I don't know if his mother is doing something since she obviously lives in the suburb that he goes to school in but our birthday parties are family only. On his last birthday, he got to choose a restaurant to go to+ and we opened presents. That was it.

But we live 15 miles away from any of his friends and his father is not a social person. I can't see him wanting to put together a birthday party.

A co-worker took his daughter and 3 friends to a hotel with an indoor pool. They would go to the movies, spend the night in the suite, go swimming, eat a big breakfast, then go home. With a winter birthday the kids loved it and it was pretty affordable.

I agree with a lot of what you said, although I loathe the Chuck E. Cheese and Bouncy House parties. They are rushed and impersonal and don't really make the birthday child feel special. I think it's nice to have the party at your home. Its more exciting to decorate and then the happiness and fun lingers after the party is over. I'm also of the mind that we should make a big deal about little kids birthdays (not necessarily a big budget). There are a finite number of birthdays where it is exciting and fun. Why not make the most of the best years?

As for ideas for fun parties and things you can do yourself. Go to www.birthdaypartyideas.com you would not believe the things people come up with. Also with a little elbow grease and creativity, you can make amazing cakes for the same price as the store bought ones.

My kids had exciting birthday parties in school, but a birthday celebration is an intimate affair in my house. The birthday kid selects the dinner menu for that day (usually stuffed pork chopps), I make the dinner. I make a cake from a mix (oh, no Jezebel!), the frosting is homemade. Everyone (including pets) wear funny homemade hats. The cake is served after dinner for the immediate family, pets each get a treat. Cue singing of "Happy Birthday". The birthday kid opens the one "big" gift from the parents and the gifts and cards from relatives. No hordes of the kid's "closest" friends, no favors, no games, no entertainment, no outings, no venues, no bragging rights' stuff until high school. Then they prefer the money otherwise spent.

Correction: stuffed pork chops (yum)

I find your moonbounce assertion terribly pessimistic. Evidence from my neighborhood suggests it's more like 12 hours before a kid gets bored (we've had to literally go in and drag them out for dinner). Never experienced a collision that couldn't be cried off in 2 minutes. Never experienced any lawn damage.

Neighbor just rented past Sat. Since place was closed Sun/Mon for labor day got it for three days, $100 bucks. Totally worth it. Thing wasn't empty all weekend.

For a summer birthday, my nephew had a backyard water party... water ballons, cheap water guns, the sprinkler and a couple small baby pools. I think it was pretty cheap and all the kids seemed to really enjoy it.

We did his first birthday at Burke Lake Park and it was awesome. They have a miniature train for $2 and a carousel for $1.50. We also did a morning party, which seemed easier and faster.

The dollar store has great party supplies! We got "1st Birthday" plates and napkins, a train Happy Birthday banner, and several big serving bowls, all $1 each.

We've only had two B-days so far, but both years we've had a cook out in the back yard and invited family and neighbors. We have large extended families, so it is a pretty big party - probably 50 people. I have begged people not to bring gifts, but they insist. While I am apprciative that people want to give stuff to my kid, I hate the awkward gift opening phase of the party and I am trying to think of a better way to do that - all suggestions are welcome. :)
I really like the idea of a book exchange so maybe I'll try that next year but I am not sure how it would work with kids of varying ages.
I would really prefer to do it jezebel's way (I know!) but our families would protest... (btw jez, I think boxed cake mix is just fine.)
I like JJ's description of the water party - I think we may try that next year!

Brian - i agree with you 100%.

for her 3 year-old, our friend mailed printed invitations, rented a community center, hired entertainment, got mad at her husband for buying the wrong brand of water then got mad at us because we couldn't come. as we see more of this behavior from her and other families, we're starting to weed people like this out of our lives.

ValGal - It's completely acceptable to NOT open gifts during the party. For anyone who protests, gently remind them that your child will be more appreciative when he/she can open gifts when he's not overwhelmed, overtired, overexcited, whatever. It's your house, you get to set the rules. I never understood how that tradition developed anyway, it seems pretty tactless. What happens when your kid opens the (insert ridiculously expensive, unnecessary gift here) that gets him all excited, and then opens the more modest gift from his best friend who's dad just lost his job next? Does your entire family start judging the friend's family, does your kid act like a kid, and say something stupid and thoughtless..... Nope, much better off opening gifts after the guests have gone home.

