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I'm Not a Celebrity, Where's the Marriott?

The visit to the Poas volcano was spectacular. The nearby mountaintop lagoon was as peaceful of a setting as I've ever seen. The zipline through the jungle canopy was a rush. Son of Insider (SOI) and Wife of Insider (WOI) had a grand time searching for crocodiles and enjoying the Pacific coast. Saprissa is a gem (in its own special way). Bavaria cerveza is dark and cool.

But I would've traded it all away for the once-in-a-generation sighting on the hotel patio this evening. Yes, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are here. Who in the name of Stoitchkov are Spencer and Heidi? I asked the same question, but was ignored by giddy WOI and confused SOI. It seems the newlyweds are celebrities for being celebrities, which, of course, made them perfect contestants for an NBC reality show conveniently titled, "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!", being filmed this month in a Costa Rican jungle.

You've just got to keep reading.....

Apparently, during the series opener Monday, they had some sort of meltdown, which brought them to our once-peaceful hacienda. (It's still peaceful.) In disgust, while former family members chatted them up, I marched away. Spencer, he of infinite wisdom, had words of advice for SOI: "Be grateful for everything you've got." Added Heidi: "They didn't even have toilet paper in the jungle!" Spencer then reminded SOI to download his "I'm a Celebrity" ringtone.

I still didn't know who they were, so I turned to the bible (aka Us Weekly) and found Spencer and Heidi photos, quotes and breaking news on seven of the first 71 pages. (Lindsay Lohan doesn't get that kind of coverage!)

If the quasi-celebrity gods are with us, Stephen Baldwin, Patti Blagojevich, Lou Diamond Phillips or Sanjaya will join us tomorrow.

By Steve Goff  |  June 2, 2009; 10:14 PM ET
Categories:  Costa Rica  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: A Few Minutes With Benny Feilhaber
Next: Costa Rica Kickaround


I am reading the words, but I don't comprehend.


SG - get another drink with an umbrella.

Posted by: J_S_F | June 2, 2009 10:23 PM | Report abuse

I'm ashamed to admit I watched some of that train wreck and wondered if you would run into them.

Posted by: sitruc | June 2, 2009 10:24 PM | Report abuse

yeah, i'm with j_s_f, I haven't a clue what you are on about. The drink w/ an umbrella sounds good though.

Any team news?

Posted by: ericpz | June 2, 2009 10:33 PM | Report abuse

At least she is easy on the eyes.

I was angry with my radio this morning -- the show was "reporting" how they were upset with how they were treated on this reality show. Obviously, just BS hype to drum up ratings.

If you ignore it, it will die.

I bet Lou would be cool, though.

Posted by: Reignking | June 2, 2009 10:33 PM | Report abuse

My apologies, Goff.


Posted by: B_A_ | June 2, 2009 10:34 PM | Report abuse

Those two are utterly useless.

If there were any justice in the world they would be kidnapped by Mexican cartels.

Posted by: arswift24 | June 2, 2009 10:35 PM | Report abuse

Don't be ashamed sitruc, I expected more myself in this barren "off season" of primetime tele... The funniest thing though Goff, is that my wife almost went out of her way to tell me Spin and Heidi had bailed... Last night when watching live I asked my wife," Hey! you know who else is in Costa Rica?" She was like, " Who? STeve Goff?"
Worlds Collide I guess.;-)

And that's a true story..

Posted by: DadRyan | June 2, 2009 10:36 PM | Report abuse

The said, the "Celebrities their just like us" section of US is more than worth the price of subscription.

I never did realize why that magazine isn't called "Them."

Posted by: arswift24 | June 2, 2009 10:37 PM | Report abuse

Goff's Fire fans humbly request more of such news in honor of the recent move of the Colombian Heat from the Chicago sports scene to the Chicago celebrity scene.

Our extra-special request, unless the Heat himself has been dispatched to CR to provide such reporting: Patti Blago news!

Posted by: Modibo | June 2, 2009 10:53 PM | Report abuse

US Weekly wouldn't exist without pseudo-celebs like Heidi & Spencer. Page after page after page of nothing from people whose fame comes not from having any talent, but because mags like US Weekly promote them. I suppose it's much easier to get access to nobodies and that's why US Weekly does it. As nauseum.

Posted by: klick99 | June 2, 2009 10:58 PM | Report abuse


Speaking of Worlds Collide, there's a pretty solid rumor of a reunion show or two...

Posted by: edgeonyou | June 2, 2009 11:00 PM | Report abuse

So is it a good thing if your two year old seems to be favoring her left foot when striking the soccer ball?
OWNTF? Any advice?

