Paging Jezebel, Jezebel, please check in at OP. I believe that you have a canned comment to cover this entire topic. Cheers.

Umm, where I work the term is "blackhawk mom" -- not helicopter mom. These are the ladies (and sometimes men) who attempt to remake the terrain so that it works better for their child to succeed, regardless of the consequences for anyone else.

Blackhawk mom is the one who:

insists that the schedule for the entire middle school (or district) be changed because of Johny's sleep habits;

insists that the menu for the entire cafeteria (or school district) be changed because of Johny's allergies;

demands that the teacher that everyone else really likes be fired because he just "doesn't get" Johny;

requires that the entire family life curriculum for the entire school district be rewritten because her delicate child is not ready for this type of material

requires that the grading system for the entire school system be changed because her child got a B

etc, etc. etc. Can't you just hear the helicopter blades?

Slacker mom. Except for the hoodies -- am old enough to remember the 70s version (with short-shorts and white athletic socks with colored stripes on the top). I'm sorry, but I just can't relive junior high again. . . .

I am a Free-Range-Crunchy-Slacker with some Type A tendencies. And I love my hoodies!

My mother-in-law, who I love dearly, is a classic Type A, but would never be caught dead with a color-coded chart. She keeps everything of importance in her head. (And she did that with 4 boys, an absent-minded professor husband and while working part-time herself!)

I would say I fall between the Slacker-Free Range categories, although in my case they are related. I believe in the Free Range philosophy, but mostly do it because of my slacker tendencies. Except, I'm WAY too fashion illiterate to even know what "hoodies" are. (In some ways I could be categorized as the opposite of a posh mama.)

I also have crunchy tendencies - cloth diapers, breast feeding for over a year for all three kids - however, mostly that's because I'm thrifty and less because I am crunchy.

Justsayin, Your Blackhawk analysis is hilarious, even if I don't agree with the grading scale point. FFX County just poo-pooed the time schedule change, middle schoolers were going to start school at 9:40 am if it passed, which is absolutely insane.

I'm a Slacker/Free range parent who sometimes wants to be Posh and other times a Traditionalist... but who has the time?? I don't wear hoodies but shop at the Gap, if that says anything.....

Blackhawk Mom, hades! Justsaying, that is an Apache Attack Helo Mom!

And the blades are silent!

Geek parent. You know more about technology than any of your teenagers. Heck, you developed part of it. You love "Big Bang Theory", not because it's funny but because it's a documentary and insist your kids watch it so they understand your work environment.

You don't "protect" your kids from technology so much as try to get them to use it wisely, and you don't understand why it takes your son so long to reconfigure the wireless network when the girls can do it in seconds.

You're always trying to get the schools, youth sports organizations, etc. to upgrade their totally lame technologies. Parent teacher conferences turn into either rambling discussions of the latest Fedora Core update or "huh?" sessions where you keep talking over each other's heads on different topics (and the teacher begins to understand why your kid is that way).

Now, combine that with south Louisiana style love of cooking and sports (especially softball) fanaticism, and you understand why the kids turned out that way. :-)

AB -- you forgot:

Your teach your kids pi before they know how to count.

When you discover that second-grade math doesn't include multiplication and division, you begin quizzing them nightly until they have the times table memorized to (to 12). Then you move on to exponents and square roots.

You respond to "why is the sky blue" with a 5-minute dissertation that involves no words of less than three syllables.

You pass long car rides with multiplication quizzes.

Umm, yeah, not that we have one of these in the family. . . .

I love the Geek parent - my husband and I joke that our kids will have fluency in a second language - math!

Slacker mom. Totally (like, when I mixed up March and Feb this past month - and took the kid to a play that wasn't for another month. Oops). Sometimes the free range parent. Rarely if ever the posh parent. Just about never (but MAYBE every once in a while, when the mood could strike me).

Turning into the soccer mom - but not for long (going back to work and dad will become SAHP :).

OT to AB: I actually am not a fan of big bang theory - but watch 2 1/2 men and find it really funny. Sometimes more or less so, since my DH has indicated *that* is a documentary of him and his college roommate (who we hang out with from time to time). And, yes, we aren't quite yet, but probably will be the parents who are all over the technology in the school - at least, if DH becomes the SAHP, I'm thinking he will completely be that parent.

I'd say I've got large dollops of crunchy and slacker, but I also have generous traces of type-a and (it must be admitted) helicopter, depending on the issue or situation.

I can definitely be described as a posh mom and rebel mom. Besides not being caught dead in your "mom's" jeans and keep up with the lastest fashion, I wouldn't be caught dead driving a minivan or the typical soccer mom SUV. I prefer coupes.

Love the geek parent. AB was funny, but you hit a little close to home Laura33. Except I'd say 1st grade, not 2nd.

Oh, and definitely the geek parent. most parents don't want the whole discussion on math curriculum while we're waiting for the bus - I don't really understand why.