If you have a spring/summer/fall bday and a state park nearby, you can frequently rent shelters for as little as $10 -- or just go early and grab a picnic bench and grill. We have a tire park a mile from our house; every year we rent a shelter, bring a cake, throw some dogs on the grill, and let the kids run around like mad entertaining themselves for a few hours.

Also, if you start at 2-3 PM, you don't need pizzas, hot dogs, etc.; chips and cake are good. Added bonus of the state park: s'mores are both entertainment and food (same with roasting weenies on a stick). We also bake our own cake -- it's $1.79 for the mix, and maybe $2 for the frosting ingredients (I hate paying lots of $$ for inedible food).

We had the "oh, [bleep]" moment last May: I had rented a big shelter at the tire park, and for the first time let DD invite the whole class. Then it rained (also for the first time in 8 yrs). 25 kids inside my house -- uck. Panic run to Target. For maybe $50, we got DIY tattoos (they give you the outline, and the kids color them in themselves), Twister, an alien-maker, and some other things like shrinky-dinks that we didn't even get to. And DH downloaded some kids' songs from iTunes. We called in some family/friends to help chaperone, pushed all of the furniture to the side, got four different rooms going, and let the kids decide what they wanted to do (the tattoos and freeze dance were the big hits). The time flew by so fast that some of the parents were back before I even realized we needed to serve cake!

For a smaller group, make-your-own pizza goes over really, really well. Pizza dough is way easy to make and costs pennies, but a lot of grocery stores now sell it; you can also use those boboli shells or pitas, but that takes some of the kid fun of messing with the dough. Get a couple of kinds of cheese, a few different toppings, and crank the oven up to high -- for $25, you can feed an army (and take up a good hour with the cooking and eating!).

As with many things, you don't have to spend a lot of money to have a good party. The commercial party places are like Applebees: a convenience. They're great if you'd rather pay a little extra to avoid the time, effort, and mental energy of doing it yourself. But I hate how they've become the norm, so that throwing a homemade party is seen as boring and way less exciting than spending 1.5 hrs having the same generic party as everyone else.

We have large extended families, so it is a pretty big party - probably 50 people.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I would really prefer to do it jezebel's way (I know!) but our families would protest...

Posted by: VaLGaL | September 11, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

There are over 65 people in our family in the area. They have all been under one roof together once - for a wedding.
My BIL has 14 siblings. My sister met them and their broods once - at her wedding.

And Brian, while I usually find ways to disagree with you (after all that is far more interesting than agreeing) - knowing that you were a Whaler fan makes me dislike you slightly less. I cajoled my mom into driving me up to the CC on more Friday and Saturday nights than she probably cares to remember...

laura33 - the pizza idea is a great idea! between the cooking and eating and cleaning i bet the kids have a blast and probably rush home to tell their parents what they made and how great it was.

I agree about the not opening presents thing... but I've heard my sister complain that one of her kids went to a party and they didn't open gifts. At first I didn't realize she was complaining and responded "oh, that's nice!" and that's when she said something about her kids wanting to see it opened or something (I don't remember) but I still maintain that it is an awkward and unnecessary part of the party. I would guess the kids would get over it quickly, plus I think it makes thank-you notes that much more important, a practice I strongly support.

I like the book exchange idea, too.

I'm with JHBVA, we never open the gifts at the party. We do our kids parties at a play place or such - my daughter's party last month was at her gymnastics place. It works out great - the kids have some active activity they do for an hour or so, then we have cake and everyone goes home happy. We do the parties mid-afternoon so we don't need to provide a meal and that cuts down the cost quite a bit.

Depending on where the kids want to have their party, we limit the size of the guest list. The gymnastics place was pretty cheap so my daughter could invite 20 kids (I think 11 actually came). My son wants to have his upcoming party at a more expensive place, so we're limiting him to 8 guests, and he's fine with that. He wants to do it there instead of someplace cheaper where he could invite more kids.

I have two big peeves with the parties. The first is how many people don't bother to RSVP. Fortunately we haven't had anyone not RSVP and then show up, so we assume if they don't call they aren't coming, but it's still really annoying.

My second peeve is the goody bags. I'm trying to start a movement to end them, but I can't get anyone to join me. Even my wife insists that we have to give out the best ones. It's just a bunch of crap that the kids get bored with after 15 minutes, but everyone insists on doing them.

Also on the presents thing, what we do is when the kids open the presents after the party, we take a picture of them with each gift and print them out to use for the thank you notes. So everyone who gave a gift gets to see a picture of our child with it.

