Grammys Diary, Part 2
9:33: George Lopez seems to be suffering from Random Misplaced Word Stress syndrome.
9:35: Brad Paisley is performing and I'm confused. Where are the tumbling dancers? Where are the special effects? Where are the random, scantily clad women? (No, seriously, where are they?) That was a mighty fine performance by Paisley, very refreshing.
9:39: Kanye West takes home the Grammy for Best Rap Album, and it's really shaping up to be Kanye vs. Amy for Album of the Year. "Adam Ant called, he wants back his Indian suit," says Editor Rich, dating himself terribly. Kanye goes over his allotted speaking time but gets the producers to cut the "time's up" music by talking about his recently deceased mom, showing that he watches "Curb Your Enthusiasm."
9:53: I'll admit I tuned out for a few minutes to check on the Wizards/Suns game. I needed the break. I clicked back to see the end of something with Aretha Franklin and in the interest of keeping this space free of tasteless jokes, it's probably best I missed it.
9:56: Earl Scruggs Lifetime Achievement Award consists of a cutaway to Carrie Underwood. I guess the Band has nothing to complain about.
9:57: Feist is out there. Guess which song she's playing? Hint: It's not "My Moon My Man." She seems kind of nervous and the performance never really takes off.
10:00: CBS correctly decides to wait until 10 p.m. to let Kid Rock on the airwaves. The kids don't need to see that. "Kid Rock scats, and Louie Prima spins in his crypt like a spaghetti fork," notes Editor Rich, concerned that he didn't date himself enough with that Adam Ant reference. This duet with Keely Smith is one of few times Mr. Rock is easily the most coherent half of a pair. And you know who he's been involved with.
10:04: Foo Fighters top the Boss, Daughtry, Fogerty and Wilco for Best Rock Record, in a not-really upset since the Foos were nominated for Album of the Year and Springsteen wasn't. Still, any time the Boss goes down it's a bit of a surprise. Pat Smear seems to getting familiar with Keely Smith. No surprise there.
10:09: There's nothing worse than simultaneous commercials.
10:13: Alicia Keys is out for her second performance of the night and this time she's covered herself up. Speaking of covered up, John Mayer does a walk-on, thankfully not in that Borat swimsuit he was photographed in last week. (No, I'm not linking. Google it yourself.)
10:17: Ringo's back again, too. He's brought along one of his Saddam-like stand-ins, too: Dave Stewart, who looks a lot different than his Cy Young days with the Oakland A's. Vince Gill takes home the Best Country Album award and Best Zinger of the Night for his shot at Kanye West. No doubt Kanye will have a 4-CD set coming out sometime in 2009.
10:26: Finally the performance we've all been waiting for ... Lang Lang and Herbie Hancock! See, if Amy Winehouse was actually there at least we'd be able to watch this in the hope that she'd crash the stage and use one of those trumpets as smoking paraphernalia. Instead we just have to, like, appreciate the musical virtuosity. Psh, if I wanted that I wouldn't be watching the Grammys. (See comment, 8:52.)
10:34: Rihanna and Jay-Z predictably take home the Best Rap/Sung Collaboration award. Andray Blatche predictably has consecutive shots blocked by Amare Stoudemire. Sorry, I'll save it for the comments on Wizards Insider.
10:45: Amy Winehouse's live-via-satellite performance isn't a spectacle - it's just a mighty fine performance of two of the best songs from her powerhouse album. "[Expletive], she actually sounds good," J. Freedom chimes in. It's a far cry from her uninterested Virgin Festival set.
10:47: And how do you follow that highly anticipated performance by an on-the-edge performer who is known for her drug use and constant tabloid appearances? By bringing out Tony Bennett and Natalie Cole to talk about Doris Day, yeah! You grab that 18-34 demographic, Grammys! Amy Winehouse does the old perform-then-win trick, taking home Record of the Year. She doesn't curse or fall down while accepting her award, which she dedicates to Camden. Poor Camden Market.
10:58: Who's this guy who won't stop talking? He looks like he really loves "The Big Chill." Blah blah blah blah.
11:00: Eldar. Or is it El Dar? The To Give.
11:01: Wow, Pimp C makes the death montage, right after Lee Hazelwood, by far the hippest 3.8 seconds of the evening. And that sure was an uncomfortable couple seconds of silence when Ike Turner's picture flashed up there.
11:04: Oh you better believe I turned on the Wizards game during the Bocelli/Groban duet. I'm not getting paid extra for this, you see.
11:14: John Fogerty, Little Richard and Maryland football coach Ralph Friedgen are out on stage. Wait, that's actually Jerry Lee Lewis, my bad. Fogerty is one of those guys who will probably sound in perfect voice well into his 80s. I think he and John Edwards share a stylist.
11:25: OK, everyone in the audience looks just as confused as me about what just happened with Will.I.Am. I'm not even sure he was supposed to be out there, honestly.
11:29: Amy or Kanye? Kanye or Amy? Neither, of course! Herbie Hancock covering Joni Mitchell! All J. Freedom can say is "LOLOLOLOL." "Amy must be thinking, 'What kind of crack are they smoking in the Academy? And where can I score some RIGHT NOW," Editor Rich adds. This is a huge upset, of course. At 5:1, Hancock was the longshot of the field. The lesson? Never underestimate the Recording Academy's ability to reward old people.
11:35: Wait, it's not over yet? Are they going to televise Kanye's rant or something?
11:37: Nope, just confetti and those Cirque du Soleil freaks. That's all from here. J. Freedom will be online Monday at noon to chat about the big upset and the rest of tonight's show.
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