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HaikuMan's Holiday Offering

hey there. I am having a crazy week here on the home, job and holiday front, so the blogging has been spotty at best.
Thankfully, HaikuMan stepped up to the plate and bailed me out.
Here's his holiday Redskins poem. I'm just happy to be able to provide the forum.
Cheers.

Twas a week before Christmas and all through the Blog
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Hog.
The hopes for the season were dashed with despair
And longing for March was thick in the air.

The coaches were flummoxed, all snug with their Meds
With arrogance and playbooks ensconced in their heads.
Danny with his belt buckle, the fans with bum raps
Once again settled in for a long playoff nap.

When from behind closed doors arose such a clatter,
Gibbs had sprung from his recliner to see to the matter.
Away from the tricks he flew like a flash,
Tore up half a playbook and threw out the trash.

The sun on the breast of a bust shined in Canton
Gave lustre and heat to the old Coach's rantin'
When what to our wondering ears should we hear
But a miniature tantrum from St Joe did appear.

With a little soft quaver and none of his cackles
They knew in a moment his rage it did crackle.
More rapid than Eagles his indictments did come
And he whistled and shouted and refused to be mum!

Now, Taylor! Now Carlos! Now, Holdman and Carter!
Archuleta, you bust, you high-priced non-starter!
To the end of the bench, you never answered the call!
Now, play away! Play away! Play away, all!

As dry leaves that before the wild Hurricane fly
The offense did too bear the brunt of his cry!
So up to the quarterback, accusations they flew
With a sleigh full of bounces, a weak long ball he threw.

And then, in a twinkling, we saw on the field
A team energized and who refused to yet yield.
As we tuned in to watch a team turned around
Down the tunnel a near rookie came with a bound!

He was dressed as of old, all burgundy and white
Yet he seemed to still glow with a bright Auburn light
The hope of the Future he had flung on his back,
A Nation he lifted from a depression so black.

His eyes how they twinkled! His feet did not tarry!
His passes were crisp, his bombs were not scary!
Inexperienced and raw, our knight was not perfect
But his steady hard play earned the Insider's respect.

The reigns of the team he held tight in his hand
And he guided them well on this new Old School plan.
With a broad smile and poise beyond his few years
Fans shook when we laughed as he allayed our deep fears!

Tho the team's record was lost; this season, disaster
Our Auburn Santa brought hope of recovery much faster!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his arm,
Soon gave us to know we would come to no harm.

He spoke few words and went straight to his work
Inspiring the whole team, even overpaid jerks
And raising one finger high in the air
Skins, number one! If only we dare!

He sprang to the front, core Skins he did gather
And rabid fans cheered, their dreams in a lather!
But I heard worried whispers 'ere the season wound down
"Stick to this plan, you off-season clowns!"

--- Happy Chrishanzaa from HaikuMan! May you all celebrate your guts out!

By Jason La Canfora  |  December 20, 2006; 2:12 PM ET
 
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Comments

Holidays are so lonely without the Redskins in the chase...

Posted by: John From Herndon | December 20, 2006 2:19 PM | Report abuse

NO BLOG
NO LOVE
-4 KHSJ'S for you then Mister

Posted by: Padre Novotny | December 20, 2006 2:22 PM | Report abuse

YAWN

Posted by: Anonymous | December 20, 2006 2:24 PM | Report abuse

Soon gave us to know we would come to no harm?

Physically painful.

Posted by: SMACK | December 20, 2006 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Great tune. Maybe Larry Michael can sing it on Redskins.com in his "almost-as-annoying-as-Bryant-Gumbel" voice.

I don't want to hear about the Redskins this offseason...no trades, no signings, only draft picks please. Ok, maybe cutting Adam Archagonnarunrightbyme.

Thought I'd chime in re: all the Portis competition talk. Betts is getting LOTS of 8-17 yard carries, but nothing over 20. A healthy Portis will turn those runs into 60 yard TDs runs, a la his Denver years. Betts is a very good NFL RB and we may need him at the beginning of the year to assist Portis' transition back to full time (no way he'll be in game shape until he plays a couple games). But Portis has the breakaway speed that not many RBs have, including Betts. Think of his first run as a Redskin against Tampa Bay.

