"Is an evening out a good investment in your mental health...?"

Yes.

Brian,

Welcome to geezerhood!

Fred

If your kid(s) are 5 and up, rushing home to pay a babysitter is just so old-school.

Sleepovers! Back in the day, having your child's friend spend the night was reserved for special occasions like birthdays. Nowadays, a sleepover is as common and casual as a weekend playdate. - "Hey mom, Can so-and-so spend the night?" Heck, we've even had add-ons on school nights.

Anyway, if you farm your kid(s) out on a sleepover, you don't have to pay a babysitter, you don't have to be home at any particular time, and best of all- you can work up an appetite *BEFORE* you go out to dinner. As busy as we are with our kids and their social life, let me tell you, coming home to an empty house is a great treat.

Getting out of the house and not being responsible for your kids for a little while? Oh heck yeah, that's worth whatever you pay your sitter. But, Whacky has it right this time - get creative and figure out your free alternatives. Trading off with friends parents seems pretty smart. When I was a kid (and dinosaurs roamed the earth) it was a rare weekend that I was at home since there were cousins and friends to play with.

We gave up a more urbane lifestyle to live near family. (Family = free babysitting.) They actually argue about whose turn it is to take care of my kid. :) (Yes, I DO know how lucky I am.)

Since I agree that getting out of the house without the kids is a great thing....

We have not been out of the house on a Friday or Saturday in 2 years. We have gone out separately leaving the other person with the kids but never together.

And that lack of desire on his part to head out on a 'date' with me shows up clearly in the state of the relationship. Make the effort to head out and show your spouse that they too are important and your life does not just revolve around the kids.

We use our sitters for dates to do long runs or run races (that don't permit running strollers). Worth every penny!! Kids love the sitters, sitters set a great example for the DDs. And our sitters make enough that they always manage to be available should we decide to go to a holiday party or two. We've even got one coming to the beach with us this weekend to watch the kids so we can race.
The sleep-over option is good for DDs, DS is still too young. Fortunately, parents have been available for times when sitters were busy or school pick up was included.

I think it is generally healthy for parents to get away from the kids from time to time. For couples, it can help maintain a relationship that (hopefully) extends beyond the time with kids in the house. I think it's good for the kids, too (how many of us remember nights when our parents went out) How to do it?

If you've got the money, a live-in nanny or hired babysitters are great options. Some people have family that will do the job for free. We're in a babysitting coop that gives us some free evenings without laying out any cash. We also do informal swaps/sleepovers with other couples. There are lots of options.

Boarding school might be taking it a little too far, though.

My son is just turning 2 and we have never found a babysitter, mostly because I don't know anyone and don't really know how to find one. (I put an ad on Craigslist once and got more than 100 responses, so I just deleted them all!) My mom takes my son every once in a while, but it's not enough. We are on a tight budget, but I'd pay pretty much anything for a good babysitter who I could trust.

Just curious what people are paying for babysitters these days. I am a single mom, with a 7 month old. She goes to sleep by 7, so really, it might be nice to go out to dinner and a movie with a friend on occasion. But it seems pretty expensive - I got paid $5-8/hour back in the 80's & early 90's, I can't imagine what rates are now. Plus, I need a sitter with her own transportation, as a single parent. So what's the going rate for high school kids, college kids, your kids' favorite daycare teacher? Just curious, before I start thinking I can afford such an extravagence.

We each take a day off from work for a long, relaxed date. The kid is in school and then after-care during the week. If we have our act together, we actually can go out for breakfast and/or lunch and go see a movie, and still have time for some long, in-depth discussions if we want before we have to pick the kid up. For us, this is a win-win all the way around. Meals and movies are less expensive during the day and there is no extra babysitting fee. We can afford to do this more often than if we were to go the more traditional route of weekend evening dates. This does cut into family vacation time, but not significantly.

mle5261,

You might want to consider what one of my coworkers has done. She contacted some Child Psychology (or maybe it was Early Education) professors at a local university and asked them to recommend some students to babysit. She then interviewed 3 and did background checks online. She has been happy with the one she picked so far and the babysitter does educational activities with the child rather than just setting him in front of the TV.

We do several of the suggestions. We pay a sitter once a month. She's a collage grad in early childhood ed who works at a friend's daycare, so she's $15/hr for 2 kids, $10/hr for 1 kid. We have a swap with another couple that we use every other month. We occassionally take a day off work and leave the kids in daycare for a day date, usually a movie. I think it's super important to get out of the house without kids. We also spend at least 2 hours every evening together after the kids go to bed, so we get a lot of time together. We're pretty careful about drinking too much and staying up too late, since the kids don't sleep in.

