Planet football, animal planet

Several U.S. journalists visited Lion Park near Johannesburg this morning. As notorious jackals, we felt quite comfortable in the surroundings.

However, no sign of Emilio "Vulture" Butragueno, Ariel "Little Donkey" Ortega, Hakan "Bull of the Bosporous" Sukur, Eusebio "The Black Panther", Lionel "Flea" Messi, Michael "Bison" Essien, Carlos "Little Fish" Ruiz, Zakumi, Kevin "Mighty Mouse" Keegan, Carles "Tarzan" Puyol, Alexandre "Duck" Pato, Pickles (the dog that found the lost World Cup trophy in 1966), Tony "Big Cat" Sanneh, Edmundo "The Animal", Ivory Coast's "Elephants", Nigeria's "Super Eagles" or Algeria's "Desert Foxes" but more than 85 Indomitable Lions.

England's Three Lions, however, have yet to, um, make an appearance this month.