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Fity-Fity Update/Ex-Receiver Watch

Anyone catch the scroll across the screen the other day about Rod Gardner getting a three-year deal with Kansas City and do a double take? Sure, no base salaries are guaranteed in this league and he could be whacked tomorrow and basically cost the Chiefs nothing, but man, his agent Joel Segal must be doing something right. Since flaming out with the entire Redskins offense in 2004, Gardner, another busted first-round pick, quickly fell out of favor with Carolina last year after his trade there.

Bounced around to a few workouts before landing in KC. I swear to the heavens that this cat spoke another language. It just wasn't quite English. I should have kept a few files on my recorder for posterity, because you could listen to an interview over and over and still not be able to discern everything. It took a village of us schlubs in the media room a good 10 minutes everyday to finally figure it all out.

My favorite story about Gardner had to be the time he relinquished his tricked out car to someone he believed was a valet outside a DC club, apparently saying something along the lines of, "Park my (stuff), (female dog)," while tossing his keys to this dude. The car was stripped of valuables and turned up on blocks in the FedEx Field parking lot the next day.

I hear about it that morning, and ask Rod what's going on. First he says he has no idea what I am talking about. Then he tells me he has a cousin by the same name, and it must be his car. During practice I get a copy of the police report faxed to me. It is indeed Gardner's car - the one he pulls up to Redskins Park in many days - and in the police report, filed after a night of carousing ended with him realizing his (stuff) was stolen, he told the cops that his address is: "FedEx Field." So yeah, clearly it's not him.

So now I go back to Rod armed with the police report, and tell him that I do not want to make him look silly in the paper - which a denial surely would - and it would behoove him to give an explanation of some sort. Again, he declined, saying it wasn't him. Coach Gibbs could not have been too pleased, given the state of the team in 2004. Sean Taylor's DUI arrest also came that season returning from a midweek party Gardner threw in DC (Taylor was later acquitted), and the WRs were overhauled that offseason.

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Speaking of ex-receivers, I saw Darnerien McCants was one of the final cuts by Philadelphia. He's a great dude, and I like him a lot, but you have to check out his website - darnerienmccants.com - for some of the beefcake photos of him. He is an aspiring model and artist, and some of the model shots are priceless. There is one picture in the photo section titled "Lean/Look" that will blow your mind. It is so Zoolander, and it doesn't even know it. Should that somehow not grab you, try "Mugging," "Still Mugging," or "Deep Thought." There is also a t-shirt for sale that I defy anyone to wear to a bar and come home with digits. Not even Cooley could pull this one off.

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Final receiver update: Taylor Jacobs, a player I had a soft spot for while he was here but always had a strong feeling it probably wasn't going to happen for him, went without a catch in his San Fran debut last weekend. Nine 49ers caught balls in their shootout loss to Arizona, and he dressed for the game but was not among those to get his name on the stat sheet.

By Jason La Canfora  |  September 14, 2006; 2:00 PM ET
 
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