Posted by: Diehard | December 20, 2006 2:39 PM | Report abuse

I thought it was awesome 'ku man, nice work.

Posted by: WrongDog | December 20, 2006 2:39 PM | Report abuse

I thought it was awesome 'ku man, nice work.

Posted by: WrongDog | December 20, 2006 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Nice work 'ku.

Posted by: Skinz | December 20, 2006 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Haikuman, you're a rhyming genius. Awesome poem, man. Thanks for the talent you bring to the blog.

Posted by: Joe in Raleigh | December 20, 2006 2:58 PM | Report abuse

Ku, Love you and miss you!

Posted by: dealer | December 20, 2006 3:01 PM | Report abuse

KuMan - loverly and well done. I think you can officially take the rest of the season off with that entry.

Posted by: sfskin | December 20, 2006 3:03 PM | Report abuse

Great work, haikuman. Season's greetings to you as well.

J-La, I get the distinct impression that the blog has become a burden. Buddy, hang tough! We need you to be Popeye up here, strong to the finish, shepherding us to the Skins' finale and hopefully through the SB. I think we can all anticipate a lull in the offseason (with spikes in activity each time a front office blunder is perceived) until draft time, but until then we need you, pal. You're our big toe.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | December 20, 2006 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Drat last Saturday was the 27th anniversary of The Funeral Wreath, and I forgot all about it.

Outstanding rhyme, though, Haiku. Way to focus on the hopeful holiday theme.

Even though it's been Betts doing all of the work, not Campbell ;)

Posted by: Harvey Martin's Funeral Wreath | December 20, 2006 3:06 PM | Report abuse

'Ku is the poet laureate of our blog;
he's one rootin'-tootin' rhymin' dawg.

Posted by: Jason's editor | December 20, 2006 3:07 PM | Report abuse

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

Merry Christmas.

Posted by: Skin Patrol | December 20, 2006 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Nice "Stripes" reference there Nate. We definitely need J-"Hulkaburger"-LaC to feed the wolves now and then... even when it hurts. Ha

Posted by: FromTheICU | December 20, 2006 3:13 PM | Report abuse

Oh, and 'kudos to the 'kuMan... Nice work.

Posted by: FromTheICU | December 20, 2006 3:15 PM | Report abuse

I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard.
Haikuman you're a genius but our Skins are so sad

Posted by: King Kong | December 20, 2006 3:16 PM | Report abuse

I can't remember 'ere I laughed 'til I cried
But the play of the Redskins I surely deride

Posted by: Harvey Martin's Funeral Wreath | December 20, 2006 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Well done! Love it!

>>> "You're our big toe."

I'm totally using that from now on.

Posted by: P Diddy | December 20, 2006 3:29 PM | Report abuse

I should have cited the source, but I figured most of you would get the big toe thing. It is so apt for this board. We are like all the screwups in that platoon, and J-La is our Sgt. Hulka.

Damn, wasn't Warren Oates the greatest character actor? He died way too young.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | December 20, 2006 3:44 PM | Report abuse

So.... JLC's N.O. crap-out may be analogous to Sgt. Hulka being blown up on the rope tower? Naahhh too easy...

Posted by: FromTheICU | December 20, 2006 4:01 PM | Report abuse

All right, he's hardly a perfect Sgt. Hulka, but I do enjoy thinking of J-La as the big toe of the blog.


