"Our study of a nationwide survey of children enrolled [in the National Evaluation of the Healthy Steps for Young Children Program] at birth and followed until age 30-33 months found that having grandparents as caregivers was protective, cutting the odds of injury roughly by half compared to having a stay-at-home mother,"

What does this mean?

Ha! WHo are these grandparents and where are they? My parents promptly informed me that "they already raised their kids". True to that, they haven't ever changed a diaper (when they visit). This is so despite the fact MY GRANDPARENTS had a significant hand in raising us and had us ever weekend while we were young. And, when they went on vacation. And before/after school when needed. And for a week in the summer, each of them. My grandparents loved us and wanted to spend time with us (and it showed) and also liked to give my parents a break.

I envy people whose parents WANT to help out with their kids once and awhile.

Grandma Care Has Its Perks

And so does Grandpa care.

What are the pregnancy rates for teens in Grandparent care?

A hearty second for Grandpa care. My dad has cared off and on for 3 kids in our family over the past 7 years. They have a very special relationship, and we saved money and knew someone was looking after them who loved them as much as we did. My 2-year-old still sometimes cries when the babysitter comes, but he is ALWAYS happy to see Granddaddy. We have been tremendously lucky.

Well considering my parents live 4 and 1/2 hours away and my mother in law although closer in distance is in her 70's and is battling ovarian cancer, I don't believe this will be an option to us once our child is born.

We don't have full-time grandparent care (couldn't, since my mom started her own company and is still teaching as well). But they are only a block away and help out quite a bit. My relatives have always been scattered around the country, so it was important to me for my kids to have that opportunity to really know their grandparents on a day-to-day basis if we could manage it. My mom usually does pickup or dropoff of one or both kids several days a week, based on what her schedule allows. And now that my daughter is in the local school, we send her over some mornings for some one-on-one time, and my mom walks her to the school bus.

It's been a tremendous blessing. It's helped us out quite a bit when various work deadlines come up. And it's a huge safety valve for the whole family -- when one kid (or parent!) is going through a tough stage, it's a nice, quiet place the kids can go to de-stress and be useful. And the relationships they have built are what's really going to matter in another 20 years or so.

We've been incredibly lucky that my in-laws are actively involved in DD's life. When I was a kid, my grandparents were very important to me. When we wanted to start a family, DH and I chose to move close to his parents, so our child could have the same kind of relationship with her grandparents that I did. We've never regretted it.

The babysitting, while great, is the least of it in my mind. I just really love to see how much my daughter enjoys her grandparents and how comfortable she is with them. And they really seem to delight in watching her grow up.

For liledjen4901 and others with less-than-helpful grandparents, I should point out that my own mom is much more like that. She professes to love her granddaughter, but not enough to do more than complain that I don't make the 9-hour hike to visit often enough. She'd no more come visit us than take a trip to the moon, and it would simply never occur to her to help out when we're there. DD is my responsibility, and her role as a grandparent is just to watch and enjoy.

While my mom is truly helpful when she visits, she has her own busy life and wouldn't ever be a full time care provider for my kids. Plus we live in different states, and nobody is moving anytime soon. But she has watched our son when we've got out of town, and watches my brother's kids from time to time (she does pay my 13 year old niece to change her baby brothers' diapers though). Both she and I worry about her parents, my grandparents, who babysit often for my uncle's kids (he's a younger than my mom) who are 5, 3, and not quite one. My grandparents are in their 80s and while they certainly dote on my much younger cousins and want to be helpful, it worries us.

As for my in-laws, clueless FIL still thinks telling stories about my husband's older brother finishing up the cocktails and chewing on cigarette butts after a party when he was a small child in the 1960s is funny, and his wife (MIL is no longer with us) is a chain-smoking alcoholic and no way would I leave my kids alone with either of them until they're old enough to pretty much take care of themselves.

My mother lives a mile or so away and she has been the only grandparent that has ever babysitted for us, - a few emergencies and some planned special ocasions. Not to say that she is an uninvolved grandparent because she helps out with things like teaching my kids to read, religious training, and transportation. I wish she would be more of a grandparent that takes my kids to the park, show, out to a lunch, or something fun instead of concentrating so much on learning and development, but I'm not complaining. She does have 13 grandchildren all living within a 20 minut radius, so her time between all of them is spread pretty thin.

Now having said that, I am reminded of the several summers that my mom took my son white water canoeing. Now that's a grandmother for you

First of all, I agree, why are we calling this Grandma Care, let's just call it Grandparent Care. I get the impression there are as many Grandpas as grandmas helping out.