Off-topic, this is for ArmyBrat. Here's a link to the study that showed a 200-point increase in SAT scores with the school day starting later - http://nymag.com/news/features/38951/index1.html

"The best known of these is in Edina, Minnesota, an affluent suburb of Minneapolis, where the high school start time was changed from 7:25 a.m. to 8:30. The results were startling. In the year preceding the time change, math and verbal SAT scores for the top 10 percent of Edina’s students averaged 1288. A year later, the top 10 percent averaged 1500, an increase that couldn’t be attributed to any other variable."

No Moonwalk! It was a hit at our last B'day party and provided hours of entertainment which meant I was having to rely on pin the tale on the donkey.

One thing I "wish" I did for my son's b'day was ask my family to bring over one dish for the party: whether that be a side or meat or even plastic ware. I was a mess trying to cook and present all that food. If family is coming over you can turn it into a pot luck!

I totally agree about b'day parties for babies and toddlers. Today is my daughters 2nd b'day and we're doing cake and presents tonight with just us and the neighbors. No prior planning needed.

http://suburbtopia.blogspot.com

dennis - you have a couple of supporters.

we will never hand out a goody bag filled with junk and candy that gets eaten and discarded within the hour.

do any other parents have experience hosting or attending parties WITHOUT goody bags? do any kids actually ask "where's the goody bag"? do the parents ask about them?

dennis - that is a wonderful idea! I think that's exactly what I want to do next year. In fact, I think maybe we'll put the presents inside - out of sight of the party.

jez, I don't know how you manage that. Each of our extended families get together every couple of months and we have had both families together maybe two or three times a year for the past several years - kids birthdays and other holiday celebrations. It's very chaotic especially since we have a very small house!

I guess I have a minority opinion---I love planning parties for my kids. With winter birthdays, I try to plan stuff NOT in my house. We've done shows at Adventure Theater, bowling, craft parties at Michaels, movies, etc. I always get a big, fancy theme cake through a wonderful (and inexpensive) baker I love, and try to host a nice afternoon for the kids. I usually don't have more than 8-10 kids, and with my older child, the parents are now able to just drop them off. I don't think the parties cost a fortune, but I certainly don't go cheap on them. They're a big deal for me, and for my kids, so why not.

We went a little nutty for my daughter's 2nd birthday. It was great, but it would have been better as a 3rd birthday party. There's a dance studio in our neighborhood. We rented the dance space for the afternoon, got 1 hour with an instructor, and had access to a kitchen and sitting area for pizza and cake. We gathered, danced, ate, then dumped a bunch of balls in the studio and let the kids go nuts. They each took 2 balls home for party favors. The instructor wasn't necessary at 2, but it would be great for 3. We really had fun, and it wasn't too expensive. Both my girls have winter birthdays (Jan and Feb), so we're stuck coming up with creative indoor activities, which is especially hard with the under 6 crowd.

jez, I don't know how you manage that. Each of our extended families get together every couple of months and we have had both families together maybe two or three times a year for the past several years - kids birthdays and other holiday celebrations. It's very chaotic especially since we have a very small house!

Posted by: VaLGaL | September 11, 2009 9:39 AM | Report abuse

We have mini get togethers almost every weekend and holiday, but the whole bunch under one roof at one time - no - too many people with too many "issues". I prefer cozy, intimate gatherings. To each his own.

yikes. we would never invite people to our kid's birthday party and ask them to bring a dish. that's pretty brutal imo.

if we didn't have the time or inclination to cook, then we'd order pizza or have the party at a non-meal time.

"I find your moonbounce assertion terribly pessimistic. Evidence from my neighborhood suggests it's more like 12 hours before a kid gets bored (we've had to literally go in and drag them out for dinner). Never experienced a collision that couldn't be cried off in 2 minutes. Never experienced any lawn damage.

Neighbor just rented past Sat. Since place was closed Sun/Mon for labor day got it for three days, $100 bucks. Totally worth it. Thing wasn't empty all weekend.

Posted by: 06902 |

I completely agree with 06902! Since I have small stepchildren I wanted our wedding to be completely kid-friendly, something they would really enjoy and remember, so our reception was a back yard BBQ at my mom's with a bounce house for the kids. Although we did get a "fancy" one that had a bouncing room, small obstacle course, and also a slide. Several hours later the only tears we had were not over collisions but rather that it was time to drag them out...my best friend's 3yo cried all the way home because he wanted to stay and play some more. The $250 bucks or so it cost us was BY FAR the best investment we made on any of the wedding expenses!

