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Social Networking Peeve: "Bad Manners"

Kim Hart

How polished is your social networking etiquette?

A survey released last week by the Consumer Internet Barometer, a production of TNS and The Conference Board, found that common pet peeves among social networking regulars include lack of privacy and, more interestingly, lack of "manners."

The news release sharing the results didn't elaborate on the finding, nor did it go into detail about what constitutes poor manners. But it got me thinking about the new etiquette that has formed around the likes of Facebook and MySpace. How do you turn down a friend request without hurting the requester's feelings? What happens if you categorize someone as a "co-worker" when they consider you more of a close friend? How do you avoid offending someone who doesn't make the cut as one of your "top friends?" How do you politely ask your friend to stop bombarding you with countless invites for yet another application?

Social networks have fundamentally changed how we interact with friends by making it easier to keep in touch, rekindle relationships and broaden social horizons. But it's also a lot easier to cut corners. Just today, I found myself saying farewell to a friend who is moving away from Washington by writing a message on her Facebook wall. I quickly realized how impersonal it was and vowed to give her a call -- yes, an actual phone call -- before she leaves town.

When it comes to maintaining relationships, do social networks let us "cheat" a little to much? Have you been offended by a "lack of manners" from your online circle of friends? Or has this new type of "casual etiquette" become the accepted norm?

By Kim Hart  |  June 16, 2008; 1:36 PM ET  | Category:  Kim Hart
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I get the distinct feeling that my quality of life is much higher because I have *not* gotten involved with any social networking sites.

Posted by: James | June 16, 2008 2:35 PM

Don't get me started on how lazy we've all become with social networks. We shoot people 10 words rather than phone calls or emails, spam the heck out of people with application invites (Facebook) and job inquiries (LinkedIn), and generally have entered a world where we know 100x as many people, and don't know anyone particularly particularly well. Such is the joy of social media.

But it doesn't have to be that way. I wrote a guide to deeper connections online but that's not going to change anything. I'm very scared at the idea that the next generation won't reach out in more personal ways (what happened to personal letters? stopping by a friend's house? gatherings without SMS's and emails to distract?).

Maybe that'll all change, but we've got a long way to go...and a lot of education of how to use these new, supposedly relationship-fostering, tools.

Posted by: Jared Goralnick | June 16, 2008 2:42 PM

I am so tired of being poked, super-poked and prodded on Facebook that I've basically abandoned the site save for its excellent Scrabulous application.

MySpace is the realm of teeny-boppers. Not interested.

Twitter is a fun and I participate fairly regularly and have made good quality friends.

That's it. My biggest offense on Social Networks is just having the audacity of being a Republican ;-)

Posted by: Dan Mosqueda | June 16, 2008 6:22 PM

I cant wait for the social networking phase of life dies. From xanga to myspace to facebook to everyone and their grandmother making new applications, it has just gotten plain old. To think that 5 years ago this stuff was non existant....

Posted by: Anonymous | June 17, 2008 12:50 PM

I am also fatigued with application requests from "friends" I have two young children ,a fulltime job and a so called life. Don't have the time,nor interest. Same with text messages don't want them at 3,4 5 in the morning because you are just leaving the party.Social Networking is in my opinion "Face Time"

Posted by: Techcowboy | June 17, 2008 1:40 PM

Social Networking is the result of a series of changes in the way life is conceived due to globalization. Another effect of globalization is also the movilization of people. I beleive social networks help people, who are away from their friends and family, to keep these family/friends/acquantainces links alive. A simple poke, sending someone a message or commenting on someone's post or picture are gestures that let know the others that you are still there following their steps and supporting them in their everyday life. Probably if these networks didnt exist, I would have spent lots of money on transatlantic calls or wouldnt have even made those calls and lost track of people I know.
Inmediacy is also a relevant factor that has favored these new internet dynamics. As opposed to writing single or group letters or emails to share news with others, people can now just post pictures to share a moment or comment on a "wall".
I thank FACEBOOK because it has allowed me to retrace old school friends i havent heard of for more than 10 years and that probably if I had tried to retrace them personally it would have looked fishy; coworkers, university classmates and so on. I can discuss my country's situation in a group from friends who are located all around the world (this would have been impossible otherwise) and I can keep in touch with my aunts, uncles and cousins with whom before FACEBOOK, I had never been truly able to exchange words with.
I guess the article's writer should know that face to face code that s not apply to internet code for a very simple reason: written and visual language doesnt have tones like the voice.

Posted by: Alexandra P | June 18, 2008 4:58 AM

Keep in mind that there's a certain currency in social networking that transcends our current definition of a "friend".

