My wife and I have a joint account that the bulk of our earnings go into, plus we each have our own personal "fun" money accounts. Anything we want to buy or do that isn't in the family budget - like guy or girls nights out - comes out of our personal accounts. If I have an itunes download fest, or my wife wants a swanky new purse we didn't budget for - fun money account.

Other than that everything is joint and all accounts have online access. I pay all the bills and manage our investments, but I maintain a spreadsheet that details everything we have going on - cash available, credit outstanding, mortgages, auto loan, etc. It also has a page with all of our online passwords and all domains are bookmarked in our browser. She usually looks at it once a month, and can log into any account any time.

She prefers that I deal with this stuff, but I insist that she reviews the finances at least once a month so she always knows where we stand. The arrangement works for us, not advocating it for anyone else.

we've got the same arrangement as pj-rmdm.

bills/big purchases/vacations/savings/investments come out of the joint account and do what you want with your own fun account.

works for us.

i don't feel sorry for this Larry Sweeten fellow. anyone who is so out of touch with their finances and the state of their marriage is pretty lame.

This was one of our early marriage compromises, because we came from opposite perspectives. His parents had the single joint account approach, and his mom handled everything (she's a CPA). My mom and stepdad have completely separate money, and both contribute agreed-on amounts to a joint account for basic expenses (basically, mortgage, utilities, and groceries; they pay for their own cars and split the eating out).

By the time we got married, I was used to having my own money, my own credit cards, my own IRAs, etc., and I saw no reason to change that. At the same time, I also saw no reason to go through the fairly elaborate recordkeeping my mom and stepdad did to make sure everything was even. So we set up one joint account for all the "new" money, but we both kept our own separate checking and savings accounts that we had brought into the marriage.

Over time, that changed. I got annoyed with some of the "stupid" things he bought -- but also realized that we could afford it, so I didn't want to turn into a nag. So we started giving ourselves "play money" in our individual accounts -- that way, he could buy the stupid stuff, I knew I had no right to criticize it and so kept my mouth shut, but I could still save mine and so feel better that we had extra savings. Also, a lot of my initial savings that I brought into the marriage have been contributed over time to things like house remodels and cars; theoretically, I was supposed to pay me back when we got the cash reserves back up, but I usually never got around to it, so a lot more of our savings is joint.

So now we fund one joint account with everything, except a few hundred a month to each of us in our own separate accounts. We also finally got around to getting a joint credit card a year ago (yes -- 12 years in, we finally did the paperwork!). It's all on-line, so we both can see whatever we want. But I don't normally go into his records, and vice-versa, so we don't have the problem with seeing what we've spent on each other's gifts.

All of our money is direct deposited into one family account and then transfered out to one of many different accounts. We each have a checking of our own, where our "fun" money and all budgeted expenses we are responsible for gets deposited. There are accounts for bills as well as for the things we are saving for, like vacations and furniture. We are both linked to all of the savings accounts but maintain our checking accounts seperately.

I like the fact that I can surprise him with things because he doesn't know what happens to the money that goes into my checking account and wouldn't care to ask unless my bills weren't getting paid or we ran out of food. We bicker a lot less now that we have this system and we can each maintain some autonomy without going over our budget.

I look after all the finances in our household. My husband is free to look at any financial statement or bill although I don't think he looks at anything unless I point it out to him. I tend to decide on our financial priorities and then discuss them with my husband. Most of the time, he just says "OK" after listening to me.

I pay all the joint bills and make all the investments. We don't buy anything from the joint (excepting usual purchases like groceries) without consultation.

Each of us has a personal account that a small portion of our cheque goes into. This is our fun money that we can spend without consultation on whatever we please. We also have a shared and personal credit card. As far as I know, we don't look at each other's personal financial records. The paperwork is lying around the house so it isn't as if we couldn't but I know I don't and I assume he doesn't.

I have had similiar arrangements in past relationships although not identical. My parents do something completely different. I don't think it really matters what you do as long as it works for you.

All paychecks get direct deposited into a joint account, and all investment accounts are joint. Both of us have all passwords, access etc. We do each have small "personal" accounts for things we want to do, and we each have credit cards in our own name.

Over time, it turned out that I handle most of the finances and investing because I have more of an interest in that than DW, but nothing is "hidden" from her, and every few months the two of us sit down and go over all the details.

We also have folders locked up in the files labeled "if AB dies" and "if DW dies" with all of the account information, passwords, PINs, insurance policies, safe deposit box numbers, etc. So if one of us tried to pull a Sweeten, the other could pull the appropriate folder after killing the guilty party. :-)

This is an issue I feel rather strongly about. Let me first say I think what other couples do is none of my business as long as they aren’t asking me for money. However, I personally believe it is very foolish to keep your money separately when you are married. I have many married friends who do this and I have to shake my head when I hear the fights about trying to figure out who owes what for household expenses etc. It reminds me of couples who live together yet aren’t married-I can see why you wouldn’t want to combine your money then. But we are talking about married people. I think when you are married you should be working toward common goals together. Really, in so many ways, the way we treat money shows our values and if you can’t agree on how to allocate your money, then maybe you have much deeper problems. So keeping your money separate is like a band aide on a much bigger problem, and maybe this solution will work for years for you but are you getting as far financially as a family as you would if you pooled all your resources?