Posted by: DadRyan | June 2, 2009 11:02 PM | Report abuse

DadRyan, don't put too much stock in that. Both my kids seemed to favor their left when they were younger (son's three now, daughter is 6). I'm hopeful my son's lack of balance on either foot produces an ambidextrous kicker but experience with the lass says it ain't gonna happen.

But you have older kids too, no? Go back into the memory banks - what did they do?

Posted by: Modibo | June 2, 2009 11:05 PM | Report abuse

I'm proud to say the only reason I know who those two dimbulbs are, is because "The Soup" torches the both of them on a weekly basis.

Posted by: SonicDeathMonkey | June 2, 2009 11:11 PM | Report abuse

Modibo, I've only got one ankle biter. I don't know what I ever did to imply I was a pro with this stuff. In fact, while she's been to a tailgate(Charleston Challenge 09) she's still never been to RFK....

I took her to a skatepark today that has an adjacent soccer field and she buried a few in the ol' onion bag. Left footed shots every time. She's left handed like her pops it would seem, but it's just interesting watching her favor her left foot while I still favor my right my self. Although I'm goofy foot and I don't push mongo...;-)

Posted by: DadRyan | June 2, 2009 11:15 PM | Report abuse

Next time I visit Costa Rica, if anyone here catches me

a) getting to know reality tv stars, or

b) blogging...

please, kill me.

Posted by: Godfather_of_Goals | June 2, 2009 11:15 PM | Report abuse

I'm proud to say the only reason I know who those two dimbulbs are, is because "The Soup" torches the both of them on a weekly basis.

Posted by: SonicDeathMonkey | June 2, 2009 11:11 PM |


And Dad, as a high school football coach when we have a problem with a player stepping with the wrong foot, we find some of those "moon shoes" from a walmart or whatever, and make them wear them on whichever foot they shouldn't be stepping with. That said, after having inadvertantly meeting Lil Ryan (well, passing by and smiling, she smiled back, easy to tell who she was by the jersey), and somehow not her father, in Charleston, I realize she may still yet be a little too little for those. Oh well, 23 hours to kick!

Stars and Stripes FOREVER!!!

Posted by: JacobfromAtlanta-ish | June 2, 2009 11:25 PM | Report abuse

SG, do you ever get stuck in lines at the grocery store? That's how I learn who all these non-acting, non-singing celebrities are. People, US Weekly, tabloids...their covers won't give you the "why", but they'll at least give you the "who".

Both were on some kind of "fit young people go to/live near the beach" reality show, if my time in the lines of Safeway, Giant, and Shoppers have taught me anything.

Posted by: Chest_Rockwell | June 2, 2009 11:36 PM | Report abuse

I'm proud to say the only reason I know who those two dimbulbs are, is because "The Soup" torches the both of them on a weekly basis.

Posted by: SonicDeathMonkey

Ah yes, good call...I just know him as that twerp that can't grow a beard.

Posted by: Reignking | June 2, 2009 11:42 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, DadRyan. I couldn't bring myself to comment yesterday when I saw the show was set in Costa Rica.

Posted by: sitruc | June 2, 2009 11:44 PM | Report abuse

""In disgust, while former family members chatted them up, I marched away. Spencer, he of infinite wisdom, had words of advice for SOI: "Be grateful for everything you've got." Added Heidi: "They didn't even have toilet paper in the jungle!""

I feel for ya! And I think "Pura Vida" allows you to punch those people in the noggin and pour Imperial on their head.

And if there's a reason to not go back to Costa Rica, but instead find a gringo-less locale, it'd be the Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montage's of the world.

Posted by: delantero | June 2, 2009 11:45 PM | Report abuse

Ah yes, good call...I just know him as that twerp that can't grow a beard.

Posted by: Reignking | June 2, 2009 11:42 PM


That doesn't mean those of us in the beardless clan accept him.

Posted by: Kenobi | June 3, 2009 12:08 AM | Report abuse

JfATLish: I swear we did meet down in Charleston... Didn't we? Or did I pretend I wasn't me again?...Hmmm. I gotta admit that I was hammered down there, and sipping the sweet nectar of the Coffee Pot Cup didn't help matters any.

Weird thinking about some of those blurred out conversations down in South Carolina. We all thought the club was moving to PG County then...

Speaking of that, how cool is Fenty with the Terminator? Now that Arnie's in on the US World Cup Bid, how can we get Conan to give Adrian a nice back rub and talk about how attractive a Snyder Super Dome and a humble VW FoozenGruven Park be for some group stage matches as well as THE WORLD CUP FINAL IN DC in 2022?!

