Friday's sketchiest moments
No Republican is safe from a conservative primary challenger this year -- not even Tom Coburn. The senator from Oklahoma -- so devoted to conservative ideas that he hosted congressional pizza parties to discuss venereal diseases -- is being opposed in the primary by one Lewis Kelly Spring. Spring asserts that Coburn is "not a friend of true conservatives" and in fact is "an accomplice of an elite group of Reprobates who seek to destroy this country."
Luckily for Coburn, the cowboy-hat-wearing Spring is funding his campaign entirely with sales of a music CD he recorded, entitled "I Chased a Three Legged Chicken." Spring admits the music is "not great." But maybe it doesn't need to be great. Coburn, unlike Spring's chicken, has only two legs, so presumably he will be easier for Spring to catch.
Even being chased by three-legged fowl, Coburn still has to like his position better than that of his Senate Republican colleague John Ensign of Nevada. Ensign, whose parents made a six-figure payment to the family of his former mistress, has started a legal defense fund to help him with the investigations into his sex and money troubles. Unclear whether ethics rules would allow him to just send the legal bills to mom and dad.
The notoriety being enjoyed by Ensign has apparently caused some jealousy in former Senate colleague Larry Craig, because the Idaho Republican decided it would be a good idea for him to take his stance to the Daily Show. Craig required that no airport-men's-room questions be asked, but interviewer John Oliver still got him to sing "Elvira" and to say, "Every time I'd have that feeling, I'd run, lay down on the couch."
Former president George W. Bush has re-entered the debate over terrorism detainees with a generous offer to help President Obama deal with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. The administration at first said it would try KSM in New York, then began to retreat under pressure toward a military trial for the al-Qaeda leader.
But now Bush has another idea. "Yeah, we waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed," Bush told an audience in Grand Rapids, Mich. "I'd do it again to save lives," he added.
It's a deal! Call off the trial and send KSM to the Bush ranch in Crawford for his punishment. Bush can conduct the procedure in the swimming pool.
But Bush shouldn't think his generous offer to take KSM off Obama's hands is going to patch up his relationship with the liberal establishment. Singer Paul McCartney, in town to receive an award from the Library of Congress, used his moment on stage to make a late hit on the 43rd president: "After the last eight years, it's great to have a president who knows what a library is," he said.
Laura Ling, rescued from North Korea by Bill Clinton, is so grateful that she's named her first-born child after him. Ling and husband Iain Clayton decided to give their newborn daughter, Li, the middle name of "Jefferson," after the 42nd president, who in turn borrowed that name from the third commander-in-chief.
Note that Ling did not choose to give her daughter the middle name "Hussein," in honor of the current occupant of the Oval Office, who facilitated Clinton's trip to North Korea. But that's to be expected for President Obama these days. Even his most loyal constituency, the media, has turned against him.
NBC's Brian Williams, in an interview with Mediaite from the Gulf, said: "I got a kick out of President Obama saying that even when the cameras go away we'll still be there for you."
"That ain't the way this is going to play out. If anything, the cameras being here have compelled outside interests - government, BP - to kick this into another gear. With all due respect, the President might have had his scenario off by 180 degrees."
-- Matt DeLong and Felicia Sonmez
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