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Confessions of a Less-Than-Perfect Mom

Tonight is the start of Yom Kippur, the Jewish high holiday of repentance. For those of you not up on Jewish tradition, it's a time to throw away all the bad things we did over the past year and start fresh.

And so, what better time to repent to my children for all my "bad" momminess?

I'm sorry for throwing away those shrinky dinks you created months ago -- only to have you ask for them again last week. Ditto for the shreds of paper you glued to other shreds of paper in the name of art. Double-ditto for the hundreds of drawings and worksheets you brought home from school and camp over the past year.

I'm sorry for taking the pedals off your bike to teach you balance -- though I'm thrilled you now love to ride like a daredevil on two wheels.

I'm sorry for threatening to give away any toy I had to pick up off the floor. And I'm sorry for hiding all those Lego pieces that have scarred my feet for life.

I'm sorry for giving you that over-the-counter cold medicine so you and I could FINALLY get one night's sleep during that runny nose-cold incident earlier this year.

I'm sorry for serving you foods 1,000 times just so you'd try one bite -- eventually -- and tell me it was the grossest thing you'd ever eaten.

I'm sorry for my years and years of inflicting BPA plastic on your little bodies. I'm sure you'll be paying the price when I'm long gone.

I'm sorry for yelling at you when you clearly weren't listening and for forcing you to go into time out against your will.

I'm sorry for all my forgetfulness. It's called "momnesia." What was that again? Oh, you want to go to whose house? Oh, yeah, I'll try to remember to arrange it. Oops.

Anyone else want to join me? Go ahead, fess up about all our less-than-perfect parenting.

10 a.m. Update: I just had to post this one, too: A mom in Montana truly has something to apologize for after bringing a dead bat into an elementary school for a presentation. She allowed the children to touch the bat, which was later confirmed to have rabies. About 90 exposed students are now undergoing rabies shots.

By Stacey Garfinkle |  October 8, 2008; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Elementary Schoolers , Preschoolers
Previous: A Look at the First Year of Life | Next: The Pennant Chase, Then and Now

Comments


This is sarcasm, right?

Posted by: falltillfly | October 8, 2008 7:12 AM | Report abuse

Stacy,

Great job of playing the martyr card through a list of apologies! Allow me to paraphrase today's topic:

Dear Children, I'm sorry for the following reasons:

* cleaning up your art projects to make room for the new and better
* teaching you to ride a bicycle
* picking up your toys )though they did me permanent bodily damage)
* comforting you in sickness
* wasting my time cooking you healthy food
* not protecting you from using commonplace consumer goods above and beyond what the most advanced scientific research may suggests could cause possible harm
* providing you with discipline
* Oh yeah, and sometimes I forget things that aren't important

Basically what you wrote was, "Sorry for being a good mother". Strange way of repenting if you ask me.

Sorry for being blunt.

Posted by: WhackyWeasel | October 8, 2008 8:01 AM | Report abuse

I'm with WhackyWeasel on this one. It's an odd list of items to apologize for - almost none of which makes for bad parenting (except the BPA bottles, the concerns related to which you may not have even been aware)

Posted by: MomSarah | October 8, 2008 8:28 AM | Report abuse

I'm sorry I don't glue my eyes to you every time you play sports or dance. And the time is coming when I will drop you off at practice and go run errands instead of sticking around.

I'm sorry that sometimes, I'm so engrossed in a good book that I don't want to stop to read to you, even when you ask me politely.

I'm sorry that I haven't taken you to Disney World yet, but I am confident of your ability to survive nonetheless.

I'm sorry that sometimes my application of sunscreen has been less than perfect and you end up with a crescent moon of a sunburn somewhere.

I'm sorry for not letting you chew gum every day, not buying a Wii, not letting you sleep in your sibling's room.

I'm sorry I ever bought Crocs.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | October 8, 2008 8:34 AM | Report abuse

Add me to those who don't understand what you're apologizing for.

Posted by: dennis5 | October 8, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

I have to admit... I do feel guilty for throwing away the scads of drawing that my step-son produces. I don't want him to think that we don't love his art (much of it is very cute) but how many pictures of Spiderman eyes do you need? Our latest tactic is to keep out the ones we think are really cute and sending the rest to his mother. She can pick out the ones she likes and be the 'bad' mommy for pitching out the rest of them.

I also tend to feel like a bad mommy when I have to drop them off at a babysitter when we get them for the weekend. I know we all work to put a roof over our collective heads but the kids would prefer to spend the time with us and it makes me feel bad that I can't spend our time with them.