Posted by: DadRyan | June 3, 2009 12:16 AM | Report abuse

Yo Chest: Have you figured out how to work the self check out line thing yet?

Posted by: DadRyan | June 3, 2009 12:18 AM | Report abuse

If we did meet, it wasn't by name, which is probably a shame. Fact is, I was pretty shy, only there for the last game, and mostly hung in the back of the Brava.

Oh well, great times nonetheless.

Now, I'm off to Costa Rica to shave off Spencer's Freaky Flesh Colored Beard.

Posted by: JacobfromAtlanta-ish | June 3, 2009 12:29 AM | Report abuse

Monday, Monday...

Montag morgen, Sie kam ohne Warnung...

Isn't Heidi Montag a character in Fahrenheit 451? I could be mistaken....

Posted by: fischy | June 3, 2009 12:50 AM | Report abuse


Amen, brother Dad....

Posted by: fischy | June 3, 2009 12:52 AM | Report abuse

@Dad -- of course it's a good thing. Every team needs some good left-sided players.

Posted by: fischy | June 3, 2009 12:53 AM | Report abuse

Ha. fischy. did anyone happen to see that EARTH 2100 thing?
You in back of the Barra and me in front and off to the side Jacob.
I've got lots of funny photos from Charleston, perhaps you ended up in some. Don't be a stranger, I'm a nobody and I love meeting people...

Posted by: DadRyan | June 3, 2009 12:57 AM | Report abuse

Me being the movie buff and hopeful I am, I found this to be pretty cool and figured I'd share.

It's a video Pep showed the Barca boys after pre-game warm-ups in Rome. Guess it worked.

It has a few clips from "Gladiator" spliced in with a bunch of dramatic highlights and footage of every player.

Posted by: JacobfromAtlanta-ish | June 3, 2009 1:01 AM | Report abuse

If you're on Facebook I've got mine from that trip up on there, maybe you can find yourself in some.

Or did I just show my age (20) by asking grown men about facebook, opening myself for mockery and accusations that I own the dvd's of The Hills?

Posted by: JacobfromAtlanta-ish | June 3, 2009 1:03 AM | Report abuse

I was going to watch some of that, but I forgot it was last night, DadRyan.

Posted by: sitruc | June 3, 2009 1:57 AM | Report abuse

Think how upset those psuedo-celebs were when they found out they had to share space with the Famous Soccer Insider....

"Why, even Jose Mourinho knows of this Goff person.
Ugh, we are the real celebrities.....get HIM out of here."

Posted by: googlio | June 3, 2009 2:30 AM | Report abuse

Based on what I've seen of this lame show, if ever there was a bag of piss to be thrown...

Posted by: LAfanofSI | June 3, 2009 2:34 AM | Report abuse

So while Steinberg is hanging with United, you're doing posts about third/fourth rate celebrities under the guise of being around a sporting event.

Why not switch passwords and file this under the SportsBog and let Dan do Soccer Insider? ;)

Posted by: kolbkl | June 3, 2009 3:21 AM | Report abuse

see if you can get Lou to lip synch La Bamba at the hotel's karaoke bar! I'd click on that video.

Posted by: troy6 | June 3, 2009 3:58 AM | Report abuse

just googled the names of the two losers. apparently they are married to each other, which makes it OK to refer to them henceforth as...wait for it...

the "prats"

(misspelled intentionally)

Posted by: troy6 | June 3, 2009 4:02 AM | Report abuse

If it makes you feel any better Goffino, I bet they've never heard of the Washington Post. Or any serious news source, really.

Posted by: DouginCMH | June 3, 2009 7:12 AM | Report abuse

How did you get a German beer in Costa Rica?

Hmmmm.....shades of 2006.

Posted by: RetiredShark | June 3, 2009 8:05 AM | Report abuse

Soccer Insider - now with more Google results than

Posted by: VirginiaBlueBlood | June 3, 2009 8:31 AM | Report abuse

DadRy - were you @ Powhatan Springs?

My daughter is ferociously right sided in all that she does - except kicking. No idea why, but she favors her left (of course, her dad has an educated left foot so maybe she modeled on that...). She just says it is her better foot. Even my wife's subtle efforts to convert her to a rightie have failed.

Posted by: 22206no1 | June 3, 2009 8:33 AM | Report abuse

quick, call The Reliable Source gossip column!

Posted by: fedssocr | June 3, 2009 8:44 AM | Report abuse

@DadRyan - my bad. I thought you mentioned coaching a kids' team or something.