That being said...this was obviously a much bigger milestone event than a birthday, and I don't think I would ever have a bounce house for a birthday party.

continuing off-topic - thanks for the link, Dennis. For those who missed it, Ashley Merryman posted on the tail end of the blog the other day and provided the pointer to Wahlstrom, so I had looked at Wahlstrom's web page the other evening. It mentioned the Edina study. Hoewver, there are a couple of other things mentioned on that page:

- those results in Edina were for the top 10% of Edina students, NOT for all students who took the test. There's no number I could find that gave the resulting differences for the student population as a whole
- the results were not replicated in Minneapolis. Wahlstrom also worked with an inner-city district in Minneapolis that shifted its school day to start an hour later; there was no such observable jump in SAT scores. It wasn't that there was demonstrably NO jump in scores; it was that there were so many confounding factors in the inner-city schools that no meaningful conclusion could be drawn.

So the Edina results are very interesting and worth further study, but certainly not a "slam-dunk" that would cause other SAT-crazed school districts to change their schedule.

One other interesting thing on Wahlstrom's web page is the note that SAT exams are always given early in the morning - you have to be there by no later than 7:30 am (or so was the case last April). That's done because the basic SAT is given in the morning and the subject tests are given in the afternoon, and they can get everything done in one day. There's some speculation that if they just gave the SAT starting at noon scores would jump measurably, but testing that one would require cooperation from The College Board and that ain't likely to happen.

yikes. we would never invite people to our kid's birthday party and ask them to bring a dish. that's pretty brutal imo.

Posted by: interestingidea1234 | September 11, 2009 9:49 AM | Report abuse

While we don't explicitly ask, our friends always offer. I would say it's "pretty brutal" not to offer.

we aren't opposed to the moon bounce per se, but we just don't think it's necessary to spend $100 on something to entertain the kids. we've seen that they have tons of fun just playing games with their friends - no props necessary.

asking and offering are two entirely different things.

on-topic now - once the kids got older than about 10 or 12, most b-day parties devolved into family dinners. Depending on the situation, we either went out to a place of the celebrant's choosing or had a dinner in with a menu of the celebrant's choosing. Extended family joined us, but that's still only about 15 people.

The kids would go to a movie with their friends, or go skating, or some similar activity, and then return to the house for cake and ice cream.

I know we did the Discovery Zone/Chuck E. Cheese/whatever drill when they were younger, but thankfully most of those memories have been expunged. :-)

my kids are so different that we've had different types of parties. Older kid can handle more people and chaos, and likes being center of attention. We've done it all - at the bouncy place, at home, with entertainment at home, only with entertainment being me at home, they went to the braves game this year with just a few people.
I found that while I pretend that doing it at home is less expensive than renting a place, well, it's not always.
For younger kid, his bday is near memorial day, so we've always had a bbq and invited a bunch of people. This year I invited a few kids from his preschool class as well. Well, he did his normal thing (he's four). He sat in the corner and took out his legos to play. It's too overwhelming for him, I guess (this is the kid who has incredible stamina and keeps going and going and going - so it's strange). But he's better not in large crowds. We'll see how it goes.
I do get that it's so crazy and everyone seems to be outdoing everyone else...which is not the best. They're kids - what do they possibly have to look forward to?

As for the goody bags. I try to put them together. But seriously - I many times forget about them til after a few kids leave. So no, the kids don't seem to care at all. One little thing is more than enough for them. If anything.

We did the book exchange one year and that worked out really well. I like it.

I'm pretty sure we've done it all when it comes to birthday parties - many parties at home, outdoor at the park (big pain in the ass), bowling alley, gym, slumber parties - they all have their pluses and minuses. We also used to have huge Halloween Parties every fall for kids and adults with food, drinks and kid activities. It was EXHAUSTING and I lobbied to stop having this party for years before it actually stopped.

For us it all depends how much prep time, energy and money we have preceeding the birthday. As the kids get older it is easier, we are more experienced, and the parties get smaller.

I agree that I have never seen a moonbounce without a line outside. My kids would have ate and slept in one at any party with one blown up.

too many people with too many "issues". I prefer cozy, intimate gatherings.Posted by: jezebel3

Me too, but I can't seem to get the rest of the clan on board...

no props necessary.