She has been happy with the one she picked so far and the babysitter does educational activities with the child rather than just setting him in front of the TV.

Posted by: sunflower571 | November 4, 2009 9:11 AM | Report abuse

LOL! How does your coworker know?

jezebel3,

So cynical!

Her child is old enough to talk and shows her new things he learned and craft projects when she gets home. She already had to fire another babysitter who spanked him and told him not to tell. She found the spanker through an ad. She was an older lady.

I've had great luck getting to know the aides at my kid's after-school care, and then asking the ones that I like to babysit for us. They ask for $10/hr and have been super reliable when we've needed them. I always make sure to pay them for the amount of time I told them I would need them, even if we've returned home early, and I always pay them an extra half hour if we end up returning more than 5 min and less than 30 min late. Good babysitters aren't always easy to find, so treat the good ones well and they usually come back to babysit.

Is babysitting worth the investment? Yes, yes, yes, and Hades yes! Gotta get out of the house as a couple sometimes. It's the only way to stay sane.

How much does it cost? What would the father of three (essentially) teenaged daughters know about that? :-) Oh yeah, ask the girls. Well, the absolute minimum is ten bucks an hour, regardless of the number of kids. More if they're giving up some major event. Tips are appreciated, and you can move to the top of their list by being nice to them (and having really well behaved kids). But on the other hand, I'm told by all of their customers that they do a GREAT job and I know they're in high demand - way more job offers than they can possibly take.

How do you find a babysitter? Neighbors. Churches. Other parents at your kids' activities. A lot of times employees at your kids' day care center will work evenings and weekends as babysitters (they usually don't get great pay working there, so the extra money can help).

What else? Well, with multiple kids, an au pair is often the cheapest and best way to get good day care AND meet/host really nice young people from foreign countries with whom you'll have life-long friendships (oldest DD will spend Christmas in Bremen with our former German au pair this year). Make arrangements to give them a day or so off in exchange for an evening.

Fred - re: geezerhood. Saw the Boss at Verizon Center Monday night. Typical, awesome, fantastic, amazing show. Won the pit lottery and had front pit passes - I'm even in a couple of the YouTube videos that have been posted. Just fabulous.

But, um, well, um, I was about the average age of the crowd or maybe even slightly on the young side. Kids these days don't appreciate good music! And GET OFF MY LAWN!

(On the other hand, I was much younger than the band, except when Ali Weinberg joined on "American Land." I'm told that when Jay Weinberg sits in for his father it changes the complete dynamic. I'm going to have to try to catch that, soon, because I don't think the Big Man's going to be touring much longer. He was raised and lowered from the stage on a lift - but he never missed a single note on the sax!)

My favorite dates are his 9/80 days -- if I can manage some time off work, we can drop the kids off at school/daycare, then go play some golf, before I go work for the rest of the day. It's got that extra guilty pleasure of playing hooky. But unfortunately, my work schedule of late has meant we only managed that once this year. And, umm, golf ain't exactly cheap.

Otherwise, we use babysitting whenever we can get it. Sometimes my mom will offer to take the kids on a Friday night for an hour or so, and we walk down the street to a local bar or restaurant. Most of the time, though, we use one of our boy's teachers from daycare; she is just fabulous with the kids. We pay $10/hr, basically because we want to treat her right so she'll come back!

We have also used various local teenagers, all of whom have been fine. Biggest problem is that you usually only get a couple of years before they go out and get a "real" job that pays better!

The one thing we hardly ever do any more is go see a movie. There are just very few movies that are good enough to justify the $80-ish price tag -- and frankly, if I want to sit on my butt and zone out all night, I can do that at home for free. I'd rather use my limited kid-free time to do something that involves actually talking to DH.

Won the pit lottery and had front pit passes - I'm even in a couple of the YouTube videos that have been posted.

Posted by: ArmyBrat1 | November 4, 2009 9:38 AM | Report abuse

B.S.! Fugly people are banned on YouTube.

Worth it!

My husband and I have a sitter EVERY thursday evening. We pay $10 an hour, and usually only go out for 1.5-2.0 hours. The sitter comes at 7:30 after we put the little one down for the evening, so she just makes sure he's ok while he sleeps. It gives my husband and I a chance to go out for a nice meal or concert out and focus on each other!