As for me, we are lucky to have both sets of grandparents alive, still married and within 15 minutes of our house. I have a 4yo and a 2.5 yo and no one other then there grandparents has ever babysat them. We are extremely lucky in that regard. they both go to preschool and have teachers and other people who provide care for them,, but when we have had weddings, outings, nights out, conflicting appts etc., the grandparents are always more than excited to watch the kids. I have found this extremely wortwhile because my kids are already fostering a bond with their grandparents that I never had with mine because they lived several states away. Plus, if you leave your children alone with someone, it is great to know you are leaving them with someone who also has nothing but love and the best interests of the kids in mind.

Of course, number 3 is on the way for us and I am not so sure the grandparents are ready to let us go out that often and watch all 3!!

For those whose parent's live far away or are very occupied, try setting up a week or two week visit each year. Even close but busy grandparents may be happy to devote 1 week to the grandkids at their house.

My parents live far away but I have left my kids with them during the summer starting at one week (youngest age 4) and now it is 2-3 weeks since they are teens. I sometimes sent them for spring break when I have had to work.

My parents often do things with the kids that they did with my brother and I--camping, theatre trips, museums, etc. and get to relive the good times (they say that). Since it is a scheduled vacation, they can plan to put aside the time to really concentrate on the kids. The activities have grown with the children--simple play time at Nana's house (age 4-8) to camping all over the US (9-14), to helping out at a local farm or in Grandpa's laboratory at the University (late teens).

Good for kids--learn new things and be flexible--different discipline, expectations, food, activities. Good for grandparents--feel that they can spend time with grandkids without the parental filter/intervention. Good for parents--couple time, dedicated work time, helps me prepare for the all too soon empty nest

I plan to do the same for my grandchildren but I have also offered to have my husband's nieces and nephews join our family during a school break to give their parent's some help when grandparents can't do this (my husband's mother can't really help right now). It isn't just about getting grandparent help--we can give this type of support before we are grandparents.

"For those whose parent's live far away or are very occupied, try setting up a week or two week visit each year. Even close but busy grandparents may be happy to devote 1 week to the grandkids at their house."

They may be. On the other hand, they may not. It depends on the age and desires of the grandparents and the kids. Our kids love their grandparents, but they would be very lonely if they were at either house for an entire week. Our parents are used to doing what they customarily do, not used to thinking about someone else - particularly someone young - and are in a regimented routine which makes them happy and would strike anyone else as inflexible. A week is a very long time for both grandparents AND kids if they are not close. If the grandparents offer and the kids are interested, this is great. If the grandparents don't offer, it's not a good idea to push a week-long visit at a distance beyond a 5 hour car-ride. A long weekend might be best.

Grandparents should NOT be providing daycare. Unless there is no other choice, one of the parents should stay home and provide the actual parenting. When you take on the responsiblity of bringing another life into this world, an exciting, fulfilling career; big house and expensive cars should be sacrificed. Children should not be another status symbol added to the above list.

Ouch kenman. Not everyone can have a SAHP. Ouch - again. Some people are making ends meet in a 1 BR apt. How are they supposed to cut back?

That having been said, my MIL was a teacher and loves kids. Her house is a playroom full of stuff. The thing is that my SIL has two kids and both work full time, but her husband is less than helpful with everything, so my in-laws spend tons of time helping her out (if there's a day off from school, or picking the kids up/dropping them off/taking them overnight a lot - taking care of them...it seems...all the time).
Don't get me wrong, they take our kids every once in a while, and have babysat or whatever. My husband many times doesn't even want to talk with them about watching the kids, given the track record. His cousins, though watch the kids a lot - and have definitely created a bond with them as well. They see the kids much more than my in laws.

I think it's great if it works out that grandparents can watch the kids - either as an alternative to day care or as a once in a while thing. In our country we have tried to be so independent at the cost of creating communities. It is impossible to do everything you need for your child(ren) it just is. And I find it a little strange when people seem to be bragging about how they've never left their kids with a caretaker at all. Like - um - don't you like your spouse? Or don't you need some time away?

Sadly, I don't think our children will form any bonds with their grandparents. Perhaps with their mother's mother since they used to live with her.

But now... all grandparents live out of country. All of our parents live at the end of an 8 hour or more plane/car trip. My parents can be driven to but because they are out of country... it is complicated to get them their without both parents in attendance. The kids have an interest in my parents despite the fact that they have never met. I don't know how we will resolve this. If ever...

My mother currently watches my son when he comes home from school. It amounts to about 3 hours per day, four hours on Wed. My son does his homework first, then watches cartoons and plays until I get in with my daughter. While I like the idea of him being at home and also keeping my mother company for a small part of the day, I do wish he could be in an environment where he can play with other kids and run around a bit. He was in a martial arts aftercare, but after nearly two years, he had enough of the teasing kids and the master, who believes in swatting kids with the kick pad when they don't obey. Despite my telling him not to hit my son. At least twice. Problem is, the other parents don't seem to mind this discipline.