@Retired Shark - Assuming you're not joking, German brewmasters fanned out across the globe in the late 1800s and early 1900s, following refrigeration and thus the possibility to lager (cool ferment and age) beer in the style pioneered in areas of Central Europe where cool dark caves were plentiful and free. Thus, the name "Bavaria" for a CR beer, "Bohemia" for a Mexican one, or (to take an African example) BB Pils in Togo.

Posted by: Modibo | June 3, 2009 8:48 AM | Report abuse

*Steinberg has a piece today on Chang We Can Believe In, somehow I can't find it on-line.

*@dadryan -- ask joedoc he's the pro -- but I think natural left is always a plus on the left side. ambifootstrous is the best though. youtube is your friend when she gets older; watch, imitate. hopefully there will be some Bompastor clips by then. talk about a "cultured" left foot.

Posted by: OWNTF | June 3, 2009 8:50 AM | Report abuse

"*Steinberg has a piece today on Chang We Can Believe In, somehow I can't find it on-line."

Posted by: cray | June 3, 2009 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Rumor of Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barca for 30mil euro and Eto'o. That doesn't make sense. Besides, it's an Italian paper.

Sylvinho gone.

And I have no reports on the Spanish version of Celebrity. When I lived there in 2003, they did have a version of it -- except that I didn't know any of them, because they weren't famous outside of Spain.

Posted by: Reignking | June 3, 2009 9:19 AM | Report abuse

My goal today is to find out who these 2 people are, and then shun them.

Posted by: JkR- | June 3, 2009 9:27 AM | Report abuse

Luis Aragonés fired after one season at Fenerbahçe. I wonder if Guiza will stay. I won't post what Aragones said :)

As the hapless journalist from Antena 3 television approached the veteran trainer, he received an ear-bashing for assuming that Aragones would want to speak.

Known for his sudden outbursts, Aragones was true to form as he shouted at the reporter and made it clear that any questions about his time in Turkey would not be welcome.

Posted by: Reignking | June 3, 2009 9:29 AM | Report abuse

A German beer in Costa Rica isn't implausible - German brewmasters show up all over the world. Example: the principal beer in Greece is Fixx, which is a corruption of Fuchs, the name of the 19th century brewer who followed the German prince selected to be the first King of the Hellenes in the 1820s.

Posted by: b18bolo | June 3, 2009 9:30 AM | Report abuse

I drank Athena in Greece.

Then again, One Thing Leads to Another...

Posted by: Reignking | June 3, 2009 9:41 AM | Report abuse

HAHAHAHAHA! This is a very weird but comical post Steve, thanks for the laugh.

Posted by: CityBlues | June 3, 2009 9:46 AM | Report abuse

Goff: Will WOI and/or SOI be in the stands at Saprissa tonight?

Posted by: universityandpark | June 3, 2009 9:53 AM | Report abuse

1. Two might a little young to establish handedness (footedness) preferences. You start noticing that in late 3s to 4s. But the implied "every kid is diffferent" disclaimer applies to everything.

2. No pictures of Heidi Montag? Did WOI confiscate your camera Steve?

3. I'm a soocer fan. Get me out of this thread!

Posted by: I-270Exit1 | June 3, 2009 9:59 AM | Report abuse

JfATLish: Nothing wrong with grown men using FB. How can I find you there. I'll friend you.

@sitruc: I'm sure you could watch a repeat of that thing online somewhere. Pretty cool animation, and a little dark, but kind of interesting in a SciFi sorta way.

@22206no1:Big 10-4 on Powhatan. You have kids who use the facilities or you skate there yourself? It's a pain in the butt to get up there with the bike and trailer, but well worth the effort for the Wow! factor.

Speaking of lefties, there's a good picture of Goff here:
It appears that the chick is checking you at my man!

Posted by: DadRyan | June 3, 2009 10:09 AM | Report abuse

@ DadRyan: Sadly my skating days are done. Ms. 22206 won't put up with that, esp. with my history of limb endangerment via skateboards. Man I would have killed for something like Powhatan Springs in my youth.

Have had a number of matches at the adjacent field via my kids. My oldest has eyed the skaters with hesitant interest. He must master the straight and level before anything more complex.

Posted by: 22206no1 | June 3, 2009 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Goff is a southpaw? I did not know that.

Mmmmm...women in boots.

@Dadryan -- great link. :)

Posted by: SportzNut21 | June 3, 2009 1:48 PM | Report abuse

Dad, try searching my email:

If that doesn't work, email me at and we'll figure something out.

Posted by: JacobfromAtlanta-ish | June 3, 2009 5:36 PM | Report abuse

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