Either the Best Joke of a Bio of the Worst Band Ever
I have this silly obsession with band bios. (Remember this?) Mostly it's just an excuse to laugh at ridiculous hyperbole and comparisons. But while checking the Rock and Roll Hotel listings today I may have found the most offensive bio of them all. It's for a band called Millionaires, who seem like an indie-dance-night friendly attempt at the Pussycat Dolls. If that doesn't already sound like the most frightening thing ever, just read the following. Bolding is mine, for emphasis:
Millionaires started on the beautiful day of August 14th 2007. It was a quite sunny day, just like any other day in Huntington Beach, California; a perfect day to fly a medium-sized vibrant rainbow butterfly kite. But instead, Melissa and Allison Green (yes, they're sisters) started to become inquisitive about their new Apple desktop and decided to "[expletive] around" on Garageband. After two hours of intense physical labor filled with blood, sweat and [expletive], they came up with the first hit, 'I Like Money.' They decided that maybe since the Garageband loops and vocal recordings (aka yelling at the Apple desktop monitor since they had no recording system whatsoever) were SO AMAZING, they should make a music Myspace. They realized, upon creating the Myspace, that they did not have an extravagant name to go along with their new hit. The two quickly decided upon Millionaires because it tied into the name of the song, 'I Like Money.' Within hours after posting the first song, they received a [expletive] load of online attention and within weeks, were already on the Myspace Top Artist Charts.
As if that wasn't perfect enough, here are the titles of the top two blog posts on their MySpace page. (Only check if you haven't eaten anything within the last two hours.)
WE ARE THE 'A DOUBLE SHOT AT LOVE' THEME SONG!!!
AUDITION FOR MALE DANCERS ON UPCOMING TOUR
It's not a joke. It's just terrifying.
By David Malitz |
December 11, 2008; 6:43 PM ET
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