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Cooley's Shorts Get a Thumbs Up

Chris Cooley (Captain Chaos) is intent on wearing his groin-huggingly skimpy spandex shorts at offseason practices. By now I assume we all have seen the photographic evidence of this phenomenon. I like hairbands as much as Cooley, but never thought to make the ultimate homage to them at my place of work.

But, I gotta give it to him. The kid's got a lot of support in the locker room, so to speak

Seems the Redskins are united behind Cooley's fashion statement. Even the linemen had his back. In fact, as scary as this sounds, some of Cooley's less-svelte teammates are threatening to don the same attire and rock the booty shorts themselves. In which case this could turn out to be the scariest training camp ever.

I went to Jon Jansen, a grizzly man's man who plays tackle with two broken thumbs and loves the rugged outdoors and hunting and fishing and all that stuff. This is a guy who thinks flannel is a fabric for all seasons. And yet when I asked him about Cooley's shorts, fully expecting the verbose lineman to launch into an attack on Cooley, he did just the opposite, defending the (ahem) tight end's decision, on serious athletic grounds no less.

"I would actually be on the side of erring on the side of tighter shorts, because I don't like these loose ones," Jansen said, pulling on the standard issue mesh shorts that football players have been wearing in the heat since the dawn of time.

Partly flummoxed, I said, "Jon, okay, you need a tight fit, support, yadda, yadda. But why can't you just wear the Axl Rose (think Use Your Illusion Tour) shorts, but them put the regular shorts over them?"

"No, no, no, no, I tell you what, I'm tired of these loose shorts," Jansen said. "He's the one that's finally got it right. Those are the right shorts to wear."

But Jon, what about the junk in the trunk? Does fashion not count for anything?

"Hey, we're not out here for a fashion statement, we're out here to play football," Jansen said.

So you've all been warned. Leave the women and children at home should you venture to Ashburn in late July. This is one revolution I don't want to be on the side of.

As for Coach Joe, he claimed to have not noticed Cooley's attire at all Thursday. Now, Joe is a pretty focused, single-minded dude; I wish I had a dollar for every time we ask him about something huge that has happened in current events during the season, of which he has absolutely no clue. Happens all the time. Anyway, everyone else noticed the Nair shorts right away, but I'll give Coach Joe the benefit of the doubt.

Jason Campbell showed his maturity as a QB merely by being able to complete tricky passes to Cooley in practice without cracking up laughing.
Campbell said the coaches joked with Cooley about how he'd feel if all 90 players out there wore the tight shorts. Of course, only Captain Chaos could pull off this look (assuming some people out there think it's working for him).

"That's Cooley," Campbell said. "He's a different guy and wears different uniforms to practice. All I say is whatever it takes to motivate him every practice, great, because he always comes out there and does what he has to do."

I also went on record yesterday as saying that the day Cooley struts out to practice in just a jock strap and pads is the day I demand all practiced be closed to the media.

"I don't think we'll ever let that happen," Campbell said. "We have to draw the line somewhere."

Couldn't you picture an aged Cooley, playing his final game in 2015 for the 250,000-strong home crowd in TomKat Field at Dan Snyder Stadium (built adjacent to old RFK, of course), and it ending up looking like Ned Braden taking the greatest victory lap in big-screen history?

Come to think of it, wonder if Cooley's ever seen Slapshot? I'll plant the seed after practice today. Then maybe I could get him to autograph a copy of the DVD and ....

By Jason La Canfora  |  June 16, 2007; 11:00 AM ET
 
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Comments

1ST!!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 16, 2007 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Great post!!!!!!!!!!! Excellent work my man! Funny, named sources, forward thinking, self depricating, slap shot reference. THIS is what I call mini camp coverage....

The Snyder era skins need some freakin levity up in here and with oddball 70's throwbacks like Cooly and Portis we are gettin it! Gibbs 1.0 was a character driven team with great side stories on a daily basis. And you JLaC have the right quest for laughs, pop culture savy and perspective on sports to cover this ZOO...Thanks!