Posted by: interestingidea1234 | September 11, 2009 10:02 AM | Report abuse

If the moonbounce is an unecessary prop, then what is make-your-own pizza?

Though "we" see the value in both and understand the potentially lower cost (though lower entertainment value) in the latter, "we" find it slightly hypocritical to dismiss one and endorse the other, when both are clearly not organic play.

dennis - love the pics in the thank you notes idea!

Though "we" see the value in both and understand the potentially lower cost (though lower entertainment value) in the latter, "we" find it slightly hypocritical to dismiss one and endorse the other, when both are clearly not organic play.

Posted by: 06902 | September 11, 2009 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Who the fock is "we"?

"We" was my admittedly mean-spirited attempt to mock another posters' writing style.

06902 - you are so tiresome.

do you really think that jumping on a moonbounce and making pizza are equivalent activities?

Both seem like props whose purpose is to entertain (a concept which you seem to disavow)...so, in that sense, yes I see them as equivalent.

"We" was my admittedly mean-spirited attempt to mock another posters' writing style.

Posted by: 06902 | September 11, 2009 10:49 AM | Report abuse

Gotcha. It was on point.

The 200 point jump in SAT scores from earlier start times is starting to sound a lot like the urban legend of the 200 mile per gallon carburetor that Detroit wants to keep a secret.

Both my kids have birthdays during the pretty cold part of the winter months, so barbecues and park parties are out of the question. And our home really cannot accommodate a bunch of riotous kids, so we have done Chuck E Cheese (I hated it but the kids seemed happy enough), bowling (a good alternative because the kids at least stay in one group and play a game together), and family only gatherings in our home. We don't do a party every year, but, I think a party every couple of years or every third year is nice if you can swing it. On the other years, we do something family oriented at home or go out to dinner and the movies. I like the idea of renting a hotel suite at a place with a pool and inviting a small number of kids to the party. I have also toyed with the idea of celebrating a half birthday in the warm weather months and simply having a family thing for the real birthday. Maybe this year we will do a halloween party in October and let the kids play in the park in lieu of an actual birthday party in winter.

06902: so you shouldn't entertain the kids? I'm confused. It would be a pretty tough time for the parents if the kids weren't doing something.
I think the pizza idea is awesome. Maybe we'll try that next year (or make your own ice cream sundae? :).

I have found that entertainment actually becomes easier as the kids get older. My son attended a great backyard birthday party a couple of weeks ago. The kids were about 9 and they entertained themselves by playing softball and kickball. No need for grown-ups to referee or manage the games. They were old enough to do it themselves. The parents just served the food and the kids had loads of fun.

06902: so you shouldn't entertain the kids? I'm confused. It would be a pretty tough time for the parents if the kids weren't doing something.

Posted by: atlmom1234 | September 11, 2009 11:32 AM | Report abuse

I was confused too, by what I saw as someone's conflicting posts. I say anyway you want to entertain at your party with your money is great.

One inexpensive thing my kids have all liked on their birthday is seeing the car decorated in their name when getting picked up after school. Washable car paint costs only a few bucks a can and goes a long way in making the kid feel special. At first when they see their name and "Happy Birthday" plastered all over the car, they may feel a little embarrased in front of their peers, but they soon get over it when they get to ride in the front seat and the other motorists honk, wave, give them a thumbs up and blow kisses.

From tweenagers on up, I've found the gift my kids liked best was a roll of cold, hard cash so they can plan their own party. If they want to spend it on a movie for a few of their friends, buy something for themselves, and save some for a rainy day, or whatever, it's their call. It's also a great learning experience for them as they learn that a few hundred bucks doesn't go near as far as they think when they originally count it out.

I'm going to weigh in on the other side of opening gifts at the party. I think it is valuable and important to open the gifts at the party. It gives your child an opportunity to practice gracious behavior by learning to say thank you for each gift, even if it is not something they wanted. It also gives the gift giver the opportunity to see their gift received. Many times my children have put a lot of thought and effort into the selection of the gift for their friend and are excited for the friend to receive it. Isn't the interaction part of the whole thing? This is contingent of course, upon the number of guests and age of the child.

I will jump on the anti-goody bag bandwagon. Since when do you get a gift on someone else's birthday? You bring a gift for the birthday boy/girl and you get to enjoy the party. Its all crap anyway.