We have everything joint but our retirement accounts. My husband pays most of the bills but we have a meeting once a month where we sit down and look over the statements and make decisions together. Personally this system has been wonderful for our marriage and our savings has been growing rapidly this way. When we first got married, for a short time, we did try separate accounts but it didn’t feel like we were married and we fought more about money. I was the one who first wanted to keep our money separate because I thought it was the “smart” thing for a woman to do. Well, then I started reading more personal fiancé books and talking to other married couples about how they handle their money (which leads me to a whole other topic that could be another day’s post-talking about money-still a taboo subject for so many people but you can learn so much from each other) and I concluded that marriages seem to work better when things are combined and both partners know everything. We each have our “fun” money allowance but it’s a limited amount and there are no secrets about how we each spent it. I don’t recommend that one person totally handles everything and keeps the other person like a child in the dark-no doubt we all have examples of older women who tried that method and found themselves in for a shock.

"Let me first say I think what other couples do is none of my business"

If you really believed this, shouldn't the post have stopped here? And by correlary, shouldn't what you do with your money be none of my business?

06902

What is the point of your remark except to be rude? I was trying to say everyone can do what they want but here is what I think.

Another firecracker topic on the Op...

I CAN'T STAND Michele Singletary.

Point should be self-evident - shining a light on the irony of your disclaimer.

Again, I would turn the question around to you...if everyone can do what they want, why bother to inform them what you think they should do?

Try these:
You can drink what you want, but I don't think you should drink.

How people raise their children is none of my business, but I think everyone should raise their kids like this...

I am actually a little surprised at how many folks seem to have separate accounts for "fun money."
All of our money is direct deposited into one checking account. Any money that can be saved goes into either a joint savings or money market account or into joint cds. We discuss major purchases - anything over $100 and we agreed on that prior to marriage. Otherwise, we buy what we need and don't worry too much about it. And I don't think either of us have ever objected too much to anything the other person wanted to buy - mostly my shoes or his tools or toys for the kid... :)
We both check the accounts online.
As far as gift giving goes, yeah, sometimes I know what he's getting me before I get it, but so what? I'm not 5, so I am over the whole "surprise" thing and usually he has asked me for suggestions so really I already know what's on the list anyway.
We don't use any credit cards other than our debit/credit card that goes with our bank account, so no "secret spending" that way. We do use one credit card for a home improvement store since we are always doing some kind of work on our house - but we pay that off monthly.
I think we are pretty open and honest about most aspects of our marriage and finance is just one more aspect. We are solidly middle-middle class, so maybe we would have more concerns about this if we had more money to be concerned about!

06902

I think the topic today is marriage and couples. Do you have anything to add to that?

I am actually a little surprised at how many folks have separate accounts for "fun money.

Posted by: VaLGaL | June 5, 2009 10:43 AM | Report abuse

The bulk "fun money" in my house went to donations to religious, cuckoo-bird political, and other nutjob causes. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy worked well in my house.

I think the topic today...is on life support.

You really want my addition? Here goes:

I think what other couples do with their money is none of my business. END

I'd like to know more about what happened to the lady in the story, Bonnie Sweeten. Why did she take only one of her kids? I can't believe she didn't know she'd be found, the whole story is weird.

I don't really care about how other people handle their finances, but don't be a idiot and know nothing about where your paycheck goes.

My husband and I fell into a habit of keeping separate accounts - - his earnings into his and mine earnings into mine. We sort of agreed on who pays what expenses . . . luckily we don't have to watch every penny so it works out. Plus, I get to avoid having to discuss with him how much those shoes actually cost. Unconventional, but works for us . . . and I wouldn't do it this way if he made significantly more $$ than me.

We tried different arrangements over the decades. Started with separate accounts, but ended up merging everything into my accounts (still at the living together stage, several years before the wedding) because he'd lost his checkbook, and still couldn't find it after three months. It was just too much of a pain to try to keep him going with his own account.

What we do currently - everything is joint. Mine is the only paycheck. I make sure bills are paid and manage everything. That long-ago lost checkbook was an early-warning. DH is a terrible money manager, and he appreciates having someone else do that job. I talk to him regularly, like right now when we're in a tight place, I'm telling him daily how much is left in the checking account, and what's outstanding/hasn't cleared yet. And he knows he *can't*spend*anything* until next payday. But if I didn't make the effort to talk to him, he wouldn't ask, and he'd just go spend money until his ATM/debit card was swiped out. And then he'd order a new card and wear the mag-strip off of it.

We used to have fights about money, but this system has put an end to the fights. He's not always happy to be told, "No" to something he wants, but he's accepting more gracefully with each year.

I think other couples will have different systems that work for them, because they have different personalities and needs than we do.

