The JoBros Get Waxed
Madame Tussauds is a mad house. We arrive as part of the Jonas Brothers caravan, greeted by shrieks and screams and general mayhem.
Since our van is following the JoBros and has tinted windows, some of the girls think we're them. One of them looks into the window and sees my knockoff Joe Jonas sunglasses and generally disheveled hair and starts screaming. Insanely.
Yes, I was actually mistaken for a Jonas Brother.
I quickly take off my sunglasses, the girls calm down and I add to the growing list of times I've disappointed females.
Inside the museum, everyone is gathered and waiting for the big wax figure unveiling. About 100 pubescent girls and a couple dozen puzzled press members are in attendance. Every few minutes a loud shriek goes up. The shrieks are more painful than you can imagine. I spend much of my time listening to music with horrible, shrieking feedback and I'll just say this: "I Heard Her Call My Name" by the Velvet Underground has nothing on squealing JoBros fans.
Finally, the big moment arrives: The curtain comes down and there they are - Triple Bonus Jonas! The girls ratchet the screaming up to a new level. Freedom wasn't joking about the 120 decibels. Unreal.
Kevin hams it up for the camera, putting his arm around the neck of his wax likeness. Joe is in the middle and is probably wondering why his figure is wearing a pink shirt. Nick looks like he'd much rather be golfing or making out with Selena Gomez or doing anything but standing next to a creepily lifelike wax version of himself. Photographers are getting unruly.
"Stop pushing! What the hell is your problem?!" one yells at another.
The boys have been standing next to their figures for three full minutes now and have pretty much done everything there is to be done, so they are whisked away with the help of bodyguard Big Rob. (It's a fitting nickname, believe me.) We fight through a few dozen fans back into our van, avoid the crazed girls running in the middle of the street by the JoBros van and head off to the pit of despair that is Nissan Pavilion.
-- DAVID MALITZ
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