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Wall Street's response to financial oversight

By Tom Toles

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Wild and crazy ideas
The relief well. Am I the only one who is reminded of the guy in the leaking rowboat who drills a hole in the bottom to let the water out? I cannot help but picture the relief well hitting the oil and starting yet ANOTHER leak.

Okay, now for a slightly more serious thought, based on exactly the same level of information. (Little.) But it is based on two actual quasi-facts. First is that the processed food industry is diabolical in its sophistication at creating product with near-addictive characteristics. The second is something I've long noticed in my infrequent forays into chip-eating. It's chip-and-dip season in the U.S. (that is, spring, summer, fall or winter). I don't eat a lot of either chips or dip. The dip I avoid because I still have some texture issues. ("Let me know when you turn twelve," a co-worker remarked recently.) The chips I avoid because I'm an official junior deputy sheriff in the grand liberal order of FOOD POLICE. Will I ever get to the point I'm trying to make here? Yes, next paragraph.

Okay, so what I've noticed is that something like every eighth chip is saltier than the other ones. Curious. Quality control issues? But after reading how maniacally food companies calibrate the eat-more factor, I've decided it's completely intentional. The saltier chip comes along at just the point when you think you've had about enough, and it's the exact same kind of positive jolt that is doled out from slot machines. It keeps you in the game waiting for another. Yes?
--Tom Toles
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By Tom Toles  | June 7, 2010; 12:00 AM ET
Categories:  Economy and jobs  
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Comments

So companies are the bad guys for making food tasty? Why is it evil to make products people want to buy?

Posted by: BradG | June 7, 2010 4:52 PM | Report abuse

A much 'healthier" chip is made by spraying with a bit of oil and zapping in the microwave....Don't care for deep fried foods....well except for French Fries...have to indulge in those once in a while.

Posted by: bertzel | June 7, 2010 2:07 PM | Report abuse

Hey, what about equal time for the “mayo cops?” They protect people like TT and a few others I happen to know from stuff --entirely edible, I might add -- but which happens to be white. Let’s not leave them out. And speaking of Helen Thomas: for my money she’s always seemed like a nice-enough lady. In fact, I happen to know of an incident where she took some poor straggler – the nameless spouse of “a someone” at the White House Press Corp Dinner, (who shall of course, remain nameless,) and said something like, “C’mon honey, you come and sit with me.” And as they say, HT didn’t know this poor neglected, nameless spouse from “a bagful of bung holes.” The latest about HT is the news of her retirement from the DC scene, a sorry ending to one of journalism’s most esteemed careers. (That is, if “esteemed” still means “Holy cowpies, folks -- that sure was a really long time.”) I was one of many viewers who gasped at her HD-TV image while she vehemently suggested (that's the opposite of "faintly insisted") that the Israelis should go back from whence they came. Then, the old "Last Word" herself went on to name the destined countries -- all of which donated significant numbers to the Holocaust. (Woops: didn't Helen see "Exodus?") Although I joined many viewers who expelled a hearty gasp, I’m not so sure that she was being an actual bigot, at least not the way they're stereotyped – since real bigots have rifle racks in their pickups and they plaster those frightening bumper stickers all over their rear bumpers. And at eighty-nine, I’m going to guess that HT does not do a lot of driving -- and let's face it: she'd never own a pick-up. On the other hand, had she been of let's say Swedish heritage, or one of us British Isle types rather than the daughter of Lebanese parents; had HT’s origins not been from a nation ravaged by the I-folks’ soldiers and weapons; or had HT's origins not been from someplace that was somehow assigned the distinction of hosting refuge camps for thousands of displaced Palestinians; or had HT not been a part of enough post-WW2 history to have an opinion or two contrary to US policy – maybe HT's gaff would not have been all that newsworthy. But it looks as though it may have been shaped as serious enough to encourage today's retirement. At nearly ninety -- rather than any further humiliation and scewering -- let’s go ahead and give the lady some well-deserved credit for an otherwise great run: “Thank you, Mrs. Thomas.”

Posted by: dudeupnorth | June 7, 2010 2:01 PM | Report abuse

Liberals always see conspiracies... even in potato chips.

Let us know when you turn twelve, Toles.

Posted by: primegrop | June 7, 2010 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Seriously how many holes have been punched into the ocean floor and produced oil without any problems in the past. This derrick crew had an excellent safety record. Which means they were very competent. The timing of this disaster and all the oversights that lead up to it make me very suspicious. BP should be held responsible. But I also sense that this possibly could be the result of some type of sabotage upon that drilling operation.

Posted by: JONAHandtheFISH | June 7, 2010 1:33 PM | Report abuse

Tom---If you are that worried about your junk food you must be a very insecure individual. Here is your solution. Buy yourself a slicer and some peanut oil and a deep fryer, if you do not already have one. Slice the potato very thinly and throw them into the hot oil and make your own potato chips. Then salt them any way you like them.

Here is a recipe for Onion Rings. Slice your onions to what ever thickness you desire. I prefer mine thin. Then place them into a zip-lock bag with Tabasco to moisten them. Then take them out of that bag and place them into a paper bag with flour. Shake off the excess flour and throw that into some hot peanut oil. They go really well with a grilled hamburger and cold beer.

Generally there is a transom hole and plug in the back of a boat. Power the boat forward and pull the plug and the water will run out. Put the plug back in the hole while it is still moving forward. Of course if that hole in is in the front of the boat that will not work. The moral of that story is if the second hole is in the wrong place you are out of luck. Do not ever launch the boat without first making sure the transom plug is in place.

There Tom your problems are all solved. Feel more secure now?

Posted by: JONAHandtheFISH | June 7, 2010 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Tom, you're over-thinking your potato chips.

Posted by: Kevin71707 | June 7, 2010 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Give our food and climate a rest. How about a good cartoon concerning Helen Thomas? Or is she off limits?

Posted by: bobbo2 | June 7, 2010 9:28 AM | Report abuse

Salt is particularly effective on people who suffer from paranoia, science tells us. Richard Nixon's fav snack was fritos. QED.

Posted by: gr321 | June 7, 2010 9:15 AM | Report abuse

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh Gores and Toles climate crap and chips are really good unless you're not lib or a hockey stick

Posted by: taxcutsin12 | June 6, 2010 9:39 PM | Report abuse

Tom,
Thank you for 3 good laughs.
Both cartoons are hysterically funny.
(I needed a lift; I'm just out of the hospital.)
The third was contained in your text about chips.
Are you familiar with the very spicy Doritos Nacho-flavored chips?
At one of the national parks (I think, Yosemite, but I'm not sure) which has bears that haunt campsites, rangers warn people to put these chips in a bag and hang'em high from a nearby tree.
Don't leave 'em in your tent or in your car.
Bears LOVE those chips.
They have been known to tear up a campsite trying to get at them.
They will break the windows of a car and tear up the insides, if campers store their food in their car and these chips are stored there.
The bears are hooked on these chips above all others.
If bears are that attracted to the chips, is it any wonder they are Doritos brand's best-selling product?
You've got a salient point about chips'n dips.

Posted by: Judy-in-TX | June 6, 2010 7:18 PM | Report abuse

we talking about pringles here?

Posted by: spigzone | June 6, 2010 7:01 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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