This is interesting - I always thought our approach was probably one used by many if not most other couples, but maybe I was wrong (or perhaps this is a unique sample). We maintain separate accounts. Always have - my husband suggested a joint account when we got married, but I don't know...I just kind of shrugged it off and said it didn't really make sense to me. We contribute different things at different times and it all seems to balance out. We don't have a hard and fast rule about "even divides," but we do share one credit card that we use to make any and all purchases unless for some reason the outlet doesn't take Mastercard. Then we write a check or use a back up card, but this is in rare instances. We split the Mastercard bill each month it comes in.

My husband makes a lot more than I do - it's just the nature of his industry vs. mine, but it doesn't really impact the way I see our financial arrangement. I've just always liked having my own account and never saw a reason to change it. I should also add that we live very conservatively - big items like cars and the house are all paid for, so our focus now is on saving for retirement someday (which we do separately via our employers) and saving for our kids to attend college and beyond. That makes things a little easier.

"When we first got married, for a short time, we did try separate accounts but it didn’t feel like we were married and we fought more about money. I was the one who first wanted to keep our money separate because I thought it was the “smart” thing for a woman to do."

It didn't FEEL like you were married? Hold old were you -- 17?

People who maintain separate accounts often do so because otherwise checks and automated payment debits might bounce. When two busy people are operating with a debit card, buying groceries for 4 and gas for 2 - 3 cars, it's easy for overdrafts to occur. We don't want to have to come home each and every day and spend precious time talking about the $60 I spent at Giant or the $48 he spent gassing up his car. We budget jointly but have separate accounts. YMMV.

Taking the emotion and feelings out of money is step 1 to a happy marriage.

I CAN'T STAND Michele Singletary.

Posted by: jezebel3 | June 5, 2009 10:33 AM | Report abuse

I'm with you jezebel. Apparently, i'm a freeloading SOB because I pay my credit card bills on time and don't carry a balance. Little did I know I wasn't paying my fair share.

Another firecracker topic on the Op...

I CAN'T STAND Michele Singletary.

--

Here is my take on her. I understand where she's coming from, and some people need that. I think of most advice like this - "take what works for you and discard the rest". You have to understand what works for you, and the type of person you are.

Some people do need to be extreme, or to have things really put in their face. Never under-estimate how lazy people are. I'm sure thousands of people have followed her advice and cleaned up their lives/finances because of it.

What's wrong with that?

Considering how much in the crapper our financial system has been lately, we need MORE people like her and Dave Ramsey, not fewer!

"Apparently, i'm a freeloading SOB because I pay my credit card bills on time and don't carry a balance. Little did I know I wasn't paying my fair share."

you haven't read much of singletary if you think she doesn't LOVE people who pay their bills on time and never carry a balance. that's consistent with everything she advocates. Like Dave Ramsey, she doesn't believe in "good" debt.

I'll try to get this back on topic (which I didn't recall being to dump on Michelle),.

I act as family accountant, but we have frequent discussions. We have a reasonable family budget. X for me to spend how I choose, X for my wife to spend how she chooses, X for food, and X for household (anything that isn't food). We also have an overall monthly budget to include exceptionals like trips to visit family. If we overspend one month, then it gets "paid back" by spending less in the following months.

Although Mrs. Blade doesn't ask to look at the accounts, I keep everything open. She also has an account under her name. On reason to do so is that I have a security clearance and she has relatives in another country. If money is spent to support a relative in another country, it would be bad if it were from me.

BB

it seems like too much work to me to maintain separate accounts. My big question when people say this is this: What happens if you are planning a vacation? Is the spouse who 'saved more' able to do something nicer, does that spouse berate the other one for not saving enough - so sorry, you don't get to go to hawaii? I'm confused on those type of things.
We have everything together, and I basically do all the financial stuff. I like to take care of it better, but husband definitely knows what is going on - has all the passwords, etc. He knew I didn't know how to get on line for one account, so that's the card he charged my last bday present with. but now I know...but, really, who cares if I can see there was a charge for me? Gets me excited to figure out what it actually was.
The only thing we have separate is retirement stuff...which we couldn't combine. We each do our own investing there, but kinda know what's in each other's accounts.
The thing is, you're married, Either you trust your spouse or you don't. I'd rather spend every day trusting my spouse, than to spend every day worrying that he's stealing from me. Just the way I am, I guess. Why bother if there's no trust.
I have a friend who just can't trust anyone, and it shows when she tells me about her money vs. the family money (husband doesn't seem allowed to have HIS money). It's bizarre to me, really.

I know I'm late to this, but I'm confused by all the people who have eight different joint accounts (savings, checking, two retirement, emergency, mad money, etc.) and think it's so much more difficult with separate accounts. It's really not that hard to say, "Hey, my balance is at $X this month, so I'll make a double mortgage payment." Or "My car's getting run down, we should cut back on the expenses a bit so we can pay outright for a new one in a few months."

If you'd yell at each other about different savings rates, the names on the accounts don't matter one bit.