I don't feel bad for disciplining the children but it would be nice if I could get less frustrated when they are acting out. Without a doubt, I have seen that being consistent in the rules causes us a whole lot less grief in the long run. But I do wonder if the rules are good rules or I am being unusually mean to the kids.

I want the kids to grow up knowing that they are loved and they can come to us with any problem. I hope that any 'bad' momminess that I exhibit does not prevent them from growing into wonderfully happy, secure adults.

Posted by: Billie_R | October 8, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Do you all not get that Stacey is being sarcastic? Very funny!

Posted by: mle5261 | October 8, 2008 9:21 AM | Report abuse

For those of you unsure of how to approach today's entry, yes, there's a tinge of sarcastic humor in my post today. Love those, workingmomx. Join in, everyone. It's time for some fun today.

Posted by: Stacey Garfinkle | October 8, 2008 9:22 AM | Report abuse

I think this is a great idea. Especially when you end up with a list like Stacey's above -- you look at it and think, wait, I've been beating myself up over THAT?

The only thing I would really like to toss for next year is my impatience and frustration with my daughter when she's not paying attention, being drama queen, etc.

Posted by: laura33 | October 8, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

I'm sorry for sometimes matching my daughter's emotional overreation with an emotional overreaction of my own!

Posted by: annenh | October 8, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

I think I can come up with a few:

I am sorry for not being more sympathetic when you throw a tantrum.

I am sorry that I do not have the skills necessary to hold you or play with you and shower/cook/clean/mow/garden etc. at the same time. (You will please note that I have mastered the art of holding and doing laundry by enlisting you to put the clothes in the machine while I move you from the basket to the machine!)

I am sorry that I fail to provide only fruit and tomatoes (yes, I know it's a fruit too) for your dinner.

I am sorry that I make you take a bath.

I am sorry that I make you get out of the bath.

I am sorry that I disagree with your plan to store food for future use on the floor under the table. I know it is disappointing when you go back there and the peaches are gone.

I am sorry that I must brush your (couple of) teeth for you. I resolve to allow you to do it yourself just as soon as you can.

I am sorry that I refuse to allow you to pull my hair, stick your cute little finger in my eye, or bite me. On this same note, I am sorry that I am so closed minded as to refuse to allow you to hit, grab, or pull on the cats.

Posted by: VaLGaL | October 8, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

Oops! I missed the humor. How silly of me! Tee-Hee.

OK, I'll try again using a different angle:

Sorry kids, for letting mommy stick that thermometer up your butt when you were sick. I would never, ever do a thing like that to you myself, and I begged mommy just to tell the doctor it was 103.2 and spare the formalities. I sincerely apologize for this traumatic incident which is sure to leave you emotionally scarred for the better part of your lifetime.

It's not my fault, though I offer you my deepest regrets. May your therapist bestow empathy, love, and understanding upon your tender souls.

Signed,
Whacky Dad

How's that for humor? Stacy, maybe you could chime in at the end of the day and post superlatives?

Posted by: WhackyWeasel | October 8, 2008 10:33 AM | Report abuse

I'm sorry that I just don't have cookies to give you all the time.

I'm sorry that I can't make the cat calmly sit next to you while you poke and prod him.

I'm sorry that the 25 songs we've scanned through have not been the right ones.

I'm sorry that I allowed the dog to eat the sandwich you purposefully threw on the floor.

I'm sorry but the shoes you found in the back of the closest are 2 sizes too small and I can't jam your feet into them.

I'm sorry but sometimes we don't have "blue" to give you for dinner.

Posted by: atb2 | October 8, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

In the spirit...

To the oldest daughter, I'm sorry I didn't send you to the college that charged 52,000 per year and didn't offer financial aid

I'm sorry for not giving you a car plus tons of money for gas, insurance and miscellaneous expenses when you were 16 (or even since then)

I'm sorry for insisting that you get a job, and for insisting that it would teach you about money management

To the 11 year old, I'm sorry for not giving you the same rights and privileges as your 19 year old sister

Also to the 11 year old, I'm sorry for cooking you waffles yesterday, when I should have known you'd come down and want bacon and eggs; and I'm also sorry for cooking you bacon and eggs this morning when I should have known you'd come down and want waffles.

To my son, I'm sorry that you had to eat your little sister's waffles yesterday as well as your own; and that you had to eat your little sister's bacon and eggs this morning as well as your own.