Laura - BWAAAH! Wait until they're older, then those long car rides can include games of "find the Fibonacci license plate" (there's a $20 prize for that one); "find the Pi license plate" (easy if you only use the first two decimal places) and when you pass an airport, identify that plane taking off or landing and name all the characteristics of it that you can (glide ratio, capacity, fuel consumption, etc.)

(OT: oldest three kids are all going to separate Pi day parties this Saturday. Sniff, sniff - I'm so proud of them. :-)

atlmom - here's one for you: you give in and agree to watch "Dancing with the Stars" with your spouse for the first time ever - solely because you find out that The Woz is competing! :-)

ArmyBrat: Love the Geek Parent. Need to add that to my ever-growing list of traits. Early this school year, preschooler's teachers said to me: "We were trying to teach him to take broad strokes with a paintbrush. He looked at the paper and said, 'That's infinity.' " And he continued to paint in his very meticulous way. The teacher -- who had no idea she was painting anything other than broad strokes -- was curious as to how a 4-year-old would know what an infinity sign looks like ;-)

AB -- I guess in the interest of full disclosure, I should also mention that his cellphone number involves pi. (This is what happens when you give geeks the power to choose their own numbers). Me, I'm holding out for Avogadro's number (was always more chemistry than math).

I'm a black sheep-rebel dad. A living model to my daughters of the type of guy *NOT* to marry. An example of why it is important to treat a body like a temple of the Holy Spirit rather than a chemistry set. Hahaha!

Yes, I'm the dad that warmed the bottle of breastmilk in the nuker (microwave), let the kids ride their tricycle without a helmut, bought the trampolene without safety net, no bedtimes, computer in bedroom, dessert before dinner, you don't have to wear shoes to the park, if you want to clean up the mess in your room, go for it type of father. Need a "work at home day" to complete a school project? Nada problem. Rules, schmules, I don't make them, so the kids can't break them, so I don't have to deal with punishments. Yep, I'm my kids' best friend.

While the goody-goody-2-shoes parent is trying to teach his/her child to say "please" and "thankyou", I'm teasing my little one by holding a toy over his head, making him jump for it as he barks, "GIMME".

I'm the guy with the bottle of whipped cream with the kids gathered around with their mouths agape like baby birds. One by one, I'll squirt so much whipped cream in their mouths that they end up spitting half of it out when they try to swallow.

I better quit before the authorities hunt me down and revoke my parenting license. but I should let y'all know that, yes, I sometimes do feel like a failure as a parent. I mean, I have yet to corrupt a single one of their delicate little minds. They are still good, lovable kids.

I'd say I'm a rebel mom with some crunchy tendencies but not in an obvious way. Kids and I quietly do our own thing and when we need to get along to go along, we usually do. We'll follow some dumb rules but acknowledge they're dumb amongst ourselves.

I'm still figuring out my parenting style (I only have 6 months on the job so far) but I can tell you right now I am a bit of a slacker mom with some crunchy thrown in (love those cloth diapers!), I yearn to be a free-range mom, but know that ultimately I'll have a touch of the helicopter in me. Luckily my hubby is totally the hipster dad/slacker dad so he'll keep me in check.

Oops. I think the phrase is go along to get along. There I am marching to the drum of my own beater again!

Abort mission! Abort mission!

AB -- I guess in the interest of full disclosure, I should also mention that his cellphone number involves pi. (This is what happens when you give geeks the power to choose their own numbers). Me, I'm holding out for Avogadro's number (was always more chemistry than math).

Posted by: laura33 | March 10, 2009 10:03 AM | Report abuse

You guys rock... I will be officially a parent in May :) I'm on the geek side as well with the Periodic Table shower curtain in my bathroom - I hoped to find other periodic table accessories for the baby's room, but alas they don't exist - he'll have to wait till he gets older...

You missed a couple.

Professional parent
The absent one who, when s/he does show up, is glued to his/her Blackberry. The one who kisses them goodnight long after they're asleep, who never manages to make it to breakfast, who travels at least half the time. She or he will show up at graduation and the kid's friends will wonder who s/he is.

And we can't forget Professional Parent's arch nemesis, Excuses Parent.
Adopting some characteristics of Helicopter Parent and Slacker Parent, this one is always late to work and always leaves early, takes off at least twice a month for random illnesses or doctor's appointments, who refuses to travel, who skips meetings for 2nd grade plays, who inundates the office with pleas to buy wrapping paper, Girl Scout cookies, and useless toys.

You forgot Free Rider Mom. She's the one who never contributes anything to the group, never drives carpool, regularly figures out a way to weasel out of taking her turn as cookie mom, swimming pool watcher, etc. etc. etc. but who never fails to ask if you could pick up her child at school, watch her for a few hours afterwards, give her dinner, take her for a weekend while she and her husband go away someplace romantic, etc. etc. etc. There's one I met recently who seriously told me that -- since she pays taxes, she shouldn't have to help at school; as far as she's concerned all activities her child participates in get a check from her every month for 'dues' and so she's already fulfilled all her obligations to the swim team, scout troop, church school, baseball team, etc. etc. etc. I think the rule should be that you can be a Free Rider Mom is you want, but that you should be required to wear a shirt to all functions with your designation as "free rider mom" on it.

