 2:20, 3:10 - 3:18 PM (and the like), as well as the off-topic copy/paste at 3:00 PM.

Posted by: OP regular | September 9, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Lame. Truly, pathetically lame.

When I first got involved in this Internet thing in 1981, people knew how to insult one another. Why, we'd walk seven miles, in the snow, in July, uphill (both ways) to participate in a good flame war.

Trolls were good enough to actually catch newbies, instead of revealing themselves for the newbies they are.

My gosh, to think it's come down to this. I'm betting none of you anons even knows how to catch the IP address of a poster so you can see where they're really posting from, do you?

Good grief.

Until you learn how to REALLY snark, you need to just go back to whatever it is you theoretically do for a living.

Because you're just truly, pathetically lame. J. Random Luser, personified.

Posted by: ArmyBrat | September 9, 2008 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Golf clap for ArmyBrat! (I'd make it a standing ovation, but clearly, politeness is lacking on this blog and every little helps . . .)

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

AB: I am in good company if they are now picking on me.

Posted by: atlmom | September 9, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

Well that was a long "tune up" AB! Are you ok? Hope your plumbing is still working!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:53 PM | Report abuse

Golf clap for ArmyBrat! (I'd make it a standing ovation, but clearly, politeness is lacking on this blog and every little helps . . .)

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 3:50 PM

you should stand and keep AB company. i dont think he can sit just yet.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Good grief

Do you really say this? Out loud? where others can hear you?

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

I think we've had more than the usual amount of troll droppings today because this blog is linked to the front WaPo page, because of "Wedding Week 2008".

Much like a Booby Kennedy Day at Celebritology.

Equally as lame and eye-rolling-worthy. Actually sometimes I kind of feel sorry for the ugly little trolls...their own personal lives must be so pitiful that they get satisfaction out of berating strangers on an anonymous blog. Sad.

Posted by: AuntieW | September 9, 2008 4:01 PM | Report abuse

I think we've had more than the usual amount of troll droppings today because this blog is linked to the front WaPo page, because of "Wedding Week 2008".

Much like a Booby Kennedy Day at Celebritology.

Equally as lame and eye-rolling-worthy. Actually sometimes I kind of feel sorry for the ugly little trolls...their own personal lives must be so pitiful that they get satisfaction out of berating strangers on an anonymous blog. Sad.


Posted by: AuntieW | September 9, 2008 4:01 PM


Awwwwwwww. Do you feel bad for AB? Dont! He enjoyed himself. He's gonna be a regular "pillow biter" from now.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

La-la-la-la-la-la. We can't hear you.

Posted by: OP regular | September 9, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Good one, OP regular.

Posted by: LOL | September 9, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

Army brat really is a "blow hard", in every sense of the word..............

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 4:18 PM


No wonder Sasquatch on the celeb blog keeps calling AB a blowhard! we just didnt understand the context.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Hmmmm - I just thought the trolls' fascination with AB's "private parts" was quite revealing about what their own pathologies are.

For example, I'm certain that at least one of the anonymous trolls (2:05 post) has spent "more than 72 hours in jail" and consequently is not eligible to be a blood donor or tissue donor. And the saddest part of this experience is that he liked it, but is too ashamed/homophobic to admit it even to himself.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

"She pulled the same stunt with each of our kid's christenings later, so we have multiple pictures of all the guys SIL used to date in all of our family memories."

My parents had a "married only" rule for a sitting for a family portrait once. I was offended that my college boyfriend, who my family knew and loved, wasn't included, but my (much younger) stepsister's new husband, who my family barely knew and didn't really seem to like, was. While both relationships ultimately ended, mine lasted four years and hers under a year (including both dating time and married time). Then again, there are two other exes in that picture, and those marriages lasted quite a bit longer. I solved the problem by not taking dates to important family functions. I take my best girl friend to weddings (we have mostly the same friends anyway, but they're all closer to one or the other of us, and one of us always makes the B list). We have a blast, I don't have to make introductions, and I get to spend time with the people I love the best. :)

Moral of the story? Relationships end, whether or not they're cemented in the law. Sometimes, you just need to take new pictures.