Also to my son, I'm sorry that you didn't have a car to drive to school this morning. I should have gotten another car for you while the one you wrecked is in the shop.

And to my middle daughter, I'm sorry I didn't provide the genes to make you 5 feet 10.

Please forgive me, all of you. :-)

Posted by: ArmyBrat1 | October 8, 2008 10:47 AM | Report abuse

ArmyBrat, you have sinned heavily. May this Blog have mercy upon your soul.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | October 8, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

workingmom X, why won't you let your kids share a bedroom? just curious-- it's something my kids really seem eager to do and I'm tempted to just let them.

Posted by: captiolhillmom | October 8, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

And for my not so serious list...

I am sorry that we stifle your creativity by making you draw on both sides of the paper before we give you more.

I am sorry that Monster won't let you get near her. I am even sorrier that I lie to you when I say that she is scared of you and eventually will warm up. I am sure that she is learning her lesson from Fat Cat and will never let you near her.

Which brings me to my next bad mommy move. I am sorry that I don't let you chase Monster all over the house in your effort to play with her. I am even sorrier that I make you sit in timeout when you hit Fat Cat.

I am sorry that we don't let you watch movies indefinitely while you are settling down to sleep and make you actually try to go to sleep.

I am sorry that we are so close minded that we don't see the humour in you calling your sister bad names and actually take away privileges when we catch you doing it.

I am sorry that we make you brush your teeth before bed and before we leave the house.

I am sorry that we won't buy every item that you set your eyes on and don't even budge when you throw a temper tantrum. You would think for the effort you put into complaining that we would be generous enough to recognize it and change our minds.

And worst of all? I am so sorry that I am incredibly selfish and make you set the table before I will serve the meal. If I wasn't so lazy, I would be doing it myself.

Posted by: Billie_R | October 8, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

Okay, that was a stupid move, letting children touch a dead bat (in update). But let's not stop at putting blame on the parent. This happened in an elementary school--where was the teacher when 90 children were touching the dead bat?

Posted by: janedoe5 | October 8, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

This is the best day EVER on this blog! I've been laughing hysterically (although the fact that I got very little sleep last night may be contributing...)

My son's only six weeks old, but here's my short list:

1. I'm sorry we're not using cloth diapers. Mommy and Daddy are horribly lazy, selfish people not to be willing to constantly have a sink full of soaking poopy diapers.

2. I'm sorry we buy the discount wipes. I'm sure the organic ones would be better and softer and infinitely better for you.

3. I'm sorry we haven't started your college fund yet. Daddy filled out the paperwork; Mommy just hasn't managed to carry it to the mailbox yet. I'm sure the few days' delay will add up to $600,000 in missed compound interest.

4. I'm sorry I eat so much goat cheese and brie, even though it gives you gas. It's horribly selfish of me.

5. I'm sorry I require at least 4 hours of sleep a day to be at all functional. I know you'd prefer if I held you and was attentive to you the full 24 hours a day.

6. I'm sorry we don't give you the PolyViSol vitamin drops every day like the doctor said to. It's purple and stains everything, and Mommy never thinks about it until at least 11pm, and then she's just too tired to do it. I'm sure it will stunt your growth, even though you've been getting longer and fatter every day.

Posted by: newslinks1 | October 8, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

- I'm sorry I make you eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day (even Sunday). I know you'd rather skip breakfast, get fast food on the way home from church and eat snacks all night, but if I don't make you eat a meal you'll do nothing but eat fruit and sugar.
- I'm sorry we don't have the money to buy you all the same games and equipment you have at other parent's house. They have two working (full time) parents, and we have one full time working and one unpaid minister. I know, they have more kids. They still live in a lower cost of ownership area, and they can spread their purchases out amongst you all for birthdays and Christmas, which you get all the things you want to yourself here (such as that expensive camp, and the forgiveness of your several hundred dollar 'oops phone bill'.
- I'm sorry that we're not as cool about you staying up until 2 am and sleeping on your way to school. You have an hour drive from their house, we have a 10 minute ride.
- I'm sorry that we embarrass you by listening to the same kinds of music you do when you're not around. I would think you'd rather us pick you up blaring Gwen Stefani than Glen Campbell.
- I'm sorry we don't let you go off with your friends and do 'whatever' with them like the other house does. I know, it's uncool when mom asks where you are going, when you'll be home, and who will be there.
- I'm sorry we don't eat mac-n-cheese and chicken spaghetti three times a week at our house. One of your parents won't eat either one, and that's who you're with when we don't cook those things. I'm also sorry I won't let you put half a pound of cheese on your salad, eat lemon pepper seasoning as an appetizer (who knew it was edible without other food?), and won't let you only eat one green bean and call that your vegetables for the day.