Professional Martyr.

I'm so busy ...
I'm so tired ...
I'm so broke ...

I would NEVER do x to my kid ...
My kid will NEVER do x,y,z ...
Over my dead body, blah, blah, blah....

Sign me up for none of the above. Really, are there people out there who fit these stereotypes completely? At work I am a type A kind of person. At home, I am a mix between crunchy mom, slacker mom and helicopter mom, depending on the situation. So my house is not really neat, but my office is. I don't think I come off as warm and fuzzy at work, but at home, I am all mama bear. Certain things, like education, are really important to me, and I stress that at home, but on other things I am more laid back. So the kids do watch some tv, and we do sometimes eat hotdogs and pizza, and to me, that's no big deal.

WhackyWeasel,
I love your description of yourself (and that you have the guts to be so honest).

I do think that whatever our tendencies, our kids learn by the way we model for them. So if your kids are good kids, chances are you are doing something right.

Emily -- Or as they say, "If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning." :-)

Best parenting advice I ever heard was, "Just remember, no matter what you do, it will be wrong. So put a little aside for therapy, and your kids will be fine."

Slacker all the way!!

I have my Professional Parent tendencies (mostly away from work) but also Excuses Parent, and Free Ride Mom. DH more than makes up for my "free ride", though.

And depending on the situation, any of the other types could briefly come to the forefront -
Helicopter when attending an IEP meeting for older son,
Free-Range when younger son asks me for anything,
Soccer/Hockey when it comes to music lessons for either kid, or older son's drama classes,
Posh when DH picks out my outfit instead of letting me dress myself,
Rebel because DH and I swapped traditional gender roles 17 years ago and still have that working for us,
Hipster ... hmmm, well maybe,
Crunchy last Saturday when I fed everyone at home the first salad of the season from my organic veggie patch,
Type-A when older son makes 3.6 gpa and again when younger son was failing his English class (the kid reads more than I do, *HOW* can he be failing English?!?!?),
Traditionalist when bandaging and kissing away hurts (ever seen a 16-y-o ask for his mom to bandage his wounds after coming home from the drama class where the scenery collapsed on him?),
and Slacker most of the rest of the time.

No, I don't think there are many purists, but I think it's possible to get some understanding of the other parents around us that *look* like they're one pure type.

I never thought I'd be able to say this, but I'm a Slacker!

or clueless sports parent-

after a printed schedule and 3 email reminders will show up at wrong field, wrong time or without shinguards. or will not tell coach/manager that johnny will not be there, forcing a forfeit or leaves message at 12:10 that johnny will not be there (for a 12:00 game). Shows up late for pictures, lost form or doesn 't have form, has to be repeatedly asked to pay for childs fee for season.

I am a slacker stepmom with Type A tendencies. I got all the details filed away and will look over report cards, do homework, force them to do their chores and go to bed on time. But outside of that? As long as they aren't swinging from the chandeliers? I'm good.

I even suggested the kids play outdoors by themselves this weekend. Papa was aghast. He didn't think it was safe for the kids to walk downstairs and around the building so that they could play in front of our balcony. I personally think they could do with a bit of unsupervised play.

God Bless the Blackhawk Moms you so derisively disdain, the ones who recognize sytemic problems in their school districts, and who tirelessly fight petty local school boards to advocate for changes that will benefit all students.

let's see, I'm a stay-at-home mom who would've had homebirths with both kids if the option was available where we live (both were hospital births, but had midwives instead of OBs), I'm a staunch supporter of breastfeeding and again did so with both kids, I have a chore chart on the wall for my older one and check off what she's completed, I have no problem with letting them play in the backyard on their own (I do give them strict orders to stay inside the fenceline and watch from the kitchen window), but I'm not one to forget about a school notice. I do, however, get nuts when my oldest one has to be driven to school because I consider it wasting gas to do so for any reason other than inclement weather or one of us having a cold to the point where we can barely stand (one reason we chose our house was the proximity to the schools-we didn't want to have to put up with any of that I-missed-the-bus BS).

Definitely not a posh mom-my idea of fashion is jeans, sweatshirts or T-shirts, and sneakers, preferably in a color other than black, white or gray. I haven't driven my older daughter to school wearing pajamas, but I did drive her there in my firefighting gear once (I'd just gotten back from a call and didn't have time to shuck the turnouts before taking her to school). Forget the minivan-our vehicles are a Chevy Cavalier and an Isuzu Trooper. Both bought used, both paid for. The only difference between the two besides the gas mileage is the fact that the Trooper is the one with the working air conditioner (which makes it the kid-hauling vehicle in the summertime, naturally).

I guess that makes me a combination of Crunchy/Traditionalist with a touch of Slacker/Rebel. Ah, who cares; pigeonholing people is close to impossible anyway.