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Portis No Longer in Character; Cooley Goes Corporate

CP says his shoulder feels fine but his inspiration for his costumed press conference has been sapped. And, on the same day we heard that sad news comes another blog-buster: Cooley has cut his hair. It's like 1991 all over for me, when Metallica all showed up with the trims for the "black album," became MTV's darlings with their toned down sound, and ended their reign as unquestioned metal gods.

Portis says that a member of our guy Radio Larry's staff who used to help with the tailback's costumes - often convincing him to go on with the antics - no longer works here. Dolla Bill is lost without her. The thrill is gone, sadly. It's like BB King without Lucile (I forgot that name in the heat of writing this, and my fellow media schlubs replied in unison when I tossed out the question). It's like Crusty without Sideshow Bob. It's like TomKat without .. okay I'll stop right there.

Much more troubling was the fact that Cooley has not only lost his Caucasian fro, but he's gone with a typical, short on the sides, parted look. He's so Lars Ulrich. Our hopes of watching the ultimate mullet come to its sweat fruition before our eyes is over. The dream has died. Somewhere Ronnie James Dio is weeping.

I wanted to bust his chops a bit but he had to run out for a walkthrough. What we know thus far is that Cooley's girlfriend cut his hair last night, he decided he was sick of having so much hair, and he's already taking a ribbing. "Everyone says I look like a little kid." Cooley says there is no superstition involved in the decision, despite his quiet start to the season, but the decision was his. So let's not start throwing Yoko Ono bombs around.

By Jason La Canfora  |  September 28, 2006; 1:51 PM ET
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Next: On a More Serious Note - Brunell and Springs

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