For these and all my other parenting sins, I am sorry.

Posted by: RebeccaMinAR | October 8, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

newslinks- I had no idea you had your baby! Congrats! It doesn't seem possible that he could be here already.

Posted by: atb2 | October 8, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

Oh and how could I forget...

I realize that it is incredibly selfish of me to want nice furniture and as a result, we forbid you to draw with Sharpies and pens. Neither of these come out off the coffee table nor the kitchen table when you miss the paper. Yes, I know... you can not truly be creative without these items in your drawing repertoire.

I am also sorry that we make you wash your hands after you finish a meal or any messy snack. If we weren't so concerned about our walls, carpeting(which is already destroyed from the food and drinks you drop/knock over) and furniture we wouldn't force this heinous torture on you. It is truly cruel of us to force you to be clean and is sadly compounded by our refusal to let you wear your socks and underwear for yet another day.

Posted by: Billie_R | October 8, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

capitolhillmom - It's purely a selfish move because they will be up much later than usual, I will be up much later than usual, and only one person in the family is allowed to be cranky at a time. LOL! I know from our camping experiences that they will be giggling for hours and talking, or fighting, and I am a better parent when I get sleep.

I have a few more:

I'm sorry that I will never get a DVD player in the car. I know it is unthinkable that we might play license plate bingo, or the alphabet game, or sing or even talk to each other. If you want to pretend we're not occupying the same planet as you, you can read a book, look out the window, or, when you are 12, listen to your iPod.

I'm sorry you aren't allowed to lay claim to any room in the house as the mood takes you simply by telling us "I want everyone to leave now". If you want to be alone or not hear people or see them, you have the luxury of your own bedroom and you should avail yourself of it.

I'm sorry I think I'd be doing you a disservice to give you a $700 monthly allowance to spend as you wish while at college like your roommate gets. And I'm sorry that we insist on seeing your grades from the previous semester before ponying up for the next semester. Not every parent is as rudely inquisitive as we are, but then again, some of them ruin their children in other ways (see above).

Also, I'm sorry (really, really sorry) that I was right about your boyfriend.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | October 8, 2008 12:08 PM | Report abuse

atb2: thanks! The whole time I was pregnant, I was convinced I was having a little dark-haired boy. My DH just KNEW we were having a girl--since all my sisters have girls, he was convinced women in my family only grow girls.

But we got a beautiful little dark-haired boy. He's perfect in every way. :)

Posted by: newslinks1 | October 8, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

newslinks, congratulations on your little man.

Posted by: WorkingMomX | October 8, 2008 12:16 PM | Report abuse

"I'm sorry but sometimes we don't have "blue" to give you for dinner.

Posted by: atb2"

Winner! :)

Posted by: Monagatuna | October 8, 2008 1:04 PM | Report abuse

I'm sorry for not forcing MYSELF into time out when i clearly knew I needed a break.

I'm sorry that you don't understand why there's no t.v. in your room.

I'm sorry I haven't arranged that playdate, but something about her mother is slightly off and I just can't seem to get rid of that feeling.

I'm sorry I yell (can't even be facetious on that one).

I'm sorry you aren't closer to my mother.

I'm sorry I let you dress like Denise Huxtable (but you love it, so...).

I'm sorry you think those low rise panties are cute, but, um, no.

And I'm really very sorry that you cringe when I sing in public. But that grocery store is always playing oldies and, well, I can't help myself.

Posted by: 1herndon | October 8, 2008 1:05 PM | Report abuse

Wait, I have one to add:

I'm sorry there's no t.v. Monday through Thursday and Sunday's cut-off time is getting earlier and earlier.

visit my blog at www.whatnowandwhy.blogspot.com

Posted by: 1herndon | October 8, 2008 1:07 PM | Report abuse

I'm also sorry I won't let you...eat lemon pepper seasoning as an appetizer (who knew it was edible without other food?)

Not something I needed to read in the middle of eating my salad, now I need to clean up my keyboard - but that was hilarious!

Posted by: tsp2007 | October 8, 2008 1:11 PM | Report abuse

-Sorry for letting the nurse give your 4 shots at your 4-yr check up. Should have played the odds against polio/measles. . .

