Cattle Drive No. 3

At the Huffington Post takeover Wednesday night of the Newseum, a purgatory of overly familiar faces (Sting, Ricky Schroeder, John King, D.L. Hughley) and strangers pressed body to body in a grotesque simulacrum of exclusivity, groveling for tiny morsels of nourishment (goat cheese and mushroom, ma'am?).

You try to stumble to the exits but they won't tell you how to get out, only that it's Not This Way. Increasingly desperate to escape, you are taunted by the smiling faces of those you so recently sought -- Jessica Alba, cute gold lame top! Sarah Silverman, wacky knit cap! -- and now want only to get out of your way. Finally, in a dark corner, an exit appears, the magic path lined by what appear to be angels -- but are actually (really!) Jonas Brothers.

Later, we learn if only we had muscled/flirted/wheedled our way into the VIP space, we would have seen Demi Moore and Ashton Kucher canoodling, Hayden Panetierre hiding by the bar with Alba, and Julia Allison and some friend lifecasting.