I've found that a "friend" or "connection" in the context of a social network is defined as a like-minded individual in that you and the person have something in common.

It's different for everyone, and in some ways mirrors real-life in that if someone doesn't bring anything to the relationship, or annoys the hell out of you - they aren't your friend anymore.

In some circles, especially communities of social media strategists/developers, if you don't bring innovation and insights to the table, you don't build up this "social capital" that causes folks to follow you. If you use Twitter, for instance, to share insights, and you blog and you podcast - an important way to build your "social capital" is to provide valuable insights & content and most importantly to promote your fellow bloggers...

Howard L.

Posted by: Howard L. | June 18, 2008 1:32 PM

I kind of disagree. I have been involved in a social networking community that actually has produced "real" friends outside the site and help solve a lot of problems; personal and business.
My friends suggested that I check out the Facebook, My space etc. communities which are really fronts for commercial applications and another way to advertise.
Instead, I have been part of a community at where people have naturally found a sub community of friends to discuss all issues. They also have a very cool blog called Rant and Rave . It's the one community where some of our friends have been on for over a year.
Check it out @

Posted by: Steve Levin | June 19, 2008 5:58 PM

Construction of any house begins with designing and the wooden house not exception. Unfortunately, many builders not up to the end understand, that competent designing of the house will allow to save up to 30 % of means during construction. In spite of the fact that almost each of us is familiar with sad experience ñàìîñòðîÿ, we continue to attack the same raker. To anybody from us will not come in a head to entrust medical operation to the layman. However, having read through 2-3 popular journal clauses about construction of houses, everyone starts to feel in this question the professional.
About 30 % of customers with pride bear in civil engineering firms the project of own composition. In most cases heart is compressed from melancholy when you represent to what can manage such house. Especially it concerns to wooden houses. The tree is an alive material. Construction from it has the specificity and demands special knowledge. Moreover, all is far not professional architects and builders them own. And in it there is nothing unusual: if at you the tooth was ill, you go to the stomatologist, instead of the oculist though both that and another are doctors. And here - it is necessary to charge designing and construction of the wooden house only to those experts and the organizations who are a good judge of it and have already proved in this field.
At construction of the wooden house in many cases it is absolutely not obligatory to order a full package of the design-budget documentation. Especially it concerns small buildings and constructions (a bath, garages, etc.). The Most detailed project is required by manufacture and construction of houses from îöèëèíäðîâàííîãî logs. It is caused by that all elements of a structure are made industrially and any deviation from the sizes stipulated in the project, leads to impossibility of the subsequent assembly of the house on a building site. But even in this case charges on the design documentation can be minimized. In structure of documents, sufficient to make and construct the house from îöèëèíäðîâàííîãî logs necessarily should enter: the outline sketch, the specification on elements (with the drawing and marks of each log) and technological cards of assembly of the house (development of walls).
The outline sketch, first gives the builder full representation that should turn out during construction, and secondly, is the basic document on the house and enters an integral part into structure of the documents necessary for carrying out of coordination with allowing bodies of local authorities. Into it necessarily should enter:
o the general explanatory note with initially allowing documentation, technical and economic parameters, the information of project heads on conformity of the project to norms;
o the plan of the base (a cellar, a ground floor);
o plans of floors;
o facades with a colour score;
o cuts (longitudinal and cross-section).
The specification on elements is necessary that on manufacture could make correctly all elements of a under construction house, and technological cards of assembly will help builders of all this to collect correctly. Architects on occassion respecting and designers supplement this list of documents with a card of optimization ðàñêðîÿ logs that allows to reduce waste of wood up to a minimum.
At designing the house from îöèëèíäðîâàííîãî it is necessary to consider logs, that the majority of the enterprises use for the manufacture a standard, six-meter wood. As walls of houses in many cases exceed this length, logs should be joined among themselves. At all it is not recommended to do it on the open wall. All joints is necessary for providing on ïåðåðóáàõ so that they could be closed the thermal lock, excepting that bridges of a cold. It is necessary to remember, that for rigidity ñðóáà and correct it óñàäêè, logs should ïåðåõëåñòûâàòü each other. It is undesirable to join logs in one place more than in three wreaths successively. It is not recommended to do also ïåðåðóáû further, than 4,5 5 meters from each other, in order to prevent horizontal motions of logs which can lead to formation of cracks in a wall. It also concerns also at home, ðóáëåíûõ manually. And, certainly, an axiom which often forget (especially at designing bay windows): In a log house there can be only an even quantity of corners
Source [url=] [/url]
[url=] the Log house [/url]

Posted by: AttartyDore | June 28, 2008 11:10 AM

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