-Sorry for making you take your dirty shoes off every time you came in the house after playing

-Sorry for not letting you do the monkey bars by yourself at the playground

-Sorry for rotting your brain by letting you watch repeated episodes of Little Einsteins and Caiulo (sp?)

-Sorry for yelling at you in the Safeway parking lot after you ran away from me and into traffic

-Sorry for making you eat fruit every day at breakfast AND lunch

Posted by: LBH219 | October 8, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Ok, my turn.

I'm sorry I make you sit down right after dinner and do your homework; I know how that cuts into your valuable SpongeBob time.

I'm sorry I'm not quick enough to answer all six of your questions at once.

I'm sorry I didn't send you to beforecare last week so you could hang out with your "boyfriend" Chris.

I'm sorry I sent you to beforecare this week, because who wants to hang out with a big meanie like Chris anyway?

I'm sorry I picked you up early from aftercare; I should have known you wanted to play on the playground.

I'm sorry I picked you up late from aftercare; I should have known you just wanted to come home and snuggle.

I'm sorry we were so inconsiderate as to inflict you with a baby brother; we just should have known how much you wanted a sister.

I'm sorry I don't have time to make filled pancakes. Every. Single. Morning.

I'm sorry I didn't let you get out your Easy-Bake oven 10 minutes before bedtime last night.

I'm sorry I didn't let you get out the Slip-n-Slide after dinner last weekend, when it was 60 degrees out and getting dark.

Posted by: laura33 | October 8, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

"I'm sorry I didn't let you get out the Slip-n-Slide after dinner last weekend, when it was 60 degrees out and getting dark."

I love it! Got asked, "can we go in the pool?" just yesterday!

Posted by: LBH219 | October 8, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse

I am totally loving these things. It makes me realize that our household is pretty darned normal.

Thanks Stacey for such an entertaining blog.

Posted by: Billie_R | October 8, 2008 2:40 PM | Report abuse

I'm sorry that, when you ask me "Mommy, what did [random friend] say," I didn't automatically know you were referring to an argument at playgroup 2 months ago and deliver the appropriate answer.

I'm sorry that I refuse to answer the same exact question 45 times in a row. If you want to know so badly, then probably you should have remembered the answer I gave you the first 44 times.

I'm sorry I keep nagging you about saying "please" and "thank you," even though I can hear you perfectly well when you simply demand things.

I'm sorry that it "scares" you every time I speak in something other that the sweetest, most musical tones.

I'm sorry, you're not a pop star. I can't clear out an entire park or toy store or play space just so that nobody will dare touch a toy that you may possibly be thinking of playing with.

Posted by: newsahm | October 8, 2008 2:54 PM | Report abuse

Sorry I'm not the King of Sheeba, though your mother may think that she's the Queen.

I'll save that one up for a special occasion. If the timing is right, It just might be worth a night on the couch.

Newslinks, I see that you have joined us with that special new mother's glow. I've been waiting for months to hear the news. Congrats!

Also, congrats to you too, newsahm. I hope everything goes smoothly - pop date expected in Feb, right?

Posted by: WhackyWeasel | October 8, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Whacky! I'm due in early Feb, although given my history, I'm expecting more of a mid-January arrival. Another little girl. I'm just rolling in the lucky over here (and I mean that non-sarcastically).

Posted by: newsahm | October 8, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

We got a new kitty recently-

I'm sorry you live in an unfair world where you got rescued from the scary outside world where you were all skin and bones, get to sleep and snuggle all day on my bed, get fed and pets and playtime nearly constantly in the evenings, but are not allowed on any counters or dinner tables.

Posted by: EmeraldEAD | October 8, 2008 3:34 PM | Report abuse

To older son, I'm sorry that your little brother wasn't a little sister.

To younger son, I'm sorry you walked into the bathroom while I was miscarrying - it might have been your little sister.

To both boys, I'm sorry for explaining what 'infertility' and 'menopause' meant when you both *still* wanted a little sister.

I'm sorry I turn off the television when it's bed time and you are ignoring me telling you to go to bed.

I'm sorry I dragged you out to the garden to plant carrots, broccoli, tomatoes, etc. and sorry I forced you to harvest and eat what "we" grew.

I'm sorry that I went back to work before either of you was even two months old. (No, I'm not!)

I'm sorry that your dad is diabetic, and we never have sweets in our house.

I'm sorry we expect to you tell us the truth about your homework, and that you get into trouble when your teachers tell us about the incomplete homework that you said you didn't have.

I'm sorry your grandparents decided they didn't want you to vist them anymore, and that they now blame your dad for our family respecting their wishes.