Posted by: chris larry | June 16, 2007 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Again, allow me to reiterate: I have waited a long, long time for the day when short, tight shorts returned to the forefront of fashion and, looking at the Cooley pictures, I find I am now oddly ambivalent.

Posted by: Cindy | June 16, 2007 11:37 AM | Report abuse

Also, I'm not sure Jasno should have said he was going to "plant the seed" with Cooley after practice.

Posted by: Cindy | June 16, 2007 11:41 AM | Report abuse

where can you find these cooley pictures? sounds incredible...

Posted by: Anonymous | June 16, 2007 11:42 AM | Report abuse

And, I might rethink that "Cooley's Shorts Get a Thumbs Up" headline, too. But that's me.
Here you go:
http://www.hogshaven.com/story/2007/6/15/15583/3606

Posted by: Cindy | June 16, 2007 11:50 AM | Report abuse

You would prefer maybe, "Put a bug in his ear?"

Posted by: sieskani | June 16, 2007 11:52 AM | Report abuse

TomKat Field sounds very scary!!!

Posted by: JC | June 16, 2007 11:58 AM | Report abuse

wow i love chris cooley, hes the man!!

Posted by: Masood | June 16, 2007 12:10 PM | Report abuse

Jason,
Great post.

There is no real controversy in mini camp. Almost all the players are signed.

The D is being geared to the player's strengths.

There is unity even on Cooly's shorts.

This team has chemistry.

All is right at Redskins Park and all is right with the world.

The D will be top 5, the O should be top 10.

Danny will get his wish.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 16, 2007 12:17 PM | Report abuse

Cindy, thanks for those pics of Cooley. Too bad the WaPo doesn't do a daily Page 6 photo feature - these would be perfect.

Upon close observation, it should be noted that Cooley is also NOT wearing socks. My best guess is that he is just working on his tan. Those tan lines just above the knee look so uncool at the beach.

If I was a Photoshop expert, I'd modify those pictures to show Cooley wearing Jasno-style plaid shorts on the practice field instead. Then maybe the Style Section editors would have a use for them.

I hope the pace of work today allows you to expand on the cause(s) of your ambivalence to Cooley's attire. It is the least you can do, considering your recent reiteration.

Posted by: Otter | June 16, 2007 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Hey Jasno!

Great Barno reference. Very subtle. Nate will love it.

Posted by: Otter | June 16, 2007 12:24 PM | Report abuse

A thorough investigative reporter would be snooping around Cooley's locker area, looking for any evidence of a business card for "John Riggins, Mini-Camp Fashion Consultant".

Posted by: Woodstein | June 16, 2007 12:36 PM | Report abuse

disgusting nuthuggers

Posted by: Anonymous | June 16, 2007 1:57 PM | Report abuse

"in 2015 for the 250,000-strong home crowd in TomKat Field at Dan Snyder Stadium"

That would be hilarious if I didn't think that it will actually become reality.

Posted by: charlie | June 16, 2007 2:43 PM | Report abuse

"And, I might rethink that "Cooley's Shorts Get a Thumbs Up" headline, too. But that's me.
Here you go:
http://www.hogshaven.com/story/2007/6/15/15583/3606"

Thanks to Hogshaven for the photo credit. We aim to please :)

Posted by: John Pappas | June 16, 2007 9:08 PM | Report abuse

"And, I might rethink that "Cooley's Shorts Get a Thumbs Up" headline, too. But that's me.
Here you go:
http://www.hogshaven.com/story/2007/6/15/15583/3606"

Thanks to Hogshaven for the photo credit. We aim to please :)

Posted by: John Pappas | June 16, 2007 9:09 PM | Report abuse

where's the picture of cooley ?

Posted by: eddie | June 17, 2007 3:05 PM | Report abuse

where's the picture of cooley ?

Posted by: eddie | June 17, 2007 3:05 PM | Report abuse

where's the picture of cooley ?

Posted by: eddie | June 17, 2007 3:05 PM | Report abuse

I am SO last here too!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2007 2:35 PM | Report abuse

Oh this guy has ballz! He must be a classic team comedian for those. He will regret it when these picture show up in every male gay bar in the nation!

Posted by: robgreg | June 19, 2007 10:29 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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