Posted by: Mona | September 9, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 4:34 PM

Well coming from a "witch" that carries oh so much weight. Yawn

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

Oh, my-troll-with-the-crush is back today!

I feel so special.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 4:41 PM | Report abuse

No, wait, the last one used the term Wicca or Wiccan without the quotes. This must be someone else. Funny, but I never expected that I'd start collecting these creatures.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

If a troll drops a turd in the forest and no one is around to smell it, does it still stink?

Posted by: the old philosopher | September 9, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

It's good to see some things never change!

Since I'm even bothering to post, I suppose I should make some sort of on-topic comment. If loud kids are going to turn you into a foaming lunatic, don't invite kids. If you don't mind screaming during the tenderest part of your ceremony, invite kids. If your guests freak out about who's invited, then that just gives you a heads up for more drama in the future.

Posted by: atb | September 9, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Anybody still want to talk weddings and kids? I got a doozie!

Posted by: invited guest | September 9, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Has anyone ever been invited to an evening wedding where the invitation specified black-tie for men and long gowns for women? I know of two such weddings.

Posted by: too much! | September 9, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

My nephew cried during our vows and, as he and both his parents were part of the wedding party, it took a while for them to get him out of the church. To be honest, I did not even NOTICE he was crying and nor did my husband. We were told afterwards. My sister and her husband were so upset and worried we were angry. We honestly were in our own world and did not notice. It is funny to watch the video now and hear it. Kids cry. Is that really the end of the world?

Posted by: JennaB | September 9, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Invited Guest, share your doozie!

Then duck when the trolls start hurling their poo!

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

I've got to go to a wedding all the way across the country. My kids aren't invited to the wedding. I don't have the first clue how to find a sitter all the way out there.
I'm told my family will be offended if I don't show. The only option I can see is to leave them with my husband and go solo.
And now this ticks off my family, too! They want to see the kids that weekend, just not at the wedding. I want peace in the family, but I don't want to go $2K in the whole just to get it!

Posted by: invited guest | September 9, 2008 5:04 PM | Report abuse

If what you are being asked is just too much - don't do it.

I also have family members who are never going to forgive me for refusing to be a good doormat and let them walk all over me. The best revenge is living well - and without them in my life.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Has anyone ever been invited to an evening wedding where the invitation specified black-tie for men and long gowns for women? I know of two such weddings.

Posted by: too much! | September 9, 2008 4:50 PM

Last post for the day, got to go get dinner.

I've been to three black tie weddings. One was a seriously crazy extravaganza on Long Island (college boyfriend's brother got married). Nine courses (the meal took hours and hours, and the wedding didn't even start until after 9:00 p.m.), different wines, full out crystal/silver/china, three different bands, hired dance instructors and entertainers, many rooms. I didn't go to bed all night, we just went from the wedding to a brunch after showering and changing. The bride's father had oodles and it was very clearly a business gathering as well as a family wedding. I've never been to a wedding like it since.

I went to a friend's black tie wedding, in Boca Raton, about 6 years ago. I was mego preggo, nothing fit, etc. Couldn't enjoy it as much as the first one, because I was so uncomfortable. Much more low key, if a black tie wedding can be low key, than the one on Long Island, but still fancy.

Then there was the Southern black tie wedding I went to -- a roommate from Virginia -- and that was its own special kind of wow. There was a "Sip and See" thing about a week from the big date (women only) where the wedding gifts were laid out for everyone to gawk at while drinking cocktails and tea. I had never heard of such a thing in my life. Bridal showers -- not just one, but four. I only went to the kitchen one, but I think there was a lingerie one and maybe china and crystal? Can't quite remember. Rehearsal dinner was a tented event with a string quartet. The wedding was extravagant but not a seated meal -- heavy hors d'oeuvres, band, etc. An absolutely massive framed portrait of the bride in her dress with veil, flowers, etc., was placed outside of the reception, and it kind of made me giggle.