I'm going to weigh in on the other side of opening gifts at the party.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I will jump on the anti-goody bag bandwagon. Since when do you get a gift on someone else's birthday? You bring a gift for the birthday boy/girl and you get to enjoy the party. Its all crap anyway.

Posted by: moxiemom1 | September 11, 2009 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Sounds more like YOU want to see the reaction to the gift...Its all crap anyway.

To each each his own.

My top 2 points are the opposite of yours, plus one more:

1. ALWAYS invite the whole class if your child wants to. It's a blast for the kids to get together as a group outside of school. New kids get an opportunity to meet and make friends. Parents get an opportunity to know the kids in the birthday child's class, as well as their parents, which informs their judgment of which relationships to encourage and which to let cool.

2. Moonbounces, and party places that offer them, amuse a group of kids for hours. They don't require special skill like skating, all kids love them, and who cares about a few bumps and bruises? They are a heckuva lot more fun than playing pin the tail on the donkey or having 6 kids try to have fun on a dinky, cobwebby backyard swingset assembled in 1985.

3. Never open gifts at the party. Let the kids play, not spend time sitting still and paying homage to the birthday child. The point is to have a party, not worship a queen. The more hosts de-emphasize and eliminate gifts, the better time the kids have and the less focus on goodie bags and the like. Likewise, kids despise the open-the-present mentality of the 50s.

4. Yes, when we've skipped goodie bags, kids and parents have asked about them, mostly out of habit. So, you respond with confidence, we didn't do goodie bags, and you go on with your day. They aren't trying to give you a hard time by asking; they are simply making sure they didn't walk off without it if there is one.

We've always done the birthday parties for our two boys (now 5 and 1) at home. Usually it is just a bunch of relatives and family friends (maybe 1-2 friends from daycare/school), and we pull out the kiddie pool, water balloons, slip and slide, etc and just let them go. We do snacks and cake and ice cream. One year DH used canvas, PVC pipes and paint to turn the swingset into a pirate ship, and made one of those scenes where you stick your face through the whole and have your picture taken. Everyone has a blast playing, and not much stress or preparation needed.

But the biggest hit so far was this year's Jedi training party. For about $20, I bought some inexpensive fabric, ribbon and pool noodles. Cut fabric into rectangles, cut slit for head to go in, put on child, tie with ribbon: presto you have a Padawan outfit (that actually looked really good, especially for almost zero effort!). Cut pool noodles up and put black electrical tape on one end and you have a light saber. We did a few "Jedi-training" games before taking them over to destroy the Death Star pinata that I had made.

As for goody bags, I try to limit them to just a couple of things that are useful and/or consumable. This year it was a package of watercolor paints and brushes, some temporary tattos, a glow stick and some fruit snacks. I try to avoid the junky toys that get thrown out before you get home, or overloading on candy (particularly if we have a pinata).

Giving out goody bags is a polite way of letting your guests know the party is over and it's time for them to hit the road.

Oh Jezebel, like a breath of stale air. The crap reference was to the goody bags not the gifts. I guess if you just grab a gift out of the gift closet then maybe your child isn't excited to give it.

I do think that children need to be introduced to the joy of giving and receiving. In the interest of keeping things light on a Friday, I won't even start on thank you notes.

Wacky, good idea on tweenagers on up, they decide if they want a party or an outing or a wad of cash. We kind of started down this road after my daughter went to a pretty expensive party with 7-8 girls, and we discussed how we would need to limit it to 3-4 if she wanted to do the same.

When you tally up some of these tweenager parties it is 3-400$ or up, crazy for a 12 year old!

In the interest of keeping things light on a Friday, I won't even start on thank you notes.

Posted by: moxiemom1 | September 11, 2009 1:03 PM | Report abuse

Did ya ever notice that the people who are really, really into opening gifts at parties and uber thank you notes tend to be shallow on a lot of other stuff? Why is that? Why are they so scared of marching to a different drummer?

Last real party we had was over two years ago. Younger son was turning 10, and really-really wanted to have a pirate party. It was held in the neighborhood park three blocks from our house which cost us nothing. Ahead of time, I created a treasure hunt map of the park using a plain old brown paper grocery bag. Scorched the edges of the "map" with a lighter, tore it up into pieces and hid them around the park, and hid the "treasure chest" - a pack of pre-teen boys can have a *lot* of fun running around chasing clues and finally finding their treasure. Then give 'em cake and ice cream (from the freezer at home straight into the ice chest, and it's just about soft enough to serve easily) when they start to wear down and get tired of running around the park playing pirates.

