When Steven Tyler should have left Aerosmith

aerosmith

Did you feel a disturbance in the force yesterday? That was Steven Tyler announcing he was leaving Aerosmith and Joe Perry then stating that the band would soldier on without him while searching for a new lead singer. It's not the first time members have bailed on Aerosmith and it wouldn't be the first time a band would continue without its iconic lead singer. But one question still remains: What took so long? We can think of five other distinct moments in Aerosmith history when Tyler should have walked that way.

Revolution X
There was a very brief period in my life where I actually spent a decent amount of time in arcades. (Gaithersburg Rio, anyone?) Unfortunately, it was around the time Revolution X was released. To quote Wikipedia, "The plot concerns a dystopian version of 1996 in which the world is plagued with horrible video games that continuously play Aerosmith's 'Eat the Rich' on repeat causing the population to riot in the streets and go on random killing sprees." OK, I made some of that up. It was a terrible arcade game, even by lame mid-'90s shoot-em-up standards.

(Power ballads, "Wayne's World 2" and medleys, after the jump.)

"I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"
In the late '90s pretty much every Hollywood blockbuster was about the end of the world being brought about by a meteor. The worst of these movies was "Armageddon." (Michael Bay + Jerry Bruckheimer + Ben Affleck = 'nuff said.) And the worst part of this movie was Aerosmith's soundtrack contribution, the cloying piece of treacle that was "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." All you need to know is that it was written by Diane Warren and originally intended for Celine Dion. Of course, it went on to be Aerosmith's lone No. 1 hit. Good job, America.

"Crazy" video
First came "Cryin,'" which was nothing short of a revelation and ensured Alicia Silverstone's place in the all-time babe pantheon. Then there was "Amazing," which just made you wish MTV would show the "Cryin'" video instead. And then came "Crazy," at which point it simply felt icky that Aerosmith kept trotting barely-legal Silverstone out there to make sure its latest power ballad would get played on MTV. Except this time Steven Tyler made sure his then-17-year-old daughter was cast in an equally sexed-up role. Creepy.

"Shut Up and Dance" in "Wayne's World 2"
So Wayne and Garth defy the odds and overcome the dastardly and nefarious ways of Christopher Walken to successfully throw their Waynestock concert. And Aerosmith actually shows up! But what song do they play? "Shut Up and Dance." What?! Not "Dream On" or "Sweet Emotion" or "Walk This Way" or "Love in an Elevator" or even one of those songs listed above. Nope, they go with the bland fifth single off their most recent album. Shills. Shameful.

Super Bowl medley with 'NSync
Medleys are inherently evil. Even more so when from an impressive catalogue you choose to play that horrible song that Celine Dion was supposed to sing. And when you decide to share your medley by trading songs with with a boy band, which at that point was more of a not-so-young-men band. Forget Nipplegate; this was the most offensive Super Bowl halftime show of the decade.

By David Malitz |  November 10, 2009; 4:00 PM ET Lists
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Comments

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I stopped liking Aerosmith after "Rocks". Yes, that's how old I am...and how long they've been around cheezing up music.

They're almost as bad as The Rolling Stones....and Bruce Springsteen.

Posted by: Bebunk | November 10, 2009 4:13 PM

It's All About The Money aka The Aerosmith Story. They get back together when Live Nation makes them an offer they can't refuse. Same reason they did all the junk mentioned above.

Posted by: EricS2 | November 10, 2009 4:14 PM

Dear lord Bebunk, you can't seriously be comparing Aerosmith to the Stones, can you? And you can't seriously be saying that the Stones are "bad", can you? And if you are, I know you've listened to the records, right?

As for Aerosmith, yeah, they suck, pretty much always have. Still, kinda lame to kick a horse when it's down.

Posted by: agl132 | November 10, 2009 5:05 PM

I am so worried about Steven!! I am truly concerned that I am going to wake up some morning in the too near future to find out this great man is gone!! Would someone please step in and shake him into the person he is supposed to be!! Clearly he is not in his right mind!! Steven, I love you and wish I could meet you so I can help you get your mind Right!! Your children need you please fight whatever you need to and get back to you! Get the poison out of your life!! You are valued more than you know!! You have so much to offer the people who love you most personally and musically. Hearing your voice singing really motivates me in soooo many ways. Come back!!

Posted by: carleoschuster | November 10, 2009 10:45 PM

Draw the Line should have been the end of the line.

Posted by: Miles_Standish_Proud | November 11, 2009 9:28 AM

I liked the SNL ad parody in the mid-90's that made fun of the bland interchangeability of all those power ballads -- "Crazy Amazing", "Amazing Crazy Cryin", etc. etc.

Posted by: ewa2rva | November 11, 2009 12:18 PM

Forgot to add, the fake ad was for an imagined Aerosmith's Greatest Hits package...

Posted by: ewa2rva | November 11, 2009 12:19 PM

Haven't they already grabbed the pebble from the hand?
Time for them to leave . . .

Posted by: walkingmann | November 12, 2009 2:00 PM

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