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Etch-a-Sketch: Hybrid Hummer Edition

The winner of yesterday's Etch-a-Sketch: "Goombay," who responded to my request to identify the new era of the Republican Party by commenting:

"The new era will begin when the blanket references to Ronald Reagan cease. We get it...Great guy, great era for the party. Know who does not get it: everyone under 30 years of age."

This comment, posted half an hour before the speech by Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, turned out to be prescient. Steele did, indeed, make three Reagan references in his speech about the future, a point noted in my column.

Today, your Sketchwriter is planning to see Orrin Hatch roll out a 100 mpg Hummer. I'm told that this most unusual plug-in hybrid (the truck, not the Utah senator) will prove that Americans can have their cake and eat it, too -- a fuel-efficient truck that can squash a Prius without denting a bumper.

This gives me a thought for today's Etch-a-Sketch, although I must admit up front that I'm not sure it will work. Your mission: To determine which type of car or truck various lawmakers and administration officials should be driving to best suit their personalities.

We know, for example, that Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.) drives a Hummer (not the 100 mpg type), while Sen. Richard Lugar (R-Ind.) drives a Prius. President Obama and his spokesman both drive the Ford Escape hybrid, while former campaign manager David Plouffe just picked up a politically-correct Ford Fusion hybrid. A few years ago, I caught Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) -- after a gas station event bemoaning high gas prices -- getting into an 18 mpg Chrysler LHS, even though her office was only a block away. (Her staff later protested that it was a staffer's car and that the senator owns a Prius.)

I understand from the Post marketing people that the typical Sketch reader is a Mini Cooper driver, so you are obviously a group of savvy motorists. Who should have the Harley, who gets the PT Cruiser? A Subaru? A rusty old Dodge?

By Dana Milbank  | May 20, 2009; 12:30 PM ET
Categories:  Etch-a-Sketch  
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Comments

This is another tough one. The only zinger that springs to mind is John Boehner needs a convertible to maintain that "otherworldly" color he covets. Chucky Schmucky Shumer should drive a BMW or a Mercedes because Jews love German cars. Obama has a hybrid which seems fitting. Michelle needs to get a muscle car to match her arms. Larry Craig should get a creepy full size van with a bathroom stall in the back. Joe Lieberman should drive a Hearst because he is dead to me. Suzanne Rice needs a mini cooper because she is pint sized. Nancy Pelosi, Bob Casey, Michelle Bachman, Jan Schakowsky, Jim Bunning, Roland Burris, Chris Dodd and many more need to carpool in a short school bus to work. Joe Biden and Patrick Kennedy need a car with a breathalyzer just for precaution. Jim Webb needs a car with an ample gun rack in the back. Bill Clinton needs a pick-up truck with a mattress in the back. (I read once he had one in high school)

Posted by: Mauckjw | May 20, 2009 1:10 PM | Report abuse

Dana Rohrbacher gets the 64 Lincoln Continental Mark IV which has no catalytic converter and gets about 8 MPG to dovetail with his position on fuel emissions and global warming. John Boehner gets the newest Cadillac Escalade hybrid--the one that comes with the built in tanning booth. Michele Bachmann gets the Ford Mustang with spinning 18 inch rims and loose lug nuts as a tribute to the amount of screws she has loose. Joe Biden gets the Harley: it's American, bulky and loud enough to hear for miles. Dick Cheney gets the large Hummer with black tinted windows and a radio that only tunes in to Rush Limbaugh as a tribute to his general paranoia. George W. Bush gets any car without a GPS since he's never has a clue where he'll wind up. Russ Feingold gets a bicycle, because he's the one damn guy who actually gets it on climate change.

Posted by: bklyndan22 | May 20, 2009 1:35 PM | Report abuse

Ben Bernanke should get a car that runs on dollars. Ray Lahood needs a car with a large trunk (at least big enough to fit a couple human bodies). Rahm Emanuel should get a mini tank with two flags poles (one for each country his is a citizen of). Tom Daschle needs a car that comes with a driver. Tim Geithner needs a car outfitted with bulletproof glass. Larry Summers needs a car with auto-drive for his narcoleptic episodes. David Axelrod needs a car that can run on pure brainpower and cunning. Dana Milbank needs one that runs on snark not swarm. The Washington Post needs one that runs on internet ad revenue. The GOP needs a car that doesn't run on paeans to Ronald Reagan. America needs a car that doesn't run on financial bubbles.

Posted by: Mauckjw | May 20, 2009 4:44 PM | Report abuse

For Arlen Specter, a late fifties-early sixties Ford Fairlane hardtop convertible.

A Sherman Tank for Dick Cheney (the better to shoot people in the face with).

A garbage burning DeLorean for W. so he can go back....to the future.....

Posted by: tennesseemoonshiner | May 20, 2009 5:23 PM | Report abuse

Lacking a car that runs on hot-air, Congress should buy a fleet of steam-powered cars such as the Pelland Steamer or the EZEE03 as a compromise.

Michael Steele should have a car that runs on fumes, since that is all that is powering the GOP at the moment (and what he seems to be sniffing).

Posted by: hlabadie | May 20, 2009 5:28 PM | Report abuse

John Murtha should have a GM-Segway PUMA, just for the fun of seeing him trying to get in and out.

The Honda FCX hydrogen fuel cell car would be excellent for John McCain. Oh, the humanity!

Posted by: hlabadie | May 20, 2009 6:22 PM | Report abuse

For the GOP stalwarts: horses and buggies, to match their aged ideas.

For the Dems: sporty hybrids. A lot of flash, and kinda lightweight.

Posted by: ktartiste | May 21, 2009 2:49 PM | Report abuse

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