Getting time alone with your spouse is a must!
My wife and I trade monthly baby sitting services with another couple - each month we coordinate a Fri or Sat nite where we farm out our darling little one, and take their baby on another nite - works great, and we don't have the added cost of sitting to whatever we do that night.

Have also used daycare providers when we wanted a night out but nothing else was avail.

Babysitters are so worth it. We try to do all of the options occasionally.

Babysitters: Pros: You get out of the house, and your kids are home, in their own beds and on their own schedule. Cons: expensive, and you have to leave the house.

Trading with other parents: Pros: cheap, kids have someone to play with, you have an empty house if you want it. Cons: Kids get hyped up from playing, are at someone else's house and off their schedule. You have to find a compatible family - kids, parenting and schedule.

Hustling the kids to bed: Pros: cheap, sometimes easy. Cons: Not easy, and too easy to interrupt the "date" just to put in one load of laundry, whatever. Hard to block out the kids and chores.

Parents night out at the Y or church: Pros: cheap (with membership), kids enjoy the social scene and crafts. Cons: Only 2 hours max and won't take them before potty-training. Scheduled dates don't necessarily match your desires.

Sleepovers: Pros: cheap, fun for the kid. Cons: hard to schedule all kids away the same night, calls in the middle of the night saying "I want to come home".

Vacation day: Pros: A very long date, no added expense. Cons: Eats vacation time, and fate seems to hate us - that's when the kids get sick! Really hard if you need to save vacation for school days off or long trips.

We rarely use sitters--we just can't afford to spend $10 an hour on top of what we would spend on a night out. We typically only use them for events we can't miss and can't bring our kids to, such as weddings, or a fancy birthday party last year for a close family friend. My MIL babysits for us once or twice a year, and the rest of our rather large and local extended family isn't interested or not physically capable. I would love the have a night out with my husband, but we'd both feel guilty about spending $30-$40 on a sitter.

I guess we see it as temporary, so we're not too stressed out about it. We do trade sitting with my BIL and his family for things during the day, and as our kids (7 mo. and 4 1/2) get older, I can see that extending to sleepovers so we can have some dates.

Absolutely it's worth it. Dates are essential to the health of a marriage, IMO. We're really lucky in that we have a good friend who will watch the kids for free (she even takes them for weekends at her house occasionally).

If we have to pay a sitter, we usually pay about $10 an hour. We use teachers from their old daycare we are still in touch with or the people who work at the before/after school program.

Just don't pay the babysitter in heroin.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/03/AR2009110303429.html

Nope. We don't have the funds and won't until the twins are done with preschool, which is also when we'll get our next vacation. We did swap babysitting with a friend so we could go out on my husband's birthday, but by the time we left (8pm) we were both so tired that we were practically falling over in the restaurant.

Plus, I wouldn't trust a teenager or college student with 2 17-month olds and a 4 year old (the 4 year old is easy, but you can't take your eyes off the little ones, who are both climbers and into everything). So that leaves going out after the kids are in bed, and by then I'm pretty much falling asleep.

it's worth it. But I'm cheap, so we don't do it often. When we had the au pair, it was great. I'd schedule her almost every sat night wwhen she had a few extra hours to fill. And we'd get home usually by 10, and she'd be getting ready to go out. Worked well all around.

Right now money is extremely tight, so i'm not scheduling anyone, but we had a sitter a couple of weeks ago cause we had an event to go to. In a couple of weeks we were invited to a party, and my DH's cousins will take the kids (I think for a sleepover!) - they are cousins that never had kids themselves and are very involved in our kids' lives. My in laws - well, not so much. They'll sometimes babysit if asked, but reluctantly. We'll ask, but sparingly.

Daydates are what my husband and I prefer. Solves several problems. First, you are not tired (although you do have to take a day or afternoon off). Second, kids are in school or daycare, so no extra babysitting costs. Third, you have more time and the house to yourself.

Why don't you clarify the question?

Is it worth $15/hour (the going rate here in SF area for an adult babysitter) to enjoy dinner and a move/symphony/event?

Of course it is, but it depends on your budget. We can't afford to do this every week or even every month, but it is a necessity. Now for a time we had a high school sitter for $7/hour and could go out twice a month, but that changed when the next baby was born (most people are pretty protective with infants). But we look forward to that again our second child reaches toddler stage.

As for late hours get used to the fact that you can't stay out too late or you will pay the price tomorrow when your toddler decided to get up early at 6am. Sounds like maybe you got married too early and didn't party enough when you were younger. Late night parties are fun but most people outgrow them and the ones that don't end up in the drunk tank or worse.

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