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Exclusive -- interview with Aqua Buddha

In the recent debate between Kentucky Senate candidates Rand Paul (R) and Jack Conway (D) and in a recent attack ad from Conway, the subject of "Aqua Buddha" came up. Aqua Buddha is an elusive deity that, according to a quote in an article in GQ, Rand Paul tried to induce someone to "worship" as a college prank.

Because I am very connected, I was able to contact Aqua Buddha. Here's the transcript.

Hello, Aqua Buddha. It's an honor. Your name came up in the debate between Rand Paul and Jack Conway recently. Were you affiliated with Mr. Paul at any point?

AB: Back in college. But, then again, who wasn't affiliated with some crazy things in college? I used to worship a false god myself. The porcelain god! Can I get a high five?


AB: That was back when I was on the path of sensual gratification.

Have you had any role in Mr. Paul's campaign up to this point?

AB: Well, I appeared in this ad for his opponent. That's me! I'm the blue guy!

AB: Yeah! Aqua Buddha is in the HOUSE! And soon, Jack Conway will be in the House! Or the Senate! I forget.

It could be said that your ad "swift-boated" Mr. Paul, since you, as a friend, were retelling a water-based experience from a long time ago in a way that was harmful to him.

AB: Aqua Buddha is the new swift boat. He thought we were on the same team? Doesn't he know who I am? I'm such a blue-stater, I'm literally in a blue state all the time. The Aqua Buddha just made a joke there, because the Aqua Buddha is physically blue!

Do you have any other involvement in state politics?

AB: The only state I care about is the state of enlightenment from worldly cares! I am a permanent resident. I'm the Aqua Buddha!

So, you endorse Rand Paul's challenger?

AB: The only thing Aqua Buddha endorses is liberation from the wheel of suffering. Follow the Eight-Fold Aqua Path!

This is your first foray into political activity?

AB: Aqua Buddha doesn't want to address that at this time. Let's talk about water. I love water! I love water so much I voted for Maxine Waters twice before realizing my mistake!

I see.

AB: Want to know what my favorite band is? Here, I will tell you: Nirvana! Specifically, Aqua Nirvana.

Aqua Buddha, do you have any predictions for the election?

AB: To the Aqua Buddha, all time is one moment, the flickering of a candle.

So, yes?

AB: So... probably Rand Paul.

Any final words?

AB: Hide your wife, hide your kids, because the Aqua Buddha is TRANSCENDING EVERYBODY OUT HERE!

Thank you for that, Aqua Buddha.

By Alexandra Petri  | October 18, 2010; 4:00 PM ET
Categories:  Petri  | Tags:  aqua buddha  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Obama on Mythbusters? Top myths he should bust
Next: David Arquette? The subtle art of the C-SPAN breakup


The "Party of God" is always getting caught with its hypocrisy showing.

Posted by: thomasmc1957 | October 18, 2010 4:33 PM | Report abuse

It is sad that religion has to be an issue here. Rand Paul should have been automatically rejected by the electorate on the basis of his absurd ideas. And where do we begin on those? He would eliminate the Department of Education. He would eliminate the Department of Homeland Security. He believes the Civil Rights Act was "unconstitutional." In Rand Paul's "society" (which would be a misnomer because such a concept of a "society" would no longer exist), there will be no income tax, no social services, no social security, no medicare, and zero regulation against the excesses of Puritan capitalism which led to the housing crisis of 2008.

Simply put, Rand Paul would undo all of the social and political progress of the last 200 years and return American society to the 18th century. This is no different than Muslim fundamentalists who seek to return Islam to the 7th century. I find both sets of Puritan ideologies absolutely abhorrent. The American Nation has too much to lose to let a nutjob like Rand Paul impose his "libertarian" political experiment.

Posted by: wavelet | October 18, 2010 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Too bad Conway doesn't have anything good
to say about the Democratic Party instead!
I guess this is what you turn to, a lot of
"nothing" ! Most people could care less
about anyone's religion.
Its always Demonizing Democrats bringing up Race and Religion.

Posted by: ohioan | October 18, 2010 5:54 PM | Report abuse

Is this what qualifies as Journalism at the Post? This story is empty of content... it's simply repeating a baseless lie.

Dana Milbank, do you have any evidence that what was reported in GQ actually happened? Is there a single witness to corroborate your story on the record? Do you have even 1 piece of evidence that the story you are shamelessly pushing is true or are you simply repeating an unfounded story? I thought they required ethics classes in Journalism school... I guess I was mistaken.

Posted by: nptalcott | October 18, 2010 5:59 PM | Report abuse

I, for one, welcome our new Aqua Buddha overlord! ;-)

Seriously though, whats so "crazy" about following The Constitution?

Posted by: AAAANDRE | October 20, 2010 3:12 AM | Report abuse

Bow to Aqua Buddha T-shirts and mugs!
(I also have the rent is too damn high as well!)

Posted by: echoforsberg | October 21, 2010 11:51 PM | Report abuse

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