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The jigsaw is up

By Tom Toles

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You didn't see this one coming

You think you know all the obvious things, but you don't. For example, is it difficult to scamper down stairs backwards? Leave aside for the moment that you haven't scampered ANYWHERE recently, which is too bad, because of all the lost arts, scampering is genuinely one of the tragic losses.

And I'm not asking you to go TRY scampering backwards down the stairs, because we all know that you are somewhat clumsy to begin with and would fall and hurt yourself and blame me, and we don't want that. I just want you to THINK about whether it would be difficult to scamper down stairs backwards. It will be something fun to think about today and every day that you REFRAIN from trying it. That refraining part is key.

I am very confident that I am the only person who will suggest this to you today. --Tom Toles

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By Tom Toles  | September 2, 2010; 12:00 AM ET
Categories:  Middle East  
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Comments

Tom, are you working on a masterpiece cartoon for tomorrow featuring Al Gore wearing a witch's hat hunched over a cauldron stirring up words like environmental extremism, fear, doom, lies and hoax? The failed Discovery suicide bomber said he was inspired by Gore's radical environmental writing.

Posted by: bignoisylawnmower | September 2, 2010 3:28 PM | Report abuse

Tom, you're beginning to make sense!

Posted by: quiensabe | September 2, 2010 1:08 PM | Report abuse

Tom Toles is not narcissistic – egomaniacal yes – but not narcisstic. In fact, I’ve got it on good authority that he does not have a single mirror in his house. This same individual informed me that this same “useless cartoonist” has a car with no rear view mirror. Why? We can only assume that it prevents succumbing to the temptation to glance at himself. And let's be honest here for a second: how in the world could a true, dyed-in-the-wool narcissistic individual go on living without a plethora of mirrors in his life -- or in his house? It can't happen. As far as the Jesus complex allegation, I have it on good authority – by the way, not the same source as the aforementioned “good authority” – that Tom Toles bears the stigmata associated with the Jesus crucifixion some years back. Now that's gotta turn even the weakest among us into an egomaniacal "useless cartoonist." He recently wrote of his visit to Italy to play his drums, but once again I have it on good authority - -this would be that same individual who told me about the missing mirrors – that he was actually making a pilgrimage to Pietrelcina, the home of the now-sainted Padre Pio. He too bore the stigmata, but unlike Tom’s, his hands never became infected. In fact, there are days when Tom will sit at his drawing board, stare at his hands, and quote John Wilkes Booth as he lay dying on some old farmer's front porch: "Useless." Which is pretty much how he earned that silly nickname at the Washington Post: "Useless Cartoonist." That too, I have on good authority.

Posted by: dudeupnorth | September 2, 2010 11:57 AM | Report abuse

GaryEMasters said:

It is not knowing what to do that has defied people for decades. It is doing it. Can people let go of the hope for victory over their enemies in search of peace. Not when they expect their enemy to run over them in a time of peace.
That is the problem. How can we guarantee security in a time of peace?
How can people give up the hope for a sweeping victory over their ancient enemies?
That is tough to solve.
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That is just it. “Decades”
It seems the biggest denomination of time that westerners can comprehend is “Decades.”
And don’t throw to many Decades at them because they will be overwhelmed with that too.
This conflict has nothing to do with any time frames as miniscule as a “Decade.”
The Planning on one particular side of the conflict is carried out in terms of thousands of years. The Wahabbist Muslims who are directing the plans know exactly what they want the world to look like 4000 years from now. They have a plan that is mathematically certain to achieve success if left unchecked. Right now, no one has a plan that can stop them.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
And by the way HumanistPatriot
The interest on the Debt Obama has incurred since taking office will yearly exceed the total budget of the Chinese Military each year.

So now the Debt that Obama has created will wholly fund the Chinese Military (that’s who we got the loan from.) for the better part of the next century or until America is annexed by China to cover the Debt .