My family is NOT black tie kind of people. So it's been fun to go to that kind of wedding occasionally. I still wouldn't spend the money on that sort of thing, even if I did have it.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | September 9, 2008 5:19 PM | Report abuse

Oh, now, hold the phone. These people stay in my life! They're ordinarily sane and lovely. I'm going solo and telling them to come visit me if they want to see the kids.
There's definitely a middle ground, here!

Posted by: invited guest, @sue | September 9, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 5:15 PM

I think you're projecting.

But if there is any residual bitterness in my emotional make-up, it would be quite easily (and more accurately) attributed to my family members' behavior towards me, DH and the boys.

Never met AB.
Usually enjoy his posts.
Don't give a hoot who he does, or doesn't, share himself with. That's just not my business - except when it's someone I am sharing my bed with.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 5:35 PM | Report abuse

There's definitely a middle ground, here!

Posted by: invited guest, @sue | September 9, 2008 5:23 PM

Good for you! And good for them too.

I wish I could claim that my relatives were ordinarily sane and lovely. But some of them make the trolls look like saints.

Posted by: Sue | September 9, 2008 5:40 PM | Report abuse

In my experience, black tie is more the norm for Jewish weddings - at least not-Orthodox New York/Florida Jewish - than for Christian ceremonies. Or maybe I just don't travel in the right Christian circles.

In re: not being able to make it to a family member's wedding: My college boyfriend told his aunt, who was planning her darling daughter's nuptials, "That's okay, I'll make it to her next one." He knew *exactly* what he was saying, too. The wedding was fixin' to be a shoo-in for Tackiest Trailer-Trash Wedding in Texas, 1991 - they were going to have to get a local ATC variance for the bride's hairdo...

Posted by: BxNY | September 9, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

Has anyone ever been invited to an evening wedding where the invitation specified black-tie for men and long gowns for women? I know of two such weddings.

Posted by: too much! | September 9, 2008 4:50 PM


I know of hundreds. If your point is that betrothed hosts are not to be permitted to dictate whether an event they are hosting is white tie, black tie, or cocktail, you need to get out more and read Emily Post from time to time.

Posted by: Huh? | September 9, 2008 6:04 PM | Report abuse

Maureen, I am sure you are not missed at the weddings you decline, with your self-righteous attitude I assume you are nothing but a bore in social events.

Posted by: Siggy | September 9, 2008 6:21 PM | Report abuse

You were "deeply offended" by their choice? Of the way to handle their own wedding? And you pitched such a fit that they changed their plans so as to not deal with you? And you think THEY burned bridges?

Did they handle everything correctly? Probably not. But your behavior was far more offensive - just how self-entitled can you get? And you still apparently believe you were in the right? Just unbelievable.

They're better off without you.

Posted by: Good Lord | September 9, 2008 1:59 PM

---------------------

Hey Birdie, what's up girlfriend? How's newly-married life treating you these days? Say hi to my cousin-in-law for me, willya?

Posted by: Karmela | September 9, 2008 8:08 PM | Report abuse

I asked that the ceremony was adult only. Now I wish I hadn't. To be honest, who cares? I didn't spend a crazy amount of money on the wedding. And I find it ironic that the day I married my husband (the main reason,to start our family), I was asking everyone else to leave theirs at home.

By the way, some family and friends brought their kids anyway, and guess what....I didn't care. I didn't notice them until I saw the pictures (and they were cute, I'm glad they came). Kids aren't as bad as that and most parents take them out when they start to scream or something, so it's really not that big a deal.

Want to have a perfect ceremony? Elope!
Want to have family and friends included, then expect some hiccups.

Posted by: Kay | September 9, 2008 8:52 PM | Report abuse

Weddings are about family and celebration. The day is not important - the life you are making together is imrpotant. Why would you exclude a part of the family? Children can be less disruptive than drunken adults. I would've taken ten screaming kids during my ceremony if I could have gotten rid of an offensive uncle (or two...). But families and friends are never perfect! And neither are we.