My sister borrowed the treasure hunt idea last winter for her daughter's sweet 16 party. She has nearly ten wooded acres out in the country, and had a pack of teens running all over the place, finally finding the *car* that was the surprise birthday treasure.
(Before anyone jumps all over having a hissy-fit about what a terrible idea it is to give a 16-y-o a car - my sister is a single parent, and it's a *huge* convenience to her and her employer, now that her daughter drives herself to and from school. The nearest school bus stop was well over a mile from their house. Before the car, my sister was dropping the girl off every morning, and she went to a friend's house after school every day, where my sister had to pick her up on the way home from work.)

She did a couple of take-and-bake pizzas from the grocery store, gave the kids control of her stereo, sent the teen-aged boys home at 10pm, and had the girls stay for a slumber party.

Count me in on joining the movement to ban goodie bags. When my kids were younger, I used to dump most of the contents, especially if it was cheap dollar store items that might have been a dangerous (lead, choking hazard).

Back in the old days, it used to be nice to give kids a party 'favor' like a hat, balloon, and a little horn or noisemaker, or maybe edible treats, but somehow, in the quest to out-do one another, we've gotten carried away. And the stores produce it and sell it, and plenty of us feel obliged to buy into it.

I've given my kids special parties once or twice, but not every year. We did one party for 4 and 5 year olds at a Kid's Gym, and by the time I paid for that, plus cake and pizza to feed parents, it was well over $300. This seemed crazy. My daughter had one party at a local pottery place that went well, and worked for a small group.

I think the best parties are cake and ice cream, and maybe some fun, games and dancing. Parties shouldn't cost a fortune, nor should they create ridiculous amounts of stress for the parents. I try to graciously support other parents with whatever they decide to do (Moon Bounce, Chuck-E-Cheese). I can relate to how it is easier to spend money at a location where someone else does the set-up and clean up.

I have a confession to make: I don't like to give big birthday parties anymore because I don't need more junk in my house- another 'Littlest Pet Shop' or Webkin and I will go CRAZY! When my kids were younger, sometimes I'd pick them up from parties and look at the pile of gifts and feel sorry for the family. (Where would they put all of that stuff?!)

For the past several years, I've let my son and daughter pick a few friends, and we'll spend the day together, golfing, bowling, going to a museum, etc. That option wins out every time over Chuck-E-Cheese or Moon Bounce.

Meant to say:

Before the car, my sister was dropping the girl off every morning, ***all by herself on a lonely country road, an hour before the bus would arrive***.

I think the hotel with the indoor pool is a great idea!

We've had parties at swim centers and bowling alleys and had a good time. Both are moderately priced and active so you everyone is kept busy and tired out by the end.

I always liked to bake the birthday cake myself and do a theme. The birthday child gets to help so you've kept him busy beforehand and it's always a unique cake.

Birthday parties can be costly if you're not prepared. I appreciate the book exchange idea, but I also feel that birthday's are celebrations and gifts are a part of that tradition. Party supplies can be pre-ordered ($8 backdrops, http://www.shop.com/party+backdrops?g=1&k=24) and the moonbounce should be considered a case to case basis. I have seen my teenage son and his friends spend hours in one of those. A new car is a little much, but spending the day together, golfing, bowling, going to a museum, etc. sounds like a blast.

xoxo,

Kat

Hi!
I have figured out a couple of things about birthdays:
1. Latest DD's birthday was a dollhouse-warming party. Her large gift from us was a dollhouse, and from the invitations the guests knew that it was a dollhouse-warming party, so they brought things for the dollhouse. =small presents that won't break the bank or clutter up our house, and she will be playing with for years. Haven't figured out a theme like that for DS's b-day yet. This worked out very well.
2. We've been to some very large parties recently for little kids, but they seem to have the same amount of fun for our smaller more modest parties:
1. I clean the house beforehand (believe me this only happens for a special occasion LOL), put up streamers
2. Homemade cake made together with DS and DD
3. Candles etc sing Happy Birthday
4. Open gifts & the kids play with them and with all DS & DD's toys, they run around our small house & have a great time
5. few simple party games
6. simple or no favors
7. write Thank yous
that's it! DS and DD always ask to have another party just the same.