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I've Heard of Cellar Dweller Teams, But This Is Ridiculous

Nats fans have had fair warning from the front office: The 2007 edition of Nationals baseball will be a stinker for the ages, an extreme version of Rebuild 1.0, as the team spends zilch on this year in hopes of fielding a semi-decent team for the '08 campaign, when the new stadium debuts.

But hardcore fans who nonetheless stay true to their team this coming season can now expect a whole new kind of reward--one that carries through even to their eternal rest:

Yes, folks, Eternal Image Inc., makers of fine custom designed caskets and urns, is proud to announce a new deal with Major League Baseball whereby you can assure yourself or loved ones of permanent season tickets in the hereafter.

"This new line of team-specific funeral products opens a whole new market for our company -- a market that is just waiting for a way to make team loyalty a 'final' statement of a great passion in their lives," says the company's chief executive, Clint Mytych.

I kid you not. We are talking Nats (or Yanks or Cubs or even, theoretically, Devil Rays) caskets and urns, carrying the names and logos of the teams you loved all your life. (Nats fans may not even need this special passage to the afterlife: My friend Vince notes that as a Nats fan, you can always be buried in last place.)

In a world where it's rarely possible anymore to go too far, this one is so fabulous, so wildly over the top that I couldn't help but pass it along.

By Marc Fisher |  December 13, 2006; 12:19 PM ET
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Please email us to report offensive comments.

If KISS can sell caskets, why not? Do you doubt for a second that there aren't Red Sox / Yankees / Cubs fan that will die for this?

Posted by: COD | December 13, 2006 1:08 PM

Oh yeah, theme caskets has been available for quite a while. Some are very, very tacky.

Posted by: R.I.P. | December 13, 2006 2:03 PM

Weird, yes, but not really over the top considering that some clubs even allow the ashes of people to be scattered on the field. There is a stadium in Germany that has its own chapel, and plenty of people get married in ballparks and soccer stadiums, and the clubs make nice money of it - it costs 3-10k to get a wedding package at Fenway park.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 13, 2006 2:51 PM

Let's take up a collection and buy a Redskins urn to house the ashes of that obsolete classical music station that's going up in smoke in a few days.

Posted by: KK | December 13, 2006 3:08 PM

The world revolves around KK.

Posted by: Not! | December 13, 2006 3:21 PM

you know what's a shame? we'll never get to feel the stands at RFK rock again-

and does anyone really think the Nats will try to get much better in the new stadium? since walk ups and individual tickets will basically be irrelevant (once the corporate/lawfirm/lobbyist etc seats are taken)- if it's all season tickets, why bother doing any better than middle of the pack? The Nats will not make the postseason before 2018. guaranteed.

Posted by: northzax | December 14, 2006 10:25 AM

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