I just have to share this. There is a store selling authentic, game-worn jerseys from... drum roll... Adam Archuleta.

http://gameexclusives.com/catalog/index.php?cPath=22

These things are $999 each. That's right, nine hundred and ninety-nine simoleons will score you a game-worn Adam Archuleta jersey. From this season. Un-freaking-believable.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | December 20, 2006 4:15 PM | Report abuse

COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS COWBOYS

Posted by: Anonymous | December 20, 2006 4:21 PM | Report abuse

I am taking a break from the "Katie from New Orleans" talk (if you're out there though, call me) to bring to you ArtMonktotheSticks and My yearly award: "BAMF of the Upcoming Draft that the Redskins Must Pick or We Will Never Be Fans Again"

Previous BAMFs have included Sean Taylor, LaVar Arrington, Boss Bailey, Darnell Dockett, Broderick Bunkley, DeMarcus Ware, Carson Palmer, Charles Rogers, Mike Williams etc.

The 2007 BAMF of the Year: LaRon Landry, Safety, LSU.

If you are watching front office, this is the BAMF we want worse than anything. Landry is a tweaked version of Sean Teezee except maybe a little nastier in coverage. He has size, lenth (pronounced like Kiper), speed and hits like Ghostface Killah on "M.G.M" on the Wu-Tang double CD.

If the Redskins were to add LaRon Landry, we would have the most dynamic secondary in the entire Lig. Two hybrid safeties that bring the anger of the streets on every play, and two solid corners that are also good at stopping the run or going one-on-one (kill the Rogers rants for a minute).

Moreover, he will probably be available when the Skins pick.

My philosophy on player/position evaluations has always been, the player dictates the need, not the position. In other words, a "shutdown corner" is not more valuable than an elite running back because someone says so. If the running back is dynamic enough, he is far more valuable than the corner. LT or Champ Bailey? The choice is easy...LT. Anywho, neither here nor there.

My point: LaRon Landry needs to be a Redskin. People will have no idea how to attack us. It will be the tightness.

I love you all.

Posted by: The Governor | December 20, 2006 4:31 PM | Report abuse

I am going to buy the AA game-worn jersey and hold onto it until I die. At that point, my family will be instructed to bury me in it. That's how much I love AA.

NOPE!!!!! I'd buy it just to burn it.

Posted by: Ricky Bobby | December 20, 2006 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Laron Landry is the next Polomalu. I don't believe any of the pass rushers that will be there when we pick will help us. This guy absolutely balls.

Posted by: ArtMonkToTheSticks | December 20, 2006 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Gov:

any BAMF mike backers or DEs out there? don't know your guy and certainly appreciate the suggestion but we also need help at the other positions . . .

glad to get this conversation going before the bowl games. . .

don't follow college at all and am always wondering who to watch in some of those games.

one exception was da reaper, saw him and was glad we got him . . .

Posted by: skinsfan@8KaboveMSL | December 20, 2006 4:41 PM | Report abuse

Ok, Gov, I like where you fellas are coming from on this LaRon kid. And your having posted it up here, stating the case in such clear, irrefutable terms, virtually guarantees that our FO will not pick him. Thanks for that.

Seriously, though, at some point need HAS to trump 'best available player,' doesn't it? I'm thinking pass rush first. With Praline coming back we will be, er, okay at safety.

Also, doesn't it creep you out just a tiny little bit that your boy has the same last name as the Only Coach the Cowboys Ever Had?

As long as we (a) exercise the few picks we have and (b) don't draft any freakin' wide receivers I will probably keep my outrage in check.

Posted by: Nate in the PDX | December 20, 2006 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Gov,

LT=One of the best RB's ever.

Bailey= One of the best now.


If i change it around and say who do you build around Deon Slanders in his prime or Tiki Barber in his, who do you take?

Anyway my econ teacher would be miffed if I didn't point out that most of the time compensation is the best gauge of worth.

By position the NFL is paid in this order:

QB
LT -His worth related to QB
CB
WR
RB

Don't ask me for a source because i don't have one but I do remember hearing that recently.

Put LT on the Raiders and his stats go way down. He is reliant on his O-line and QB.

Put Champ on the Colts D and he is still champ.

Posted by: Skinz | December 20, 2006 4:47 PM | Report abuse

There are players, like the DE from Florida, Moss that blocks field goals like I rep it to the death, and my favorite linebacker in college Buster Davis (I call him "Buster Douglas" and "Baron Davis" which really upsets AMTTS)who will be available. But LaRon Landry is the baller/shotcaller that would make us dynamic.