I'm sorry that I can't see that tiny little screen on your gameboys, and consequently don't care about the strange little creatures inside that game you're playing.

I'm sorry that we force you to practice your music lessons daily.

I'm sorry we force you to turn off all the electronics sometimes, and pick up a *book* instead.

I'm sure there's more abuse you've suffered - and I'm very sorry for forgetting about it.

Posted by: SueMc | October 8, 2008 3:49 PM | Report abuse

Emerald, I didn't know we could apologize to our pets too!

To the dog:
I'm sorry I live in this apartment too, and that every human who lives here doesn't exist just to take you out to play.

I'm sorry you prefer the cats' food to your own, and I'm sorry I put their food higher up so you can't reach it. Your owners are sorry they don't buy you cat food.

I'm sorry for crating you. The world is your tree to pi** on, and who am I to take that away from you?

I'm sorry that the cats get annoyed when you eat their food, go shopping for treats in their litterbox, and snuffle around in their faces. I'm sorry their nails are so long and that they like to use them. I'm sorry you can't reach them under the bed, on the counters, or on top of the fridge.

To the cats:
I'm sorry my knuckles gouge into your belly when you sit on my hands while I'm working on my laptop.

I'm sorry I let your nails grow too long and then cringe when you use them on my lap.

I'm sorry that I feed you at 3 am when you ask, and I'm sorry I refuse to feed you again at 9 when you forget that you've already been fed.

I'm sorry I get annoyed when I come home after spending all day at school and work and crack open the books instead of spending time with you. I'm sorry I don't have x-ray vision to see through your body, as I know these books are very comfortable and you like to lie there as I read. Please, take my $1000 worth of casebooks for your own personal lounging area.

I'm sorry about the dog. No sarcasm there. Really, really sorry about the dog. It wasn't my choice.

Posted by: Monagatuna | October 8, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Some of thess are becoming a bit too heavy. Here are my apologies to my joy, my 10-month-old-son:

I'm sorry that you have to sleep in your crib until 6AM at which point I finally let you sleep in my bed.

I'm sorry that I don't feed you bananas exclusively for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner.

I'm sorry that I put socks on your feet, especially when it's 50 degrees outside in the AM.

I'm sorry that I don't have Michael Jordan's aim and sometimes miss when I throw Cheerios to you from the front seat while I'm driving.

I'm sorry that I limit your fiber intake by taking away every single piece of paper you can get your hands and mouth on.

I'm sorry that you sometimes have to watch me pee because you don't like to be left alone.

Posted by: LikeaPanda | October 8, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

Monster and Fat Cat,

I am truly sorry that my children love you with all of their hearts and can't get enough of you. I am sorry that the highlight of their visit is spending time with you.

I am sorry that my children are so full of love and they want to share it with you in the only way they know how. They don't understand that their loving attention makes the both of you wish for the weekend to end.

Fat Cat:
I am sorry that they don't understand that you are 10 years old and just want to spend your twilight years sleeping.

When they do understand that you are tired, I am sorry that they lie down next to you to tell you bedtime stories and cover you with your blankie (a hand towel).

I am sorry that they bonk you in the head with the Monster's toy balls in an effort to be nice and play with you. They don't realize that you NEVER EVER deigned to chase them even when you were little.

Monster:
I know they frighten the hell out of you but believe me when I say that they have your best interests at heart even when they are chasing you down. They just want to show you that they aren't scary.

I am sorry that they get such joy at actually seeing you in the same room as them. They truly aren't stalking you. They are trying to be as non-scary as possible when they creep up to pet you.

I am sorry that they are so thrilled at you finally letting them pet you that they jump up shouting... Look Look... I am petting Monster... naturally causing you to bolt to the nearest hidey-hole.

Posted by: Billie_R | October 8, 2008 4:15 PM | Report abuse

To my 3 yr old son:

I'm sorry that I get frustrated when logic doesn't work with you.

I'm sorry that I don't let you drink soda.

I'm sorry that I don't let you eat as much chocolate as I eat.

I'm sorry I think that you're the funniest guy on the planet.

Posted by: PakeMommy | October 8, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

My DH just KNEW we were having a girl--since all my sisters have girls, he was convinced women in my family only grow girls.

But we got a beautiful little dark-haired boy. He's perfect in every way. :)

Posted by: newslinks1 | October 8, 2008 12:09 PM

It's the sperm that determines the sex of the child.

Posted by: cmecyclist | October 8, 2008 7:25 PM | Report abuse

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