So if we were scampering down stairs backwards: Now we are in a full inverted swan dive backwards off a cliff; thanks to your Messiah!


Posted by: rexreddy | September 2, 2010 10:20 AM | Report abuse


"scamper down" the "stairs" backwards ??

Mr Toles, congratulations, what a brilliant metaphor for Conservatism.

Geronimoooooo . . . .

Posted by: HumanistPatriot | September 2, 2010 9:45 AM | Report abuse

does one scamper on 2 or 4 limbs?

Posted by: bsimon1 | September 2, 2010 9:19 AM | Report abuse

If you were to give the Palestinians everything from Syria to Egypt and build a man made island 100 miles out to sea for all the Jews:
The Palestinians would still come there and start it all over again.
Sure they want the land, but they would rather eradicate the Jews.
And now Iran has Nukes.
The Arabs can always go hang out around Mecca or Medina. They have plenty of Holy sites to go “rugg’n” at. So they can afford to lose this one until it stops glowing a few hundred years from now.

Posted by: rexreddy | September 2, 2010 8:58 AM | Report abuse

sashay

Posted by: matta08 | September 2, 2010 8:11 AM | Report abuse

scamper, shmamper. When was the last time you did a proper sashey? I thought not...

Posted by: matta08 | September 2, 2010 8:09 AM | Report abuse

Scamper on stairs?

No thanks.

I will stick to picking my feet in Poughkeepsie.

Posted by: GaryEMasters | September 2, 2010 7:57 AM | Report abuse

It is not knowing what to do that has defied people for decades. It is doing it. Can people let go of the hope for victory over their enemies in search of peace. Not when they expect their enemy to run over them in a time of peace.

That is the problem. How can we guarantee security in a time of peace?

How can people give up the hope for a sweeping victory over their ancient enemies?

That is tough to solve.

Posted by: GaryEMasters | September 2, 2010 7:52 AM | Report abuse

What the flicker? I always knew Toles was grandiose and narcissistic, with a Jesus complex wider than, well the River Jordan, and substituted sneering truisms for humor and wit and believed the former equated with the latter, now he's gone completely non sequitur. Scampering up and down stairs backwards? What does this have to do with anything? Here in Illinois, we have Rod Blagojevich, whom we all deeply wish would just disappear; instead, he comes up with new ways of demanding public attention every day, whether or not he deserves it (he doesn't). Same with Toles, the most useless "cartoonist" on the planet.

Posted by: mbrachman | September 2, 2010 7:50 AM | Report abuse

It is so predictable that right before peace talks some group like Hamas goes and kills innocent civilians just to block any positive outcome. The attack orphaned seven children. Of course then 3,000 Hamas supporters had a celebration. Hamas does not want peace. They want Israel destroyed. How can any Government negotiate peace when the other Party wants them destroyed? Cowards like Hamas SCAMPER away when they kill. Rather than take Mr. Toles advice try this. Take a ride back in movies almost eighty years and watch Shirley Temple and the great Bill "Bojangles" Robinson dance down the stairs backwards on YouTube. A much more rewarding experience.

Posted by: bobbo2 | September 1, 2010 11:24 PM | Report abuse

Environmentalist extremist warmer killed by police while holding hostages in the Discovery HQ near D.C. and you talk about scampering. What next dodo dada with your thumb in your mouth?

Posted by: bignoisylawnmower | September 1, 2010 8:20 PM | Report abuse

Is the continuation of a policy of at least some (however minimal) level of expanding Israeli settlements not a precondition for peace talks, from the Israeli point of view?

Is the cessation of a policy of any level (however minimal) of expanding Israeli settlements not a precondition for peace talks, from the Palestinian point of view?

Hmmmmmmmm....

Posted by: jonroesler | September 1, 2010 7:07 PM | Report abuse

I strongly object. I scamper frequently. Several times daily, actually.

Posted by: Kevin71707 | September 1, 2010 6:21 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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