I also like Pinnock from OSU, but he is a motor guy that will be picked too high...second rounder that will go late first.

Posted by: The Governor | December 20, 2006 4:48 PM | Report abuse

LT in the compensation list being Left Tackle now Tomlinson.

Posted by: Skinz | December 20, 2006 4:48 PM | Report abuse

skinsfan, In my humble opinion, there are no LBs that are worth picking where we will be. There might be some tight DEs but it doesn't look likely at this juncture. The Adams gentleman from Clemson is nasty; after that, there is Crowder from Texas (around #12) a dude named Carriker from Nebraska (#15). Adams might go top 3/4. Landry could be there for us. Naked anger awaits.

Posted by: ArtMonkToTheSticks | December 20, 2006 4:51 PM | Report abuse

Gov/amtts:

just to level set - IF we finish 7-9, where are we likely to pick, 20-something?

Posted by: skinsfan@8KaboveMSL | December 20, 2006 4:58 PM | Report abuse

also, given how few picks we have, any thoughts of trading down? cuz if we can't get DE or mike LB we may want to add more depth at a few positions (D-line, O-line, CB)?

I do like the idea of having two hybrid safeties and am starting to think that is the only way to make it really work with da reaper. that way either of them can come up as needed to stuff the run. . .

now that it think about it, having two reapers may take the pressure off of having to upgrade LM at MLB. . .

dubG would go nuts with talent like that. . .

Posted by: skinsfan@8KaboveMSL | December 20, 2006 5:03 PM | Report abuse

From what I saw, we have between the 8-10th pick.

Posted by: The Governor | December 20, 2006 5:05 PM | Report abuse

new post

Posted by: skinsfan@8KaboveMSL | December 20, 2006 5:06 PM | Report abuse


Thanks, y'all -- I just followed the standard refrains and storyline, hence some of the wording.

And yes, Betts is more deserving, but...well...poetic liscense!

Merry merry!

Posted by: HaikuMan | December 20, 2006 8:13 PM | Report abuse

Loved it 'Ku, good job.

Posted by: Megskin | December 20, 2006 8:20 PM | Report abuse

"safeties that bring the anger of the streets on every play"

say we get this Landry kid... what the over/under on arrests/altercations with the law next year? I could just see him and reaper becoming best buds off the field and shanking some guy at a bar.

Don't know either guy personally, kinda a crappy thing to say about someone... but the point is, who anchors Taylor? We need some reliable steady guy out there as the other safety, not another head hunter.

anyway, Haikuman, you really brought it. The AA line in the 6th stanza really did it for me.

Also, speaking of doing it for me, Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you" is hands down the best Christmas song out there.

Posted by: Dorf | December 21, 2006 1:19 AM | Report abuse

Governor, I'm glad we passed on those BAMFs Mike Williams and Charles Rogers (tho that would have been a hard call based on his Spartan play).

I'm intrigued by this Landry guy as well, I'm just sweating whether he'll be around when we get there. [Can someone remind me again if we can still keep our 8-10 slot in the first round after the Duckett trade?]

The mock draft at this site ...
http://www.nfldraftcountdown.com/ ... has us going for the beast DT from Michigan (Alan Branch, 6'6", 330 lbs.). This is one of the draft preview sites that turned out to guestimate which rounds players would go in pretty well this year. He actually has Landry going lower, but I like your thinking -- that we should draft for the best player available (other than QB) rather than position.

Posted by: dcsween | December 21, 2006 9:27 AM | Report abuse

Can anyone run down the draft pick scenario for us?...........Sad that the draft in what we are all looking forward to ............now that the skins beat them GO SAINTS

Posted by: BryaninAZ | December 21, 2006 1:39 PM | Report abuse

Haikuman,
That was awesome. I regret I am only now seeing it. Merry Kwansukhmas!

Posted by: Lavar Walt Clark | December 21, 2006 1:53 PM | Report abuse

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