Anyway, he seems happier. I may seek another aftercare at some point, but the martial arts place was the only one he had lasted in for so long.

It helps that my mother watched him for several months when he was a baby. My father also has watched my son and daughter periodically, while visiting from North Carolina. Since his bout with cancer, I haven't asked him to do so.

Kenman, it's more than just babysitting; it's grandparents spending some quality time with their kids and establishing a close bond. It serves a dual purpose for those of us who have to work everyday. And even the SAHMs need a break, so grandparent babysitting can be a good solution for them as well.

wow kenman.....if only everyone in the world had the resources to stay at home with their children, that would be ideal, wouldn't it?

we used to live 600 miles from my parents, and my in-laws live halfway around the world, so we were only seeing grandparents (mainly mine) every couple months. we have since decided to move closer to my parents (they live 3 miles away) and i went back to work. it's a blessing that though my mom and dad are still working, they have adjusted their schedules to helping us out. DH drops DD off in the morning, and my mom picks her up on the way home from work. DD stays at my mom's house until i come and get her after i finish work. half the time she doesn't want to come home with me because she wants to play with grandpa after he gets home from work. it's really wonderful seeing how much they enjoy each other's company. and now that we have another one on the way next month, the help will be invaluable. we were talking about getting a full time nanny when i go back to work after the baby is born, but my mom would hear nothing of it. she is retiring and would like nothing better than to watch the kids.

i think it's also a cultural thing. i am south asian and the idea of an extended family helping with child-rearing is ingrained from generations ago. a family is there to support and help each other, and it really does take a village to raise a child sometimes. i'm forever indebted to my parents for their help, and when the time comes that they need MY help, well, let's just say there will be no retirement home for them! it will be our turn to repay the favor!

Why only ask for comments from parents??? I'm a grandma who was able to "retire" to care for my granddaughter and treasure every second with her. My son and his wife work hard and just make ends meet. In our society at this time, a stay at home parent is a rare luxury that most can't afford. I know many wish it were different, but that's the reality, so to discuss that option is a waste of time. I love, treasure and enjoy my little one. It is tiring, but I can think of no better way to get tired. I spend at least 9 hours a day with her, and often more and do not begrudge one second of it and I'll bet most grandparents watching the children feel the same. God bless them, they keep our perspective fresh and give us a ready outlet for our love. And until we can go back to one parent in the home, we grandparents will love our grandchildren for our children. Happily.

I agree that it is cultural. My mother baby sat for my brother's kids all the time. But they do a lot for her.

We don't live near any of the grandparents. But I think my mother would be too old now and my in laws both work full time jobs themselves.

I think it can be great if all the parties agree to the arrangements. But it can also cause a lot of grief. You can pull your kid out of day care or fire the nanny. Can you really fire mom or dad?

Culturally, things were immensely different not that many years ago. My mom and her sister were mainly raised by my grandmother, who worked 10 hour days - and 6 days a week. She worked whenever she could to ensure her kids had whatever they needed. If the place she was working gave her a day off, she went down the street to get another job for the day. She lived near her parents, as well as her sisters, and other family members. That type of lifestyle ensured that the little ones were cared for by some family member. Whoever could work would work, and the kids were taken care of.

huh. I guess I know I'm incredibly blessed, but sometimes it gets pointed out to me.

I go back to work this Friday, 3 days a week, and my MIL is watching the baby for me at no charge. (We offered to pay her but she refused.)

She adores him (he's the only grandchild so far) and she lives really close to us, which makes drop off and pick up really easy.

I'll go and offer up an extra prayer of thankfulness!

:)

frtheoriginalmomof2:

>...He was in a martial arts aftercare, but after nearly two years, he had enough of the teasing kids and the master, who believes in swatting kids with the kick pad when they don't obey. Despite my telling him not to hit my son. At least twice. Problem is, the other parents don't seem to mind this discipline....

Oh, I'd have reported that idiot to the BBB, AND to all local news outlets, such as local TV and radio stations, REAL fast. Let everyone know what a jerk runs that place, and hopefully see it shut down, permanently.

I am a 75 yr old great-grandmother now, and at this moment, my 7-yr-old great-grandson is watching a movie on TV. I kept his father on weekends and holidays and summer vacations all his growing years, and now I help out with his 2 children frequently. I also help with my other grandchild's 2 kiddos, picking up one of them 3 days a week from kindergarten.

This is one of the great pleasures of my days, and I hope to continue for as long as I possibly can, and my health remains this good.