Posted by: LAK | September 9, 2008 9:14 PM | Report abuse

I also would have preferred a couple of disruptive kids at my wedding instead of the following:

The best man had to go the airport to return home while we were at the reception. Why didn't he rent a car? Well, he tried and the rental place wrongfully denied his credit card or some such. So he goes without a card and wants to be driven to National airport, from Montgomery Co. My husband's friend was to drive him, but the friend hadn't arrived at the reception yet. So my husband asked his sister to drive him. She agrees, then his brother jumps up and says he'll go too. Brother and his wife agreed to divorce just before our wedding, so he and his wife were pretty subdued at the reception. Anyway, my husband's siblings leave with the best man and NEVER return to the reception, no call, nothing. Later, my husband confronted them (these were the same people who were about an hour late for the wedding, mainly because they got up and started getting dressed late), and they said they figured the reception was over.

I got the feeling they didn't seem to care a heck of a lot about this wedding, and there were some weird family issues going on. I still had a great, memorable wedding day, although I felt sorry for my husband.

Posted by: theoriginalmomof2 | September 9, 2008 9:32 PM | Report abuse

Our wedding was in a remote part of the state and was an evening wedding. If you were coming to the wedding you were staying overnight somewhere in town, so a babysitter would have had to be for the weekend.

My fiancee (now wife) did not wish to have children at the wedding. She was even leery of having a ringbearer and flower girl (the obvious choices were 5 and 3, respectively). We compromised on both.

For the former, we offered childcare during the service; this was done by some of the local Sunday school teachers. We did not demand that people avail themselves of the service, but found that most parents were grateful for the opportunity to take that 45 minute break from the kids. (A couple guests who had brought their nannies with them for the weekend actually volunteered their nannies to help out with the kids). The kids were set up in a room with plenty of toys, and coloring books and the babysitters played games and sang songs with them.

The availability of childcare for the ceremony was noted on the invitation and on our website (btw, if you're getting married and you don't have a website, get one; they're really de rigueur these days) with the simple statement "Child care, including infant care, will be available during the ceremony for those who wish to avail themselves of it."

In the end, all but my 3-week old niece and a friend's very quiet 1-year-old sat out the ceremony having fun with other kids and not having to stay quiet... and of course all the kids had a grand time at the outdoor reception, even the one who fell in the small stream.

For the latter, the ringbearer was accompanied down the aisle by his father and the flower girl by her mother. This was done so that if the need arose, the children could be scooped up by mom or dad and assisted with his/her task, without delaying the wedding or causing a scene. Since they were family they took seats up front when they got there rather than being expected to stand still with the wedding party the entire ceremony.

I think it went great, and apparently several of my single friends were of the same opinion. Since our wedding, two couples who were guests at our wedding have also had childcare during their ceremonies.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 9, 2008 11:09 PM | Report abuse

Some time ago, I attended a very large wedding hosted by a recently-widowed mother of a single daughter.

The invitations clearly did not invite families, but some 7-10 families arrived with generally small children in tow.

There was no arrangement for childcare, of course.

The poor bride and mother frantically re-arranged seating, being forced to place some of the older children with younger adult female relatives of the bride.

The female relatives were incensed, and the whole event caused long-term hard feelings in the family.

The only people who were probably completely unaware of the results of their bad manners and lack of consideration were the parents of the uninvited kids.

Posted by: mme | September 9, 2008 11:20 PM | Report abuse

WaPo, you have rules for comments so please enforce them! Many of these posts are extremely offensive.

Posted by: So offensive | September 10, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

fr tunatofu:

>...One corporate Holiday cruise said "NO KIDS!" yet one young techie's girlfriend brought her kid - the ONLY one who did - and the kid was a MONSTER. He whined and cried because people got bonuses and awards for outstanding achievement and he "didnt get nothing!!" He took bites of 3 different dinners and spit out what he didnt like (kinda gross)

A number of years ago, the company I worked for had their holiday party on a local paddlewheeler and it was made perfectly clear there would be an open bar, and dancing after dinner.

ONE professor and his nutball wife INSISTED on bringing their elementary school-age daughter. Fortunately, the kid behaved ok, but they were quietly told next time to make kidcare arrangements.

Posted by: Alex | September 10, 2008 9:57 AM | Report abuse

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